Author's Notes: I hate doing these, but I REALLY must apologize for the delay in update. I've had a lot going on which I won't bore you about. In any case, here's part 2 of chapter 4. I hope you enjoy. Not going to link to my blog because this chapter pretty much speaks for itself. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and as always, any comments, question, or criticisms are welcomed.

"The ED of Silence", part 2

Sarah

"Sarah, we're here."

The sound of Jimmy's voice snaps me out of my thoughts. I take a deep breathe as he parks the car and try to gather my bearings. I reach in and grab my duffel bag and suitcase while Jimmy grabs his backpack and suitcase. Then we walk up to the building. We just stand for awhile, staring up at it. We're both quiet. I'm so nervous! Even though Ed and I talk a lot, it's still been forever since we've actually seen each other!

I finally work up the nerve to step up to the building with Jimmy in tow. We walk up to the elevator, only to find it broken, which is fine really. So, we head over to the stairs. Ed's apartment is only on the third floor, so it's not so bad. Honestly, the longer this takes, the better. It gives me more time to build up my nerve.

Not long enough... We reach the door in no time. 308.

I look at Jimmy and he gives me a smile. I turn back to the door, but still make no move. Finally, I steel myself and knock a few times on the door. I wait with bated breath. I finally hear a click and I almost jump out of my skin! I gather myself as the door slowly opens. There he is.

"Hey, Ed." I smile at him.

But, he just stares at me like he's in shock. My smile falters a bit.

"Um...Ed?" He still just stares at us.

"You...remember we were supposed to be coming, right Ed?" Jimmy asks, with as much concern as I have. My brother nods his head silently. I knit my eyebrows.

"What's wrong?" I ask him.

"Nothing..." he answers slowly, still looking bewildered. "You...you're so BIG, baby sister!"

I exhale, which then turns into a relieved laugh shared with Jimmy. "Yeah...I guess it has been a while." Ed then lets us in so we can put our bags down and get settled in.

A few moments later, I find myself staring at his wall. It's filled with pictures of all of us and I find myself smiling a bit in bittersweet contemplation. Who would've ever thought Nazz and Rolf would hook up? And they even had their own successful business back home. They seemed happy, and I was happy for them. Same for Jonny.

I linger a bit at the picture of Kevin. He'd turned up a couple of times over the years only to disappear again. I'm surprised he sent Ed a picture at all. Surprised, but glad, though it almost seems like an omen...

Finally, I find myself staring at the picture in the center. It was the Eds at Eddy's thirteenth birthday party. I remember Eddy inviting me, which was shocking. But, of course, I had said no, wanting nothing to do with the trio who I then considered to be lame and beneath me. I really wish I had gone. They look like they had a blast! My chest feels a bit heavy.

I snap out of my thoughts and turn around when I hear the door open. I smile as Ed walks in with two cups of hot chocolate. He hands me one and stands beside me.

"Thank you," I say and take a sip.

"No problem," he grins down at me. Even though I've grown a lot and am taller than most girls at 5'10", Ed still completely towers over me! I shrug it off though. Ed's always been like a freak of nature.

"Thanks again for letting Jimmy and I stay with you," I say. I take a good look at my brother. He's certainly changed. He let his hair grow out for one, and he was taller. He's also working as a graphic designer, which surprised everyone. His apartment is surprisingly nice. He's done really good for himself, despite everything. But, even still...he's still a slob. His shirt is stained and and his jeanns have holes in them. He still has that stupid unibrow and the same dopey look on his face. For all that Ed's changed, he's still just Ed. It makes me feel warm.

"Where's Jimmy?" he suddenly asks.

"He went down to get some more things out of the car." Both of us sit our cups down, and a thought hits me. "How's Double Dee doing?" I haven't seen him in a while either. Not since he left Peach Creek to move in with Ed. I look at Ed. He's being really quiet...

"He's fine..." he finally says. "I saw him a few days ago at the grocery store." It still blew my mind that Double Dee and Ed weren't living with each other. I remember calling Ed that day, thrown off by how absolutely miserable he sounded and even more thrown at the fact that Double Dee just suddenly chose to leave.

Ed continues, "I told him about you and Jimmy coming to stay with me for awhile, and he said he'd like to come and see you guys sometime." Now, THAT's a shocker. But, a great one!

I smile at Ed. "That's good...I haven't seen him in awhile. ….what is it?" I ask him. He's staring at me all weird again. Not for the first time today, I wonder if he's ok, or if I did something wrong. He doesn't look upset with me, but rather like he's thinking deeply about something. "Ed, wh-"

"I love you, Sarah," he says all of a sudden. I just stand with my mouth open, frozen mid-sentence by his out-of-the-blue proclamation. All at once, I'm hit with a array of emotions; the biggest of them being affection, and regret. Guilt. I smile, feeling a mixture of joy and sadness.

