No Vacancy
Chapter Twenty

-o-

Jason watched as her face flooded with color so red it seemed painful, and panic filled her eyes. Everything darkened at the edges, growing fuzzy and unfamiliar. He stumbled over his own breath, words sliding off his tongue like raindrops on a window pane. Nothing seemed to stick to his brain, let alone to his mouth, and he just stared down at her, his weight shifting on his forearms as he felt every inch of her flutter around him. She was still basking in the aftershocks of something slow and magical, and he could see the fine sheen of sweat dot her forehead.

She…

…had said…

Raven's eyes fell, and she closed them with a soft noise he couldn't quite decipher, but sounded of disappointment and embarrassment. He could see her shame grow even more on her face, as if she wanted to take back everything that she said, but it was too late. Jason watched her throat work, as if she was trying to come up with an excuse to cover-up her words, to turn it into something else, but she couldn't. They were now hanging between them, and all he had to do was reach out and acknowledge them. He just had to admit to himself, that this wasn't a dream.

He wanted to dig his fingers into her and touch her flesh just to remind himself that this was real. This wasn't one of his drunken fevered dreams where he imagined a moment like this, this was Raven. Not a hallucination, but… tangible. She was underneath him, practically trembling, allowing the tenderest part of her soul to be exposed to him - to the guy who goaded and teased her, who told her that this was nothing more than a good fuck. She was leaving herself open for heartache and pain, knowing that if he didn't reciprocate her feelings, then she might be just as wounded as she was when they found each other all those months ago.

Every inch of him hurt with a pain that felt so wretched and so wonderful all at the same time. He didn't know that it could feel like this, like he was basking in a kind of white heat that threatened to rip him apart while simultaneously putting him back together.

Jason closed his eyes, letting his head fall down the few scant inches to brush against her own. His arms were trembling now, and he took a gasping breath, tasting sex and her still lingering between them. Behind the darkness of his eyelids, he could see every memory that they had built - her want outside the seedy sex shop, the emptiness inside her when he called out Starfire's name instead of her own, the empty ache that healed with every encounter… and then her tilted smile, the way she couldn't use chopsticks, the laugh when he made a bad joke or a horrific pun, and his name.

Oh god, he should have known the truth about her feelings the minute she said his name. The soft cries on her lips as he devoured every inch of her he could taste, as he let his tongue find hollows of her that he didn't want to keep secret. He should have known how she felt about him then, maybe this would have been easier, maybe he could have saved them so much time. They wouldn't have had to drag this out for so long, and he wouldn't be laying here, as breathless as if he'd run a marathon. They wouldn't have to break apart even more just to be put together in a jumble of mismatched pieces.

"I…" Raven struggled to find something to say, but Jason didn't want to hear it.

His nose nudged her own, feeling her muscles tense in a weird muscle-memory of caution as his lips brushed just so against her own. It was a barely-there kiss, a prelude to something else, but it was careful. As rough as they were with each other, as hard as they could be and how much they had wanted to break bones and scar tender flesh, they were still careful. And this moment felt like the spindle of blown glass, fine and ready to shatter at any moment.

His lips moved against hers again, and he could taste so much clinging to them, everything they had tried to say but didn't come out right and all the things they both hoped would come to light. It was as if every fear was washed away with that near-painful heat, and Jason pressed his lips to her own, taking his time to kiss her right. He wanted this to be what it should have been so long ago, a slow, languid drag of lips against each other. He felt, more than heard, a soft sound rumble in her chest and Jason smiled against her mouth. Raven was cautious for a moment, unsure if she understood what he was trying to do - try to stop her from saying more, or expressing his feelings without saying a word.

Jason hoped after the long minutes passed and her muscles eased into his, that his body said what his mouth couldn't quite form. He hoped his kisses told her everything she needed to hear, and maybe it did. In this moment, it felt like someone had gifted him with something he shouldn't have - something that was stolen from him years ago when he was broken and left for dead. And here Raven was, returning it to him in a way he never expected. He was just as shattered as him, but… but maybe they could just find their own, imperfect form of comfort.

He pulled away, his breath loud and ragged in the silence between them. Raven's lips were swollen, cheeks flushed for an entirely different reason, and there was just a hint of a smile to her mouth. But a question still hung between them, waiting for something that she needed to know, to hear in his own voice.

"I love you too." His forehead rested against hers again, his heart still pounding in his chest.

There was a raw tenderness that spread across her face and Jason felt the world around him tumble end-over-end until his head was spinning with so many thoughts and emotions, he didn't know which way was up any more. It was as if little pieces of her were wedging their way into his heart, and he was helpless but to let her in. He was… smitten. Ugh.

Still… with Raven, it didn't seem so bad. He didn't mind this feeling at all, no matter how terrifying it was.

