A/N: Hi! It's been a while lol Sorry for that, I had a computer die on me and I moved and well, there's a lot of excuses lol but I'm back now! And I plan on editing the previous chapters, just minor changes, and I'll let you know whenever that is! I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I'm sorry for being gone for so long from this story.
WARNING: GRAPHIC MENTIONS OF PHYSICAL, MENTAL, AND SEXUAL ABUSE, HARASSMENT, RACISM, MANIPULATION, TEEN PREGNANCY, BULLYING, CRUDE LANGUAGE, SEXUAL SITUATIONS, VIOLENCE, GORE, DISABILITIES, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES, AND TRIGGERING IMAGERY. IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY THIS OR DO NOT ENJOY IT, DO NOT READ.
Chapter Eleven.
Breanna's POV:
Counseling. Wow, who would have thought I would be here? As a child, mom had been threatened by CPS to send me there after I shoved gravel in a kid's eye for hugging her. Of course, she agreed, but not before threatening to kill my hamster Jellybean if I so much as breathed about anything. So, I didn't. And after the fourth appointment of me staring aimlessly at a wall, they were canceled and life went back to how it had been.
I felt heavy nausea as I sat in Dr. Uley's office, hands shaking enough where I had to grip the chair arms. She smiled down at me, teeth whiter than I could have dreamed of having and long, black hair held back by a headband.
"So, Breanna, how are you enjoying your stay in La Push?" Dr. Uley asked with a kind smile and I swear I almost heaved all over the carpet.
Running a hand through my hair, why was I sweating so much, I said, "I-it's been good."
You better not say shit or you'll come home with that rat on your dinner plate!
I flinched at the memory and covered my eyes with my hands, taking a deep breath and holding it. Then I let it out slowly, trying to ground myself. No one's going to hurt you for talking, Bre. Everyone here wants you happy.
"Are you alright, Breanna?" Pulling my hands away, I nodded and tried to smile. Hopefully, it didn't come out as a grimace. "How about you tell me about yourself. Do you have any hobbies?"
The rest of the appointment was us getting to know each other, not delving too deep into my personal problems until I got more comfortable with her. A half an hour later, I left her office and made another appointment at the front desk. When I was finally outside, I immediately ran towards where Paul was parked and climbed inside.
Paul grinned, setting down his magazine before asking, "How'd it go, Birdie?"
The tears were instantaneous, streaming down my cheeks like a flood when it storms. "It-it was good. We t-talked about my hobbies. I liked her a-a lot." Paul lifted me into his arms and rubbed my hair, letting me cry myself out as the emotions wrack my body.
"I'm so proud of you, honey. You did so well," he whispers into my ear and warmth envelopes my belly. Hiding my face into his neck, I start to calm down and act normal again. "You're so strong and beautiful and amazing."
"It-" I pulled away and flushed at his praise, wiping my eyes with my sweater sleeve. "It was nothing. Anyone could have done that."
Paul pauses and looks at me for a moment, deep in thought. Then he cupped both of my cheeks and exclaimed, "Don't lessen your small victories. This is a good start and soon you'll be working through things in a healthy and helpful way."
My victories aren't victories if they're so small, I think to myself but don't answer as I ducked my face back into his neck. We stay like that for a few more minutes, basking in each other's touch, before I settle back into my seat and buckled up. We go for ice cream, the same place he had taken me before, and then he drops me off in the afternoon with a sticky cheek kiss and plans to see me the next day.
Inside I fell asleep on the couch and didn't wake up until five. With nothing else to do, I sat down at the table with my stepmother and began my homework. Everything seemed normal, that is until there was a knock at the door.
That night, an unlikely face turned up at my front door. As the knock echoed through the quiet house, Jean looked at me with curious eyes.
"Did you invite anyone over tonight?" I shook my head, nibbling on my bottom lip. Nodding, she stood up and started for the door. "Let me check through the peephole. Stay in here, okay?"
William's come back for you, my brain taunted but I shook my head at the intruding thoughts and tried to focus on the word problem on the paper. Dad and Jean had been extra cautious about me since the phone incident, and even though I was glad for their support, it unnerved me to watch my back every five minutes.
Jean entered again with a quirk of her eyebrow. Running a hand through her hair, she asks, "Are you close with JD Black?"
The name sends butterflies into my stomach. JD Black. The boy from the bonfire who had asked me to dance.
"We met at the bonfire but haven't talked since. Why? Is he outside?" She nods and I immediately groan, hiding my face. "Oh my gosh, my shirt has spaghetti sauce stains on it."
