The five times Kara didn't understand mortality (and the one time she did)

by JoyfulTemplar

To see a World in a Grain of Sand

And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,

Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand

And Eternity in an hour.

-William Blake

Cat (Kara - 33)

Kara didn't notice at first. She was busy with the League and her new job as a department editor for the CatCo WorldWide. After several years as Cat Grant's executive assistant, then writing content for news features in the Tribune, Cat finally promoted her to her preferred position as editor. Between that, and the League dealing with all kinds of alien problems, she really hadn't been focusing on existential things.

Her first clue was when Carter graduated from college. Kara had gone with Cat to his graduation. Afterward the ceremony, Carter had introduced them to some of his friends and their families. "So you must be Carter's older sister? He talks about you nonstop. He seems to think you can do anything." a gangly, tall boy had commented; Kara thinks that he might have been Carter's roommate. The comment caused Cat to stiffen beside her and Kara sputtered a bit, it had been years since she felt this unbalanced. Carter, wide eyed turned the conversation towards one of the girls in the group upcoming internship. The damage had been done.

Her and Cat had always been a team. Partners. Coworkers. Parents. The +1. At work they moved seamlessly together to put out content for the world to see, Kara could anticipate Cat's every demand, and Cat knew all of Kara's personality quirks. Personally, they were just as close if not more, Kara had spent years pining away for Cat. Kara went to every dinner, Carter's school events, and every board game night, but eventually just accepted it for what it was. Cat had to maintain a somewhat professional relationship with her; even if it often felt like they were playing house during Carter's difficult high school years. They toed the line between romantic partners and friends for years without ever really defining their relationship. They loved each other, but it was infinitely more complex than they knew how to articulate.

Kara remembers distinctly a huge fight Carter had with his father when he was sixteen, that cemented her place in the Grant family. He had blown Carter off again and canceled one of their visitations last minute. Carter spent 15 minutes screaming at him, it was the first time Kara had ever seen Carter truly angry. Carter listed every missed birthday party or school function, every broken promise and missed visits, and demanded to know why his father couldn't make time for him. It didn't go over well. Carter's father had yelled back defensively how Carter didn't know what it felt like to have a constant reminder of a poor decision, how difficult it was to connect with someone with such crippling emotionally problems, and what a disappointment it all was. Carter had gone quiet, then said "Just leave. I don't need you anymore. You obviously have other priorities. Whatever, Kara has always been a better parent than you anyway." Then he stormed off to his room and didn't leave it for three days. It took another five days before he actually talked again. Even when she had been critically injured in a fight with a Red Lantern, Kara still made it to Carter's senior showcase. Carter had always been a priority and now he looked all grown up in his graduation gown. Kara was sure it was only yesterday she pulled him off Maxwell Lord's train to safety.

That night after the celebratory dinner, Cat and Kara had gone home in relative silence. Kara's indistinct singing was the only thing breaking the quiet of the car ride. "They thought you and Carter were brother and sister." Cat said flatly, her hand squeezing her phone in a vice grip. Kara swallowed. "The age difference has never bothered us before Cat. People have made the wrong assumption before. What makes this so different?" Cat pulled down the car visor to look at herself in the visor mirror. Cat's hair was more silver than blonde these days, and she had wrinkles and laugh lines. Kara had never really noticed that before. "I'm getting older. And you still look as fresh as the day you walked in for your interview." Kara reached over with one hand and flipped the visor up. "I'm 33 Cat. Don't let this bother you. Come on tell me about that MOMA event. You know I was on Watchtower rotation when you went." Cat had let the topic go, and Kara pushed Cat's age to the back of her mind.

Eliza (Kara – 38)

The second clue hit Kara like a backhand from Wonder Woman. When Eliza suffered her stroke, neither of her daughters were planetside. After the D.E.O was disbanded Alex started to work at the Watchtower as the resident Kryptonian physiology expert, and bioengineer. And mostly to keep J'onn company and supplied with Oreos. Kara was offworld with the Green Lantern and Hawkgirl following up on an intergalactic terrorist case.

It was actually Carter who made it to the hospital first, he was in the middle of his ortho rotation as an intern when Eliza was brought in. He watched, held back by his coworkers, as they revived his grandmother. When she was stable, they asked him to make the phone calls. Carter called his mom first. She promised she would take care of the medical bills, have her moved to a private room, and that she would be on the first plane to Minneapolis. Cat asked him if he wanted her to make the phone call to Alex. Carter just stayed silent for a moment and promised he would do it himself. Carter had a family emergency line to the watchtower that he had never used before. Alex made it just minutes after Cat did and promptly lost all of her military composure. Eliza did look terrible, prone in the hospital bed.

