Chapter 1

Alex had so far been lucky enough not to get caught while giving Nikita information from inside of Division.
She wasn't sure how much longer her luck would last though, she was having trouble with balancing this training thing and being where Nikita needed her to be too.
She had just logged off from chatting with Nikita earlier and closed everything out, it was all encrypted so no traces.
She was working on some exercises on the computer. Her hair was tied back in its usual ponytail, she was dressed in a white tank and sweats with a matching jacket.

No one else was in the lab, just her. She had been having trouble with some of the exercises and
Birkhoff was a major Jerkhoff she hated his class. Although she guessed it didnt compare to Michael's. He had put her under a car to disengage a bomb in thirty seconds, that had not gone well the first time around. The second time she had done better.

The first time she had a panic attack, and it brought back memories, ones that she could never burry.
She was lost in thought while working on the exercies she didnt hear footsteps.

~*~*~

It had been a bad day for Michael and he was in a sour mood. He had gone to the lab to work on some plans for tomorrow's class when he came upon Alex as she appeared to be doing some exercises. He couldn't take his eyes off her. That white tank top she was wearing clung to all her curves. He could see the shape of her nipples through the thin material. He stood there, not saying a word but taking in the sight of her. "What are you doing here?" he said in a bark. For some reason, this young woman always got on his nerves. He didn't realize it, but she irked him so much because he so strongly desired her. He would fight those feelings tooth and nail as he didn't want another woman to chew up his heart and spit it out just as Nikita had did to him.

~*~*~

Alex turned around startled and nearly fell out of the computer chair. Fuck Michael! She hated him, he was always picking at her and making her feel worse every day. She didn't know why, because she hadn't done anything to him, and she had been doing everything everyone wanted here. He was the one who had threatened to break her wrist her second day here when she tried to escape. For a handler, he wasn't very human.

"Jerkhoff made me stay after class," Alex said angrily then the second the words were out of her mouth she wished
she could take them back. Now she'd probably get a lecture from Michael about how she should be more grateful for this gift a chance at a new life, how she was lucky to be here and blah blah blah blah. " I'm done," she said logging out of the exercises, the sooner she could get out of the lab the sooner she could get to the floor, she could use the release with physical exercise now and the punching bag sounded good.

She had decided that she hated it here. She didn't even know why they would bother with someone like her.
She got up from the computer to walk out of the lab. She was not looking forward to class with Michael again, she hadn't really gotten over the last one, she had just focused even to finish the task.

~*~*~

Michael really didn't like her attitude. She was always shooting icy glares his way and snapping at him as though he disgusted her. "You're not going anywhere," Michael growled, grabbing Alex by the wrist as she attempted to walk by. He twisted her around, gazing down into her eyes. "I want you to talk to me," he prompted. "What happened when you were under the car?" It really bothered him; her reaction that day and he demanded to know what had caused her extreme emotional outburst.

~*~*~

The second Michael grabbed her arm Alex tensed up, her heart was pounding in fear.
"No," she shook her head," Please let go. I'm sorry. " She tried to pull away but he had her arm twisted and she couldn't move in either direction. " N-Nothing happened under the car. "

Amanda had already tried to talk to her about the incident under the car. She had tied her up and put a heart rate monitor on her and told her that once she got her heart rate down under 51 seconds a beat, that the release would happen automatically.
So Alex had cooperated and told Amanda something, just not the truth.

She had told her that she had been thirteen and in a car accident that killed her parents. The truth was that there had been a fire.
When she had been under the car she remembered the fire, because she had been under a table hiding because some goons had broken into the house and killed her parents and set the house on fire and she had gotten out with some burns, but she had gotten out.

She couldn't move when she was under the car, fear had paralyzed her and she thought she
was back under that table and she could feel the fire's flames and she had a panic attack. She just didn't trust anyone here at Division to tell them that, besides she was here for a reason.

After her parents had died she had been taken away and used as a Sex Slave by the Russians.
She was kept in a hole and kept high on drugs, and only summoned when it was time to preform. Since she had been high all the time, she got hooked on drugs and that's how Nikita had found her, at a crack house trying to get some drugs from her dealer. Nikita had rescued her much to her own distaste because she hadn't wanted to be rescued She tried to overdose while staying with Nikita, but her life had been saved. Now she was wishing that Nikita had left her to die, it would have been better.

~*~*~

Michael saw the panicked look on her face which was much the same as the expression she had when Thom pulled her out from under the car. "You're lying," he said as he continued to hold her wrist so she could not get free. "You're going to talk to me, Alex. And tell me what's wrong. I need to know, it it is effecting your performance. I want to help." He bore his eyes into hers and waited for her to answer him. Alex had some secrets and he wanted to know what they were.

~*~*~

Alex swallowed," I already talked to Amanda," she said quietly. Then sighed, it was obvious that
Michael wouldn't stop til she told him everything. Sometimes she felt like she should trust him, other times she thought she was nuts to trust anyone at all here.
"I was thirteen," she said," these guys broke into the house that I lived in with my parents. They shot both of my parents and then set the house on fire, I was hiding under the table, it was made of wood. The flames rose up high burning everything, I could feel the heat and the flames licking my skin. I don't remember how I got out of the house. But I guess I must have, because Im still alive. Being under the car..it triggered the memory of being trapped under the table with the fire raging and I panicked, I'm sorry okay. It won't happen again.," she said. She hoped everyone would now let it all go, it was just a panic attack. Tears were streaming down Alex's cheeks after she had finished talking.

~*~*~

Michael's eyes widened as Alex spoke as though he understood better her pain and her fear. Still there was something she was hiding from him. He just knew it. He wanted to get inside her and fit all the pieces of the puzzle together, so he knew just what made her tick. Slowly he let her imprisoned wrist go, but he still blocked the door, not allowing her to leave. "I'm sorry about your parents. That sux," he said as he gazed into her eyes. "But there's more to the story; something you are not telling me..."

He then saw all her tears and felt like a jerk for a second. But he quickly got over it. "Don't cry," he said as he gently began wiping the tears from her cheeks. Here he was again, feeling something for her he did NOT want to feel.

~*~*~