"Do you want me to let him inside or send him back home?"
She looks at me as I ponder, and finally, I decide my decision. "Why not? I mean, what's the worst that can happen?" Jean nods and pats my shoulder and sits on the stairs facing the doorway, intent on watching over the two of us.
I make my way to the door and slowly opening it, taking in a quick breath to calm myself. JD leans against the doorway, black beanie covering his head and thick-rimmed glasses framing his dark eyes. He grins when he sees me, biting at his thick bottom lip.
"Hey," he says, sounding a little breathless. I smile hesitantly, noticing his little blemishes on his chin. He's so cute.
"Hi."
"How are you?"
Curling my hair behind my ear, I try to ignore the spaghetti stains and say, "I'm good. How are you?"
"I-I'm good," he laughs again, out of breath. Did he need an inhaler? "Hey, I have a question to ask you."
"What is it?"
"Do you maybe want to hang out sometime? Like, as friends or whatever," JD rubs the back of his neck and sweat peppers his brow. "We could like watch a movie or something, or I could show you my baseball card collection?"
"Baseball card collection?" I tease without meaning to, smiling more easily. His smile drops as my words sink in and then he's sweating more.
"Shit, you probably think that's so lame. I totally get that. I'm sorry to waste your time, I'll just go-" As he turns to leave I place a hand on his shoulder. He freezes immediately, and I can see him visibly swallow.
Trying not to combust from the simple touch, I exclaim, "No, wait. I don't think it's lame." He's turning around before I can filter my words. Letting my hand drop to my side, I say, "Actually, I think it's cute."
His cheeks turn cherry red at my words, but the smile appears on his face again.
"I think you're cute," JD says before realizing what popped out of his mouth. My face turns hot as his words sink in. He thinks I'm cute. "Oh, shit! I just forgot that I left my underwear in the oven. I'll just be going now." And with that, he runs away.
I stand there for a second, not taking in what had just happened. "What? What?"
"Don't mind him, he just has a crush on you," Jean exclaims as she comes up behind me and ushers me back inside, closing and locking the door behind us.
"A- wait, what? No way!"
A crush, that was laughable. Why would anyone have a crush on me? I was literal trailer trash.
Ignoring the statement, I finish up my homework at the table and retire to Sandy and I's bedroom. But, as the thought persisted, I couldn't help but ponder it. JD was cute, really cute, and if he liked me what would I do? Go for it? Date him? But what about my child? Would this teenager be willing to be a father? Probably not.
Not knowing what else to do, I pull out my new cell phone and call Paul, because he always knew what to do in hard situations. Thankfully, he answered on the second ring.
"Hello?"
"Paul, I need advice."
"Okay, lay it on me."
With a deep breath, I ask, "Do you think JD has a crush on me?" There was silence as I waited for his response, and with every second longer I became more and more anxious.
"What are you talking about?"
"He showed up at my house asking to hang out and look at his baseball card collection. Jean says he likes me. Do you think that's true?"
"I-, one sec," There's shuffling from the other end, and then a baby's coos enter the phone. "Sorry, Joey wanted some attention. To answer your question: yes. I think he likes you."
"But why?" I ask him, furrowing my brow and wishing I could understand what others see. What Paul sees.
"You're literally the coolest and prettiest person I know. Why are you selling yourself short?" He pauses. "Is he making you feel insecure about yourself?"
Standing to my feet, I start to pace. "No, he's not. My stupid brain is. I just don't understand why someone would want damaged goods."
"You're not damaged goods. You're a survivor. There's a difference."
Even when you don't even mean to, you cause butterflies in my stomach, Paul, I think to myself as we continue our conversation. We talk for the better half of the night, keeping quiet when dad comes in to check on me.
The next morning, I wake up with Paul's snoring in my ear, and buttons edged into my face from sleep.
"I think you should go for it," Marcus exclaims through a mouthful of eggs and toast. "He seems nice."
Peyton nods in agreement. "He does. But we'd have to meet him and give him the third degree, I hope you know." Theo hums in agreement, but that's the only response that she's going to give. I'm grateful she even made a noise, to be honest.
The four of us sit at a diner in Forks, reveling in the freedom we have during Thanksgiving break. Unlike them, I won't be celebrating it on the reservation. And why would I want to? No good could come from a holiday so gross.
