Summary of the chapter:

After landing on an island, some members of the crew end up in a gypsy store where an old lady offers one of them his future.

Zoro receives an interesting prediction, and Sanji doesn't like where this is going.

I wanna thank my beta Naliams for helping me with the translation.

I dedicate this to my friends Roroxp_17 and May-fire-yana that are always there giving me pervy headcanons and drawing gay porn for me to see and admire.

"Damn the moment Usopp sighted land" Sanji thought, leaning on the railing of the Sunny while giving a long, deep drag of his cigarette whose filter was broken due to his grinding teeth. "If only we had stayed on the ship ... the log pose didn't take long to tune and to be ready, just one night! Why the hell did we have to leave and go exploring?! This only complicates matters. It shouldn't. Come on! Damn! You are the only one that's thinking about it, really!, nothing happened. Everyone heard the same as you, and no one but you changed their attitude. Besides, fortune telling is nothing but a bunch of crap, and it could not be me, or be just a fucking lie. And what gypsy doesn't tricks tourists with this sort of things? Why am I beating around the bush? Am I fifteen? Tsk. " and threw the butt to the sea. If things keep going like this he will need to buy a snuff factory.

"Ok, let me explain why I'm in this mood"

Theoretically, we were going to divide in reduced groups, as always. Luffy would go with Robin, because my beautiful Robin-Chwan is tough when needed and could look out perfectly for that jerk that we call captain; Brook was paired with Usopp, and Franky with Chopper, the plan was that two akuma no mi users were never alone together, because we know what tends to happen, and no, thank you, definitely not ideal; Nami, the marimo and me were the last group. Not the romantic evening I hoped, but at least I was in the same team as my goddess.

"Marimo, we all know that you're going to end lost and in the other side of the island at some point so, why don't you get lost already and let me be alone with my gorgeous redhead?"

Zoro just snarled something between teeth.

"Sanji, don't even think about it. If I came with you both was only because two is better than one to take care of Zoro and prevent that he wanders off to only god knows where. So stop your no sense and let's do what we came for" was the answer of my beautiful lady, my wife to be. She likes to play the hard card, but I know that she desires me.

"And what is that we came for?" questioned the algae-head.

"Well, just take a look around, buy supplies if needed and interact with the locals in a FRIENDLY WAY", her tone at the end of the sentence was so firm that I almost got in military stance and said "SIR, YES SIR". She's so sexy when she's bossy.

The marimo only grunted again. "What the fuck, are you an animal?" I asked in my head.

Our surroundings were nice, and the habitants didn't seem worried about our presence. It was clear that the sight of pirates was a normal thing in the place. Nevertheless, truth to be told, I was a little nervous, this could have been a trap, and not far away from here could have been a Marine's base. But easy, things weren't like that, so you can relax.., breathe. So far I'm alive and well, at least physically, can't say the same about my head…

During the morning we bought meat and vegetables. And of course we weren't surprised to find Luffy in the butchery, held by zillions of my brunette's hands, while he writhed like a worm trying to break free. She was so serious, didn't even look like she was angry from Luffy's antics. What a woman! So mature, responsible, patient and hot as hell.

I've never had preference regarding the age of my partner…, although I haven't had a partner per se... damn, how pathetic, forget what I just said. I'm serious, forget it.

*Cof, cof*, let's move on, after this ridiculous intervention. As you can see, so far so good. The problem came half and a hour later, when we were walking around, now with Robin and Luffy with us; the captain decided that it was an excellent idea to enter in some kind of ambulant store that was in the corner of the main square, it was blue and decorated in an Arabic way, full of bright embroidery and stuff.
In a small wooden board, hanging on a golden thread on the door you could read: "Madame Astra – know your future for 500 beries".

"Are you fucking serious?" Zoro asked, crossing his arms. "Luffy, don't waste money on useless things, or I'll get not sake at all. Whatever this woman can tell you, I can do it for free."

"For once I agree with grass-head over here" I answered.

"I'm the captain and I want to go in, so we're going in" replied the gomu no idiot while entering the store.

"At least is not expensive" Nami said in a quiet voice.

"Still more than Chopper's reward, so it better be good" Zoro thought out loud.

"It will be entertaining" Robin commented, with her indecipherable smile, like the Monna Lisa, but even prettier, mostly because the Monna Lisa isn't pretty at all.

Zoro and I followed her behind.

Inside, the store was more spacious than it looked from the outside, but small anyway. Perhaps the lighting and the amount of pillows, and sheets that were intertwined everywhere, to give a feeling of numbness, made it appear that there was more space than it actually was. Who knows, not that I care. But the person that attended us had a good taste; we have to give her the credit.

