Warning: This story contains quite a bit of cussing/cursing/swearing, OOCness, various references (I shall write at the end of the chapter what they are from), crack-ish randomness, the breaking of the Fourth Wall, and much more.

Genres: Humor & Parody with a little bit of Family stuff on the side.

I don't own Ao no Exorcist/Blue Exorcist, nor do I own anything else that may be referenced in this story.

01 – Even the Devil Fears a Fanfiction Writer

The first time Rin had heard the voice was the same day as Shiro Fujimoto's funeral. After having been confronted by Mephisto Pheles, telling the clown-like man of his desire to defeat Satan and beeing 'offered' to become an exorcist he had walked off. Aimlessly walking around for a while he had eventually found himself at a park Shiro had often bought Yukio and himself to when they were children.

Rain poured down, the sky seeming to reflect the melancholy he felt at remembering those time and trying to wash away his sorrow.

"Oh come on! So that Bastard of a Paladin is dead, so what? Suck it up you wuss! No son of mine should be behavin' like this. 'sides, the guy was an ass!"

While the voice lacked the insanity it once held and seemed more-so angry than anything else, Rin was able to recognise it instantly.

"SATAN!?" Rin shouted, cautiously looking around the empty park for anything that could have possibly been possessed by the Devil himself, only to find nothing. Perhaps it had just been his imagination…

"No, I'm the fucking tooth fairy." The voice held a rather sarcastic tone to it, "and please, call me Oto-san~ Or daddy~ Or papa~ Or papi~"

"HELL NO YOU BASTARD!" Rin was angry, very angry as he searched for the source of the voice.

"Please, Bastard is soooo overrated these days, try something new. Oh yeah, and you don't need to shout. Just sayin', I'm in yer head after all. Try thinking for once, I know you can. I've had to listen to your shitty and depressing thoughts for the past bloody day!"

Rin felt his blood run cold at Satan's words, panic flooding him before his eyes shone with determination and hatred. Oi, if you're trying to possess me, there's no way in Hell I'll let you! I'll kill you before you hurt anyone else.

"Hah! I'll ignore that comment on Hell, but if I was really able to possess you… Don't you think I would have already done it?"

Then what are you doing in my head?

"Dunno! One minute I'm taking you to Gehenna and the next I wake up and have to watch your life through a bloody T.V screen- which is freaking large and in HD, might I add."

Really? How large is it? The topic of the conversation was drifting, it seemed.

"No idea. I was never good at measurements, but it's quite large. And the couch in here is soooo damn comfortable. Mind you, your mind is pretty neat, even has a kitchen and coffee maker! I've never seen a coffee maker quite like this one –although admittedly I'm more of a tea drinker myself–, the ones in Gehenna just don't quite compare. And the coffee this magnificent machine makes is just so… so superb! Heck, your mind in general is just amazing- oooh~ A remote!"

Rin's eye twitched, idly wondering if Satan was bipolar- he probably was. Damn, my mind sounds cool… Wait! That's not the point you Bastard! GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HEAD!

There was a pause, and for some reason Rin felt like Satan was rubbing his head sheepishly.

"I can't." The Devil admitted, "and I've tried. It doesn't seem like I accidentally threw myself into your subconscious or something like that, nor does it seem like the work of a demon. "

What's going on here then!?

"Hmm… If I were to guess…" There was a pause. "I'd say that our predicament has been caused by a fucking insane and sadistic Fanfiction author who's had waaaay too much caffeine."

Oi, Satan! Don't go breaking the Fourth Wall! Remember, in this world what the author writes goes, so you had better not push yer luck, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Rin blinked once, twice, and then thrice. The fuuuuu-

Satan cut him off quickly, uncharacteristic fear obvious in his voice. "I uh- I mean that it seems like we'll have to embark on a long journey, struggling to cope with each other as we begin to form a bond of family… WHAT THE FLAMING FUCK IS THIS SHIT!? THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL I'LL DO THIS!"

Ah, you said 'Hell'. And were you just reading from a script or something?

"You know what I mean, you shithead. And yes I was, bloody fanfiction authors…"

Ehem, Fourth Wall, remember?

"Shit… Alright, so then, I suppose we'll need to figure out a way to get me out of your mind so I can go back to my throne in Gehenna."

And so that I can become an Exorcist and kick your sorry ass, Bastard!

"Right, right… and that too, although it ain't like you'll ever be able to defeat me."

HEY!

"Jeez, what do you have against me anyway?"

You killed my father!

There was a pause, the only sound being the rain pouring down outside of Rin's mind until…

"No Rin…" There was a dramatic pause as rather dramatic music begun to play throughout Rin's head. "… I am your father!" (1)

You did not just go there!

Rin was pretty sure that Satan was smirking a rather smug, shit-eating smirk. Which did nothing but make the half-demon even more pissed off than he already was.

"Ah, but I did."

… I'm stuck with you in my head now, aren't I?

"Yup, you had better get used to it- I know I already am! I can make it that annoying music gets stuck in your head!"

To prove his point, a song begun to play in Rin's head. A rather annoying one at that.

'Ahhhhhh,

Ya ya yaaaaah,

Yaaah ya yah,

Ohohohohoooo,

Oh ya yaaah-' (2)

Yukio raised an eyebrow as he observed his brother from afar, slight worry lingering in his eyes- hidden by his glasses. Rin was smashing his head against a tree repetitively while spewing out a large variety curse words, some Yukio had never even heard before.

Yukio turned away from the park, pushing up his glasses as he did so while opting to pretend he didn't know Rin at that moment- acting as though he was just an innocent person passing by.

01 - Even the Devil Fears a Fanfiction Writer: End

Next time: Unfortunately for Rin, Satan is tone-deaf.

References:

(1) - From Star Wars, I just couldn't resist!

(2) - The start of the Trololo Song.

Note: This story is from a spur-of-the-moment idea, which I thought of after I had drowned my sorrows in tea (not the smartest thing I've ever done...). I ended up thinking about it a lot and decided to write it out in attempt to get my mind off of any angsty/tragic plot bunnies I may or may not have stuck in my head. At this stage I'm not quite sure where I'll take this story, but meh. I'll figure something out!

I hope the first chapter of The Devil Inside His Head was enjoyable to read. 'Till next time!