It wasn't that Leanne didn't know how to process her emotions, but more that she was feeling lost in a different aspect of her life for the second time in so many years. Her life as a doctor was one she was certain of; one she knew was earned with the blood, sweat, and tears that came with holding a person's life in your hands. It was a ruthless profession, one that wasn't for the weak or faint of heart, and that's exactly what she kept reminding herself every time she saw families fall apart in her ER. She knew that feeling, the overwhelming urge to just break down because the life you knew was slipping away without any chance of changing the outcome. She knew the fear, she knew the anger, but what she was feeling now wasn't either of those things. She felt lost, that much she knew, but it was more like she was losing something she never had. She was mourning the idea she had in her head, and she was kicking herself for even entertaining her hopes for a moment. They knew better than anyone that regrets could only harm them over time, but she was human, despite what people seemed to think. She felt more than most would assume, and she was self-aware enough to know it was written all over her face sometimes. That was exactly why she was, for lack of a better word, hiding outside the ER, gripping her coffee tightly as she stood staring into the dark. It was that dense darkness that signaled sunrise was near, but holding out until the very last moment. It comforted her, almost like the sun was just as afraid as she was, both knowing they had jobs they had to do; it was just a matter of time. She took a sip of her coffee, grimacing at the taste and temperature as she tossed it into the trash can to her left, folding her arms over her chest as she leaned against the wall. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, willing her walls to go back up because she couldn't take it if her emotions didn't get under control before she had to head back in. She didn't need this confusion any day, but today she was especially tired of it running circles in her head.

"Are you okay?" she heard beside her, and she tensed involuntarily as she took a small step to her left, putting distance between her and that voice as she slowly opened her eyes. She didn't look at him, didn't want to, so she continued to stare into the dark. It was becoming less dark now, and she knew her and the sun's time were almost up; they were needed, and they didn't really get a say in the matter.

"Of course. I'll see you inside," Leanne murmured, going to step around Neal as he leaned right beside her against the wall. She was just about to pass him when she felt his fingers close gently around her right wrist, and she looked back into the light, preferring to watch the sun than to see whatever it was he was trying to tell her with his eyes. It was their thing, but she just didn't want him to pry this time.

"Neal-"

"Leanne, talk to me," he uttered softly, his accent thicker than usual and she had to sigh. They were exhausted, 14 hours into a shift from hell where they'd already lost 4 patients, and he always sounded like this when something was bothering him. They had a much needed break in patients, but everyone knew it wouldn't last. They just had to take solace when they could.

"I'm fine. Are you okay?" she asked, and mentally berated the way her voice lowered, turning soft against her will as they made eye contact. He was looking down at her, his eyes red rimmed as his lips lifted to smile slightly at her, and she could see the question in his gaze. He knew her, too well at times, and he was reading her despite the numerous times she told him not to. His grip on her wrist tightened for a second, and she knew she should pull away but she couldn't bring herself to do it. He needed her; she wasn't about to push him away when she knew that to some degree, she needed him too.

"You've been avoiding me Leanne-"

"I've talked to you all shift Neal, you know that's not true" she interrupted, and dropped her gaze when he tugged her wrist into his side, bringing her hip to rest against his upper thigh despite her better judgment. He slid his fingers from her wrist down to her palm, gently intertwining their fingers so she couldn't pull away from him as he rested their hands against his thigh. He didn't do that often, but when he did she gave in because she was weak; he made her weak and she let him.

"Talk to me," he repeated, and she just rested the side of her head against his shoulder briefly as she spoke.

"I can't," she said, and she slowly untangled their fingers as she pulled away from him, and she could feel his frustration as she let his hand go, the warmth disappearing as sunlight bled into the sky, casting different colors over everything they could see. It was beautiful, and she knew their time was up. She wasn't sure if she was grateful or frustrated, and seeing the way his shoulders fell, she knew this was just the beginning. She saw Christa come through the door with two cups of coffee in her hand, and Leanne knew exactly who she was looking for.

"Looks like you have company," Leanne muttered to him as she stepped away, and the wounded look he shot her was enough to almost make her apologize if they didn't have an audience.

"Can we talk later?" he asked as Christa neared, and Leanne knew this wasn't the end of…whatever it was that was happening. She knew better, she knew him better.

"You know where to find me," she responded, nodding to Christa as she passed, thankful to see Jesse waiting just inside the doors for her.