There is really nothing I can say to make up for all the time that has passed. For a while, I thought I would never come back to this story. However, THANK YOU to everyone who never gave up on me, who reviewed, favorited, followed, the "whole shebang", as well as a special thanks, as always, to diehardcriminalminds, who brought me back! (again :).

Also, this is more of a transition chapter. It doesn't have much action but its setting the stage for some pretty interesting stuff. I hope you guys enjoy!

I can't promise regular updates, but feedback is always a nice prompter. :)))

Remembrance

Chapter Three: Memory is a Dangerous Thing

[0][o][0]

Reid's fingers trembled as he struggled to fastened the last of his buttons, but the movement was no longer noticeable to him. In fact, Reid had grown accustom to the many alterations he had to make upon waking up from the coma. The coma that he had spent the last year and a half of his life in from "the accident" that he had no recollection of.

That was what everyone was calling it, "the accident". The mysterious accident that would forever change his life.

Unconsciously, Reid traced a finger over the two stubs that marred his left hand. The place where his ring finger and pinky should have been, and sighed. It wasn't an unbearable injury nor one that debilitated him in any way. Aside from the amnesia, and a slight limp the doctor said could be corrected with proper physical therapy, none of his injuries physically handicapped him. But that wasn't the problem.

Reid's hands dropped to his sides as he stepped in front of the wall mirror. But he didn't look at himself. Instead, he watched the floor intently as he neatly tucked his shirt in pants. After smoothing out all the wrinkled and creases, he went to folding his cuffs. His fingers moved slowly in an unpracticed way that only further affirmed how much time had passed. His eyes caught the darkened scar around his wrist and he was mindful to keep the shirt at a length long enough to cover it up. He shuddered slightly at the sight of it.

Reid's eyes didn't return to the floor, but ventured to the bottom of the mirror where he gazed at the reflection of his dark shoes that reflected the over headlight. Then, his eyes made their way up his body slowly, starting from his shiny black shoes up to light grey pants which were fastened by a dark black belt and stored a blue button up, only to hesitate at a half buttoned collar, that only partially hid the dark scar that marred his skin, before finally reaching his face.

Reid froze as his bright hazle eyes stared back at him and he felt the familiar overwhelming emotion raise up inside him. Intense, seemingly irrational feelings of disgust, fear, and anger. He looked away.

"The accident" had changed him. Both on the surface and beneath, but in ways that he could not fully understand. And while he desperately wanted to know what happened him, there was a part of him that recognized the benefit in not knowing.

"Kid?" Morgan called from outside the door, prompting Reid to move away from the mirror and open the door. He met the familiar gaze of the older agent who offered him a reassuring smile. "Are you ready?"

For a moment, Reid's expression gave way to the uneasiness he was feeling, but it quickly disappeared as the young agent nodded "Yeah," he said, softly. Then a bit stronger, " I am."

Derek's dark eyes searched Reid's face. "Kid, no one is forcing you to come back so soon." He placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder, noticing as he slightly flinched away from the touch. "After everything"-he swallowed down the lump in his throat-"take as much time as you need."

"I'm ready, Derek." Reid affirmed. "Plus, its not like I remember any of it anyway." He offered Morgan a small smile, though his eyes flashed with pain and suppressed frustration, even anger. The older agent nodded in understanding and moved out of the way so Reid could pass. He grabbed his satchel, which had been laying on the kitchen table, and pulled the strap over his shoulder before walking out the door.

Morgan leaned on the door frame watching him. It seemed like only yesterday he was sitting beside his bed, pleading with him to wake up. Or even, seeing him in that basement, meeting his gaze for the first time in over a year.

Finally they had gotten him back. But it was like a part of him was still trapped in that basement. They had all left something behind in that basement.

[0][o][0]

Reid felt happy the moment he walked into the BAU. Everything was as he remembered it. Dark suits, sophisticated faces, the faint yet ever present smell of caffeine. He smiled and looked over at Morgan. "It's good to be back."

"It hasn't been the same without you," Derek flashed him a bright, white smile. "Come on, the team's waiting." Reid followed Derek as he began heading towards the conference room. As they walked, Reid looked around at everything, smiling at how familiar everything felt and realizing just how much he had missed it all.

They passed his desk which was empty aside from his name block and a platter of chocolate chip cookies. Reid's brow furrowed in confusion, "Morgan?"

