This is a random one-shot idea I thought up.

Featuring: Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn, The Joker, Bruce Wayne/Batman, Pamela Isley/Poision Ivy

Warning: Domestic Violence, Violence, Harsh/Corse Language, REALLY LONG!

The green haired man let out a maniacal laugh, it was a psychotic noise that drowned out everything else around here. Anyone who heard it often forgot how to make any kind sound only enhancing the already loudly obnoxious laughter.

Well that was to say most people, their was one in particular who was different from the norm, a doctor for the clinically insane, a doctor who fall in love with a patient. Dis-guarding her lab coat Harleen Quinzel renamed herself Harley Quinn and joined her laughing lover.

Skipping over to him the blonde asked, ruining the moment "Hey ya Mista J, What's goin' on? We havin' a party? Why didn't cha say so? I'd a dolled myself all up for the occasion."

His laughter slowed to a stop and his red scarred smile frowned ever so slightly "Harley... Dear Harles..." The back of his gloved hand slapped her cheek and he snapped "Cant you see I'm in the middle of something here?!"

Harley all but fell over from a mix of the force of the slap and surprise. She jumped away from him and put a hand to her cheek before crying out quickly "I'm sorry Puddin'! I didn't mean nothin' by it!" tears coming to her eyes threatening to spill and ruin her makeup. The flesh under her white makeup started to turn pink giving half her face a visible pinkish undertone.

He took a small breath as if to calm himself down before shaking his head "Alright them where were we? Oh right, time to see if we can catch ourselves a bat."

The blonde nodded, "You wan't me to make the sign, Mista J?"

He nodded and waved her off "Go on, make sure it's huge. You know what I always say-"

"Go big or go back to bed."

Which earned her another slap on her still white cheek and he snapped "I've told you before! I give the punch lines around here! Got it?"

A few tears fell making black lines run down her face "Got- got it Mista J!"

He grumbled something before fixing his jacket "Good, now get to work."

She quickly took the gas cans and made a giant bat "Now to watch as the bat goes up in flames." and let out a laugh as he lit the gas-bat on fire.

It only took about twenty minutes for Batman to arrive, and in the mean time Harley Quinn and the Joker had taken to playing cards. The first thing He heard when arriving was a shrill, excited "YAHTZEE!"

Followed by a loud "Harley! We're playing go fish!"

"Then why do we have the dice?"

Glaring at her Joker let out a huff before turning his attention to Batman "You see what I have to put up with?" Harley pouted a bit and crossed her arms with a loud grunt while he continued "Anyway, I just had a little bitty question, if your not busy or anything?"

Batman glared at him through his mask and joker clapped his hands together "Oh good! I'm glad to hear it! So I was thinking of a new color scheme, greens getting a bit old don't you think?"

"I think you look great puddin'." Harley piped in, over having gotten hit earlier.

"Harley stay out of this, we're having an important discussion." Joker snapped at her "Anywho, what color do you think I should go with?"

Batman let out a breath before tazing the clown duo and tying them up.

When they woke up they were back in Arkham. Joker grumbled to himself, the meeting not having gone according to plan, The Bat hadn't even said anything, it was quite irritating to say the least.

Harley woke up and stared at the ceiling, she knew her puddin' cared about her, but he was so mean sometimes. It really made her worry if Mista J was just using her.

*A week later*

Joker sat in his cell when a cot rolled past with none other then his blonde assistant on it. She was barely awake, but catching sight of him she actually smiled, he'd always said he liked it better when she smiled, so she tried to smile for him as often as she could. The simple action caused her to pass out though. She was really worse for wear, covered from head to toe in bruises and cuts.

One string of bloody cuts in particular stood out though, well that was to say it wasn't your normal cut, it was words that were carved into her skin, much like Jokers own smile. The words stood out because of what they said which was hard to make out through all the blood 'Jokers Bitch 3'

The unstable man frowned, something about the message stuck a nerve. Harley was just a means to an end, she was no more then a puppet... But why did seeing her in such form make him so... Angry. He glanced down the hall to see Harley's cot turn a corner, his anger slowly building into a rage.

A little while later he was let outside and once arriving he simply looked around, trying to determine who to talk to first. After a few moment he walked up to one of the gang members and said with a more crazy then usual smile "Derek! It's been such a long time!"

'Derek' Frowned "Thats not my na-"

Ignoring him Joker nodded "That so? Well I was wondering if you'd be able to help me out with something? You see I need a knife."

The gang member's eyes narrowed "What do I get outta it?"

