Chapter Twenty:

Inner Sakura was expecting a party, with flashy lights and pole dancers and sex noises and a thumping bass. But instead, the door opened into a large foyer. The ceiling was as high up as the house was, and a round window at the top shone in what was left of the twilight sun, splashing orange and red light onto the wood floor below. A wide staircase began in the middle of the room and wound up around the walls until they were out of sight, leading to the upstairs.

It was quiet. There were no metal poles or strippers or loud music or disco-ball lights. There was no one there, and I couldn't hear anything.

It's not always like this, is it? That's impossible. He literally lives with a bunch of whores…

I want to take my hand out of Sasuke's, but I'm not sure how to do it without seeming cold and distant… even though I guess that's what I'm feeling now anyway. This all seems like a dream, in a sense. Probably because I want so badly to just wake up in my bed and see him lying next to me—and then I could tell him about this dream I had and he could laugh and say something about my crazy imagination and how he's nothing like that…

My eyes hurt.

My throat closes up and my stomach turns. I can feel the water pooling behind my eyes and my vision goes fuzzy from it.

Oh, god… I'm gonna cry…

"Sasuke!"

I jump and look around.

"Chiya," Sasuke says, and he lets go of my hand and drops to one knee. I stare at him in confusion and shock from my almost-outburst, but he's looking away from me. I follow his gaze and see a little girl running across the floor, her feet barely making a sound in light pink slippers. I don't know what to think about it, and she makes it over to us and jumps into Sasuke's arms with a big smile and a laugh.

She wraps her small arms around his neck with that smile… She couldn't be over five years old…

What's a little girl doing… here?

I almost thought "in a place like this," because this is… a bad place. Especially for a young girl.

My mind starts racing and I can't help but be mad. Why is a child here, living with these women? Doesn't Sasuke know how influential this will be as she grows up? What if she grew up to be… just like the rest of the women in this house…? How could he let something like that happen…? Didn't he… care… at all?

"Sasuke?" another voice calls and I look up to see a pretty woman in a pink nightgown tying it closed as she comes into view. "Why are you here? It's only Thursday." Then her eyes turn on me. "Who's this?" Her voice sounds uninterested, but her eyes say otherwise.

"Kara, this is Sakura."

"Is she new?"

I can almost see Sasuke jump at the woman's question, and it takes me a minute to realize what she meant by that.

Oh, god…

"Kara, she's not…"

"Oh," she says, uninterested again, but then her eyes light up. "Oh…" She gives me a smirk and a wink and I blink a few times, not sure what's going on. "Come on, Chiya, time for bed. Let's go."

The young girl goes back to whom I assume is her mother.

"Nice to see you, Sasuke." And then the woman called Kara and the girl head off.

"Wh..at?" I can only stutter. I don't know what's going on anymore. Was that woman… a whore? So, Sasuke slept with her? And the little girl… "Is she… yours?" I don't even care if he gets mad at my questions anymore. I can feel myself getting numb about this… about everything. It's scary at the same time that it's relieving.

"What? Chiya? No… she… Kara was never very… safe. It happened a while ago."

"Yea, about three of four years from the look of it," I mutter. Sasuke stands back up and turns to me. I feel like he's going to defend the woman, but he doesn't.

Smart move.

"I guess getting pregnant would be a hard wake up call," I say, and I can hear the sarcasm in my voice. I don't even know why I'm getting like this. Even when I'm mad, I don't get like this. "Hopefully she learned her lesson. That's one hell of a job to have while raising a child, though. Good parental influence, I bet. Chiya will grow up real well, huh?"

Sasuke's face looks as if I've shot him, but it's hard for me to care about that, too. I hate being like this. Why am I like this?

"I… I do my best to take care of her."

"It's not like you're in any position to be a good father anyway, no offense."

He looks away. At the ground. I'm hurting him. I don't want to hurt him, but I can't stop. I'm about to continue, but before anything else can come out of my mouth, another woman comes into view.

"I thought I heard something out here. What are you doing? It's Thursday."

This woman is stunning. She's wearing a low-cut, short-skirted blue dress with six-inch white heels, showing off her long, thin legs. A sparkling silver necklace lines her perfect collarbones and wraps around her thin neck. Her hair is short and a dark purple, and her makeup is on point. She stands with one arm stretched low and the other propping her hand up on her wide hips.

"Anko," Sasuke says slowly.

Anko? So this is her…

"Sasuke?" the woman asks, stepping closer to us. She's eyeing up Sasuke. She leans down and narrows her eyes. "You look sick. What's wrong?"

I look over at him. He is quite pale. That's my fault… But he just shakes his head.