By the time, Kara made it planetside, it had been four days of little improvement. Kara knew, that logically humans tended to be fragile, but she had never seen her foster mother so sick, so old. Kara refused to leave Eliza's beside, and Alex made a little mobile office in the hospital room. As Kara compulsively rearranged the hospital furniture, she asked the attending doctor why Eliza had a stroke to begin with, she tried to keep her frustration and confusion out of her voice. "Sometimes when people get old, these things happen. Heart attacks, strokes, cancer. Aging takes a lot out on the human body. Your mother…her family had a prior history of strokes, so there's only so much preventative measures and medicines can do." Kara cracked the cheap plastic hospital chair and looked at the Sun. Eliza never did wake up.

Lucy (Kara – 47)

The next clue hurt Kara a lot more than she thought it would. After Lucy resigned her commission with the Army and spent a few years free lancing as a highly lucrative attorney, the Department of Defense offered her a position at the Pentagon. Lucy acted as the official government liaison between the Justice League and the United Nations. It was a very serious job that required a significant amount of time and skill to effectively prevent and manage international disputes. Legally, Lucy determined if League action was needed or if local governmental authorities had to take responsibility.

Kara spent a lot of time as a go between with the government and the League sharing the responsibility with J'onn. Kara and Lucy actually spent a lot of time together over the years, after they got over the awkwardness of James leaving Lucy at the altar. Lucy was funny with a sense of humor as dry as J'onn's and had the best listening skills out of all of Kara's friends. Kara knew she could always come to Lucy for advice, whether it was about impossible sister's, a work problem, or Cat advice; Lucy was always there with take out, or a punching bag, or a hug to make Kara feel better. Over the years Lucy morphed into Kara's best friend without even trying.

Kara is in Chile helping with a relief effort when it happened, thousands of miles away from the Washington, she watched in horror with the rest of the World as the villain of the month held the President and the Joint Chiefs hostage on live television. Kara had trusted the League. Diana was usually the one to monitor D.C. so Kara knew that any minute Wonder Woman would swoop in and kick this guy out a window. Kara was aware that at the Secretary of the Army's elbow was Lucy Lane whispering instructions to the huddled hostages. Sure enough, as soon as the Creep in the Cape's back turned, Lucy began to shuffle civilians out of the room, and Diana plowed through the wall to grab the man. Kara couldn't leave Chile without finishing her relief effort, so she watched helpless as Diana and the Creep duked it out near a live bomb.

The video feed lasted only a few minutes after that. Kara was sure the bomb had detonated. It took seven hours for her to get J'onn on the comms. "Kara. Lois and Clark need you in D.C." Kara begged him for more information, but it was Lois, all salt and pepper haired and pained eyes, that broke the news to her." Lucy was killed in the blast. Diana wasn't able to clear the area fast enough and fight at the same time with no back up. According to witness accounts Lucy had been clearing the non-combatants from the area when the bomb when critical. She was so close to it…" Lois couldn't finish and just sobbed. Lucy and Lois's relationship was very confusing compared to Kara's and Alex's, they loved each other, but they couldn't stand each other. Clark, looking exactly same as the day he pulled her from her escape pod finished the sentence. "…there wasn't much left to identify. She was definitely the closest to the bomb. There were six other fatalities. Twelve wounded." Kara went into shock she thinks. She doesn't remember falling to her knees, and she certainly doesn't remember the cry she let out. Lucy was the brave one of the SuperSquad. Her very presence made her indestructible. Kara had seen her shake off bullet wounds, dislocations, broken bones, and horrific lacerations and keep fighting. Lucy had fought against bigger enemies and escaped worse situations than a stupid bomb. Clark had to take her to the Fortress of Solitude to deal with her grief, because she was starting to tear up the triage area they had been hunkered down in. Kara didn't want to believe it. Couldn't believe it. Eventually, Clark took her back home. Cat and Carter tucked her in and she slept for two days.

Floating, Kara watched the funeral from afar, she couldn't bear to look at the headstone, it would make this nightmare real. They had a closed casket burial with full military honors, posthumously awarding various medals for bravery and service, there were long speeches made by various dignitaries, and with Kara, the entire World wept for Lucy Lane.

Alex (Kara – 58)

Kara had lost track of time. That happened a lot now since Cat died. One night they went to sleep, and the next morning Cat didn't wake up. It never occurred to Kara before that humans died of old age. She knew it as like a random fact, like that the year had twelve months or something as benign as that. Kara simply never thought about it. Carter had answered her hysterical phone call with the patience of a saint. As a doctor, Carter apparently had known this was coming, Kara didn't realize that all those family outings and parties were meant to be a last hurrah for Cat, no one told her that her partner was dying. They just assumed she knew. She hates when people assume things. Like how people now ask if Kara was Carter's daughter rather than the other way around. Carter and Alex were like a rock, together with the help of Clark, they kept Kara sane. The loss hit her hard. She remembered illness taking Eliza, then violence taking Lucy, but she never experienced age taking a loved one.