"Julie, the red head in processing." He flashed Reid a quick smile as he read the small note beside the cookies, and winked, "My man." Reid ignored him, shaking his head. He took a few moments before he began to follow Morgan again, allowing his fingers to linger on the smooth surface for a few moments, smiling at the thought of working again. Then he continued after Morgan who was waiting for him at the top of the stairs.

Reid continued to look around in complete memorization, and, as a result, he failed to notice the agent that stopped in front of him and just about bumped into him. "Dr. Reid." He recognized the man as agent Bultoiski, "It's good to have you back." He stuck out his hand, which Reid shook reluctantly. "Thank you." The agent nodded before walking away. But he was quickly replaced by another agent. Then another. And another. Until it seemed like the whole department had stopped to shake Reid's hand and welcomed him back.

Morgan chucked at Reid's slightly overwhelmed expression, "Like I said, 'its good to have you back' kid." Reid countered, shoving his hands in his pocket, "I hope that was the last one. I appreciate the warm welcome but did you know that there is approximately 332,000 genetically distinct bacteria on the human hand. That of which belong to 4,742 different species and can cause over 24 diseases and over 53 different sicknesses."

Morgan rolled his eyes in bemusement. He looked over at Reid, who's expression had conformed to suppressed outrage as another person, Bill, from the department of WM, stepped in front of him and stuck out a dirty hand for him to shake.

Morgan swallowed back a chuckle and couldn't feeling that Reid hadn't changed so much after all.

[0][o][0]

"'This is your fault'," JJ deadpanned. "The latest murder victim had this carved across their chest. Victim was 27 year old Jackson Thomson, African American, 6'4, Maintenance worker who lived alone, and the cause of death was blood loss. There is no evident correlation between between chosen victim, aside from the cause of death." JJ sighed, and clicked the remote and the crime scene photos appeared across the monitor. "For 6 months now, the unsub, has been able to avoid us, and has left behind no detectable trace or pattern, aside from the victims cause of death. We know that he is a sadist who thrives by inflicting pain onto others and will not stop...until he gets what he wants. He kills victims every 2 months, and leaves a message carved into their bodies. But he remains undetectable." She looked around at the others, and said what everyone was thinking. "If we can't trace him, we can't catch him."

"JJ." Hotch's voice was stern. "We can't think like that."

She threw up her hands in frustration, "Well what else can we do, Hotch? We have been at this for almost 6 months and still we have nothing. Nothing! He has killed 3 people with no connection or traceable pattern and before we know it he's gonna go after Spence again. How are we supposed to protect him if we can't even find this son of a bitch?" Her voice had risen in hysteria and Garcia stood up and pulled her into a tight embrace. They walked over to the corner and took a seat.

Emily voice rose over JJ's muffled sobs, "She's right Hotch." She looked into her Unit Chiefs dark eyes. "If we don't figure out something soon..." She trailed off.

Hotch knew that they had a point. It had been half a year since Ben had escaped from prison and still they had not even once come close to catching him. He was extremely smart, and whenever it seemed like the team was getting close, picking up a trace, he disappeared and left them with nothing. The Unit Chief sighed and looked around the room at the others. The shattered remains of his once strong, confident BAU team. In the last 6 months everything had just fallen apart. They had lost the zeal and intensity that had once made them an effective, strong, passionate force. With failure after failure they had begun to loose pieces of themselves. The passion that had once fueled their confidence and commitment now intensified their frustration, panic, and vexation.

It seemed that no matter how hard they tried, none of them would be able to prevent the inevitable.

Hotch pushed that thought from his mind. He couldn't think like that. Not when the most dangerous unsub they had ever faced was still on the loose. Hotch knew for damn sure he wasn't gonna let him win.

He had made a promise to himself, to Reid.

He was gonna catch that son of a bitch, and when he did Benjamin Reid would never be able to hurt another person.

"It's time." Hotch said and the others looked at him. Gracias eyes widened. "Hotch you can't mean..."

All eyes drifted to the cardboard box in the corner of the room, filled with tapes.

[0][o][0]

Reid didn't know why his heart was pounding so hard, but he couldn't shake the feeling as Morgan knocked on the door. It seemed like forever since he had seen his team. All together, like a family.