"It's nothing. I'm fine." And he forces himself to look up and say something. "Why are you all dressed up so late?" he asks, and I notice that he's very casual with her. "Going somewhere?"

"I don't see how that's any of your business," Anko snaps rudely.

"Of course not."

"And who's this? Sakura?" I start when she says my name. "Were you even planning on introducing her, or were you just going to sneak upstairs like a couple of teenagers?"

Sasuke doesn't answer, so the purple-haired model-status woman turns to me and nods at me for an answer.

"You're Sakura, right?" She points to Sasuke. "You're the girl he keeps talking about?"

Sasuke talks about me to these women? I think I'm supposed to be flattered, but instead I'm disgusted. I'm losing all feeling. I feel so numb…

"Well, if everything's so great between you two—"

"I'm going to go get some fresh air," Sasuke quickly says, and we both turn to him.

And I look at his face for a moment before he turns and heads for the front door, at the head of the foyer. He really doesn't look too good. He was too pale. I couldn't have actually made him sick, could I? But either way, I did say things just to hurt him. I was starting to feel bad about it now, too…

Could this still work? Should I follow him and try to talk to him about all this? Is it even worth it? I don't know how I can ever be okay with him living like this, trying to have a relationship with me…

It's over… isn't it?

And then I can feel my emotions rushing back to me, and it's painful. This is it… After tonight, I'm going to leave and never come back. I'll never see him again. I'll never talk to him again. I'll never go out to eat with him or kiss him or make dinner with him or… I'll have to quit my job. My parents will be upset that I'm not making money anymore to help pay for my college, but I'll find another job soon enough. And graduation is soon, so I'll have my degree. I can move back in with my parents and start looking into getting a place of my own. Ino sometimes talked about moving in together to save money, since we already know we get along from rooming together at college. And we can cut costs—

"Jeez, what happened to him?" Anko huffs, and then looks at me.

I should really go after him… I should just tell him that I'm done…

Anko grabs my arm and tugs me away from the front door, and I watch Sasuke disappear as it closes behind him. I get hit with a gush of cool air from outside and I shiver. I want to avoid telling him, too, I know, and I find myself allowing Anko to drag me away.

"We'll just wait for him in the kitchen, okay? There are a few people who would love to meet you in the meantime." I look up at her and she smirks down at me. She's a very tall woman, especially in those heels. "I do have somewhere to be tonight, though, so I'll just introduce you and be off. Sasuke shouldn't be too long out there… I think." And then Anko laughs. And I feel a twinge of sadness because it almost seems like she doesn't care about him.

And he called her his right-hand…

Was he just delusional? Did this purple-haired beauty have him wrapped around her little finger like some toy? I start judging her hard. I wouldn't be surprised if she just used Sasuke to make money. Surely, if she wanted to start a prostitution business, she could have done it on her own, right? Why involve Sasuke, especially when he was only eighteen years old…? She could have chosen someone older, with more experience.

And I feel bad, because right now it seems like Sasuke is just being used by Anko, and maybe even all the women in his house. But at the same time… doesn't he deserve it? It hurts only because I care about him… I don't get that vibe from this woman—Anko.

And then I realize that I don't know anything about him, really. He's just a stranger to me. Someone I had my first kiss with. Someone I thought I could be in love with. He was just… my first love. That's it. Ino talks about it sometimes—how the first man she dated was the hardest to get over… So it gets easier? I'll find someone else later on? Someone who doesn't have so many problems and is a better match for me…?

I can feel myself about to cry again. The water pools behind my eyes and my throat gets tighter. I don't want to cry. Not in front of this woman. Not with Sasuke just outside. I need to wait until I get home…

My car…

Is back at work, in the parking lot. I need to tell someone. I need to text Ino and tell her to come get me. I'm stuck here. I feel trapped…

Anko stops in front of a swing-door attached to the back of the foyer and pushes it open. It swings open and she holds it until I put out my hand and hold it open for myself. She lets go of my arm and I realize I'm entering a kitchen area.

The second thing I realize is that it's filled with women…

Some are in nightgowns, while others look like they're dressed to go out… and parade around on the streets. This is what Sasuke comes home to… every day. Women… sluts… whores… dressed in revealing clothing and with too much makeup on.

I can't do this. Not for another minute. I'm going to burst.

I don't care that they all look up at me and Anko. I pull out my phone and text Ino.

"Emergency. I need help. Please come get me. ASAP."

