He wasn't sure when it had become more than just bullying. When James had started getting closer and closer until they were nose to nose. When James had started cornering him in abandoned classrooms and broom closets. When the snide remarks had started being about how he would never get a girlfriend. About how he was clearly desperate for someone to shag him. James would smirk as he reached a hand to his erection and comment on how he made James hard because he was so worthless. It built, and built, and built, until he couldn't take it anymore. The next time James fondled his dick in a broom closet, whispering about all the places he could stick it, he kissed him.

Severus had never felt that fire before. Fireworks seemed to explode behind his eyes as his mouth opened in a gasp the second James returned the kiss. They were desperate, hungry kisses, both of them searching for a thing they hadn't known existed seconds before. Within minutes James had his hand down Severus' trousers, hand moving swiftly as Severus grew closer and closer to the brink. That first time, he was the first to get there, James following quickly afterwards thanks to the sheer tension of their encounters.

Both of them thought it would be the last time. They thought the heat would disappear, and the teasing would go back to actual bullying. If anything, it got stronger. But they got more experienced, and learnt how to drive the other wild, and their sessions lasted longer and longer until they were spending hours together. James always came first though, making Severus wait for his release.

Severus wasn't gay, exactly. He didn't know what he was. The wizarding world was quite behind in terms of sexual freedom. There were few openly gay witches or wizards, and there was a heavy focus on getting married quickly and producing an heir. James had felt that pressure since he was a young teenager, and had chosen the beautiful Lily Evans as his girlfriend, despite her saying no. She gave into pressure from friends and family, and he dated her.

Severus wanted to believe she couldn't make James feel the way he could. He wanted to be the only one who saw behind the mask, who saw the real smile that always surfaced when it was just the two of them. He wanted to have James all to himself. He overheard James boasting about taking Lily's virginity, exaggerating the tale and making her sound like a wanton whore. He ran off, heading to their room where he waited for hours, past the time they should have met up. James never showed that night, and only sent a note the next morning with a hasty apology and a reschedule for the next night.

Severus couldn't stop himself from seeing James, despite knowing it would end badly. He wanted so desperately to talk to him about what was happening, to find out if they had a future, but he was scared that would stop their present. He tried distancing himself, distracting himself with girls and boys, with anyone.

He found an ally in Narcissa. She was a coupe of years below him, but was engaged to one of his almost-friends. She had the same problem, though not with James Potter. She was in lust with Alice Longbottom, who clearly shared the feeling based on the heated glances the two shared. But Narcissa knew nothing could happen, and she had the sense to not start something she couldn't finish. She helped Severus start to get over James, and he felt better. For a while.

She couldn't help completely. Once a month, James would send Severus a note asking if they could meet up. For their whole seventh year, while a war was rumbling around them, two boys found bliss for a few moments while wrapped around each other. James was an asshole, and Severus well on his way to becoming a Death Eater, but that didn't matter when they were together. Nothing did.

A/N: This isn't me coming back to fanfiction. This is the influence of colubrina, who posted a rant on tumblr about the Marauders being assholes and this somehow got stuck in my head. I'm sorry to anyone who read this (I'm extra sorry if you've read any of my other stuff because it is Dire and should be burnt.)