I don't know where to put all my feelings about Olitz. So, there...

This is not how Olivia would react, so don't think about how "not so Olivia" this is. This is only how I would want her to react.

Olivia's POV

I am so nervous. Not nervous bad. It's nervous good.

I just can't stop these butterflies in my stomach. My mouth is dry, my hands are shaking - that's how nervous I am.

I waited for this man for over 7 years. The day I met him I knew I was in trouble. I knew my life had changed forever.

I tried to run time and again over the years. A married man, a father, the president... I couldn't have him. He wasn't mine. He couldn't be mine. So I ran, I tried to hide, I tried to forget. But it didn't work... Never did it work... I could never leave him behind. He was always on my mind, in my heart, and I always found myself looking for peace in his arms. Finally I realized there was no point in running, there was no point in hiding, there was no point in trying to forget him - there was no point in denying: He was, he is, my today and tomorrow. He is my forever.

We have been public for the last few months. It's been stressful, hard, and taxing, but if I am honest, when the night comes and we are finally alone in our room, when he wraps his arms around me, all the negativity and all the problems disappear. He is my medicine, my hope, my peace. When I lie in between his arms and breathe in his scent, I forget about everything else. It is then only him and me, and contentment.

I had been agonizing over how I would stand being in the White House for the next year and a half. Truth be told, I never wanted to live here. I wanted him but not the White House. There were days I wanted to run away, especially when he got all controlling after he found out that I released my father from prison. We had a few rough weeks, both of us resentful towards each other...

We exploded at some point, which led to a fight, and then to a conversation. That conversation started the healing for us. After that we started to understand each other.

It is scary how much you can misunderstand a person even when you love them to death.

I have been feeling very tired lately. I thought it was the whole stress of being in the public eye. But after finding myself on the bathroom floor, my head over the toilet two mornings in a row, I started suspecting something else. And now it is confirmed.

The little piece of plastic in my hand confirms it. I am pregnant.

Phew... Me? Olivia Pope? I. am. pregnant.

This is so scary, what do I know about being a mother?

This is so unplanned...

But after the first moment, the moment of shock and scare, I feel a sweet warmth inside. I am pregnant. I waited for this man for over 7 years. I tried to deny my feelings, I tried to forget him, I tried to let him go, I tried to hide... But now we are together, and I have a piece of him in me? My hand goes to my belly. My baby... Our baby...

He already has children, but he always said he wanted babies with me, two babies... I had no idea how I would be a mother, but I wanted to give him anything he wanted. If he wanted two babies, I'd give him two babies. God, I'd give him four, if he wanted. Because he somehow made it not scary to have four babies.

He'll be happy. He'll be happy, right? He has one more year before his term is over. Then we leave the White House, with our baby, and go to Vermont. He can be the mayor. I can have a law firm. We can make jam, together... And our baby... God, we will have a baby...

Are you a girl or a boy? Do you hear when I talk? Do you feel how much I love your father? I hope you do, because that is the most amazing feeling in the world.

Okay, I am getting ahead of myself. These tests are sometimes wrong. I have to see a doctor.

Okay, so it's official... I am pregnant, 5 weeks along, to be exact. I know exactly the day this happened. It was the night of our big fight. I had been taking antibiotics the week before. And that night... Well... Making up can be quite rewarding...

Let me weep here... Just... Why?