Okay, so this story is silly, and not meant to be taken seriously at all. The idea just randomly came to me, and I thought it would be funny to write. I guess you can say it's a crackfic.

Ford is pretty OOC here. I can't imagine him being romantic, and if he tried it would come off as awkward.

This is an alternate take on last few episodes of the second season. It takes place around the end of "Dipper and Mabel vs. the Future" and the beginning of "Weirdmageddon, Pt. 1".

"Oh no," Dipper said.

The rift had been destroyed and an orange X formed in the sky. The dream demon known as Bill emerged and floated in front of the open gateway between the two dimensions.

"This is bad," the twelve-year-old said to his great-uncle.

"Stay close," Ford instructed.

Bill ranted on about a prophesy that the two mystery lovers weren't listening to. Dipper only focused on the last thing he said to Mabel, which had sent her running in the forest in tears. Dipper hoped that she was still alive and well.

"I-I have to find Mabel!" Dipper exclaimed.

"Later," Ford replied. "This is more pressing."

Dipper wanted to argue, but the scary triangle hovering in the sky caught his attention.

The triangle announced he was finally taking physical form. He shut his eye and in a flash of gold light the isosolese shape was replaced by a humanoid figure. Bill was tall and thin with golden hair. He still wore the top hat and black bowtie that matched a dapper costume.

Ford gasped at the sight he hadn't seen in over thirty years. Those three decades he spent in alternate dimensions had not erased the memory of his old lover from his mind.

"Brings back old memories, doesn't it, Sixer?" Bill asked. His voice still echoed and his body glowed when he spoke.

"What's he talking about, Grunkle Ford?" Dipper asked.

"It's something from a long time ago," Ford explained. He glared at Bill and hissed, "Something I'm not too proud of."

"Oh, so cruel, Six Fingers," Bill said with mock sorrow. He apparated a cane and leaned on it so that his and Ford's noses touched. "You knew this day would come."

Ford pushed the demon away. He stood in a defensive stance and reached for the gun he had saved for this special occasion.

The blond merely leaned backwards and laughed with his hands clutching his belly. The cane floated in the air and circled the supernatural being until he straightened his posture and grabbed it.

"You are powerless to stop me, I.Q.," Bill said with a smirk.

"Why are you doing this?" Dipper asked.

Bill vanished and reappeared by the child, making him jump.

Bill draped an arm around the boy. "Why?" he asked. He twirled his hand and looked up at the sky. "That's a very good question." Bill pointed the cane at the older man. "Why don't you ask Fordsy?"

"Is this still about that portal?" Ford shouted.

Bill appeared in front of his old lover. He pointed a slender finger in the man's direction.

"You have a lot of nerve, Sixer," Bill snapped. "You still won't admit what you did to me thirty years ago?"

"You're the one who wanted to start an apocalypse!" yelled Ford. He aimed the gun at the demon.

"I was originally just going to rule the world," Bill began. His glare fell on Ford. "But now I'm going to destroy it, all because you broke my heart."

Ford stared dumbfounded.

"What are you playing at?" Dipper asked.

"You want to talk about broken hearts?" Ford asked and swung his arm. "You betrayed me."

"Because you cheated on me with that assistant of yours!" Bill screamed.

Ford dropped the gun. "I did no such thing," the author cried.

"I saw you with my own eye," Bill hissed and pointed to his golden eyeball. "Back in '82."

Ford draped an arm around Fiddleford's shoulder.

"I-I don't think we should be doin' this," the young engineer stammered.

"Come on, it's just a little fun," Ford said. He patted Fiddleford on the opposite shoulder. "Just one night."

The smaller man twiddled his fingers. "What-what if that thing yer workin' with-that Bill-finds out about this?"

Ford put his hands on his hips. "Bill doesn't have to know." He gave the smaller man a confident smile. "Come on, let's have a little fun."

Fiddleford smiled. It had been a while since Ford wanted to do something other than research. Besides, the engineer was just as eager.

Ford put his arm back around Fiddleford's shoulder and led him upstairs.

Neither of them knew Bill had watched the exchange. He felt his heart shatter. How could Ford be so cruel? For the first time in centuries the dream demon had trusted his heart to someone-a human at that-and he crushed it like it was a cheap decoration.

"You'll regret this, Stanford Pines," Bill hissed.

"So I'm going to enjoy ripping apart your universe," Bill said with a laugh.

Ford stood with his mouth hanging open.

"Bill," he said short of breath. "You couldn't be more wrong."

"Huh?" the demon asked. He placed his hands on his hips and leaned forward with a frown. "You calling me a liar?"

Ford shook his head and put a hand on the side of his face. "No, no, I can see how you'd perceive that." He looked up at the demon with sorrowful eyes. "But that's not what happened."

"I know what I saw," Bill argued.

"We just went upstairs to play Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons. I swear that's all that happened." Ford explained with his hands out in front of him. "We just didn't want to tell you we were playing hooky."

"You expect me to believe that?" Bill growled.

"You know I can't bluff," Ford said.

Bill could tell from his eyes that Ford was telling the truth. The author never was good at lying, for his eyes always betrayed him.

"Yeah...well...you...I...he..." Bill stammered. "Oh boy." He shut his mouth when he found himself unable to form words. He slumped forward with a apologetic look on his face.

"Hold up," Dipper said. He shot one arm in the air. "You're telling me that you ended a good relationship and tried to end the world over a misunderstanding?"

"Yeah, I really messed up," Bill confessed.

"Why didn't you just confront me about it?" Ford asked.

"I was too hurt," Bill explained. "And humiliated that you would choose him over me."

"Bill, I would never choose anyone over you," Ford said.

Bill floated down to the ground and let his feet touch the gravel. Ford took hold of Bill's hands.

"I'm sorry, Sixer," Bill said.

"Come back home, Bill," Ford offered.

"I would like that very much," Bill answered with a smile.

Ford put his hands on Bill's shoulders and pulled him into an embrace. Bill's smile widened and he wrapped his arms around the author.

"Um...so are we going to end this apocalypse?" Dipper asked.

"Oh, yeah," Bill said. He snapped his fingers and the rift disappeared. His friends would be unhappy with him, but he didn't really care about them anyway.

"Come, let's go grab a cup of coffee and catch up," Ford said.

Bill nodded. "I've missed you, Sixer," he replied.

Dipper scratched his head. He gasped when he thought about Mabel.

The boy ran into the forest where he found his sister sitting on her knees beneath a pine tree.

"Ugh, what happened?" Mabel asked as she rubbed her head.

She didn't have time to think when Dipper tackled her into a hug.

"Mabel, I'm so sorry," Dipper cried. He hugged his sister tighter. "I was selfish. I was dumb. I said some things I shouldn't. I'm sorry."

Mabel smiled and returned his hug. "It's okay Dip-Dip," she said. "I forgive you."

"Mystery twins?" Dipper asked with his fist out.

"Mystery twins," Mabel chimed and pounded his fist.

And Weirdmageddon never happened!

This is just a silly happier ending. I hope everyone found it funny, or at least entertaining.