Joker got a deadly glint in his eyes "You my dear friend, get to live."

He tried to take a step back but Joker grabbed him "Ah, Ah, Ah We're in the middle of a business transaction."

Swallowing 'Derek' shoved a small shiv into Joker's hands "Here, Here, fine, take it! You didn't get it from me!" and bolted.

Watching him, Joker let out a small laugh before turning on his heel, his smile wide "Now, where to start?"

He wondered to yard a bit before spotting Poison Ivy "Ivy, darling! How ya been?"

She glanced at him, and narrowed her eyes in obvious disgust.

"What's with that look?"

"What do you want?" She deadpanned, ignoring his question.

He let out a huff "Your no fun... But I need your help."

She rose a thin eyebrow "The great Joker needs help? What might I ask with?"

"Finding someone." He answered watching her carefully.

She studied him for a few moments "Who and Why?"

Glancing around he explained how he didn't actually know who it was he was looking for, then what happened to Harley.

Rage built in her eyes, she let out a soft huff of pure anger "She had to have let them, Harley may be your little lap dog, but she's capable of dealing with the people here."

The redhead glanced around, crossing her arms before saying "This is the exact reason I'm always trying to get her away from you. She would put her life on the line if you asked he-"

He cut her off sharply, the normal glint of joy that was content my in his eyes gone, the scarred red smile replace that always seemed to laugh replaced with something closer to a grimace, he wasn't his normal chaos loving self. No. He was something much more dangerous.

"I know she would, that's what made her perfect. But she's mine. I'm the only one allowed to hurt her unless she's on a job. I'm the one who turned her into Harley, I'm the only one who's allowed to take her out."

Ivy narrowed her eyes at him a moment before saying in a low tone "You. Don't. Own. Her."

He scoffed ever so slightly "And yet she always comes back to me."

Ivy flushed lightly she hated him because Harley couldn't see him for what he was, but behind the crazy and the chaos of the joker she saw he truly did care for her blonde friend, in his own twisted way.

She turned on her heel "I'll be back." And with that released attraction pheromones. Within five minutes almost every guy and girl in the yard was trying to get close to her.

Working her charm she questioned everyone fitting peaces together and figuring everything out before thanking them all and promising them more time to talk and such later, collectively groaning they eventually let her go back to Joker, one of the only people not affected by her pheromones.

"Turns out this guy goes by the name Jack now, apparently he was one of yours..."

Joker frowned ever so slightly, mumbling to himself "Could it be...? I though I...?" Only to stop remembering the night "The Batman got in the way... Well thank you for your assistance, now it seems I have to catch a ghost."

She frowned "What do you mean?"

"I killed Jack, or tried to anyway. The Batman got in the way. Jack was almost as devoted to me as Harley, only he was much less useful and much more hostile. He'd sabotage jobs just so I would take people out and praise him for 'catching' them. It was a fun game while it lasted, but like most games, got annoying after a while."

With that he turned and walked away.

*One hour later*

He unlocked the cell door "Jackie ma boy, how ya been?"

Jack's head shot up "Is it you?" Something close to wonder in his eyes. He looked like a wanna be Joker, green hair that was brown in the roots and a pale almost white face.

''The one and only. Now I need to know why you tried to kill Harley." Joker asked in a very calm voice.

Jack frowned for a moment, a look of confusion in his eyes before he grinned and let out a laugh "That's what you came to me about? Some little bitch? Mr. J, I was the best right hand man you ever had. I was just... Trying to show you that. I mean even now she's nothing compared me."

Joker's eyes darkened, his normal eccentric smile and humor gone "Nothing? Here's the things bout that. She may be nothing to you, but she's my Harley Quinn. If you wanted to hurt her you should have come to me first. Now you have to deal with me."

Joker attacked his old henchman, but by the time the guards got their Joker was covered in the other man's blood and laughing like a madman. He didn't resist as their was no point in it and went back to his cell.

*A couple of weeks later*

Finally allowed back outside Joker smiled and wandered about the yard when his blonde haired assistant skipped over to him. She quickly gave him a kiss on the cheek "Thank ya for everythin'."

He frowned ever so lightly "I have no idea what your talking about."

She simply let out a small giggle "Sure." and with that bounced back over to her hopscotch.

Once gone Ivy stepped next to him "As much as I don't care for how you treat her, good job... Also I talked to her about everything and apparently she agreed to let them beat her up so long as they didn't mess with you. She said something about how your much to busy to deal with people like him."

He glanced her at, his lip twitching into a smile, which turned into a grin, which caused the laughter that he was oh so well known for.