Author's Note: This is the final chapter of my first fanfiction. I wish I could have ended it better but I was like half a page away from being done with this for over two months so I figured I needed to just hold my breath and write something to finish it up. I apologize if the last page worth or so isn't that satisfying, but I think I got the conversation I wanted to write out there.

Thank you to everyone who commented/favorited/followed. You have no idea how much the feedback means to me.

Jonathan never thought he would be grateful to go back to his normal schedule, even if it meant getting his ass handed to him by Jace during training. This was the third time he landed flat on his back, and the training mats were doing next to nothing to cushion the marble tile underneath. He tried his hardest to suck air back into his lungs.

"So you just don't remember anything?" Jace offered his hand and Jonathan used it to pull himself to his feet.

Jonathan picked his bo staff back up off the ground. "Pretty much. Like Imagine reading a book and skipping like three or four chapters in the middle. That's kind of what it feels like. I know what happened before and what happened after, but the only thing I know about the middle is the bits and pieces people bring up now."

Jace thought about the comparison for a moment before nodding. They both moved back into fighting stances. "And you told Clary all of this over text message?" Jace lunged forward but Jonathan blocked his strike. "That seems like it should be a face to face conversation."

Jonathan preformed a combination of moves. Jace was able to counter each one but he still had to take a step back. "Not her mind. Not her say." Jonathan tried to kick Jace's foot out from underneath him, but Jace side stepped it easily. "And I'm still a little mad at her."

"Clary was just trying to help," Jace pointed out as he aimed a hit at Jonathan's shoulder. The blow echoed pain down his upper arm, but he was able to keep his hold on the staff. "She wants you to be able to move on. Isn't that what you were doing when you had Magnus do his thing? Finding a way to move on?"

"Remember when I said I was cool with you dating my sister?" Jonathan blocked another blow from Jace, "I'm going to take that back if you keep taking her side."

"Too late, I'm taking her out tomorrow." Jace made a move that cost Jonathan his grip just as his phone beeped on the other side of the room.

Jonathan held his hands up in a silent sign that he was ready for a time out. Jace nodded in the direction of his phone. "I'd rephrase that next time," Jonathan picked up his phone, "When trained soldiers say they're 'taking someone out' it usually means something a little different than what you just said."

"Noted." Jace picked up Jonathan's abandoned bo staff and put it back on the rack.

A new text from Luke was waiting in Jonathan's messages.

I'm sorry about the other day. Mom and Luke are out. Do you want to come over to Luke's and order in? My treat. –Clary

He read over the text message a few times before deciding how to respond. It had been two days since he left Clary at the hospital. Of the two uncomfortable situations he was avoiding this one was probably the most unnecessary.

Fine. I need to jump in the shower first. I'll be there in an hour.

"Hey, I'm going to Luke's to hang out with Clary," Jonathan tucked his phone in his back pocket, "I'll be back by eleven in case I'm actually allowed to patrol tonight. Let the Lightwoods know for me?"

Jace paused folding up the training mat, "Sure. Tell Clary I said hi."

-o.0.o-

It was only a little over a week ago that Jonathan had visited Luke's house for the first time but it felt like months. Hopefully, he wouldn't be pinned to the ground this time. Less jumping out of windows would also be nice.

He jogged up the front steps of Luke's stoop and rapt his knuckles against the wood of the door, hoping Clary would be able to hear him. Luke's house seemed a lot less daunting under today's circumstances. The blinds in the front windows were open and he could see the light of a television set. The never had one at the institute, but a couple of the bars they stopped at on patrols had several mounted in the place.

Jonathan felt his phone buzz in his jacket pocket. Another text from Luke's phone.

In the middle of something in the kitchen. Can't get the door. It's unlocked. –Clary

He tried the door knob and pushed but the door stuck. He remembered Clary's trick from his first visit. Jonathan lined his shoulder up with the right part of the door and slammed his side into it. Shadowhunter training and demon strength kicked in and made him overestimate the amount of force. He stumbled into the foyer with the door.

He froze briefly, checking the surrounding area to see if anyone had noticed. True to Clary's word, Luke and their mother were nowhere in sight. "Clary?" He called after closing the door.

The sound of a refrigerator door being slammed answered him. Last time he was here, Jonathan didn't get too much time to memorize the floor plan, mostly because he spent so much time on the floor. He went in the direction he felt the sound had come from.