"I love you too, Ed."

I walk up and give him a big hug, which he returns. I squeeze my eyes shut, letting all the love I feel for Ed finally out, and lamenting in the fact that I'd kept it from him for so long.

Suddenly, Ed's hug gets tighter and I feel a bit of wetness on my shoulder. Then, I hear a sniffle.

"Ed?" He doesn't answer, but the sniffles become more frequent. It's pretty obvious now that he's crying. "Ed. What's wrong?"

He finally lets go of me, and turns away as if to hide his tears.

"Nothing," he sniffs.

"Come on, Ed. You can tell me." But, he just shakes his head, a small little smile on his face.

"It's nothing. Just...remembering..."

I'm about to press for more, but he just walks off to his room. I think about going after him, but feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn around to see Jimmy. He just shakes his head with a sad smile on his lips, as if reading my thoughts. I smile back and nod at him, letting it go for now. It's been a long time, and we have a lot of catching and making up to do. But, we have all the time we need now, and I intend to use it.

I wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. When I come out, Ed's standing in the middle of the small hallway. He's just staring.

"Ed, what are you doing?" He doesn't answer me, so I walk up to him. "Ed?" No response. I take a good look at him, he's staring dead ahead with his eyes wide. He looks like he's afraid of something. I look ahead of him and can't see anything. I grow worried. I take my hand and shake his shoulder a bit. "...Ed?"

He jerks a little, and looks over at me like he just realized I was there. "What's wrong?" I ask, but he just smiles and shakes his head.

"Nothing...goodnight, Sarah," he says and just heads back to his room.

….I wonder what that was about...maybe he was sleepwalking.

The next day, I wake up pretty early and go to the kitchen. I think it'll be nice to make breakfast for Ed in thanks for letting us stay here. As I walk to the kitchen, I hear a bunch of scurrying around. I look in to find Ed running around in a bit of a rush.

"Good morning, Ed." I greet.

"Good morning, ba-oh! BIG sister!"

I shake my head and give a good-natured smile. "What are you up to, Ed?"

"To work I must go!" he declares as he pops a couple pieces of toast out of the toaster and sticks them in his mouth. I deflate a bit.

"Aww...really? I was hoping to make you breakfast, Ed."

"No time for that, baby sister!" he mumbles while trying to butter the toast while it's still in his mouth. "A late duck does not a cupcake make."

I roll my eyes, but it's in good humor. "Right, Ed." I watch him run around like a chicken with his head off, as he briskly walks to the living room to grab his portfolio that's spilling out in every direction with papers. He then walks over and grabs his keys from a bowl on top of his living room stand and heads for the door. He stops once he reaches it and turns back to me with an almost coy look. I raise my brow slightly. Then he opens his mouth.

"Uh...I love you, Sarah." Both my eyebrows raise momentarily. Then, my face softens. I feel like this is going to become a habit...which is totally fine by me.

"I love you too, Ed," I smile. He smiles that dopey smile that only he can and heads out of the door. I'm glad his day can start on a happy note. I go back to the kitchen to start making breakfast for me and Jimmy, when the door opens and Ed rushes back in.

"I almost forgot!" he exclaims and then grabs a thermos. He grabs a coffee pot that I didn't notice before and pours a good bit of it into the thermos. Then he's out the door again in a flash. I look over at the coffee pot. Coffee's not a bad idea, considering I'm still half asleep. I grab a mug and go to pour myself a cup. When I do, I notice it smells weird. It couldn't be... I take a small sip.

Uh huh.

That's definitely gravy...

I stare at it a bit before laughing and shaking my head. Yep...definitely still Ed...

When night comes, Ed is a bit late getting home. I find myself constantly staring out of the window wondering where he is.

"You should calm down. I'm sure he's fine."

I turn to Jimmy. "You don't know that. What if something happened to him? What if he got lost or something?" Jimmy just smiles knowingly, and looks at me from browsing the newspaper classifieds.

"Someone's overprotective," he remarks. "I thought Ed was supposed to be the big brother."

I don't like his tone or his teasing. "Whatever..." I say as I turn back to the window. I hear Jimmy laugh in response. Jerk-face...

"Ed?"

Jimmy and I jump slightly as we hear a voice from Ed's front door and mini foyer. "Oh, Edward? Are you home?" We look at each other, recognizing the voice. Now, I REALLY have to steel myself. We both get up and head to the front door to find Double Dee standing there with a tote bag under his arm. I try to swallow my nervousness.

