Hi, everyone! So, my friends and I have been talking about Jay and his depression and all that jazz and... this happened. I promise I will get back to requests as soon as I can, please bare with me.

TW: cutting, depression, trans dysphoria

Yes, Jay is trans in this story. :3c

- coldramen

—

Jay was relieved to be able to take a shower again. To see all the dirt and dried blood being washed off of him was a bit nauseating but satisfying nonetheless. His eye still hurt horribly and he couldn't quite see straight out of it, but that was something he could keep to himself.

He washed his hair and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist. He wiped the fogged up mirror with his wrist and took in his appearance. A lot of bruises and cuts.

The cuts had gotten pretty badly infected at one point, but Clancee had been nice enough to inform the healer on the ship so he got patched up nicely. He wished he hadn't.

Jay glanced at his wrist, a single scar that he had done himself when he was younger. Ed had caught him and he was too scared to ever do it again. He frowned.

Why not?

He had to admit that sounded very unhealthy. He had every reason to want to, though. He put on his clothes and took one last glance at his wrist before deciding.

He took Kai's razor out of the medicine cabinet and sat on the toilet. He was scared.

He dragged the razor along the underside of his wrist, wincing at the sting. Soon after, blood seeped out of the wound and Jay knew he wouldn't be able to just do it once.

He did it a couple more times, spaced out so no one would think anything of it. Scars from the fight on the ship, that's what they were.

He was about to do it again when there was a single knock on the door and a voice that followed not a second after.

"Hey, Jay, I gotta get in there really quick!" Kai shouted, assuming Jay was in the shower.

Jay had no time to hide the razor and his fresh wounds. The door swung open to reveal Kai in a tank top and sweatpants. Kai's expression changed almost immediately.

Kai stared at Jay for a good minute before shutting the door behind him and locking it.

Kai pried the razor from Jay's hands, washed it off in the sink and stuck it in his pocket. He took Jay's hands and pulled him up to stand and brought him over to the sink. He pulled out hydrogen peroxide and some hello kitty bandaids from the medicine cabinet. He cleaned each of the wounds and put bandaids on them, sitting Jay back on the toilet and standing in front of him.

"Alright, give me one good reason not to go and tell Sensei." Kai jerked his head in the direction of Sensei's room.

Jay felt a couple tears escape his eyes and he wiped them quickly, shaking his head.

"What, Jay? What am I supposed to do with this? If I leave right now you're not gonna stop." Kai crossed his arms and huffed air out of his nostrils, trying to keep his emotions at a minimum.

"I'm sorry, Kai." Jay said, voice cracking. He stared at his hands and wished that he had locked the door.

Kai gave him a look and shook his head, "Don't apologize."

Jay hugged himself and cried silently, not really having anything to say.

"Please don't tell anyone." Jay said just above a whisper.

Kai slid down the wall in front of the toilet and held his head in his hands, "I don't know what to do, Jay."

Jay sniffed and gave him an odd look.

"I can't help you, Jay. I don't know how. I don't know what to do, and if I just leave you here you're gonna continue to do it." Kai looked almost as miserable as Jay felt.

"I can't believe you would do this to yourself. I don't understand, you and Nya are on good terms, I don't -" Kai cut himself off.

"I don't know why." Was all Jay said.

Kai gave him a look and Jay continued, "I - I'm miserable, Kai. I'm pathetic and weak and I'm not like you guys. Fuck, I'm not even a guy as it is. I didn't know what else to do, Kai, you can't tell anybody - "

"Stop saying that, alright? I won't tell anybody." Kai interrupted him.

Jay let out a sigh of relief and began to express his gratitude when Kai continued.

"If you never do it again. If I catch you doing it again, I will tell Sensei."

"I'll try, Kai, I don't - "

"Listen," Kai knelt down in front of Jay and held his hands, "You know you can talk to any of us, right? You don't need to do this to yourself." Kai's voice was a lot softer this time.

Jay sniffled in response.

"You can always talk to me, Jay. I love you, alright? Please don't do this to yourself." Kai looked so concerned in that moment, and Jay completely broke down.

Jay wrapped his arms around Kai's neck and hugged him close, crying into his shoulder. Kai wasted no time returning the hug, rubbing Jay's back in small circles.

"You'll be okay."