Title: Pearl Says Fuck

Pairing/s: Rose/Pearl, Garnet/Pearl.

Disclaimer: Let Pearl Say Fuck.

Summary: Let Pearl Say Fuck.

Pearl, of course, masters the human languages faster than any of them.

Rose tries her best, but there's no way she can keep up; Pearl absorbs information like a starving man, absolutely ravenous for any sort of knowledge. Plus, Rose may or may not have a slight tendency towards distraction. It's not her fault the animals of Earth are all so adorable.

The first time Rose hears the words they're in hurried, breathless Mohawk, and Pearl's thighs are quivering under her hands. "Rose, oh God, oh fuck—" and Rose doesn't quite know what she's saying but somehow she understands all the same. She swallows the sounds with a kiss and then trails her lips down Pearl's soft stomach: and then, even lower.

In the morning, she asks Pearl about the words, and is pleased to watch a faint-blue tint spread across Pearl's cheeks. "They—uh, er, that is to say—it's—humans can be rather vulgar, and—" Pearl covers her mouth with her hand and stares at the floor. "—hm."

Rose laughs. "I won't tell if you won't," she grins, because the thought of those words in the mouth of her Pearl, her prim, delicate, proper Pearl makes her feel all sorts of things Pearl would consider vulgar. She tips up Pearl's chin and kisses her lips and enjoys the rapidly deepening blush on Pearl's face.

From that point on, Rose delights in making Pearl curse, whether it's from moving her fingers just so or from Garnet startling her just right. Pearl insists she's above such language—and usually she is, except when that stupid, fucking Gem monster won't stop eating her fucking spears, or when Ruby and Sapphire are being infantile, thick-headed little shits because Pearl told them they needed to unfuse before Garnet completely overworked their bodies. Pearl, they've discovered, has a lot of patience for a lot of things, but if you hit a certain number of her buttons in combination, the resulting explosion of frustration is glorious.

One of her buttons is disarray. They discover that one because Rose has not one iota of organization in her body, and there are battle plans scattered all over the rebel base. It's usually fine, because Pearl likes cleaning and she'd spend hours putting things in order if she could, but one day she's rushing into the base because Ruby has cracked her gem again and "Rose, oh my God, she's—" when all of a sudden Pearl reels to a halt, and takes in the mess of papers and ink littering the floor.

She draws a deep breath; closes her eyes for a brief moment.

"Rose," Pearl says, with absolute calm, "what the fuck?"

Rose, who has a good amount of ink on her, as well, puts her fingers in her hair sheepishly. "Pearl, I'm sorry, I know you spent all morning cleaning this, there was—er, see, there was this incident, and—"

"I—I was only gone for an hour. How…?"

"Well, the—the uh, the flow of Strategy works in mysterious ways, and—"

"It's… it's alright. Don't worry. I'll just—" Pearl looks dazed. Rose watches, concerned, as she sets a rapidly-flickering Ruby down on Rose's desk and begins to numbly pick up the mess.

"Pearl, I really am sorry—"

"Don't worry, Rose."

"Pearl—"

Pearl sighs and crosses her arms in a way that—now, this is just Rose's opinion—could bring to mind the appearance of a cranky human child. Ruby mumbles something about that 'ugly White motherfucker' and abruptly passes out on top of Rose's battle plans.

"Pearl—" Rose tries again.

"I'm busy," Pearl says with an expression that clearly says she fears for the future of the rebellion, and continues to neatly fold away Rose's paperwork. Rose makes a 'yikes' face and does her best not to push too many of Pearl's buttons for the rest of the day.

Another one of Pearl's buttons is stress. Well, probably all of her buttons could relate to stress in some way (Pearl does not handle pressure Well) but there's a certain kind of stress that brings out the sailor in her, and usually it has to do with not knowing—pardon the language—what the fuck is going on.

"We have a plan, right?" Pearl asks in that fake-bright voice that lets Rose know she's probably terrified. "Right? Rose has a plan. We're going to be totally fine."

"Pearl, calm down," Garnet says. Rose is frankly surprised Garnet is still standing after that last battle. Surprised, but grateful, because if it weren't for Garnet, they'd probably have never found this cave.

Pearl, on the other hand, is entirely incapable of looking on the bright side. "Rose, you definitely have a plan," she insists, a little hysterically. The half-crazed smile on her face is beginning to slip in the rising panic.

Rose thinks about it. Shrugs. "We'll work it out."

"Rose, there is a fusion the size of a Diamond outside this cave . You HAVE A PLAN."