The air was a bit stale despite incense and soothing music made you into a trance state just when entering the store.

We had just entered the store when an old lady with long and wavy hair, black like the feathery of a craw, except for certain grizzled locks that had found their way into her hair in a way that didn't tune out, but give her an air of wisdom, came out from some sheets that hanged out from the ceiling.

"Good evening, pirates" her voice was sweet, but tired. I wondered how many years would this woman have been doing the same thing. Probably so many that she'd become sure that she could read the future.

"WOOOAH! You're good, obasan, we surely are pira-… !"
He didn't have time to finish, because as soon as he opened his mouth, Nami hit him in the head. "Are you a moron!? Why did you called her old?!"

"Anyone who has seen our posters knows we're pirates, that doesn't impress me" the Marimo murmured behind me.

"Luffy, apologize to this lady now" I snapped, "You should never offend a lady!" We are no longer talking about flirting, we are talking about respect.

Luffy rubbed his head, that was clearly going to sprout a bump "Aaaauch .." but nobody upset my redhead and goes out clean. "Sorry, sorry," he said, gesturing with his hands.

"Worry not, Monkey D. Luffy" said the old woman.

"Yeah, okay lady, you already shown us that you can read the 'wanted' posters, tell us something useful, or we'll get the hell out of here" It's about time he opened his big mouth… the jerk.

"I just told Luffy he must treat her with respect, and you come with that!? Do you wanna fight, asshole!?" I replied.

"Shut up dartbrow, I'm not talking to you."

"Of course you are, you're always getting on my nerves, you do it on purpose, I bet my fuckin' leg" I thought, but I did not say it. I can't risk losing a leg, the gods are cruel and mean.

"Well, well ..." the old woman muttered "In that case, I think it's best to start with you, Roronoa Zoro..." and she gave him a look that left me rather cold. Not because I was scared... you know, it was the way her eyes didn't match her looks, they didn't look old and tired. Her gaze was very much alive. At first, "Magic" was my first thought. Then I slapped myself mentally: "Are you stupid?! Magic does not exist".

The marimo pushed me and got ahead of all of us.

"Sit" the woman said, gesturing to the cushion she had in front of the table. Zoro sat. I sought for the gazes of my nakama, but they were all immersed in the situation, and I could not believe we were going to throw away 500 berries.

As much as Zoro denies it, he seemed uneasy. "I do not believe any of this. I just do it because it's cheap and because ..." He looked at us then. It was a dubious look. Robin and Nami were very interested, but I presume that was for different reasons. Nami was gossiping and Robin seemed curious about what was about to happen. Luffy, however, was eating some cookies that were a couple of meters away. Unbelievable. It had been his idea to begin with and he wasn't even paying attention.

The old woman began to shuffle the cards, and I decided that this was going to be boring, so I tried to light a cigarette. I say tried, because the old woman stopped suddenly her activity and gave me a look that almost went through me. I get it, not to pollute your space. I put the lighter and the cigarette in place, I gestured expressing "Happy now?" and the old woman regain her amiable expression and continued with the ritual ... whatever it's called. But she no longer seemed affable to me.

She finished dealing the cards, and Zoro maintained his impenetrable expression. The old woman was silent watching the cards and frown, until Zoro couldn't stand the uncertainty anymore and gasped. "Well?!"

"Shhh," Even I was starting getting nervous. What time was it? I had a dinner to prepare, dammit. "There, the guide spirits had spoken. What branch of your future you want to know: money, success, health or love" she spoke with an air of grandeur, but for me it was all fake. "By the way, each branch is 500 berries".

"Let's see, let's see ..." I interrupted. I figured what the Marimo was going to ask, and no, before he wasted our money, I wanted to warn him. "If you ask for success, considering that she knows who you are, she'll say that you'll defeat Mihawk and blah, blah, blah ..."

"Cook" he cut me short before I could continue. His voice was serious. "I'm not an idiot."
"You could've fool me, you're in that thin line in which you would be completely and hopelessly stupid, and that's why. I do care about our money," I thought, but I did not say it. I just dropped a "Tsk."

"Tell me ... about my branch of love"

Dead silence. Robin still looking at the cards and at the old woman as if it were something much more interesting than it really was; I did not know what to say ... I wanted to say something to break the silence, it seems it was just me who found it uncomfortable; and Nami, thank god, almost reading my thoughts muttered "uuuuuhhhhh" to annoy Zoro. And he was annoyed, because I noticed how his back tensed. Sure he frowned, but I could not see it.

