A/N: The cliffhanger was too good to pass up! There was only one thing that I could think of that would break Merlin so much, so here it is. I hope to update every Sunday!

Merlin finally came to his senses.

"I'm sorry, everyone. It's my worst memory. A nightmare that plagues me to this day. I fear I will never find redemption. No one can ever come back from what I did…"

Hunith interrupted him.

"It wasn't your fault, Merlin. You know that."

"I did it."

"You didn't mean to."

Will stepped in.

"Well, we'll just find out then."

He pointed to the side, where an older Merlin sat. He was rocking back and forth, scratching at his body with a fever. His eyes looked wild and crazed.

"What's wrong with you, mate?" asked Gwaine.

"It's the magic. If I go too long without using it, it tries to find a way out. I went 2 weeks without doing any magic, and this is what happened," said Merlin, the regret palatable.

The older/young Merlin rocked and rocked, his skin started bleeding from him digging his nails too deep into his skin.

"Can't use it," he said. "Almost caught. Can't use it anymore."

Arthur looked at Merlin.

"When you don't use it, it builds up in you? How many times has this happened to you while in Camelot?"

Merlin gave Arthur a sad smile. Arthur paled. They turned their attention back to the memory.

Memory Merlin cried out in pain. He couldn't stand the pain. He couldn't stand the itching. It was taking everything in him to not explode. He writhed on the ground, sobbing for relief. Leaves stuck in his hair, his body rolled over twigs and dirt. His shrieks were heartbreaking. Finally, when all the onlookers thought they'd seen enough, something changed. There was a calm that broke out in the memory. The air stood still, the screaming stopped. There was no sound. And then, the wind rushed and the screaming increased and a blinding red light shot out of him. His breath was labored and heavy. His joints were in agonizing pain. He felt weak, unable to move. When he eventually rolled over onto his front, he hoisted himself up with his elbows. Slowly, he stood up and breathed deep. He walked a little to regain his balance and the function of his legs. He walked along the trail, back to his village, but a light stopped him. Old Man Simmons house was destroyed. Merlin ran to the house. He fished through the rubble. He saw Old Man Simmons and pulled him from the rubble. It was too late; he was dead. He continued looking, hoping that his wife had been out in the village, but no luck. There she was: her body broken and very much dead. But she wasn't alone. Merlin fell to his knees, sobbing.

Those watching couldn't see properly until he pulled away from the rubble. Cradled in his arms was a young girl with long strawberry hair that hung down over Merlin's arm. His kissed her forehead and sat her down next to her grandparents, crying and shaking.

Suddenly, everyone knew what had happened. They all shouted his innocence.

"You didn't know what was happening," said Gwaine.

"It wasn't your fault, Merlin," said Percival.

"You couldn't have known," said Elyan.

Gwen gave him a sad smile.

"It wasn't your fault, Merlin."

Arthur had no words of comfort for his friend. He just watched as the man fell apart at the memory, watching the guilt clear on his face. He couldn't have known, but it didn't mean that he didn't do it. And it would be a burden that Merlin would carry with him, for the rest of his days.

"So that's why you came to Camelot?" asked Arthur.

Merlin nodded, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.

"I couldn't use it. I couldn't control it. I needed to find somewhere where I could learn."

Hunith touched Gaius's shoulder.

"Hunith wrote to me about what happened. She knew that if she sent him to me, he'd learn to control his power. He could learn about magic. But I did warn her that by him being there, he was at risk for death. We both would be. But I didn't care about me, he needed a guide. I swore I'd look out for him and teach him everything I knew."

Merlin hugged the man.

"And you have. Thank you."