I do not own RWBY. That belongs to Rooster Teeth and Monty Oum, may his soul rest in peace.

[?]

As he ran down the third corridor that day, he came to one conclusion.

I shouldn't have skipped out on cardio day!

His breath was coming out in ragged pants as he clutched his sides, leaning against the cool stucco wall for support. He could hear them; hundreds of footfalls pounding on the floor as they came ever closer with each passing second. He had to get out of there, yesterday! The young man's sneakers beat a rapid staccato on the marble flooring beneath them as he ran as hard as he could, chest heaving with each desperate gasp of air he took. Sweat dripped down his blond, messy hair, getting into his eyes and stinging them. Reaching deep within himself, the young man drew upon the light and power of his soul, or Aura, diffusing it through his body.

Immediately he could feel the aching in his chest and legs dissipate as the lactic acid building up dispersed, leaving him feeling ready to keep running. The sound of the crowd behind him was growing stronger however, and he grimaced, pushing off the ground as hard as he could to put more distance between himself, and them. Sapphire blue eyes rapidly shifted in their sockets as their owner glanced about for an egress to vacate the premises post haste. His lips turned up into a desperately joyful smile, the kind of insane smile a man trapped on an island would give when he noticed a rescue plane.

Yes! This is Professor Lefou's class room! All I have to do is take a left from here, and it's a straight shot until I hit the Bullhead loading docks!

The young man pumped his fist and took off once more as fast as his overworked legs could carry him. As he turned the corner, his good mood only further increased when he saw the group of people standing before him. Hundreds of boys and men, Professors and Hunters-in-Training alike, were standing like a wall, weapons at the ready and a look of determination on their faces. They looked every bit ready to die, like they were ready to take on the biggest horde of Grimm ever seen yet.

"Jaune!" a voice shouted.

Jaune Arc, Hunter-in-Training at the Vacuo Preliminary School, broke out into a full on sprint upon laying eyes upon his friends. "Sun! Neptune!"

Another blond haired boy with surprisingly defined abs stepped forward, a long brown tail swinging behind him. "Jaune! Quickly! We'll hold them back, you have to get to the Bullheads!"

A boy with blue hair and goggles clapped Jaune on the shoulder when he'd run into range, his gaze serious. "Jaune...I just want to tell you...it's been an honor."

Jaune hung his head, nodding slowly. "All of you...I promise, I won't forget your sacrifice! I'll carry your hopes and dreams on my shoulders!" The blond hunter-in-training raised his head, blue eyes watering with tears, clenching his hand into a fist.

The rest of the men surrounding him all voiced their agreements, some shouting words of encouragement, some shaking his hand or clasping his shoulders. The boy with the tail stepped forward and shook Jaune's hand. "Jaune...if this is the last time we meet, then let me tell you that you've been one hell of a friend. You...you're like a brother to me..."

Jaune clenched his teeth. "Damn it Sun! This can't be the end!"

Sun shook his head. "Look, there's almost no chance we can survive this. It's all we can do to hold them back. You have to go, now!"

"I...this is all my fault-"

"NO!" A voice shouted. Everyone parted to reveal the Headmaster, an older man in a burgandy waistcoat and white dress shirt, khaki slacks and a golden cane. "You, Jaune...you alone carry our hopes and our dreams. You did only what every man here would have. You are not to blame. As your brothers and comrades in arms, we will, nay, MUST fight for you! Go! And remember us fondly..."

Jaune sniffed back tears and nodded, raising a fist into the air. "Guys?" The crowd of men fell silent, only the sounds of the ever approaching footfalls and the whistle of the desert wind could be heard. "Give 'em hell."

The surrounding men roared their agreement, readying their weapons, and Jaune turned on his heel, rushing off once more as fast as his legs could take him, turning away so no one would see the tears falling from his face. He had a mission. He couldn't fail his brothers in arms now. His lips spoke a silent prayer to whoever would listen, that they'd be spared their fate.

Behind him, Sun and Neptune grimaced as the rumbling increased, weapons held out and ready. "H-hey, Sun?" Neptune spoke up, his voice shaky and quiet.

"Yeah, bro?"

"I...I just want to say...I'm sorry...I was the one who used up the last of your Mistralian shampoo..." Neptune admitted, his body shaking in fear and trepidation.