Kara coped the only way she knew how by throwing herself into work. She stopped writing and worked for the League full time. She lead team missions from Earth to the Galactic Core. She liked having the comradery of the team and the satisfaction of helping others. The little time Kara spent on Earth, was spent doting on Carter's kids who were now around the same age Carter had been when he met Kara. Carter's kids called her "Aunt Kara" and new she was "Auntie Alex's" sister, but they didn't really understand the role Kara played in Carter's life. Alex, at Kara's request, retired with her wife, Vasquez, to a little farm home near Carter's family. "To keep an eye on each other" she said.

And between all the missions and debriefings, Kara lost track of the days until she got a call from Vasquez at the Watchtower. "Hi, V! What's up? I don't have much time; I'm deploying to the district 9 in an hour." It took a second for her to realize that Vasquez looked pissed, her normally pleasant face twisted into anger. "V?" Kara asked. "Do you know what day it is?" Kara was confused, she quickly checked her computer terminal. "It's April 10th." Vasquez gave her a moment to let the fact sink in. Kara's eyes widened, "shit, it's Alex's birthday." "Yep. It's her Sixtieth birthday, in case you forgot what year it was too. You better be at her party; we haven't seen you in eight months." Had it really been that long? What kind of sister was she? "V, I am so sorry. I will be there, I'll get someone to cover my mission." Vasquez's face softened just slightly. "You better not flake. See you soon, Kara."

Kara made it to the party with time to spare. J'onn was already there, grilling burgers wearing a kiss the cook apron, that Kara had gotten V for Christmas as a gag gift a couple years back. Alex was surrounded by swarms of young children all eagerly asking for another demonstration of her patented double throw into the pool technique. Carter looked very distinguished chatting with their neighbors about some recent political snafu in the media. Kara decided to approach her sister first. Alex had aged gracefully. So gracefully, that Kara could almost see her sister as she had been when Kara first put on the cape. "Alex?" Alex extracted herself from the hoard of children with promises of cake when she got back. Alex swept her up in a hug. Kara hugged her back, she was half a second too late to realize she couldn't hug Alex with the same amount of force as she used to. Alex wheezed slightly and Kara dropped her arms horrified. "I'm sorry! I keep forgetting!" Alex just laughed. "You always do, at least you didn't crack a rib this time!" "Oh come on that was ages ago!" They spent a quiet moment just basking in their sister's presence. Distantly, Kara could hear V gathering Kara's nieces and nephews for the cake. But they took some time to just look each other over. "I'm turning sixty you know; I'm not dying or anything. So will you stop looking at me like that!" "I just miss you, I miss you a lot." Tears welled up in Kara's eyes unbidden at Alex's subtle jab at her age. "Hey. I miss you too you goof." Alex hugged her again. "You know you could spend more time with me and V. The kids are so busy with their own lives now, it's quiet around the house. Carter would like it too."

Kara considered it, she had been running for a long time. She really did miss her family. The ache was still there, from Cat's death, but she was tired of running. Alex didn't look nearly as old as her age would suggest. Kara told herself that Alex would probably be having birthday's as long as she would. "You know what, I would love that. I miss you. And the kids. Carter. Hell, even V! I could take a leave of absence from the League we have plenty on the roster to keep things in check." Alex whooped like she was fourteen again, clinging tightly on her back as they went for joyrides around the water. "It's a plan! Now let's go get some cake before the kids grab it all."

For her birthday, Kara gave Alex some weird alien samples she took from her last mission as a gift, Alex had squealed at the thought of analyzing some alien goop. Carter squeezed her hand as they watched Alex open her presents. For the first time in a long time, Kara forgot humanity and just enjoyed the moment.

Carter (Kara – 84)

Kara had been reactivated for the New League a few years ago. She lived with Alex, who still looked remarkably fresh faced for an 86 year old woman, and spent a lot of time with Carter. V had stubbornly held on for years after she was diagnosed with terminal cancer, it always surprised Kara how fast humans seemed to age when they were sick. Vasquez's passed away as comfortable as she could be, and Alex arranged for a quiet family burial. Alex got lonely when V died, she almost took Carter up on his offer to have her move in, but in the end Kara just stayed around longer and then slowly but surely moved into Alex's little farm home. Kara kept her busy and Alex relished her fancy teaching position the local community college offered her. Kara posed as Alex's TA for her class of 300 teenagers. Kara still looked like a grad student, rather than the Professor's little sister.