In hindsight, Rose recognizes that Pearl's sense of self-preservation is likely heightened due to her years serving the Diamonds. From what she's seen, Diamond Pearls don't tend to last too long, even in comparison to regular Pearls. The amount of flinching Pearl used to do is heartbreaking, and Rose understands that she will never quite value life in the way that Pearl does.

All the same, Pearl does need to calm down.

"Pearl, you trust me, don't you?" Rose asks her gently, putting a soothing hand on her shoulder.

"Abso-fucking-lutely, Rose!" Pearl replies with a grin so big her face looks like it's going to crack in half. If her face wasn't pretty much frozen that way, she'd probably be screaming.

Rose tries not to take it personally.

The truth is, if 50% of Pearl's buttons revolve around stress, then a good 40% revolve around Rose herself (and the remaining 10% is a horrifying, shatter-dreading mix of the two). It's sometime around their hundredth year fighting when Pink Diamond comes, and Rose holds tight to her sword on a battleground filled with the stench of death, and Pearl stands rigid beside her.

It would've been fine, probably. Like, they probably could have made it out of this one with a combination of Rose's decent negotiation tactics and Pearl's natural finesse. Maybe.

Except Pink Diamond had some choice words to say about her former Quartz; words that involved terms such as 'traitor' and 'abomination' and 'human-fucking whore'.

The next thing Rose knows, Pearl is flying towards their enemy with her sword out and screaming, and Rose barely catches what she's saying, bits and pieces of 'don't you fucking say that about her!' and 'you execrable, repulsive piece of shit!' and 'better add pearl-fucker to that list of grievances, you maleficent bitch!'

Then Pink Diamond pulls out her weapon, and for a long time after that, Pearl doesn't say anything at all.

Amethyst, they learn fairly quickly, is a button all of her own.

It's surprising and yet entirely not, Rose decides as she walks smack into yet another argument between the two. Surprising, because after all, Pearl was the one who insisted on bringing Amethyst home with them in the first place.

Not surprising, because it's Amethyst and Pearl.

"Amethyst, where the fuck is my saber?"

"Amethyst, get the fuck down from there!"

"Fucking—Amethyst, for fuck's sake—Amethyst! "

Amethyst is probably the only person who enjoys making Pearl curse more than Rose herself; not because she thinks it's cute (which it definitely is) but for the sole purpose ofblackmail. Amethyst also happens to be capable of breaking through Pearl's prudishness with an accuracy Rose finds stunning.

"Oh, so when I use that word it's 'crude' and 'vulgar', but when you use it—"

"Amethyst! "

(It's still cute, though.)

It takes Rose much longer than she'd like to admit to figure out just which of Pearl's buttons Greg is apparently pushing At All Times. And you know what? Rose thinks things could go a lot worse, all things considered. After a little while, Pearl's constant referral to Greg as a 'personified shit-stain' becomes almost polite. Like, you know, "Hello, shit-eating son-of-a-whore, how was your day today?"

When Greg and Rose announce the Plan, Pearl becomes even more polite. Extremely polite. Worryingly polite.

Rose never hears her Pearl curse again.

"Pearl, take a deep breath."

"Garnet, she called him ugly! That—"

"Pearl. Steven. "

"But—"

Garnet points at the oblivious two-year-old seated in the cart. Steven has paint on his fingers, and mud on his cheeks, and cavities in his teeth. Pearl looks at him. Reluctantly, she follows Garnet's instructions. Draws a deep breath.

"Bitch ," she mutters under her breath as they pass the lady who is clearly blind, because Steven is beautiful. Garnet gives her a quelling look, and she sighs. Apparently swearing in front of human children is Wrong. Doesn't stop Amethyst. Or even Garnet, at times. But Pearl is supposedly a 'role model', now, and that means learning to be patient, because at this point, she still sees Steven more than any of them.

The years pass, and gradually, they learn how to avoid pressing Pearl's buttons—in front of Steven, at least. There are still times when Amethyst sneaks up on her ("Ah! Shit!Amethyst! ") and times when Garnet's tongue is on her neck ("Oh, fuck, oh God, please don't stop"). But for the most part, Pearl is Good, and the times when she isn't, Garnet is able to hold her back.

Things are different, yes. They'll never quite be the same. But Pearl has people who love her, and people she loves, and people who know just when to push her buttons in just the right ways.

Of course, it's still entirely possible for new buttons to form.

"OKAY, THAT'S IT, COME OUT OF THE BATHROOM YOU LITTLE—"

"Pearl! "

fin