But it wasn't like Reid hadn't seen them. He remembered the day when he woke up from his coma, Hotch had been the first one to visit him. Hotch had explained to him everything that the doctor couldn't: that he had been on a case, investigating a suspect when everything went bad. But the explanation lacked the details Reid craved and Hotch simply offered, "the accident". A single word that both failed and succeeded in explaining everything that had happened.

But Reid knew that there was more to "the accident" that everyone lead on about. He could see it in the way they acted around him. The uneasy softness to Garcia's voice. The emotion that clouded Morgan's eyes. Or the fact that Emily no longer smiled.

They were burdened by a tremendous secret. All of them. And a part of him longed to know the true.

The door opened and Hotch stood before them. The older man's grave expression conformed to the tug of his cheeks and he smiled. "Welcome back Agent." Reid slowly stuck out his hand, but the Unit Chief ignored it and pulled him into a hug. "Welcome back."

"Thanks Hotch." Reid replied. The older man pulled away, and nodded at him. Reid smiled, but couldn't help but notice that there was something off about Hotch. He seemed...shaken.

"Spence." JJ rushed forward and pulled Reid into a tight hug. She held him tightly, and he could feel her shake slightly. He pulled away and saw that she was crying. "JJ? Are you alright?" The blond nodded wiping her watery cheeks with the backs of her hands. She looked up and smiled warmly, though her eyes were cloudy-like Hotch's. "I'm just really happy your ok."

"Thanks JJ. Me too." He took a breath and turned to Rossi, who immediately pulled him into a fatherly embrace. "Glad you're back." Reid looked at the older agent curiously, but offered a smile and thanks.

Next, Reid looked to Garcia who seemed to be frozen, as she stood motionless in the corner of the room. Slowly, he walked over to her and tilted his head. "Garcia?" He asked in a soft voice. She didn't move for a while, until finally her eyes met his and she wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight as she cried into his shirt. He tried to pull away to get a look at her face, but she clung to him, for dear life, and Reid did nothing more but hold her until she finally let him go, turning away.

She fumbled around in her purse, until the quiet room filled with the familiar clattering of pills. A few moments, later Garcia had turned back to Reid, her breathing slowing pace.

"Don't-don't scare me like that again, Bambi." She smiled through her resonating sadness. She looked so fragile, and small, and Reid felt his heart drop at the sight. Could this all be his fault?

He pulled her into a another reassuring hug, "I promise I won't."

For a long while, Reid simply held her tightly as she sobbed.

The last person in the room hadn't moved since the younger agent had arrived, and now was watching the young man intently as he walked from agent to agent. The thumping and rhythmic pounding of her heart drummed through her entire body. After what she had just seen, she found herself almost unable to face him. She watched as he simply held Garcia in his arms as she cried, and she prayed that should would stay strong, if not for herself, but for Reid.

But when Reid finally turned to face Emily, she couldn't stop herself from the sob that escaped her lips and she pulled him into a tight embrace, hoping that even after she let go, he would still hold on.

For everyone in the room, aside from the genius, noticed that there was now one watched tape missing from the box in the corner of the room.

[0][o][0]

"You're on desk duty, Agent." Director Strauss said in an authoritative voice that left no room for argument.

But Reid found he couldn't stop himself from asking, "Is there no way that I can help on the-"

"No."

"What if I.."

"I said no!"

"If I were..."

"Dr. Reid, the only out-of-office duty you can expect is a coffee run! You are assigned to desk duty until I say otherwise. Have I made myself perfectly clear?" Reid nodded quickly. "Now you are dismissed." Reid nodded and quickly exited her office, careful to shut the door softly behind him.

"Ouch!" Reid looked up and saw Morgan leaning against the door. "Even I felt that one."

Reid shrugged, "Worth a shot." Then he pulled out a 20. "You want any coffee? I'm buying."

[0][o][0]

The small café buzzed with a lively atmosphere and Reid was glad that he had left the BAU for a little while. He needed a break from everyone, which was strange, since it was still only 9:27 in the morning and he had only returned for approximately 47 minutes.

"Next."

A bit awkwardly, he walked up to the counter where a young girl stood smiling at him. "Good morning." She chirped. "What can I get you?"

"2 coffees, 1 black. The other extra milk and... 6 sugars." He scratched his head in slight embarrassment. The young girl smiled, "Don't worry, I like mine sweet too." She disappeared behind the counter. As Reid waited, he gazed around the small café. He had been their countless times before and in the year and a half absent nothing had changed. Well, except for Maria, his usual barista. He looked around for her but she wasn't there.

