WWE'S doing a Raw in Florida. John Cena invites Alexa Bliss backstage to hang out. "I wonder what he wants." thinks Alexa.

She meets him backstage in a private dressing room exculsively reserved for John Cena's diva-trippin' ass.

CENA: "YEAH! Time to give you a push! Give you the ol' John Cena BUMP!"

ALEXA: "Ooh, John, I don't know. My butt is pretty fucking tight still. I don't know if this is a good idea."

CENA: "Nonsense! Look at Nikki Bella's butt. Now she's the greatest Diva's Champion of ALL TIME! If this doesn't get you over, nothing will."

John Cena fucks Alexa Bliss in the butt but gets stuck in her tight little asshole.

CENA: "Jesus! You're tighter than a Chinese fingertrap."

ALEXA: "I told you!"

CENA: "I can't pull out Alexa. It's too tight!"

ALEXA: "Just try to get soft!"

CENA: "NO! NEVER GIVE UP!

Cena has to walk around backstage with a huge towel around his waist to hide tiny Alexa Bliss.

HUNTER: "Hey John Cena, what's with the towel, huh? You shit your pants or something?"

CENA: "Naw, man, all my Jorts are in the wash, son. Can't walk around with my Hornswoggle out in public, you know? It's the PG ERA!"

HUNTER: "Okay Okay. Just don't let Vince see you. He doesn't like top roster looking like assholes in public."

CENA: "HE CAN'T C ME!"

HUNTER: "HURRHURHURRHURR. (putting his cellphone to his ear) Okay I'll talk to you later." (walks away)

John Cena walks on down the hall backstage, hoping to avoid as many wrestlers as he can. He sees Undertaker coming towards him.

UNDERTAKER: "Hey Cena, Is that The Miz under your towel or are you just happy to see me?" (mock laugh form summerslam)

John finally makes it out of the building to the parking lot. He hides out in his private bus.

CENA: "I'll be safe in here!"

ALEXA (under the towel): "Can I have something to drink?"

CENA: "You can have the Mountain Dews JBL and Cole never even opened."

ALEXA: "Yuchk, forget it then."

Nikki Bella boards the bus.

CENA: "oh shit, it's Nikki. Alexa, stay quiet."

NIKKI: "What's with the towel?"

CENA: "What? Nothing! YOU CAN'T C ME!"

Nikki sits on the leather couch right next to John.

NIKKI: "I'm the greatest Diva's Champion of all time."

CENA: "Yes you are baby. You had so many incredible matches with Lita."

NIKKI: "No. Baby, that was Trish Stratus."

CENA: "Oh, I'm sorry baby. You had great matches with Mickie James and Victoria I mean."

NIKKI: "No, you're thinking about Trish again. John, what's the matter with you?"

CENA: "Then what do you actually do? Uh, I mean, Ihm just saying, Your matches are as incredible as Trish's matches, even BETTER!"

NIKKI: "Thanks, bae. Speaking of Trish Stratus, you know who I fucking hate?"

CENA: "Who, princess?"

NIKKI: "Alexa Bliss. That little blonde Trish Stratus wanna be butt-shit. She'll never make it far in this business. You wanna know why? Because she doesn't have the "it" factor."

CENA: "The it factor? Yeah she does! Her ass is tighter than Nia Jax in a tire swing."

NIKKI: "Not that. I mean she doesn't have the it factor: She doesn't know how to make friends with the right people, you know?"

Alexa Bliss, still butt-stuck to John Cena's kendo stick, throws the towel aside, revealing herself.

ALEXA: "Really? Cos John Cena is literally fucking my asshole right now. I guess I must be the next Diva's Champion, huh Nikki?"

NIKKI: "You little shit!"

Nikki grabs Alexa by the head, and throws her sloppily across the bus, ripping JohnCena's dick right off.

CENA (overselling with crazy facial expressions): "AAAAAAWWWHHHH !"

John Cena is out for six months. Vince tries to sell it to all the kids as a shoulder injury. Shoulder surgery my ass.

Alexa Bliss, keeping John Cena's severed dick tucked inside her asshole for good luck, gets called up to main roster and becomes Diva's Champion two weeks later.

The End.