Don't take me wrong, it's just that of the other 3 remaining options, I never thought that idiot was going to choose love. It's surreal! Zoro - love? It's like talking about Luffy and hunger strikes. It's like a parallel world.

The old woman nodded casually, taking a few cards I'm sure that were randomly selected, but I did not dare to question. She was capable of throwing a jinx at me or something.

She pushed the rest of the cards which seemed irrelevant, and distributed the ones that had been previously taken.

"Roronoa Zoro ..." the old woman said. Luffy peered between Nami and I, with cookies sticking out from his mouth, filling my suit whit crumbs. Zoro was silent.

"I see blond hair in your future".

"Uhuhu... a blonde" my redhead laughed softly.

"I also see... good legs" she continued.

The mosshead wasn't even facing us, so I don't know how I was able to notice a growing smile on his face. "Now we're talking, ma'am," And the bastard laughed with his deep voice that characterizes him.

"And I think there's ... something else ..." the woman continued, "... some talent... artistic? Dance? Culinary perhaps? I can't see it clearly... ".

My eyes widened, and I looked around, waiting... for ANYTHING. I didn't know exactly what to expect. A pat on the back? A laugh? A look from the Marimo? A suggestive comment out of place? "Come on. NO". I thought. "It cannot be. She must be laughing at me, fuckin' old bag, damn you". I was sweating internally if that was possible. "No, Sanji, relax", I thought "never, under any circumstances, disrespect a woman, that includes insults." I took a deep breath while my mind wandered and writhed in search of a way out, a way to leave my stupid mortal body that resembled the description just given by this old ba… I mean old lady.

Then I looked at Nami, my eyes imploring help. She looked at me for a split second when she noticed I was looking at her, but she returned to upset Zoro. "No way ..." I thought, and then I looked at Robin, who was talking to the old woman, she wanted to buy a deck of cards or something like that, as well as some incense. "It's impossible that none has realized..." I continued thinking and the metaphorical sweating became real, I felt it in my neck, it began to give me chills. I turned my gaze to my captain, who... was sucking a stick of incense… Don't mind him, please. I knew I didn't have to worry about him.

Then, Zoro got up, threw a 500 berries on the table, said "Thank you ma'am, good afternoon" and walked out the door.
"Is it possible that he'd actually realized?" I thought, but before I could follow him out of the store the old lady called me, her vibrant eyes making holes on mine, and whispered "Health would have been much wiser" and with that, she disappeared again. What a weir-SHIT, sorry.

Compared to the inside of store, outside was freezing cold. It was almost dark. It seemed impossible that we had spent so much time there. Either that or here dusk real soon.

"Oi, Marimo" He turned to me and by his look I knew I could keep talking. I wasn't even sure what I was going to say. I hadn't had time to think of the exact words that should be used to not screw it up, but I had to act now. "Did you draw any conclusions from this… free scam?" There, stupid contradiction, fuck. No, definitely I can't lie better than Usopp.

Zoro was silent for a few seconds, and I swear to God I almost ate one of my suit lapels out of stress. "Well, not much" he replied casually.

"Come on!" When I said that, I realized that I had sounded weird, so I coughed and continued, "I mean... do you know some blonde like that?"

"Of course not, that's why I've been told my future and not my present. That really would've been a scam, don't you think?" And he laughed again like back in the store. It made me want to strangle him, but I remembered that I don't use my hands.

I gritted my teeth and gave him a direct kick to the face dodged with astonishing rapidity. Although it didn't surprise me at all, we are so used to quarrel that is more a choreography than a real fight. Katana hit and kicks flew through the air seconds later.

Shortly after, we returned to the boat, where we met the others.

Once again I had to make dinner. I'm not complaining, really, I needed the distraction, and while I cooked I didn't think of the subject. Of course, once sat at the table the atmosphere changed. Of course, someone had to bring up the visit to the Gipsy. Stupid Luffy. And of course it didn't stop there, my beautiful and inopportune Nami-san decided to tell everything at detail. And what could I do, rather than limit myself to not lift my head from the plate, hiding my eyes behind my bangs and nodded whenever my redhead required my testimony? And that's exactly what happened.

After the story, I expected some reaction, just like back at the store, but there was none. All spoke of the topic without realizing they were mostly describing me. The amount of jokes that could be made about us was so broad, there were so many possibilities, I was struggling not to make any myself, and these jerks were there, eating like pigs and laughing at things that had nothing to do with the subject, or were simply nothing compared to this.

I gazed at Robin searching for a sympathetic look. She's particularly clever, sure she'd noticed something. But she returned my gaze and just smiled as usual and went on, this time with Franky. She was commenting that she had bought something there after the session. I even heard something about lighting a little incense in Franky's room after dinner... I hope with no second intentions!