"Um...h- hey, Double Dee..."

"Hello, Double Dee," Jimmy says in kind.

He turns and looks at us then, and I'm a bit thrown by his appearance. His head is shaved and even through his massive coat, I can tell that he's lost a little more weight than when I last saw him. He looks just...sick, especially around his eyes.

"Good day, Sarah and Jimmy."

He smiles pleasantly at us, but...I don't know. It looks really strange.

"It's been many a year, hasn't it?" he continues as he makes his way over.

"Sure has," I hear Jimmy answer. "How have you been, Double Dee?"

"Oh, well enough, I suppose. Where's Ed?"

"He...hasn't come home yet."

I interjected. "You don't think anything bad happened to him, do you?!"

"Oh no. He's probably just out doing...the things he sometimes does after work." I find myself staring at him. Ok?

"Well, I suppose I ought to get dinner started," he says in cheery voice. "Ed does prefer that I cook when I come over." He makes his way to the kitchen, stumbling on a rug a bit, which he just sort of laughs off. "I hope you two don't mind pasta. Ed really likes carbonara, so I thought I'd make it."

Jimmy and I follow him to the kitchen to see him unloading ingredients from his bag.

"Not at all," I smile and Double Dee smiles back at me, only increasing my nervousness. Something's wrong... I can't quite figure it out, but Double Dee just seems...off. His smile is off. The way he's talking is off. The look in his eyes are off. I find myself wondering if he's actually upset to see us and is just being polite for Ed's sake... My thoughts are interrupted by Jimmy's as he speaks aloud.

"Hey... How did you get in? Did we leave the door unlocked?" he suddenly waves his arm in the air. "Not that we're upset you're here, it's just...we're in the city now..." but Edd just waves in a dismissing manner.

"No worries, Jimmy. No, the door was indeed locked. I just retain my old key to the apartment," he says as he reaches into the cabinet and pulls out a glass. "Ed wanted me to keep it in case I ever wanted to come over and he was out. Likewise, Ed has a key to my own apartment. But, fret not, I have no intentions on barging in unexpected knowing you and Sarah now reside here as well."

"Don't be silly, Double Dee!" Jimmy says with a smile, and I join him.

"Yeah. Feel free to come by anytime." It was then that I noticed Double Dee had pulled a bottle of wine out of the bag. He opens it and pours himself a glass. Jimmy and I give each other a look, then watch in stunned silence as we see him down the entire glass in seconds. He then turns around and begins prepping, while pouring himself a second glass.

"So, what have the two of you been up to? What are your plans now that you're in the big city?" he continues as if he didn't just do what he did.

We all talk as Double Dee cooks and drinks. Him drinking is weird enough, but it was how much he was drinking that really threw me. But, we just continue chatting as if it wasn't happening. In a matter of minutes, Double Dee finishes the whole bottle.

He seems ok, though. The more he drinks, the more open and happy he seems. I guess he was like Dad in that way. And really, we shouldn't be THAT surprised. He was a grown man now. It's just...it seems so not Double Dee...

After a while, we hear the front door open, followed by a "Sarah?"

"We're in here, Ed," I call out, glad he's finally home, safe and sound. He walks in moments later. "Hello, baby sister!" he says with a big, dumb grin. "Hello, Jimmy! DOUBLE DEE!" he then screams.

Double Dee surprisingly is the one to run up and hug Ed, though. "Hello, Edward! How are you this fine evening?" he smiles up at him. I see some unreadable expression cross Ed's face, but it passes by so quickly that I'm not even sure it happened at all. He cracks a big dumb grin.

"You came!" he says excitedly, and also surprised. ...how long HAS it been since they've seen each other?

"Of course. I promised I would, after all. I'm making spaghetti carbonara," Double Dee replies and heads back over to the counter and I notice he's got another bottle open and has poured himself another glass.

"Yum!" Ed exclaims and bounces over to the counter to look at what he's doing like a kid watching their mom cook. Jimmy and I sit down and all four of us chat, and then sit around the table to eat. We all laugh, talk, and enjoy each other's company. It feels really good! Double Dee seemed more and more comfortable as the night went on, and it was actually fun to see him so open and not uptight like he usually was. Afterwards, I put all the dishes in the sink to wash later, and we all hang out in the living room in front of the tv. We hardly pay any attention to it though, satisfied just to catch up with each other. I would've never thought hanging out with my "idiot" brother and his "lame" friends could be fun, and I again feel some sting of regret at the time I lost. But, so very happy that we were able to do this now.

