This is a new update to this story. As the end of the academic year is winding down I have found a bit of time for writing. I have been holding up a little because the story of Helena talks about one event that affected my family and I was hard for me to write it, but in a way it also was healing.

I am well. My cancer is stable for those who are wondering and I am getting an MRI every two months to check if the tumor is growing. I has not.

Enjoy this chapter and I will be working on chapter 52 soon.

Please review, it keeps me going. :)

Christine

...

Chapter 51

When Helena woke up again, she felt a lot better. She had absolutely no idea how much time had elapsed. She was still hooked to an intravenous line and a bag of clear saline had replaced the anti-serum. She took a deep breath and to her surprise she felt no pain. She looked for the control panel along the side of the bed and managed to raise the top of her bed. She could see the room better. She was in a 'sterile room'. There was a sliding glass panel separating the room from a small lobby, holding a table with gowns, gloves, hair and shoe covers, and face masks. "An airlock" she snorted. She knew such rooms existed only in facilities treating deeply infectious patients, infections without any cures. Like Ebola. A clock on the wall indicated four o'clock, but she did not know if this was early morning or the afternoon. There were no windows. The monitor was beeping softly with her cardiac rhythm, a reassuring tune. Once every few minutes, a blood pressure cuff was inflating on her arm, taking a reading. She was not hungry or thirsty. She imagined that her IV was providing her with nutrients. Helena knew that there were not many facilities like the one she was in. Maybe there was only one on the entire African continent. And it was in Nairobi, in the World Health Organization building of the United Nations. In a corner of the room, behind a glass panel was a television screen. It was shut down and she looked around hoping to find a remote. She had no idea which day it was. They had spent several weeks at the hidden villages and it was the fall now, mid-September. She realized with irony that she had not watched television in many months. In the Lady's Ridge camp, they had been isolated, communicating only with the outside world when they sent their data to be uploaded in databases. She had no family and thus she was not seeking contact outside the camp, unlike some other personnel in the camp, who regularly called their relatives on the phone. She did not miss the outside world. Her entire focus had been on translating the diary of Laura.

She leaned over spotting a brown remote attached to the wall by an electrical wire. A button was labeled 'TV', the other 'Nurse' and it had a small speaker included in it, aside control buttons. She pressed the TV button and the screen came to life. The channel was BBC Africa and the sound was off. She found the volume buttons and the sound came out of the remote speaker. She was watching the local news for just a few seconds. Then it switched to international news, and Helena saw a speech by president Bush, followed by a clip of planes crashing into the world trade center towers. The president was reaffirming the strength of the country and his solidarity with New York City, and images of New York City's downtown area covered in ruins and ashes followed. Rescue fire fighters were interviewed, while the screen showed images of the devastation, trucks attempting to move blocks of concrete and tangled steel beams. A helicopter view showed smoke still coming out of the rumble. A lone American flag had been erected in the middle of the site. On fences and walls, people had pinned pictures of their loved ones, names, phone numbers, asking anyone who could to identify them, flowers everywhere, people in tears, their faces marred by grey ashes, praying by this wall… A rolling banner at the bottom of the screen kept updates on the situation. The date was September 18th 2001. Helena covered her mouth in a silent scream. She wanted to shut down the TV, but she was in a trance, hypnotized by the images of horror she was seeing, both in New York and at the Pentagon in Washington DC. The journalists were commenting on the attacks, showing more testimonies from around the world. New York mayor, Rudy Giuliani was now interviewed and updates were given about international travel to the USA and New York. The chief of police was giving updates on transit and subways in the city; Transit Authority, New Jersey transit, Long Island railroad and Metro North were still severely disrupted but some service was being restarted. She was in shock. She needed to talk to Takashi. Now. Did he even know? It must have happened while she was unconscious; he probably had no idea, isolated as they were from the rest of the world in the villages. She pressed the nurse button and she heard a distant beeping. Makena came running into the lobby. She pressed the interphone switch.

