"This is stupid."

"Sh! We don't know what could be out here with us."

"We've been in these woods for hours! There's nothing here!"

"Relax guys. Look at the sunset through those trees. Isn't it pretty?"

Patrol was going slowly that day. The trio trekked through the Oregon underbrush briskly, but progressively slower as time wore on. Nothing of consequence happened all afternoon. Mabel, as was typical, was the only one really enjoying herself.

"So what if we're not finding any monsters. We found that new species of giant mushroom. That was interesting, right?" Mabel asked, trying to gauge the chagrin of her compatriots.

"As intriguing as Bromelaineous Papainey* fungus is, man-eating plants are not what we're looking for. Although, they did make an interesting addition to the pocket journal…" said Dipper.

"All those bones under the gills… eeugh!" Pacifica shuddered.

Not good. These two need a pick-me-up.

"Why don't we stop for snacks?" Mabel suggested.

Pacifica wasn't against the idea. "If it gets my mind off of dead animals…"

Dipper sighed. "Alright."

Snacks consisted of Graham crackers, carrot sticks, and Mabel juice, which Pacifica took a sip of without realizing. She coughed up a plastic dinosaur and Dipper scrabbled for his canteen, spilling half his water in the process.

"Here." He handed Pacifica the water and she gulped greedily.

"Thanks," she said wiping the tears from her eyes.

Well, it was a start.

Snack eaten, Dipper got up and stretched. He looked around to gather his bearing and set off in a likely direction.

"Come on, let's get g-gaa-agh!" Dipper shoved a branch out of the way, only for it to swing back and hit him in the face. Then he fell on his posterior.

Pacifica face-palmed. "I can't believe your brother just did that."

Mabel shrugged. "Don't look at me. He's your boyfriend."

The palm slowly lowered from the face to reveal a puzzled expression. Pacifica "Too rich for this" Northwest looked at Mabel "Without love there is no life" Pines as if she were from Mars, but she was already skipping ahead to help Dipper "I meant to do that" Pines to his feet. This left Pacifica alone with her thoughts.

Paz had confessed her feelings about Dipper to Mabel (against her better judgment) and got nothing but encouragement, but she was still adamant about bringing it up with the doofus in question.

Pacifica was an elite: she'd been in front of crowds larger than high schools. She'd been in front of high schools, come to that (the vote for Student Body President might have been a popularity contest, but it was still a job). Why was she so shy around this scruffy, embarrassing, nerd?

Mabel often alluded [strongly] to Dipper reciprocating, but for some reason that made matters worse: Pacifica was already hyper-aware of her own actions and feelings. Now she analyzed Dipper's movements, checking for clumsiness due to flustering, blushing due to proximity. And she found it. The boy was just one face-plant shy of being a total mess around her. He didn't have Pacifica's upbringing (read: inculcation).

It was adorable, if a trifle worrying at times. Part of her wanted him to gain control for his own safety. Another part was touched by his apparent emotional debasement. And one last part of her had to stifle giggles every time he knocked over the post card display.

So she and Dipper liked each other. Neither was in a relationship. She wondered why? Had they both been pining for the other, but too shy to admit it? Had they saved themselves for each other, but been too nervous to make a withdrawal? Had they both been naïve teenagers in love? How could she stop this indecision?

Pacifica adjudicated. She jogged to catch up to Dipper, then fell into stride beside him.

"Hey."

"Hey?" Dipper asked, confused and somewhat amused.

"Hey. You're my boyfriend. Okay?"

Dipper's legs kept walking, but everything else stopped. His expression froze in one of stupefication. His hands- one holding the pocket journal, the other turning pages- paused, as if time-locked.

Haltingly, he turned to look at Paz, who did her best to maintain her determination. She could almost see the gears turning behind his turbid eyes.

"…Okay."

Pacifica smiled, clutched his arm and leaned her head on his shoulder.

After a couple beats, Dipper asked, "You know, relationships usually have to be agreed upon by both people?"

"I made an executive decision."

"Oh…" Dipper added, "I'm okay with that."

"I thought you would be. When should we tell-"

"I. Spy. ARM-LINKING!" Mabel shouted from behind them. "You two are TOTALLY a couple now! Don't deny it!"

"I guess now?"

"Now is good."

"Mabel, Paz and I are girlfriend and boyfriend now. You can officially stop shipping us."

"Yaaaaay!" The excited twin threw her arms around the newly-formed power couple's shoulders and kicked her feet in the air. The brief pain of holding Mabel aloft between them broke their arms apart. But when Mabel landed, they folded over one another behind her back.

Paz turned to Mabel. "You don't need to send me those knowing looks whenever he walks into the room."

Then Dipper: "I will no longer accept dating tips from my sister, who thinks her soul mate is pink and has cloven hooves."

"And please stop e-mailing me tactics on how to talk to him." Then Pacifica added in a whisper: "But keep the candid pics coming."

Mabel affirmed with a wink.

"What was that last part?"

"NOTHING!"

"Welp. I think it's time to head back. I'll go on ahead, give you two lovebirds some time to talk. I'll make popcorn! Mo-vie-night! Mo-vie-night! Nyoom!" Mabel disentangled herself and ran off, arms out, imitating an airplane as she "flew" through the trees.

Mabel disappearing ahead, the blonde and the brunette now had the peace to hold hands, lace fingers, and take their time with a leisurely stroll.

After awhile, Dipper broke the silence.

"Am I your first?"

"No. But I have a feeling you'll last longer."

"Why's that?"

"My first was arranged by my parents. When they told me I couldn't even wait the 10 seconds required for them to leave the room before I phoned up the oil baron's son and gave him a piece of my mind. He called it off."

Dipper's lips moved soundlessly for a moment.

Pacifica gave him a look.

"What are you doing?"

"Eight… Nine… Ten. I'm doing good so far. Eleven… Twelve…"

Pacifica couldn't help the laughter bubbling up inside her.

"You complete and utter dork! Aha ha ha!"

They were absorbed by silence again. Not a thick, awkward silence. More like the content, "I know you're here and I'm happier for it" silence.

"So… what happens now?"

"We find out how to make a long-distance relationship work."

And they did.

*Bromelain + Papain- the enzyme(s) in pineapple which break down protein and dissolve flesh. Vaguely. But I didn't do a whole lot of research on this. If you want to know more you should look up nutritional facts on pineapples.

A/N: The last two lines of dialogue I leave up to your imagination. Who says what? I don't know. I hope you do.