And I don't know how I remember, but I send her general directions to Sasuke's house from my workplace. It's going to be a while before she gets here, I know. At least an hour, and that's only if she doesn't get lost. I don't know how I'm going to be able to wait that long. I just want to get out as soon as I can, and I'm stuck here waiting like a license-less teenager asking for a ride from her parents after her prom date bailed. I feel so pathetic. How could I let this happen? I let down my walls too soon. I was just so happy when I was around him…

"This is Sakura," Anko suddenly says, and I jump, realizing that I was spacing out again. The people who can see me start staring, and the few that don't quite know what's going on yet are looking at Anko.

Why do they have to know who I am? Did Sasuke really talk about me to all of them…? Still, I can't find that flattering. He talked to girls he's slept with about me? Why would he talk to them at all when he had me…? I guess he didn't think that way… How could he? He lives here… What did he even say? Did he ask them for advice? Would they even be honest with him? I don't doubt that some of them probably told him bad advice because they wanted him for themselves. And this is what he deals with… All the time…

The kitchen is a decent size—just as big, if not bigger, than the one in Sasuke's apartment. The table is much larger, considering that at least ten people are seated there now. One of them stands up with a smile and motions at me with her hand.

"Come, sit down. Please. I've been dying to meet you." She has a big smile on, and she looks genuine, but nothing in my mind changes about this place.

"Yea," another woman says. "I'm glad he finally brought you over here. Of all the girls, he's never brought one here. He always gets tired of them first. Guess that means you're pretty special, huh?"

"It's nice to meet you, though," a shorter woman says shyly, and I would even call her a girl because she has a small frame and a baby face.

"I guess it's safe to assume he's trying to tell you everything, then?" the first girl asks, motioning to the chair again. I have a long wait ahead of me, so I force myself to step forward and sit down with them. I don't know how long I'll be able to hold in my tears, either way.

"That's good," another one says. I find myself staring at the table, so I don't even know who's talking to me. And I don't care, either. I just wish time would go by faster. Ino hasn't even responded yet, though… "I think it's great he's finally trying to settle down with someone. He's been acting depressed for a while now. I think it's only since he's met you that he's been starting to get better."

Settle down with someone? He barely knows me… And clearly, I barely know him…

"Has he talked to you about what he used to do?" one woman asks. "Because, you know, it's important that you know about him. I'm sure he'd rather you didn't know, but the fact that he told you means that he must like you, right?"

"Sasuke doesn't like people, Csilla," another woman laughs, and then they start talking amongst themselves, laughing and giggling, all talking about Sasuke and his personality and I hear a few stories being told.

These women know him way better than I do… And no matter how long I stay with him, they'll always have known him longer… and they'll continue to know him better than me…

I sit there for what feels like hours and hours, but what I know is only a few minutes. The entire time I stare at my hands in my lap. These women were so excited to meet me? They don't even notice me here… They're just sitting around, telling old stories about Sasuke and laughing. They don't give a shit about me… I don't want to be here. Why did Sasuke leave me here with them?

And then that's it.

A tear falls and my eyes widen. I know that my head is down so no one can see, but I'm starting to shake. Someone will have to notice, right…? Right…?

But they just keep talking. And talking. And laughing. And I'm being ignored… There are how many people in here, and not one of them looks at me long enough to see that I'm crying. They just keep laughing…

"…bet that's why he wanted to settle down…"

"…not with that girl, eww… he hated her…"

"...almost exactly like Jinko if you think about it…"

"…felt so bad for her…"

I can't concentrate. I can't think. I can't speak. I can barely breathe. I'm suffocating. I don't want to stay here. I can't bare this any longer.

"But he's good in the sack, isn't he?" More laughter. "Right, Sakura?"

I can't look up. I can't respond to my name being called. Finally, someone noticed me, but now it's going silent in the room.

"Don't tell me… you haven't slept with him yet?"

I can feel them staring at me. I don't want to be here anymore. I need to just get up and leave. I can barely feel my body. How am I supposed to stand?

"Sakura?" And that voice is Anko's. They're all looking at me.

"Sakura…" And that's Sasuke's voice. I don't know when he came into the kitchen. It was probably just now. And now he's staring at me, too. He's just like them. He's just like all the whores and the sluts. He doesn't really care. How could he? There are two sides here, and I'm on one side, and they're all on the other. A part of me wishes he would come to my side, and stand against them, but he's staring, too. He's staring along with the rest of them… It's just me. I'm alone… I feel as if I always was.

I find my strength, somehow, and I force myself to stand. I can't look up, so I stay with my eyes glued to the ground. I can find my way out. It's just the foyer and the laundry room. It's not a far walk, either. I watch the floor and droplets of water smack against the off-white marble kitchen floor. It looks like it's in slow motion, too, each tear bouncing once and then splashing again, flattening out and making a small puddle. I'm leaving a trail as I put on foot in front of the other, heading for the door.

