Broken. An empty feeling where you just don't how to piece yourself back together.

I woke up with a startle. I just had one of those dreams where you can't really tell if their real or not. They really suck when you're in the mental state I'm in.

All of a sudden it came to my attention that Chandler still had his arms wrapped around my stomach. I was facing away from him with my back pressed up against his chest. It's funny how we've fallen asleep like this a million times and it's been normal, but now laying in this position makes my heart do a little flippy thing. I really just wanted to lay like this forever, but with how messed up my emotions are right now I knew laying here any longer would probably just make me cry.

I moved his hands away from my stomach, making sure to not wake him up. I carefully got up from the bed and opened the door as quietly as possible. I walked over to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of tequila from the cabinet next to the stove. I reached up to grab a glass and a certain one caught my eye. It was the glass Chandler gave me about 3 months ago.

Flashback: 3 Months Previous

"Hey Mon!" Chandler said enthusiastically walking through my door.

I looked up at him from my spot on the couch, "Hey Chandler. What's up?"

He walked over to the couch and took his place in front of me, "I got you something."

"Really!" I mocked his tone of voice and he shot me his best glare. "Ok. Seriously though, what is it?"

He pulled a bag out from behind his back, "Here, look for yourself." He shoved the bag into my lap. I couldn't help but laugh over his enthusiasm. His fingertips grazed my hand and I felt this little tingle that I've been feeling for about 2 weeks now, it's weird.

I dug my hand into the bag and pulled out a glass. I realized what was so special about it and looked up at Chandler with an even bigger smile on my face, "Wait seriously! Is this what I think it is!"

He nodded, "Ya it is!"

Basically, I recently started trying to get an alcohol glass that each represented a different big city, and I hadn't been able to find this one from Chicago anywhere. But sure enough Chandler was able to find it.

"Oh my god" Tears started forming in my eyes of of happiness. "Where did you find this?"

"Well after some hours of searching a ton of different places in the city I was able to get my hands on it." My heart literally jumped from that sentence, god what is that.

I stared at him in awe for a moment, "Why did you even start looking for it?"

"Well, I know how long you've been trying to find it, and I kinda felt bad for getting you such crappy gifts the past few years."

I couldn't wipe the smile off my face, "Well thank you so much! I love it." I leaned over and wrapped my arms around him.

"No problem, I was glad to be able to make you this happy. I just want you to know that I care and I love you."

My mind paused at that thought. He loved me, and I loved him. It's been like this for years. Why is that all of a sudden making my heartbeat speed up. Why does his touch send a tingle through my spine.

Oh crap! I know exactly what this feeling….I'm in love with him.

I looked away from the glasses and decided to just drink straight out of the bottle. I walked over to the couch while taking a large sip of tequila which stung the back of my throat.

I reached the couch and put my hand between the cushions to pull out a small notebook. This is basically where I've written down all my thoughts from the past 3 months. I had put it in between the couch cushions when Rachel walked in the room a couple days ago.

I took the pen out from it and started writing about everything that had happened in these past hours. While I wrote I would occasionally take another sip from the bottle of tequila.

After filling up seven and a half pages with my thoughts I decided to put the pen down mainly because I was finding it very difficult to keep my hand straight. I got up shakily and took the last sip of tequila from the bottle. I walked over and shoved the journal back into the drawer by the window.

I sat down on the window ledge for a second and realized something. I was drunk. From the shaky movements, to the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions I could tell I was drunk. And not just kinda can't walk drunk, no no, I was definitely at the can't keep my mouth shut level of drunk.

I started reflecting on the past 3 months and everything I had gone through. Everything that happened the night I figured out I was in love with Chandler. Everything that happened the following week. The things that happened during the two days I wouldn't leave my room. Everything that happened tonight. And then the tears started. I started violently sobbing into my hands. I got up for a second to grab a tissue and stood by the table for a minute.

I started walking back over to the ledge again, when I tripped over the little stair there was and fell on my stomach. I immediately started laughing hysterically.

I heard Chandler shout, "Monica!" Then he appeared at my doorway. He rushed over to me when he saw I was on the floor. "Monica are you okay? What happened?"

"I-I kinda," Was all I could let out before I started dying laughing again.

He studied me for a second before asking, "Are you drunk?"

"Noooo!" I said before continuing my fit of laughter.

"Why'd you get up and start drinking?" He asked supporting my back with his hand so I didn't fall over. It felt like his hand was burning a hole in my back.

I just continued giggly in between my speech. "It's a secret."

"From who?"

"Someone" I said before pointing at him and mouthing "you".

He had a completely confused look on his face, "Okay?"

Here come emotions. Whenever I get this drunk I usually have drastic mood swings and that's exactly what's happening now. I stopped laughing and started crying into my hands.

"Aw, Mon." Chandler said sympathetically and started rubbing circles on my back, which just made me cry harder. "Come here." He helped me stand up and walked with my over to the kitchen. He grabbed a tissue and wiped the tears off my face.

He pulled me closer to him and I wrapped my arms around him. He put his hands on my back and kissed the top of my head.

"Do you have any idea why you're crying?" He asked.

"I-I'm broken." I said between sobs.

He pushed me away from him and studied my face. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I'm falling apart!" I exclaimed throwing my hands up in the air. "Between this, and you, and everything! My life's a mess." I said while I started walking back to the living room.

"Wait, what do you mean me?" He asked walking over to my place in the living room.

"It's nothing you need to worry about." I was waiting for this. One of the last levels of my drunkness. When I start getting mad over everything, and I try to pick a fight with everyone.

"I-" He paused and took a deep breath. "Okay, why do you need to worry about it?"

"Because it's my life! Everythingismy fault because itsmylife." My words were slowly starting to slur together. "I can't delete thoughts from my brain, duh!"

"Monica, nothing's your fault. I know you're not in a 100% sane mind, but I need you to know that you haven't done anything to hurt anyone." He told me while rubbing my arm.

I looked down and nodded sluggishly. I didn't really believe him, and I don't think it was because of the alcohol intake. I couldn't believe that he honestly felt like I had never hurt any of them.

"How about you go back and lay down, try and get some sleep. How does that sound?" He asked still cautiously.

I sighed and mumbled a "okay".

He draped his arm over my shoulder and pulled me closer to him to help me not stumble.

We were about to step into my room when I stopped dead in my tracks.

"You okay?"

"Um, could I just sleep out here tonight?" I said feeling slightly sobered up. He studied my face with a look of confusion spread across his. "I think there's just been too much that has happened in there tonight. I don't think I'll be able to sleep in there."

He offered me a sad smile, "Ya sure Mon. Is it still okay with you if I sleep on the couch with you?"

Don't say it, don't say it, don't say it. "Um, ya sure. If you want to." Oh my god. I can't even believe myself.

We walked back over to the couch and got settled. He laid down first with his back against the back of the couch, then I laid down with my back pressed against his chest and he wrapped his arms around my waist. I let out a peaceful sigh even though I was slightly being eaten up inside.

Sometimes people think you have yourself completely pieced together, but in reality all you are is broken.

AN: Sorry this update took a little longer, I was having a little trouble writing some of it. Please review!