"Dr. Harper, how are you feeling?" she asked, looking through the glass as she was putting on hair cover, gloves, mask and shoes covers.

"I need to talk to our team. I need to talk to Dr. Inoue." Helena replied with urgency. She saw Makena look at her and then her gazed shifted to the TV screen. Makena slid the glass door to enter the sterile room. She did not attempt to shut down the television, but she lowered the sound.

"When did this happen?" Helena whispered.

"One week ago. It was a terrorist attack." Makena replied while she took Helena's vitals. "No fever," she said, "you look a lot better". She pulled a chair and sat by Helena's bed. "It seems like the serum did work well. You will start healing rapidly now, but you are still weak. And your immune system has been challenged. I imagine the doctor will keep you a few more days in this room to allow your immune system to fully recover and prevent secondary infections to occur. They probably will give you a little to eat, liquids first." She smiled. Helena looked at her.

"I did not know", she said pointing to the television, "this is horrible. I need to get in touch with friends in New York. I need to get in touch with the rest of the team. Do you think I can use a phone?" Helena had a few academic friends and colleagues at Columbia University and at Hunter college, which she wanted to check on.

Makena nodded. "I can find out." Yet, she made no attempt to move. She leaned over close to Helena. Her blue-green eyes were penetrating. Helena shuddered.

Makena whispered, "It's horrible, isn't it? Now imagine if it was your entire world that was bombed, destroyed all at once, wiped out… All twelve worlds, all twelve planets… Reduced in ashes… Radioactive for the rest of eternity… Inhabitable. Every each one of your friends, relatives, the anonymous person in the street, the one person whom you buy your newspaper from, or your morning coffee. Gone… All of them… Vaporized in smoke…" Her eyes filled with tears.

Helena shook her head, her throat tight, "how do you know…how can you know? Are you one of them?"

Makena nodded. "I am from the Tauron village. I live here, but I return there every year for the Tauron's festival." She moved her sleeve up and showed Helena a tattoo. "The Tauron symbol", she explained, "I was assigned to keep you safe, for you are the bearer of Laura's message. Admiral Adama was from Tauron, I am a descendant of Lee."

Helena looked at her with astonishment. "It's not possible… how could they have assigned you. They cannot communicate out of the villages… can't they?"

Makena nodded, "they can. We have technology. We kept it even if we do not use it often. It is how we keep in touch with one another. When our ancestors arrived, their first instinct was to get rid of modern science and technology, but it did not work. In the book of Hera, she describes the famine and the plagues, how the weather destroyed our crops. Many died. So, Hera, wisely, decided that we should use what we had to help us survive. They kept our knowledge and passed it from generation to generation, along with the technology."

"Nobody in the modern world found out?"

"No, we use different radio frequencies, our technology is more advanced than yours. Maybe one day, we will be detected, so far we have not." She answered.

Helena nodded and shifted her gaze back to the television screen, broadcasting the same news again.

Makena continued, "hate… it's everywhere. My ancestors constructed the cylons as machines of war. They constructed hate. The cylons destroyed them. My ancestor William Adama made a speech on the day of the attacks, do you know that? It is recorded in Hera's book. Hera wrote it from what was passed to her by Lee, Adama's son. It talked about responsibility and how humans maybe did not deserve to survive. You see, Helena, it has not changed. Humanity is still the same, with hate ever present. I am glad we kept away from the rest of the world.

"What did the speech say? Do you know exactly?" Helena asked.

Makena nodded, overcome by emotion.

"Yes, I know. I know it by heart. It said: 'Why are we as a people worth saving? We still commit murder because of greed, spite, jealousy. And we still visit all of our sins upon our children. We refuse to accept the responsibility for anything that we've done. Like we did with the Cylons. We decided to play God, create life. When that life turned against us, we comforted ourselves in the knowledge that it really wasn't our fault, not really. You cannot play God then wash your hands of the things that you've created. Sooner or later, the day comes when you can't hide from the things that you've done anymore.' Adama was a wise man. He knew the burden of hate."