"Clary?" He called again as he crossed the threshold into the kitchen. He saw a glimpse of red hair out of the corner of his eyes. "Hey, you really shouldn't leave the door—"

It wasn't Clary in the kitchen. His mother was in the middle of putting dishes away. She really did look like Clary. Or more accurately, Clary looked like her. Same red hair and curls, same face shape, same nose.

The same eyes.

Jonathan didn't move. "Unlocked?" Jocelyn finished his sentence for him while she closed the cabinet door. She straightened up and smoothed her shirt. Tiny flecks of paint dotted the hem of the blue button up. "Clary told me about your argument. I thought I'd take matters into my own hands and send you those texts. I've lied so much, I figured one more small one wouldn't make much of a difference"

Jonathan couldn't think of a response. He wasn't even sure if that's what she wanted. Jocelyn just kept looking at his face, and no matter how much Jonathan wanted to look away or run out of the room he just stood there staring at her.

The silence between them stretched on for an eternity, at most it was probably only a couple of minutes, but the longer they stood there the more afraid Jonathan felt. He didn't want to admit it, but he was waiting for the rejection, for her to tell him to leave and never come back.

It took him a moment to notice the tears in her eyes. He opened his mouth to say something but his brain wasn't coming up with anything.

Jocelyn wasn't anything close to what he had imagined in his head. Jonathan had painted her as callous and uncaring to help himself deal with the fact she left him. He wanted to convince himself that he didn't want her either. He hadn't expected her to look at him like that.

Jocelyn looked away first, tilting her head down so she could wipe her eyes. "I suppose I should thank you for looking after your sister. Things didn't exactly go the way we thought they would." She sniffed and looked back up at him. "God, you should hear the way she talks about you. It's the same way she would talk about the superheroes in those movies she and Simon love."

Her words should have been comforting-and they were to a point, but they were also extremely upsetting.

"What did I do?" Jonathan was surprised by how small he sounded even to himself. Jocelyn looked confused. He couldn't look her in the eye when he elaborated, so he stared at the spot on the counter where her hand rested. "I've spent almost my entire life wondering what it was that I did. I mean I understand that the black eyes are unsettling, but I couldn't think of anything I could have done as a two-year-old that would make you leave me like that.

"I grew up watching Maryse Lightwood argue and get frustrated with her kids time after time, but at the end of the day it was like she hit a reset button. Nothing they did was bad enough that it made her stop loving them. And they could talk back." Jonathan had gotten louder the longer he spoke but his voice was audibly shaking. Tears stung at his own eyes. "So for years, I've been trying to figure out what I did that was bad enough to get you to stop. I know our situation is nothing like the Lightwoods, not even close, but there had to be some part of you that wanted to save me, right?"

Jocelyn answered almost immediately, "If I had known there was any way, I would have. I was so young and so scared. I didn't know what he had done to you. I didn't know if I could fix it. Then I got pregnant again and your father—well you know what he's like—I ran out of time. I needed to do something. Jonathan, I never thought he'd try to hurt you. He adored you." She was telling the truth. Jonathan felt sick to his stomach. Being something that earned Valentine's adoration wasn't something he could wear with a badge of honor.

Any other time he thought about this moment he was furious. He had never thought that he would get to this moment at all, and he definitely never thought that he would feel this vulnerable if he did. Jonathan took a deep breath and met his mother's eyes. "Please just tell me you aren't going to turn me away without getting to know me first."

"Those two years were the hardest of my life. I hated Valentine for doing this to you, and I hated myself for how I felt about you when you were just a baby." What she didn't say but implied was that she had hated him too. Jonathan felt like he was going to throw up. Jocelyn shook her head slowly, "Believe me, it wasn't anything you did. I was so scared of what you might do. If I had known there would be a way to help you I would have done it."

Jonathan rubbed at his eyes, anything to stop them from getting blurrier. "I should hate you—I did hate you." His voice finally sounded steady. "No matter how you justify it, you abandoned me. I should hate you," He repeated.

Jocelyn looked down at her hands while he spoke to her. "I don't, not anymore," He confessed. He thought about what Magnus had told him. I'm allowed to do things for me. "I've put so much work into not being angry because I thought that meant I was giving into that side of me. And if what I've been told is true, that's not the case. I deserve to be angry, and I am. I don't want my anger towards you to eat away at me, and I don't want it to ruin the relationship I have with Clary. I don't really know where to go from here." Jonathan chose his words carefully. He didn't want her thinking his motivations benefitted her.