"It...it's cool bro. I...I got to admit...I was the one who told Gayl that you were into dudes..." Sun murmured.

His confession was met with silence and Sun slowly turned to his friend, only to see Neptune staring at him with a look so furious, the monkey Faunus couldn't help but laugh. "Y-y-y-you...b-b-bastard!" Neptune snarled, twitching furiously.

"You two! Enough!" The Headmaster snapped, slamming the tip of his cane onto the floor, his red eyes narrowing. "They come..."

Both boys fell quiet as their gazes fell forward, the rumbling finally managing to reach a crescendo and they swallowed hard. Behind them, they could hear the voice of one Nolan Porfiro, his voice weak and hoarse in his terror, mirroring the feelings of the men around him. "We are so dead..."

Sun's eyes narrowed, flipping Ruyi Bang and Jingu Bang before him, and spoke one word, his voice quiet, firm, and yet so loud in the ears of the men surrounding him. "...Schoolgirls..."

[Vacuo Preparatory Academy – Bullhead Loading Docks]

Jaune felt the cool desert air caress his sweaty forehead and almost fell to his knees, about ready to start sobbing in relief. He could already hear the deafening sounds of battle behind him, and he swore that he could hear someone squealing his name, the sound being carried over the whistling of the desert winds. He swallowed nervously and continued running forward. In the distance, so beautiful to his terrified senses, Jaune could see it: the Bullhead to Beacon, silvery and shining in the Vacuo sun. Freedom! He pumped what remaining Aura he could dredge up from the depths of his exhausted body, pushing himself harder, the distance between himself and the Bullhead seemingly both infinite and agonizingly close at once.

Pa-kow!

He came to a screeching halt, blue eyes widened in shock and surprise. A gunshot rang out and a puff of dust shot up mere inches from his feet, leaving only a small crater as evidence that he'd almost been attacked. Jaune slowly turned around, the blood in his veins turning to ice as his gaze fell upon the rose colored hair and blue gray eyes of one May Zedong, the end of her sniper rifle still smoking as she jumped down from her perch above the entrance to the school. Her lips turned upward into a smirk as she walked towards Jaune's frozen form, her hips swaying gently.

"Don't leave Jaune..." May murmured softly as she got within hearing distance. "At least not without me..."

Jaune stumbled back, falling over onto his rear with a dull thud. "M-m-m-m-May? Y-you almost shot me!"

"Oh, don't worry, it was just a warning shot...I know you'd never break my heart by leaving forever to another country, leaving me here all alone, loveless, never hearing your sweet words gracing me again..." May swayed forward until she was standing above Jaune, leaning forward and drawing one finger under his chin, smirking.

"H-h-how...did you..." He managed to squeak out, blue eyes filled with terror.

"Oh, I just wanted to make sure my dear, sweet Jaune wouldn't fly away from me." May's uncovered eye glinted dangerously and Jaune began to shiver, despite the desert heat.

Out of nowhere, Jaune could hear a small whine, and May suddenly flipped backward, an arrow whizzing just past her cheek and embedding itself in the wood of the door to the school behind her. Jaune scrambled to his feet and whirled around on his heel and began to silently swear to himself as he saw the olive eyes of Nebula Violetta as she appeared from behind the Bullhead. "N-Nebula?!"

Nebula winked at Jaune, sashaying forward and past him, stopping a few feet away from him. "Wait right there, Jaune. You wouldn't want to know what would happen if you were to get on that Bullhead and leave me behind..." As Jaune fell to the ground once more in unholy terror, the violet haired woman turned to May, who'd whipped out her sniper rifle once more, steadying the barrel. "Zedong, put down your weapon! It's obvious that Jaune and you would never work out! He's in love with me, and there's nothing you can do about it!"

Jaune whimpered and began to slowly crawl backward like Remnant's most terrified crab. He froze when May fired another shot, barely missing Nebula, who responded by jumping to the side, firing her crossbow another time. I have to get out of here! The Bullhead can't wait forever! Jaune turned his head to see the pilot looking confused, his head tilted to the side. Throwing caution to the wind, Jaune jumped once more to his feet and took off running once more, eyes wide and filled with tears of fear and exhaustion.

He could hear cries of panic behind him, but Jaune didn't care. He took a flying leap...and landed stomach first against the edge of the Bullhead's open bay doors, knocking the air from his lungs. "Ooof!"