Helena looked at ground zero at the world trade center, endless images of destruction on the television screen. She did not attempt to stop her tears. Makena held her hand while she cried.

...

"Our meeting with the cylons was at a status quo. D'Anna, fierce as usual, was not going to share the name of the Five and insisted we return to the Galactica first to make contact with them. Bill filled us up to what happened in our absence, how Natalie was killed and Helo was very distressed by what happened with Athena. He left the room seeking some time alone. We just had to wait until we would be back to the Galactica. There was nothing we could do until we got back to the ship. It would not be long. Only a few hours and a few jumps. Bill and I were led back in the room where I previously tended to Baltar, who had been taken in charge by the cylons.

'What happened there?' he asked, seeing the rather large puddle of blood and the smears on the benches. He frowned looking at the blood stains on my shirt. I shook my head.

'No, it's not me. Baltar was injured. He lost a lot of blood.' I lowered my head. Suddenly I was ashamed. I sat down on the clean bench next to him. I was looking at the other bench, covered with blood, the congealed blood puddle on the floor, a remnant of the few hours when my life had changed… no… when my heart had changed. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his arms. I leaned my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. I felt an incredible relief to hold him in silence, comfortable in my feelings, my heart full of love. I was breathing slowly, focused on his presence, his warmth, his scent, the weight of his arm around me, the rough fabric of his suit on the skin of my cheek. I was alive; it felt wonderful.

'Sine Qua Non' he whispered slowly. I lifted my head to look at him, questioning. He smiled and his free hand caressed my cheek as I lowered my head back onto his shoulder.

'It means Without Which Not, Romo Lampkin told me that. I realized that I could not live without you. I had to go and get you.'

I snorted… 'Lampkin…' and closed my eyes again, kissing softly his neck and resting my face in his warmth... I wished I could hold him forever and feel his skin against mine.

'Lee is interim President,' he added. I sighed in response.

'Lee is good. He will do the right thing.' I answered, as I remembered his grief and Kara's in my visions. Bill was slowly rubbing my back.

'Nathalie was shot and died. Athena killed her… She talked some nonsense about Hera being taken away and running to her. Athena is out of control. She thought Nathalie was going to take, Hera… ridiculous! I am so sick of these visions… She betrayed us… she betrayed me!' He added shaking his head, raising his voice. I hugged him a bit tighter and replied gently.

'Hera being taken away by the Six in the opera house… I had that vision, Bill… Athena shared it… the Six shared it… It has been haunting me...' I replied and whispered to him. I felt him tense. I added softly, 'there is something bigger than us, Bill. We all have been having these visions. I do not know why; I do not know how. We don't have control over this…' I sighed, as I felt him frowning.

'I died,' I whispered and Bill, surprised, turned his head to look at me, 'I died and I felt my death... I went through it… Each time the ship was jumping, I was pulled into this vision and in that vision, I died. I felt it… life going away from my body. Elosha was there and you were there. And I died and I felt your love and your pain surrounding me. I felt infinity… the vastness of the universe… I left the container of my body… I stopped feeling pain… it was beautiful.' He hugged me tightly in response, in silence. 'I understood… love… compassion… something bigger than myself.' I added in a sigh, tears running freely on my cheeks. I looked up at Bill.

'Baltar was hurt; he was dying and he confessed…' I saw his frown, deep, concerned.

'When they attacked the hub, we were hit and Baltar got injured. He confessed, Bill, that he gave the access codes to the Cylons.' I looked at Bill, as I was weeping unabashedly. 'I wanted to kill him, Bill, I wanted to. I felt hate, deep, dark, overwhelming. I remembered everything, our worlds, New Caprica, how he was responsible for the death of so many… But at the end, Elosha showed me the true meaning of love, and I didn't. I couldn't kill him'.

'You forgave him?' he asked incredulously. I shook my head with a bitter laugh.