Jocelyn let out a humorless laugh in response. "I don't really know either," She admitted.

"I do know it's important to Clary," Jonathan took a deep breath, "I'm willing to try and have some sort of relationship if you are. I don't know if I'm ready for all the mother and son stuff, so don't expect a card on Mother's day or anything like that."

"Mom!" Clary's voice rang out from the front of the house, "They gave us extra wontons because it took so long!"

Jocelyn wiped at her eyes one last time and cleared her throat. Jonathan made a similar effort to regain control of himself. It was difficult when his nerves felt so raw.

"Simon had to go home—Jon!" Clary nearly dropped the paper bag she was carrying, JOcleyn stepped forward and grabbed it before the food could fall to the floor. Clary jumped forward to wrap her arms around Jonathan's waist. "I'm so sorry about the other day, please don't be mad at me."

Jonathan rested his head on top of hers and patted her back. "I wasn't mad at you. Extremely irritated because of you? Sure." He looked up as Luke came into the room and set a plastic bag with the rest of the takeout on the counter. "Hey, how are you doing?"

Clary let go of Jonathan so she could hear his answer too. Luke shrugged it off. "I'm a little banged up but no worse for wear. I feel like I should be asking you that. You doing okay, kid?"

Jonathan glanced at Clary out of the corner of his eyes. She hadn't told them about Magnus's little procedure. He tucked his fists in his pocket and rocked back on his heels. Right now didn't seem like the time to get into it. "I'd say I've had worse, but I think we all know that's impossible."

"What made you decide to come over?" Clary asked from his side.

"I called him and invited him for dinner," Jocelyn chimed in. She opened one of the cabinets near her head and pulled out the stack of plates she had been putting away when he first arrived. "Here, Jonathan would you mind setting the table? Clary why don't you get everyone something to drink?"

Clary released her grip on Jonathan to get glasses, and Jonathan took the plates. "Guess we're getting right to the mundie stuff," He held up the plates to stress his point. "At the institute we usually just eat straight out of the cartons."

Jonathan took the plates over to the little round table on the other side of the cramped kitchen. "Chinese food doesn't seem like something shadowhunters would eat. Shouldn't you guys be more health conscious than that?" Clary brought over two glasses of soda and set them on the table.

"As you will learn, sometimes the only thing you want after patrol is sweet and sour chicken. Or in Jace's case moo Shu pork. Speaking of Jace have you talked to him recently?" Clary shot him a glare, "What? I have a right to know if something is going on there. He's my friend, well, kind of." Clary hit his arm with the back of her hand and shushed him.

He was missing something. He just wasn't sure what it was, not until Jocelyn chimed in. "Who's Jace?"

Clary answered too quickly to seem as nonchalant as she was going for, "He's just one of the other younger shadowhunters at the Institute. The Lightwoods adopted him after his parents died."

Jonathan froze half way through repositioning the two glasses Clary had set on the table. Jocelyn was staring at Clary expectantly and Clary was studiously avoiding acknowledging her stare. Giving up on getting further information from Clary, Jocelyn turned her look on Luke.

At that moment Luke was in the unique position of being the only person in the room that knew what was happening between Jocelyn and Clary, had met Jace, and was willing to speak. "Stephen and Celine's kid." It didn't sound like a stunning endorsement to Jonathan. In his opinion it felt a little unfair to reduce Jace to his parents especially with Jonathan's own issues in that area.

"He saved Clary's life multiple times," Jonathan offered in Jace's defense. "Jace was looking after her just as much as I was."

No one seemed to pay any attention to what he had to say. Clary pretended to be intensely interested in pouring two more glasses of soda, but Jocelyn didn't let up. "We're talking about this later," She said after she realized Clary wouldn't give up any more information.

"He's really not that bad," Jonathan tried again while Clary set the last to glasses on the table. She stepped on the toe of his boot probably to cause him pain but the steel tip prevented any damage. Jonathan smiled to himself at her attempt. "I'm trying to help," he whispered to her.

"Well stop it," She snapped back, "Mom's a little on the protective side."

"Yeah, I noticed. He says 'hi' by the way," Jonathan passed on, "Jace told me to tell you that when I left." The tops of Clary's cheeks turned pink as she slumped into the chair nearest to the refrigerator. Jonathan slid into the one next to her around the small table and bumped her arm with his. Alec did it to Izzy all the time when he wanted to let her know he was done teasing her for now. It felt good to have that moment with Clary.