Double Dee suddenly stumbles up and goes to grab his coat. He wobbles as he struggles to get it on. When he finally manages to get one arm through, he grabs for his car keys while struggling to get his other arm through.

"Double Dee, where are you going?" Jimmy asks.

"I'm going home," he answers with a smile, finally managing to get his other arm through, but seeming to struggle with his zipper.

All in an instant, the good vibes of the room are shattered as reality settles in. Double Dee is in NO state to drive. Thinking back he had had at least two full bottles of wine, and was working on a third. With the good time we were having, Double Dee's weird behavior kind of became an afterthought. I start at this and can see Jimmy about to get up as well. But, before we can move, Ed has already jumped up and is heading to Double Dee.

"Wait, Double Dee! You can't go!" he yells as he grabs Double Dee's hand. "Stay with with me? We can have a sleepover!" he says a bit childishly. Double Dee just laughs.

"Nonsense, Ed. I have to feed to Edgar and M.P. And you have house mates now."

"We don't mind at all!" Jimmy suddenly interjects.

"Yeah!" I say hoping we could stop him from potentially putting himself in danger.

"Oh please stay with us, Double Dee! Pretty please!" Ed looks up at his friend with big puppy dog eyes, but...I swear I almost see a bit of desperation in them.

Double Dee just smiles sweetly at Ed, still swaying a bit. "Oh, why not?"

"YAY!" Ed says as he grabs his keys and puts them back in the bowl. Jimmy and I sigh in relief. He then leads him over to the couch, with Double Dee leaning on him in his drunken stupor. Ed puts a pillow up on one side of the couch and sits Double Dee down. Double Dee immediately flops his head down on it and closes his eyes tightly, while Ed props his feet up on the other side.

"Oh, Ed...I got my shoes on your couch..." Double Dee says in a slight whine. Ed just smiles.

"It's ok." Ed begins to take his shoes off for him.

Jimmy and I watch the scene in silence. We don't know what to do or how to even react. Ed walks over to a closet and comes back with a small blanket and throws it over his friend.

Then he asks, "Nice and comfy, Double Dee?" But, it seems to fall on deaf ears. Double Dee is out cold. Ed smiles down at him.

"That's good what you did, Ed." I finally say.

"Double Dee shouldn't drive drunk. He could get hurt," he states matter-of-factually, almost if he's reciting a pamplet or something. "Oh yeah!" he suddenly exclaims and runs to the kitchen. He comes back moments later with a glass of water. He sets it on the coffee table in front of the couch, along with two pills.

"He gets headaches sometimes..."

Jimmy and I look at each other and I feel a shiver run through me. It was strange enough how Double Dee so uncharacteristically lost control AND recklessly almost put himself in danger. But, seeing how...mature and not to mention prepared Ed was to handle this situation...it was downright scary...

"Ed..." Jimmy says softly. "Does Double Dee do this a lot? ….get this drunk I mean?"

Ed's really quiet for a moment, before shrugging. "I dunno..." he says. "He used to when we lived together, but I don't see him that much anymore..." He places his hand of his friend's shoulder, and I feel myself tear up, and turn to go to our room. It's bad enough that Edd may do this often; the fact that he does so alone is terrible, especially considering what he almost just did. I find myself sitting by the window and glancing out at the city lights. It seemed the whole city was still bustling with life even at this hour. I could hear cars, faint music, and even sirens...

"Hey, girlfriend. What's up?" I turn as I hear Jimmy's voice. He walks up to me and rubs his hand gently across my back and shoulders. I smile and lean into his touch.

"Just thinkin..."

"About what?" He looks at me gently and I sigh.

"About Double Dee. I just...I just didn't know it was this deep, you know?"

Jimmy's face falls and he nods. "Yeah...I always thought that out of everyone, Double Dee would be the one to bounce back with no problems."

I nod as tears fall from my eyes. "Yeah...I knew he was still sad and everything, but I didn't realize... And I...I just feel so guilty," I choke out as my voice cracks and I try my best to hold my tears in. Jimmy hugs me to him and shushes me as he pets my hair.

"It's ok, Sarah. It'll be ok." I cry full out then. How can he say that? He grabs my face and looks me in the eye. "Look, what happened happened a long time ago, Sarah. Everyone just needed time to move on, and they have. I know Double Dee's going through some stuff, but it's something he has to work on. It has nothing to do with you. You can't keep holding on to that guilt forever. Your brother's forgiven us, and even though he has things to work through, I think Double Dee has forgiven us too."

