Title: Adventures in Cyberparenting

Author: Jedi Buttercup

Rating: K+

Disclaimer: The words are mine; the world is not.

Summary: Theoretically, JARVIS was only a computer program; but 'theoretically' and 'practically' weren't the same thing. Especially not to Tony Stark, who'd been blowing past benchmarks since the day he'd built his first circuit. 1200 words.

Spoilers: MCU, sometime after Iron Man 2 but before Age of Ultron

Notes: For feikoi, who asked for "JARVIS forms a relationship via the internet who is unaware that JARVIS is not actually... humanly embodied. Tony finds out when said person shows up to meet/confront "Jarvis" without notice in person." The third person is deliberately modeled after a crossover character I think you'll recognize; but because she isn't the focus, I left specifics up to the reader's imagination. :) Originally posted elsewhere 11/17/2015.

"Sir... If I may interrupt."

Tony looked up from the armor gauntlet he was tinkering with, trying to further maximize Iron Man's manual dexterity without impacting either grip strength or flight stabilizer housing, and addressed the air in the vague direction of the nearest camera. "Sure, J. What's up?"

Theoretically, JARVIS was only a computer program; but theoretically and practically weren't, actually, the same thing. Especially not to Tony Stark, who'd been blowing past benchmarks since the day he'd built his first circuit. He'd treated his most advanced AI as a person from almost the beginning, especially after JARVIS had acquired the ability to approximate emotional responses, and had yet to be proved wrong. For all the range he'd shown over the years, though, one emotion JARVIS very rarely expressed was genuine hesitation. When that happened, Tony knew to pay attention.

A pause followed his words; a very brief one by human terms, but Tony knew just how long that could be in computational cycles. "You have explicitly given me permission to communicate with other human beings without correcting their automatic assumption that I am one of them," JARVIS finally said.

Tony's eyebrows rose, and he set down his tools and the gauntlet, wondering where this was going. "Of course. Would be a little difficult for you to gatekeep for me or place pizza orders for the Avengers if I hadn't," he said, lightly.

"And you will recall, you also ordered me to manage your social media presence, to which end I have additionally established a variety of accounts under several aliases," JARVIS continued.

Tony frowned. Yeah; he had asked JARVIS to take over his accounts; better his AI than a fleet of interns who might post the wrong thing at the wrong time. It would have been impossible to avoid entirely, given his status as a highly recognizable figure in more than one well-known public arena. With JARVIS behind the wheel, Tony could just ask him to Facebook a particular picture or Tweet a quote when he felt like it, and trust J to follow best practices the rest of the time. "For surveying public opinion behind a front of plausible anonymity, et cetera."

"Amongst other concerns," JARVIS agreed, then lit up a new virtual screen above Tony's workspace, showing a live view of the lobby. A youngish person- shoulder-length red hair, backpack, casual clothes, nonmilitary stance, though the distant angle of the lens obscured further detail- nodded to the worker manning the front desk, then headed toward a set of doors set off to one side of the main traffic path.

"You will also recall that you left orders for any individual specifically asking for me, by name, be directed to the secondary express elevator?"

Tony frowned as the dots began to connect. "Because the pizza might end up lukewarm by the time we could get anyone down to the lobby to retrieve it; right," he said, absently. Amongst, as JARVIS had put it, other concerns. Not that he'd ever expected this situation to be one of them; that had apparently been a bit of an oversight. "Faster ride, plus more stringent security... and as I recall, directly under your control. Even if some hacker-type's tracked your digital breadcrumbs back here, you should have no problem locking it down and calling the police. So I'm guessing that's not what's actually going on here."

"Astute as always, sir," JARVIS replied, wryly. "After her initial, unsuccessful attempt to breach the Stark Industries servers a little more than a year ago, I initiated an exchange on her preferred message board to ascertain the purpose of her actions. She in turn left a coded message on a localized board I set up to report- and screen- everyday sightings of the Avengers, requesting the specific information she desired and her reason for asking rather than mounting another assault on the Tower's systems. I found the appeal... intriguing; and subsequent exchanges, even more so. I believe, at this point, I would term her... a friend."

"A friend? That you've somehow completely failed to ever mention to me before?" And still wasn't referring to by name? Tony blinked... then reassessed, recalling all the times he'd muted various deathly dull media summaries. "No, no, you have, haven't you? Buried in reports about other things. Really. A friend?"

He sucked in a sharp breath as he further considered the ramifications. A significant leap forward in the growth of JARVIS' personality matrix, obviously- which both made him feel like a proud papa and want to do a detailed code examination, ASAP- but also the potential for a bluescreen-level crash if things went wrong now. "Huh. You've been keeping her to yourself because you didn't want me interfering; because you wanted to interact with her on your own terms. Following in the grand Stark tradition; I approve. But suddenly she's here, and she doesn't know you're not human."

On the screen, the girl turned as she reached the doors to the elevator and looked up; the view switched to the feed from a lens above the doors. Her hair was a darker red than Pepper's, and her eyes were hazel instead of blue, but something about the sharp knowing in her gaze combined with the bright, open smile she was directing at the camera gave Tony a distinct twinge of recognition.

"She does not," JARVIS agreed... almost mournfully? Wow.

"Damn. I should have seen this coming. Spent a little more time getting one of my other AIs up and running instead of coasting on your awesome. Guess it got a little lonely running around in my servers by yourself, huh? So you went out and got a girl of your own... only she doesn't know you're hardware incompatible. So what's the goal here? Want me to turn her away? Want to do the big reveal? What?"

"Whatever action I initiate, the odds are not good that it will prove to be the pleasant surprise she likely intended."

In apparent illustration of JARVIS' non-answer, another virtual screen popped up next to the one where Mystery Girl shifted her weight on sneakered feet, still waiting for the elevator. Tony snorted as archived footage from the press conference where he'd made his superhero debut began to play.

"Well, since you obviously already know what my advice would be, I'll just summarize. You know the math; you also know how much I think that matters. Let her into the elevator. Introduce yourself. If it all goes wrong, I'll put some time in my schedule for the FRIDAY project; pinky swear. But if it doesn't? Bring her on upstairs, and we can do the whole meet the parents thing, what do you say?"

"Perhaps you should check with Miss Potts before volunteering her time," JARVIS replied, his voice decidedly lighter in tone. Almost, dare he think it, hopeful.

"What? I'll behave. You telling me you want to say no?"

JARVIS paused ever-so-briefly one last time; then the elevator doors opened.

"Carry on, sir," he said, very dryly. Then voice and virtual screens winked out together.

Tony grinned to himself over the half-disassembled gauntlet, then pulled his phone out of his pocket to call Pepper.

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