Nebula and May froze in their fighting, May with a handful of Nebula's hair and Nebula with her mouth full of May's fingers on her other hand, ready to bite down. The two girls winced sympathetically as Jaune hilariously slammed into the Bullhead, and they watched him slowly groan and get to his feet. It wasn't until Jaune had literally hauled himself into the Bullhead, and they heard his voice cry out with, "Fly, you fool!" that the two girls let go of each other, eyes widening.

The entrance door to the school literally burst off its hinges and a torrent of girls rushed out. The rest of team NDGO stopped and cried out, "NO! JAUNE, COME BACK! PLEASE!"

Cries of the same caliber could be heard from the surrounding girls, hands outstretched. Some of the girls rushed forward, tears in their eyes. "Jaune, I love you!"

Jaune gave a high-pitched scream and grabbed a hold of the Bullhead's door, pulling it closed. No sooner had he heard the latch to the door snap into the locked position, than the window cracked as a series of attacks (sure to incapacitate him) slammed against the Bullhead. "For the love of god, get us out of here!" The pilot finally seemed to notice the danger they were in, and with a lurch, Jaune could feel the Bullhead lifting off the ground. The aircraft shook as a series of attacks slammed into it again and Jaune began to whimper loudly, curling up into a fetal position, softly sobbing.

It wasn't until the aircraft managed to level out and the last few pops and pings of longer distance weapons hitting the hull of the Bullhead finally stopped, that Jaune slowly got to his feet and looked out the window, seeing the sea of girls staring up at the Bullhead, looking indistinct from their height. The young boy sank to his knees, laughing maniacally, tears falling down his cheeks in relief. "We...we made it...WE MADE IT!"

The pilot shook his head and closed the cockpit door, but Jaune couldn't care. He was too busy pumping his fist and jumping up and down, laughing and crying at the same time. This time, it's gonna be different! When I get to Beacon, I'm going to make some friends, become an awesome Hunter, make my parents proud and have one, ONLY ONE girlfriend!

Jaune continued to watch the desert landscape fly by, and his grin only grew wider.

And I won't let my stupid Semblance ruin my school life again!

Unwinnable

Opening Theme: "It's The End of the World (And I Feel Fine)" by R.E.M.

[One Week Later – Beacon Academy]

Jaune whistled happily as he made his way off the Air Shuttle, a smile across his lips. Things were going to be better, he could feel it in his bones! Okay, so he ended up vomiting up his entire lunch on the trip to Beacon, and probably repelled the female population, but after his nearly disastrous escape from Vacuo, that was actually a blessing in disguise! The blond hunter-in-training strolled happily down the cobblestone walkway, gazing up at the parapets and architecture of Beacon Academy. However, he slowed to a stop and the cheerful look on his face suddenly became sorrowful. Sun...Neptune...I hope they made it out okay…

The blond hunter-in-training shook his head. No! I can't let their sacrifice go to waste! This year will be different! I'm not going to let my stupid, stupid Semblance rule my life! Jaune's eyes narrowed as he gazed into the sky. Sure, the Headmaster would say that I'm 'wasting a gift,' but that old bastard never had to run from...from… Jaune's mind flashed a scene of one week prior and he shivered, despite the warm sun beating down on him. That.

It was the sound of an explosion and someone yelling that brought his attention back down to Remnant, and he automatically turned to see what was going on. Some girl in a white dress with white hair was currently yelling at some poor red-hooded girl lying on the ground, a small crater surrounding her. Jaune frowned. Nope. Not getting involved. None of my business. That's just gonna lead to more trouble. He stuck his hands in his pockets and turned on his heel to walk away, only vaguely hearing the white haired girl give a haughty huff and the sound of the wheels of her trolly squeaking away.

He got no more than five steps forward before curiosity dragged his head back. Immediately he regretted doing so, because he saw the poor girl in the red hood looking downtrodden, her face clearly showing her emotions. Poor girl...she looks like she doesn't know anyone here...probably just accidentally bumped into that other girl… The blond boy shook his head harder. No! Getting involved is just going to lead to what happened in Vacuo! He turned away once more, but wasn't able to take a single step before his mind flip-flopped once again. Then again, you're an Arc! You're like...obligated to go help her! Great Grampa Arc would tan your hide, or whatever it is old people do to punish young people for not going to her aid!