One of his arms snaked around the small of her back and he pulled her up, leaning back on his ankles as she settled on his lap. Her thighs tightened against his hips, and she rocked her body just enough to let him know that she was still eager for him. As sore as she might be from everything they had done last night and this morning, she still wanted. He could feel his body come to life again, blood pumping through his veins as he felt her hands slide down the sides of his face, cupping his cheeks. Her fingers were cool and gentle, as if she was mapping him just for herself.

Her plum hair fell out from behind her ear, tickling his skin. He loved being this close, this intimate with her.

"Are you going to say that you're going to show me how much you love me?" There was a cheeky lilt to her voice, and he could feel her muscles tighten around his cock, teasing and sending jolts of electricity up and down his spine. Jason's head tilted back on his shoulders. Oh, she was asking for it at this point.

"Of course." He grinned and kissed along her jaw, pulling her so tight against him that he could feel the pound of her heart, and the excitement singing through her veins. She hummed against his throat, still smiling.

"But first, breakfast." With a laugh he picked her up and pushed her back onto the downy covers.

Raven lay there for a long moment, watching as he pulled on his underwear. Her lips pursed and she sat up, the soft playful look melting into disbelief. She looked like a cat that had been left out in a storm, and desperately wanted to come in. "You can't be serious."

"Of course I am." He shrugged, his smile growing as he watched her annoyed disappointment, barely holding back that weird effervescent laughter - the kind you got when you were in love for the first time. "Boy's gotta eat, Princess." His eyes drug down the length of her before meeting her face again. "And as delicious as you are, we should probably eat actual food… we're gonna need something to keep up out stamina after all."

Her lips tugged up just enough to make him return the smile. Okay, so he was out of the doghouse for now.

"Come on, I'll make you tea while we wait, Love."

He didn't expect to say it, but somehow it just escaped, and the endearment tasted nice on his tongue. It was like a flavor that he had always eyed behind glass but never tried. From the barest edge of his vision, he watched Raven tuck her head against her chest, as if she liked it too. Her lips pulled to the side and she dug out her underwear from the covers before stumbling after him, her steps like a newborn foal's.

Oh god, he was such a gonner.

They never finished breakfast, and it took the smoke alarm from the bacon burning in the pan to get Jason to scramble from between her legs and turn everything off. Raven just laughed as he tried to avoid getting hot grease splattered against his chest and other sensitive areas. He just glared at her from beneath his too-long lashes, but his look held all bark and no bite. Raven knew all his secrets now… and, he knew hers too. There seemed to be no more walls to hide behind, no defenses to throw up, nothing that kept them protected from the world and each other, and it felt strangely freeing. It felt honest and real, and even though every step they had made to get here was the wrong one somehow, it turned out alright.

She lay there, on the cool tile of his kitchen floor, staring at the ceiling taking deep breaths as she replayed every memory of them over and over in her mind. Everything seemed to mash together, and still be oddly separate and individual. Her memory held so many different things, and yet it was somehow a sum of its parts. Everything from their interactions, to the way he looked at her, to how he gave her exactly what she needed, opening her up and allowing her wounds to heal. The way he looked at her when the words came tumbling out of her mouth… she wasn't sure what made her say them, only that she knew they were true.

Jason was patient with her, careful in a way that was uniquely him. He knew when to push and when to pull away, when to bite and when to hold back. He knew how to care for her in a way her own friends still hadn't figured out. He was nothing short of a miracle to her, something more than just a good roll in the hay, even more than a friend. He was… she didn't have words. Everytime she tried to place them, they disappeared. All she could see was that scarred, lopsided smile and little, rolling chuckle in the back of his throat.

He was just there, showing her that real love was somewhere, and that it could be hers.

"Well… that was a good attempt."

He ran his fingers through his hair, flicking his streak of white into his eyes. He looked charming, even with the scars around his eyes and along his jaw. Raven never thought anyone looked charming, but somehow he managed to do it with ease. Oh god, she was turning lovesick and that was just an embarrassment. He would never let her live it down if he ever found out.

"You don't have to woo me with your cooking, you know." She lifted her arms and let them rest above her head. "You did that last night with the souffle."

His smile pulled to the side and he stood over her grinning. Even from here… whew, Raven didn't believe in luck, but this seemed to be her lucky day.

"You just gonna lay there all day?"

"Depends." Raven shrugged, her lips pulling up at the edge as she adjusted her knees a little wider. "Are you going to finish your breakfast appetizer or not?"

He licked his lips.

Hey, friends. Sorry it's a little saccharine and maybe not a good wrap-up of all the nonsense that went on in the previous 19 chapters, but I hope it's not awful. Thank you so much for being spectacular and keeping with me for so long. Hey, look. I finished something.

Thanks for being awesome.