A small piece written to shake off the rust of this inactivity period!
Written with a /phrase prompt/ from Writeworld on tumblr.
PROMPT: "I'm not here to help you"

THE SPACE HAMSTER RETRIEVAL MISSION

'Garrus?'

Tali voice echoed in the Main Battery, diverting the turian's attention from his usual calibrations. He sighed a bit inwardly, already giving up the illusion of getting his work done in peace.

'What is it Tali?' he asked, his subarmonics vibrating with a hint of annoyance.

'Uhm...I think you'd want to get down here? I heard Shepard screaming multiple words that my translator couldn't pick up, though I suspect they were all swears…' the quarian girl admitted, a bit preoccupied.

Whatever was going on down on Deck Four, it probably wasn't good.

Nothing that involved a screaming Shepard was ever good. And most of the time it was worse for the other party involved.

Again, Garrus sighed in defeat.

'On my way.'

The scene that was currently unfolding in front of his eyes was something he had certainly not anticipated.

But there he was, standing on the stairs to the lower level of the Engineering deck, watching as the mighty Commander Shepard crawled through tubes and other instalment, all the while quietly muttering to herself about…something regarding small hairy and adorable yet sneaky animals?

'Shepard?' he tentatively asked, mandibles flaring lightly in confusion.

The woman, well aware of his presence, – there never were a time when Shepard wasn't aware of his presence – ordered him to hush.

She had a mission, and it was of vital importance not to make too much noise (or at least less noise that she had in the first two minutes of that frustrating quest).

Her imposition for silence only made Garrus more confused than before.

'Shepard, I know the destiny of the galaxy is a crushing weight, but why are you crawling down here?' he tried once more.

His answer dashed in front of him a minute later, scurrying quickly from one side to the other of the narrow space Jack had once reclaimed as her quarters.

Shepard jumped forward the moment the fuzzy thing passed in front of her eyes, but the animal seemed to be quicker than its clumsy chaser, and sped out of her reach, disappearing in the safety of shadows.

'Oh fuck me!' the Commander groaned from her spot on the ground.

Garrus couldn't help the chuckle that left his throat.

The almighty Valery Shepard, sprawled on the floor, pouting and mouthing obscenity towards a fuzzy ball of hair was a sight that not many could say to have witnessed. And survived, most likely.

But it was a sight that amused Garrus to no end.

'Well, when you put it like that…' he trailed off, crossing his arms and cocking a hip out.

Val shot a glare up at her boyfriend being all sassy at her and didn't miss the sparkle behind his eyes.

'Very funny big guy, very funny…' she bit back, raising from the floor and dusting her clothes off.

'So, are you here to laugh at me or are you actually going to give me a hand and capture that little furry bastard?' she demanded, standing and mimicking what she had labelled his "sassy-pose".

'Oh, I'm not here to help you. I just got called to make sure that you weren't trying to destroy your own ship.' he said, mandibles wide in a very Garrus-like grin. 'But, if you really want to know, your furry thing is going to come out of his hidey-hole in three, two, one…' he trailed off, watching his girlfriend's senses going haywire for second and then recover in a blink of an eye (even though Turians couldn't really blink…) before she jumped down on the floor with unsurprising ease.

The scream of victory that left her lungs once the Hamster had been successfully secured, could be heard through the whole Normandy – quiet literally – and attracted the attention of the whole Deck Four and Five.

In a minute the small space was crammed with people.

'Aye Commander, I see ya' finally got the little besterd!' Donnelly laughed, while Gabby shook her head even though she was smirking.

'So that's what she was doing down here then.' Tali stated more than asked, not in the least surprised by her friend behaviour.

'Should I write a piece about how you fearlessly rescued your hamster, Commander?' Diana Allers chuckled.

'Please do!' was Cortez amused suggestion.

Vega shot one of his puns at his Commanding Officer, causing a general laugh, that was almost immediately followed by a disgruntled Javick rumbling something on the lines of "This damn primitives".

After some more well-placed jabs at the Commander, they were all dismissed by the latter with some very convincing threat that had them all scurrying out in no time.

Only Garrus stayed back to accompany her back and maybe make a bit more fun out of her accomplishment.

'Say one word, and the next stop of the Normandy will be an undefined amount of time on Noveria.' She simply told him once they made it back in the elevator, at which he thought better than to speak up.

He hated Noveria, after all.

Later that night, as the two lovers slept peacefully (and with some satisfaction, in Shepard's case), the poor hamster was left to wander what he had done to deserve to be back in his plastic case.

Other prompts may follow in the future, not sure.