With a groan, the hunter-in-training turned around again. The young girl had sat up, and had put her hood over her face, as though she were trying to hide her expression. Jaune strolled up to her and cleared his throat. "H-hey there. Need a hand?"

The young girl looked up, and Jaune swore he could see tears in her eyes before she quickly wiped her arm across them, eliminating any potential for said tears to be seen. She broke out into a smile that had Jaune's heart catch in his chest. G-gah! Too cute! "Thanks! My name's Ruby!" The adorable hooded girl held out a hand and Jaune grasped it, helping her too her feet. The girl proceeded to smooth out her goth-loli style skirt before staring up at Jaune once more with her big silver eyes. "What's your name?"

Jaune began to open his mouth, but that's when he felt his head going dizzy, and the world before his very eyes turned to grays, blacks and whites, the color vanishing from his vision. The only color in the world around him came from his own hands and body. Time seemed to stop from what he could see, leaves having paused in mid fall from the trees around him. "No...no, no, no, no, nononononono! NO! NO! NOT AGAIN!" Jaune screamed. Ruby didn't respond, her face frozen in her happy expression. "Oh come on! I just met her! I have to deal with this already!?"

Before Jaune's very eyes, a colored, holographic looking window appeared. The blond boy narrowed his eyes at it and turned away, crossing his arms with a 'hmph.' "Nope! I'm not doing it! You can bloody well go away!"

Silence. Jaune closed his eyes and waited...and waited…and waited…

Still more silence. No birds chirped, no wind blew, no adorably cute red girl spoke. Jaune gave a whimpering groan and turned around to see the holographic window floating still. He approached it and with a sigh, began reading the options before him.

A.) "The name's Jaune Arc. Short, sweet and rolls off the tongue. Ladies love it."

B.) "None of your business. Don't even know why I came over here."

C.) "Jaune Arc, but that's not important. What is important, are your three sizes."

D.) Put it in.

Jaune stared incredulously for a few moments before he smacked his forehead. "You've got to be fucking kidding me. What's with option D? Put what in where?! Oh god, this is Vacuo all over again! Okay, okay, I've got to calm down..." The blond boy pinched the bridge of his nose. "Obvious answer would be B." Jaune nodded...then shook his head. "No, I...I can't do that. Ruby looks so happy to finally have a friend...I can't be that big of a jack ass! Option C is just WAY too forward...damn it, it looks like Option A is the only way to go!" He slumped forward and whimpered again. "I just wanted to make friends...is that too much to ask?"

Hesitantly, the young man inched a hand out to the screen, and pressed the first option…

As if time had never stopped, Jaune felt a strange wrenching feeling pulling on his entire being and everything hit him at once; heat, sound, color and all. As if he were being controlled by some invisible puppeteer, Jaune felt his lips move and his voice speak out of his own volition. "Jaune Arc. Short, sweet, and rolls off the tongue. Ladies love it." To make matters worse, Jaune felt his hands moving like a pair of finger guns, his eye winking.

Inwardly, he winced. Oh god, hear it comes! He heard Ruby give a laugh. "Do they?"

Jaune blinked. "Er...I guess?"

Ruby giggled again, and Jaune swore he heard a melody in his ear before another holographic window appeared in his vision, smaller and of a different color.

Ruby Rose is now friends with you!

Jaune's eyes widened and he couldn't keep the grin off his face. YES! JUST FRIENDS! He fought the urge to start jumping around and crying out for joy, even as Ruby started to walk forward. She stopped and turned around, innocent silver eyes gleaming. "So, you wanna see my weapon?!"

"S-sure!" Jaune answered enthusiastically. Alright, I can do this! Everything is gonna be A-OK! Sun, Neptune…all my brothers…

No longer will I be Jaune Arc, the Harem King!

Author's Note: Okay, I know, I said Mastermind was the last fic I was going to be writing for the time being but...damn it, this fic was bouncing around in my head and I could NOT get rid of it, so I had to put it up here. I'm sure Jaune + Dating Sim Semblance isn't really original, but the idea is just too funny not to do, especially when he's actively trying to AVOID acquiring a harem. Hope you enjoy, and I'm currently working on Mastermind as we speak! Er...as you read…you know what I mean.

And as always, remember to leave a review!