Anyway.

After dinner, I picked up my plate and began to wash it in the sink, looking at Zoro discreetly. He was drinking sake like a fish. I dried up one of my hands on a rag, I lit a cigarette and continued scrubbing. "Seriously, this guy will not reach 40" I thought, ironically.

Shortly after, they all had left the kitchen, except him and me for a change. Since this is my territory and I have to wash the dishes everyday, and he drinks a whole bottle of sake after dinner almost ritually, we hang out in the kitchen for a while.

I had never liked silence, it's uncomfortable and makes me nervous. I get the feeling that I'm been watched and it gives me the creeps. So when I am silent, I'm usually thinking, at least that way I hear my thoughts.

I was thinking, thinking how that afternoon went, and how stupid I was being, when I felt Zoro was talking to me.
I looked up and he was indeed looking at me, as if expecting an answer. He probably asked me something while I was deep in my thoughts and I didn't here him.

"Did you say something, Marimo?"

"I asked what's wrong with you"

"Huh?" I tensed almost instantly.

"You've been weird since we returned from the Gypsy. You haven't said anything all evening and now... if you keep rubbing that dish, you will erase the pattern, but it's your problem". He shrugged as he picked up his glass and the bottle, and approached to the counter. He threw the bottle into the trash can and put the glass up in the sink.

I sighed slightly. I needed to get some air, but I didn't want to be heard sighting as if this were a shojo anime, GOD NO.

I turned around, leaned my lower back on the counter and crossed my arms over my chest… I snapped. "I just don't understand why you chose the branch of love, having the option of choosing money or health!" My voice sounded much higher than I intended and maybe I was a tad pathetic, but I hoped that he didn't notice. "I… It's just so not you! I don't know, I didn't expect it. You've never been interested in anyone we know of, unlike me or Usopp, and now suddenly, "oh, the great Zoro wants them all for himself", I said all this waving my arms, "I don't understand". And after that, I crossed my arms again. My facial expression must have been totally out of character, because the face that he was giving me was priceless, and I began to re-think my strategy. Maybe if I put a little more tact, stop shouting, closed my eyes a little so they won't come out of their sockets and that sort of things…

"Look, Zoro ..."

"Now you call me 'Zoro'?" the idiot green-haired swordsman replied smirking to provoke me. I was losing my mind all day, biting my head off, and here you go, making a fool of me.

"Argh!" I threw a kick, but he caught my foot. After a couple of challenging looks, both came to a nonverbal agreement that if he let go my foot, I would not kill him, and he let it go.

I turned around, and continued scrubbing. Silence reigned in the room, until he broke it.

"Cook, I don't need to know if I'll have health or not, and about money?" he snorted a light laugh "We're pirates. I don't need to know about money. If we need it, we steal it". And there, he paused, and for some unknown reason (or so I tell myself), my pulse quickened. "Love? I cannot let a skirt distract me. I need to focus on my goal. It is a way to prevent to find what you can call destiny. If I see a blonde with good legs, I will dodge her or will scare her away".

I'm not sure what I felt at that time. Was it relief? Disappointment? Embarrassing? I just know that I wasn't feeling well and knowing so made me feel even worse, because I was starting to think about things I shouldn't think, and everything was spinning. I needed to sit down. Urgently. "That's it. We ok, cook? You see I won't be stealing your women" and laughed. The son of a bitch laughed when I was on the verge of collapse. Of course, he did not know. BUT STILL GUILTY!

"Yeah, sure, we're ok" I bent down a little, sighted, and kept washing the fucking dishes.

"Well, I'm going to bed, curly" responded calmly but sleepy.

"Good night, Marimo"

All this happened yesterday. And despite all the nonsense I did, thought and said, there is only one thing I regret. When Zoro left the room, I looked out the door and made sure I was alone, then I picked up the glass that Zoro had used to drink sake and caress, fuck, I fucking caressed the area where his lips had been. Almost instantly, I realized how gay what I was doing was and I… I freaked out, I dropped the glass in the middle of the sink and it broke.
I cursed under my breath and cleaned everything up. Then I simply went to bed, falling asleep instantly.

Now you understand why I'm going crazy?

I have no Idea how to do this xD The thing is, this was a two-shot but I don't really like how I ended it, and then I realized that I had a fanfic that could perfectly be a continuation for this one (erasing the second chapter, of course). So I'll probably do that, and then upload that second "alternative" chapter like a bonus or something. Idk. Let me know what you think.

I said up there it's a translation but not exactly... I'm probably re-writting it too and all so, we'll see what happens.

Reviews are most welcomed.