'No Bill, I don't know if I could ever forgive him. I am still mad as hell at him. But I could not kill him. I experienced love, for the first time. Universal love…' I confessed and wiped the tears on my cheeks. Bill was the only person I could trust with this confession.

He smiled, 'no, Laura. You did not experience love for the first time.' He lifted my chin so that he could look at my eyes and dropped a light kiss on my lips. 'You have been loving all of this time, loving your people more than yourself. I felt your love many times before, Laura. No, you just didn't know what it was.'

I sighed and closed my eyes resting against his chest.

We were peaceful, holding each other. Time did not exist.

'What now?' he finally whispered.

'We go back to Galactica and we find the Five. Then we find Earth. And then this is over. Baltar can recover from his wound. He has no more power over me.' I felt Bill nodding.

I knew that this was not over. If D'Anna had her way, she would probably choose to get rid of us and take the information of the Five to find Earth. We could not let her. She always had been ruthless; certainly, she would not have changed. As the hours flew by, jump after jump, I felt a great deal of peace that night, despite the anticipation of returning to Galactica with D'Anna and our Cylon surroundings. We did not sleep and laid on the uncomfortable bench talking about our experiences apart from one another, holding each other. We were happy to be together. It was very simple. We were open. We were one. If we had been on Galactica, we probably would have made love. We were still in enemy territory, however. We did not need the physical act to feel that communion. It was there all the time, love. Elosha would have smiled.

It was not really a surprise that D'Anna refused to communicate the names of the Five once we arrived back to the fleet. Well Four, she said, announcing to us that one of them was missing. Of course, she was not going to cooperate! Even though I did not communicate my worries to Bill, I was fully prepared for this eventuality. We did not know who the Five were. We were at a clear disadvantage. She was playing for keeps. She decided she would hold us hostage. I immediately felt Bill ready to strike. He had his weapon out, the centurions did too, the fleet soldiers did as well. In one instant, the tension had spiked. It was not necessary. My mind was clear. Maybe it was because of my visions with Elosha, I had died already after all, or maybe it was because of my open heart, I was ready. I leaned to Bill gently, so close to him, my body touched him, offering support. I do not know if any of the others saw it: we were one. 'You need to stand down, Bill' I whispered. 'Come on, trust me'. I was ready to die. Hostage taking has power only on those who are afraid of death. I was not... not anymore… He brought his weapon down and commanded Helo and the others to stand down. The soldiers surrendered their weapons. D'Anna told Bill he would come along with her. I would stay as a hostage. I saw the alarm flash in his eyes.

'I'm not going.' He looked at me, in an instant, sharing his love by the power of one look. He had waited for me in a raptor for long hours, unsure of whether he would ever find me, looking for me. We had reunited for a few precious hours only to be broken apart again. A brief respite, during which we held each other, unable to sleep, softly talking, kissing a little, and simply being present with one another. But our lives were never meant to be private. And once again our duties superseded our personal feelings. Once more, we contemplated in a moment the nature of impermanence. In that moment, I was his president, not the woman he held an hour before in his arms. I was giving an order to the Admiral of the fleet.

'Bill, go.' We both knew again that this could be over soon. It was hard to hide my emotions and the mirror of his eyes told me he was feeling the same way. Desperate to touch him one more time, I hugged him, so tight the skin of my cheek pressed on his cheek. Like an intimate message, my final words, whispered in his ear, were to tell him to kill us all, bombing the cylon ship, if D'Anna left with the Four from the fleet. I was not expecting D'Anna to spare us anyway.

'If the cylons get the Four, they get Earth. You can't let this happen, even if you have to blow this ship to hell. Go.'

He looked at me with shock and what I interpreted as a deep sadness, resignation maybe. I gave him an order, the order of the president. His final look carried as much love as he could express in a fraction of a second. I nodded. 'I know' I mouthed silently. It was a silent farewell. Then, they were gone.