One late December night, Kara and Carter made plans to go to dinner and a movie, like they used to whenever Cat was working late. Alex was otherwise engaged with a skype call with one of her old Biologist colleagues and had wished them a good time. Kara was driving, Kara like driving almost as much as flying, and cars had really come a long way from the gas guzzlers of Kara's youth. They never actually made it to the restaurant.

The storm that wasn't supposed to hit for another two hours had blown in rather quickly. A lightning bolt hit the antenna of the car a few cars ahead causing an unavoidable pile up collision. It all happened so fast, Kara didn't have time to react, could pull the car away fast enough and they crashed violently into the pile up, another car crashing into them. Later Kara would scream at herself that she should have abandoned the stupid car, and just flown Carter away at the first sign of the accident. But she didn't. Kara had cleared thousands of car accidents and pile ups in the past. But never had she been in one, or had a family member in one. Kara wrangled her way out of her seat, but she couldn't bear to look over into the passenger seat, where the last car had hit them. She could already hear what she couldn't accept, or rather she couldn't hear. Carter's heartbeat had stuttered to a stop. He wasn't breathing. She didn't get a chance to say goodbye.

She really shouldn't have turned her head to look at him. Her boy, all grown up, smashed. Because she screamed and lost consciousness. She screamed again when she woke up in one of the New League bases on Earth in the infirmary. She didn't stop screaming until Alex grabbed her and held her close. "It's not your fault. It's not your fault." Alex was chanting into her ear. Kara's body just racked with sobs. She could feel Kal-El lingering outside the shut door. What did he know about losing a child? Alex understood, Alex always understood. Finally, she cried herself hoarse and fell asleep clutching Alex way to tightly.

No one from Carter's family blamed her for the accident, even though she blamed herself. "No one can stop lightning when it strikes, Kara." They didn't understand, Kara had unwittingly stumbled into Carter's life and lovingly parented him from boyhood to seniority. Kara couldn't have loved a child more if she had given birth to them herself.

Kara hated funerals. She hated humans. She hated how fragile they were, and how much they loved. Time and time again, a human would worm their way into her heart then leave her. Taking a bit of her heart with her each time. They would all leave in the end. Just like her parents and Jeremiah. They would leave to so far off place she couldn't reach and wouldn't for millions of years. Alex and Kal hovered near her, literally in Kal's case, in support. Kara realized that Alex probably wouldn't see as many birthday's as she would. Terror gripped her heart at the thought of losing her last connection to her old human life. As if sensing her distress Alex held her hand and led her away from the graveyard. Alex wouldn't leave her for many years, she told herself. It was the last lie she told herself.

Kal-El (Kara – ~7,000,000,000)

They were watching from the observatory on one of Jupiter's moons. Humanity had long since abandoned Earth and this system to its death billions of years ago. She and Kal remained. They were the ever immortal protectors of Earth and they would see this to the last. Earth had been scorched dry a million years ago, all that's left was a tomb ready to be devoured by its Sun. For the first time ever, Kara felt weak. They had laughed at each other's graying hair in delight and pointed out every wrinkle. Kara felt the aches of long healed war wounds and smiled. Even with the Sun expanding and reddening, the two were able to fly one last time to Earth. They had discussed it ages ago. They would end it where it all began.

The place that had once been Smallville, Kansas was completely unrecognizable. Instead large statues lined the area. Long fallen friends and family. She and Kal learned to stop getting attached to their comrades after a couple thousand years. Humans died. They got sick, they got hurt, they got old, and they got into unavoidable accidents. Humans died and they did not. Until today. Together she and Kal climbed the steps of the dais they had carved long ago and stood watching the sunrise. The sky bloomed into a brilliant Crimson color and the heat of the Sun began to melt the memorials around them. Still they remained. They watched until the entire sky was a blaze and finally without a sound, Earth disappeared into the Red Sun at last.

End.

"Keira! What took you so long Carter, Alex, and I have been waiting for ages. Now get up, chop chop, we have some catching up to do."

Author's Note: I have a hard time writing Angst. Writing Kara's voice is even harder, but I gave it a shot. I think the concept of Kryptonian Immortality is fascinating and very sad. After witnessing the destruction of Krypton and the subsequent death of her parents and friends, I wanted Kara to live with blinders on that her Earth friends and family were going to leave her eventually, as a way of denial. I think that Kara wouldn't even consider the possibility until it actually happens. And I think it would take her decades to admit she's not physically aging. Kara has some serious abandonment issues and problems controlling her emotions, watching her evolve and work through those problems is going to be fascinating.

I'm new to writing fanfiction so all feedback is welcome. Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed!

-AJ