It was ruined when Jocelyn and Luke set the boxes of takeout in the center of the table and took their own seats. So much of Jonathan's relationship with Clary had been built between them without adult supervision. It seemed weird to laugh and joke around with Jocelyn sitting there to witness it all. He wondered how long it would take for him to feel comfortable around his mother.

He didn't seem to be the only one out of his comfort zone. The kitchen was virtually silent except for the shuffle of takeout containers. Jonathan felt a little bit like an intruder. Clary said something about Simon when she had come in. He was taking Simon's spot at the dinner table. It was stupid for him to be jealous of the mundane boy, but he couldn't help it.

"So Clary," Luke began, "Are you set on living a shadowhunter life or are you going to think about it a little. I'm sure The Clave won't force you into anything considering all the work they would have to put into training you."

Clary picked at her fried rice with her chopsticks. "I was actually thinking about having Mom come with me to the institute when she was feeling better to arrange something with the Lightwoods?" Clary's eyes flickered up to Jocelyn. "I don't really know what it is that I don't know, so I figured you could sit down with them and figure something out for me? Like a training schedule or something."

"Oh god," Jocelyn paused with a piece of chicken halfway to her mouth, "I haven't talked to Maryse and Robert in years. I suppose I could go with you tomorrow if you aren't doing anything with Simon."

"The only problem is they might not have anyone to train you," Jonathan pointed out, "Hodge is in Clave custody. Most shadowhunters don't send their kids to American institutes to train so there wasn't much reason to have more than one tutor on staff with only four of us there."

"You could train me," Clary elbowed him, "You did a pretty good job the other day."

"You helped your sister train?" Jocelyn asked as she popped a piece of chicken in her mouth, "Maybe I should talk to Maryse about having you train her. I'd rather have someone a little more experienced make the lesson plans, but I think it would be good for the two of you."

"You want me to train Clary?" Jonathan was shocked. Training was a big deal. If Clary wasn't properly trained it could mean the difference between life and death. Jonathan didn't think he was ready for that responsibility.

Jocelyn shrugged and took a drink of her soda. "Most shadowhunter siblings grow up training together not training each other," She explained, "Still I think it would be a good bonding experience for the two of you. Think of it as the parts of your childhood you missed out on."

"My sister and I used to have so much fun training before we got to the academy," Luke said with a laugh. "She loved holding it over my head that I was bigger but she could take me down."

"I didn't know you had a sister," Clary chimed in.

Luke nodded like he had forgotten there was quite a bit Clary didn't know. "Yeah, we're going to have some catch up lessons for you aren't we?"

Jonathan thought back to when they were younger and Isabelle started to be allowed into training sessions with Alec. Alec complained about having her around but Jonathan knew he was always proud when Isabelle landed a punch or learned a new kick. It never seemed that important until now.

"Fine," He looked over at Clary, "But you better tell me the extent of your little defense training before we get started. I don't want any surprises this time." He held his fist up for her to knock her knuckles against.

"That's settled. We'll be over to the institute around noon is that good for you?" Jocelyn asked. "I don't want to intrude on anything."

Jonathan shrugged. He didn't have anything better to do. The Clave had put him on administrative leave for the next month. Jace and the Lightwoods only had to take two weeks but as soon as they were done he'd be stuck in his room bored out of his mind while they were on patrol. "I'd probably just be training anyway. And, hey, I can make it so Jace is around too and you can meet him—Ow!" This time Clary kicked him right in the shin underneath the table.

"Clarissa," Jocelyn warned before turning back to Jonathan. "I would love to meet Jace, and maybe after he could come with us and meet Luke for lunch down at the station. That would be fun right?" She smiled at Clary as if she were trying to say 'you're not getting out of this'.

Jonathan elbowed Clary, "Regret meeting me yet?" He smiled down at her.

"Starting to, you jerk." She reached over his plate to grab one of the containers. "You're in my way." Jonathan laughed and handed her the container. Having Clary there teasing him back was comforting.

Jonathan looked over at their mother. Jocelyn's expression looked similar to the one she had on when she saw Jonathan for the first time. Soft, and a little teary eyed, but she was definitely happy as she watched the two of them.

Clary had already moved onto pestering Luke about his sister and didn't notice how Jocelyn was looking at the two of them. Her eyes moved to look directly at Jonathan. He offered her a small smile that she returned gratefully. For the first time Jonathan allowed himself to consider the idea that Jocelyn had actually always wanted him. Maybe now they had a chance to have the relationship they both wanted.