'I guess she quit', he thought, sighing in disappointment.

"Here you are, sir." The young girl, whose name tag read Elizabeth, said. "That will be 3.75." Reid handed her the money and watched as she made the transaction.

"Here is your coffee." Elizabeth smiled. "Hope you have a nice day."

He picked up his coffee, but before he could leave, despite himself, decided to ask.

"Um, Elizabeth?"

"The young girl looked up in surprise, "Yes?"

Reid rubbed a hand through his hair, a nervous tick he had when talking to girls, well people in general. "Would-would you know, uh-what happened to a barista that used to work here? Her name was Maria." He watched as the smile dropped from her face, her eyes growing sad.

"She-uh was killed." Reid's eyes grew impossibly wide and Elizabeth nodded sadly. "Yea, about a two years ago actually. Just about a-a month after I started working here. She was on her way home when...some guy attached her. He-well...she didn't make it."

Elizabeth pointed to the corner of the café that held a small memorial. "He was never caught."

Reid froze in disbelief.

"Did you know each other?" She asked softly and Reid answered as though he was in a daze, "I bought coffee from her every day. She was one of the nicest people I had ever met." He slowly walked over to the memorial. Inside the picture frame was indeed Maria's picture, he could recognize her bright smile anywhere. He stared at her face for a long while.

Suddenly, an image flashed in his mind and Reid lost hold of the coffees. They fell to the ground and spilled all over the floor. He failed to notice however, his gaze never leaving Maria's picture.

"Are you okay?" In the back of his mind he could hear someone speaking, but it was but a faint echo. "Your shaking."

Was he? Reid looked down and saw that his whole body was trembling. He felt faint. And before he knew it everything disappeared.

[0][o][0]

"And we are"-the clock changed to 12- "closed!" Maria flipped the sign over so that it read closed and locked the main entrance. For a moment she leaned against the door, rejoicing in finally be off the clock, before pulling down the shades. She walked over to the counter cleaned the machines and smiled at the cup that sat at the edge of the counter.

She walked over and read the black ink scribbled on the side, "Can I have your name for a change?" Followed by a blotchy phone number and a windy smily face. She felt butterflies well up inside her when she thought about him. The sweet FBI agent that ordered coffee from her every morning. She squealed in excitement.

When everything was cleaned and polished, she turned off the lights and locked the door behind her. She grasped the cup in her hand tightly as she began the mile trek to her apartment. Her car was being fixed in the shop.

But she didn't mind the walk. Actually she enjoyed it, sometimes even looked forward to the peacefulness after a long day. Rarely did she see anyone, and on the occasion that she did she knew how to handle herself.

She began humming, and her sweet voice filled the void of the empty night. Behind her, she failed to notice as footsteps approached.

A cold hand grabbed her wrist and Maria gasped. Her eyes widened, "its you."

An icy metal blade pierced her abdomen and Maria withered to the floor. Her blood pooled where the killer stood.

The killer's hazel eyes shinned in the moon's luminescence as a bright smile filled his face. "This is your fault, Reid."

[0][o][0]

"Sir? Sir?" Someone was shaking him. "Oh God, what do I do? What do I do?"

Reid opened his eyes slowly and stared up at Elizabeth, who's expression became relieved. "Oh thank God."

"What happened?" Reid asked, rubbing his head where he guessed he hit it at the edge of the table.

"I'm not sure. I turned to clean one of the coffee machines then I hear a loud thud and the next thing I know is your on the floor." After a moment, she helped him to his feet.

"Thank you." Reid replied shakily. He couldn't remember what happened, but he felt sick and had this strange feeling that he couldn't explain.

He felt like he was forgetting something, something very important. He tried to remember, recounting every second proceeding his fall. He turned around and stared at Maria's picture. He knew that whatever happened had something to do with it. But he just couldn't remember what.

"Thank you for your help," Reid said shakily. "I'm sorry about the mess."

Elizabeth looked concerned, "Don't worry about it. Are you sure you're ok?"

Before he could answer his phone began to ring and he jumped. Smiling wearily he nodded before walking towards the door.

Maria watched him exit the café, and smiled.

She turned back to the picture frame. "It worked."