And then a hand is on my shoulder, and it's him. And something inside me snaps and I whirl.

"Get your hand off of me!" I scream, and I know I sound awful. My throat feels tight and my crying makes me squeaky and high pitched. It just ends up making me feel worse… if that's possible.

"Sakura, please…" he says, and I almost feel hurt from his pain, but Inner Sakura comes back just when I need her. She's in self-protection-mode.

He deserves it. If he's in pain, he deserves it. He should know that what he does isn't right. He shouldn't have made it seem like he could be in a relationship with you from the very beginning. He shouldn't have kept secrets from you. If he cared about you, he should have known he was in the wrong. Fuck him. Leave his ass. He doesn't deserve you. He's garbage. You deserve better.

And I find the will to whirl back around and leave the kitchen. I walk through the foyer, past the large staircase, under the high ceiling. No dark sunlight is shining through now. The sky is getting darker and the sun is almost down. It feels like I'm walking a mile.

"…have to go after her…" I hear from behind me, and then footsteps. I pause and turn, and of course he's following me. Any other circumstances and I would have wanted him to… but not now.

"Please, just leave me alone."

"I'll take you home. Or to get your car. I'll take you wherever you want to go."

Fuck you.

"I called Ino before. She should be here in a few minutes," I lie. I know my face looks like shit. I'm not wearing too much makeup—just a little mascara—and I hope it didn't run. I can't pay attention to him, but I know his face is pained. I turn away. "I just want you to leave me alone."

"Sakura, what did they say to you?"

Fuck you, Sasuke.

"You think I'm running because one of your sluts said something to me? You think I'm scared of them or what? You think I have to flee because I'm helpless and you think you're just going to come over here and make everything better?"

"No, I don't."

"Good, because you can't. And no one said anything to me. You don't get to blame other people right now. This is your fault, Sasuke."

"I know."

Fuck you…

"Why did you let it get this far?" I ask, and I regret staying any longer than this. I shouldn't be trying to talk to him. I just want to get out. I should just shut him down and leave, but I don't. "After everything… you thought that if you spent more time with me that all this would be okay? You live in a huge house with countless people that you've fucked! How screwed up can you get?! And you really thought that if you waited to tell me, that it would make it better? A word of advice—this should be your opening line! Because then maybe you wouldn't hurt anymore people!"

"I know I hurt you—"

"You're damn right, you did!"

"I'm sorry…"

There's silence for a few moments, and I'm suddenly aware that the kitchen door is being held open, and they're all watching.

This is what a relationship with Sasuke would look like—this picture right here. Me and him in a room, and no matter what we're doing, they would all be watching. Every single one of the girls he slept with and god knows what else they did together. They would always be over my shoulder. Always be over his shoulder. Watching me. Haunting me. Judging. Jealous, maybe. I don't need that in my life.

That's it… I'm done.

"Fuck you."

And I turn and head out the side door.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I hold my phone to my ear and I listen to it ring once, then twice.

It's dark out now—the sun went down a while ago. There's a dense woods on either side of me. And Sasuke didn't follow. He stayed in his house with his whores and he didn't come after me.

I can't be too upset about it, because I doubt I'd be happy if he did, anyway…

He really believed that lie I told him about Ino being here in a few minutes? That means I would have called her back when we were at Sasuke's apartment… Maybe he just didn't care enough to think about it…

After the sixth ring, it goes to voicemail, and I curse.

Goddamnit, Ino! Where the fuck are you when I need you? And I swear to god, if you're fucking Naruto, I'm gonna be pissed.

I dial the next number I can think of and hold it to my ear. Lee picks up on the second ring.

"Sakura? It's late. Are you okay?"

"I know this is going to sound awful, but I need a ride and there's no one else I can call…"

"Uh, yea… sure… Sakura… are you crying?"

I put my fingers to my face to find that it's still wet. I couldn't even tell I was still crying anymore. I just want to go home. I'm so numb. I'm out in the middle of the night on a backroad, wondering if I'm going to get mauled by some animal that comes charging out of the dark woods. But honestly, I can barely feel anything. I don't want to feel, either… It's better like this. I'll break down when I'm home…

"Sakura…"

I don't respond. My voice will crack for sure…

"Just tell me where you are. I'll be there as fast as I can."

I give him directions as best as I can remember them, and hang up a minute later.

The silence makes me crazy, so I dial another number and hold my breath as I let it ring. She picks up on the fourth ring.

"Sakura?"

"Hi, mom…"

"It's great to hear from you! Your father and I have been wondering when you'd give us a call. How's school?"

I pause for a little too long before answering.

"Good…"

"…Sakura… Is everything all right?"

And finally, I can't control myself. I crumple to the ground and cry.