I stare at him. "You really think so?"

He smiles. "Of course. Look, we're in a new city in Ed's surprisingly nice and cozy apartment," we both laugh at that, "and we can move forward and start over with the Eds. With everything."

He kisses me and I smile feeling a lot more at ease. "Thanks, Jimmy."

"You know it, girlfriend."

We stay hugged up for a while, both staring out into the streets and thinking of how things would move forward now. After a while, we hear noise in the living room and get up to check it. When we get there, we see Double Dee has woken up. We walk over and ask him if he's ok. He looks around kind of blearily.

"What?" he asks in a daze, then it looks as if realization has hit him. "Did I...?"

We all get quiet.

"It's ok, Doub-..." Ed starts before Double Dee pushes us out of the way. He heads to the bathroom without saying a word and locks the door. Before long, we can hear violent vomiting.

I feel...downright helpless. I look to Ed, who just stares at the door with his eyebrows tilted in sorrow. Suddenly we hear silence and the bathroom lock click. We look towards it and see Double Dee coming out. He's looks so tired and his eyes are pinned to the floor, as he walks towards us, then past. He seems embarrassed, and I feel bad for him.

Jimmy's the one to break the silence. "Are...are you alright Double Dee?"

"I'm fine," he answers quietly while still looking at the floor. I then panic as I see him shrug on his coat and grab his keys, and I act.

"Double Dee! Please don-"

"I'm fine," he says simply, then gives us a tiny glance. "Trust me...I'm fine." He turns to leave, but Ed runs up to him before he gets to the door.
"Wait Double Dee!" He does. "Will you come back tomorrow? ...or whenever you don't have to work?" Double Dee's body seems to tense, before his shoulders slump. He's quiet for a moment and then looks into my brother's pleading face. He sighs.

"...only if it would make you very happy, Ed..." His expression looks like he's almost in pain...

Ed nods eagerly and Double Dee gives him a small, strained smile. He simply nods and then heads out of the door, leaving us just standing there quietly.

"Should we really have let him leave?" Jimmy asks.

Ed just continues staring at the door. Finally, with his back still to us he answers, "He's ok."

I'm not so sure though, and neither is Jimmy. I'm not even sure if Ed is sure.

"Alright, well...maybe we should all head to bed. It's been a long night. Ok, Sarah?" He rubs my arms gently and looks at me with a small smile. I don't return it, but nod nevertheless. We both say goodnight to Ed and head to our room. He doesn't answer though. I glance back him as we reach the bedroom.

He's still staring at the front door...

Double Dee keeps his promise and shows up the next night. He doesn't unlock the door this time, but knocks. Jimmy smiles and tells him it's unnecessary and he can keep using the key. Double Dee doesn't respond to it though. He simply gives a few pleasantries out of politeness and heads to the kitchen to cook once again.

"Um..." Jimmy hesitates, "Would you like some help cooking, Double Dee?"

Double Dee replies drowsily, "That won't be necessary, Jimmy. I can manage on my own. There's no need to burden yourself."

Jimmy smiles. "Nonsense! You cooked for us last night; the least I can do is hel-"

"I said I was fine on my own," Double Dee interrupts, shortly. He then sighs. "I can manage. Please just relax." He then continues to the kitchen.

Me and Jimmy don't follow; it doesn't seem like he wants company.

Ed comes home on time and we all sit down for dinner. Me, Ed, and Jimmy all laugh and talk throughout again, but it's considerably more awkward (….at least for me and Jimmy; Ed doesn't seem to notice the atmosphere...).

I can't get over Double Dee. He's so drastically different from how he was last night. He looks exhausted, sad, and sick; like just moving or even breathing is too much effort. He isn't talking, or even eating, pretty much just pushing his food around every so often.

I'm so torn... I hate the idea of Double Dee drinking himself to death. But, when he's not he looks absolutely miserable...way worse than Dad ever did.

He leaves early, saying once again he had to feed someone. He doesn't come back the next night. Or the next. Or the following nights either...

Ed had simply smiled and carried on, but I knew he missed him. But, he also seems like he expected it.

I lay in bed and think on the past week. It was a rollercoaster, that's for sure. I was so sure things would get better. That we could all just move on and be happy. I think back on Jimmy's words our second night here. Seems he was wrong... Double Dee hasn't moved on. Not really. And things aren't going to be easy. We'd all just pushed everything aside expecting things to work themselves out. But, the past wasn't going to disappear. Relationships weren't going to just mend and not everyone could simply go on with their lives as if nothing happened.

I turn over on my side and think about Kevin right before drifting to sleep.