"I'm just conflicted. Like… I have feelings for someone else. We both decided to put it off until we're better mentally, but it's still there. And it's not going anyway anytime soon," I say, my mind drifting to the phone call, Paul's sleepy voice in my ear lulling me to dreamland.
"Maybe that's okay? I mean, we're teenagers. We have a lot of hormones and maybe it's good to try out different things before settling down with this person," Peyton says, sipping some hot chocolate from her mug.
"You never know what you're missing unless you try it out," Marcus adds and I nod, shrug, then sigh in exasperation before shoving my face into my hands. Theo hums and pats my back comfortingly.
Peyton laughs, "Just hang out with him, it'll make it clearer for you. I promise."
And so, that's how I found myself sitting in the living room next to JD that night, who wipes his hands on his thighs nervously as we try to choose a movie. I had found his number from Kenny and after calling and asking him to come over, he had shown up ten minutes later out of breath but grinning.
"What's your favorite movie?" He asks, looking at his lap. "Mines The Incredibles."
"That's mine too!" I exclaim, heading to the DVD's and quickly putting it on. "Let's watch it, it'll be fun."
JD nods, a blush covering his cheeks as he sits down. "Okay, sounds good."
As the movie begins, we sit in a semi-awkward but not uncomfortable silence. Halfway through the movie, JD's hand lays flat in between us, palm facing upwards. Nervously, I ignore it and watch the rest of the movie. I didn't want to step towards anything, especially if this was our first time spending time together. I barely knew the guy at all and I wouldn't be making the same mistake a second time.
We finish the rest of the movie without any problems and then he headed home for his curfew, blush coating his cheeks as he waved goodbye.
Closing the door behind me, I locked it and let out a deep breath.
JD was cute, but… would I really be able to be with him romantically? Especially after all I've been through…
With thoughts bouncing around my head, I went upstairs and took a nice hot bubble bath. Those always helped me feel better.
Paul's POV:
"Hey! How was hanging out with JD?" I ask, glad that she couldn't see the grimace covering my face. That fucking brat, what did he think he was doing with my-
Whoa, no. Not going there today.
"It was fun, we watched a movie and then he left because he has a curfew. So, I didn't really get to know him that well but he seems nice," She says, I feel my stomach filling with butterflies at the sound of her voice. Damn, what was with me? Ever since I met this girl I've been a sucker for her. But in all honesty, I wouldn't change a damn thing about it.
"Did he keep his grubby hands to himself?"
She giggles, the sound warming my heart. "Yeah, he did. I think he wanted to hold hands but I didn't make a move so he didn't either."
"That's good, that's good." Pausing, I lean back in my lawn chair and watch a group of birds flying the opposite direction. "So, what'd you watch? Anything good?"
"Well…"
"What? Did he pick a cheesy slasher film or something?"
Breanna says, "We watched Incredibles."
I don't speak for a second, two, until three minutes have passed and my hands are shaking. They watched The Incredibles together, Paul takes in a deep breath. That's fine, that's completely fine.
"That's really cool! I'm glad you had fun, Birdie," I say, my voice sounding strangled. Why the fuck did they have to watch our movie? The one we watch almost every day. What the fuck? "Hey, I have to go. Sully is trying to swallow some pennies and I have to stop him."
"Oh, okay? Bye-"
The phone crushes in my hand, crumbling into bits. Throwing the remnants to the ground, I stand to feet intent on taking a run and blowing off some steam. Only Tweedle-Dee decided to make a fucking appearance.
"Paul! Hey, buddy, I need your help with something," Quil exclaims, jogging up with a grin on his face.
"It's not a good time right now."
Please just fucking leave, please. Before I do something I shouldn't-
He pauses for a second, inspecting my face, before his expression turns cheeky. "Oh, so you've heard about Breanna's and JD's little date, huh? Oh yeah, JD was raving all about it-"
My fist connects with his head, sending Quil on his back on the ground. Then I'm on top of him, punching and punching until there's blood covering the both of us.
Stop, I think to myself, trying to get my hands to stop moving. But I just keep hitting him, my face splattering crimson and a roar escaping my mouth. Stop it!
"Paul, stop!" Someone yells, and then I'm being pulled off and held down. I was so angry, I could feel myself losing myself to my wolf before nails dig into the back of my neck. "Fuck, fuck! Embry, help Quil!"
Jacob looks down at me but I can't move or speak or try to make them understand what happened. When an alpha's nails are in our necks, we're basically defenseless.
Finally, after Embry has lifted Quil into his arms and ran away, Jacob let's me go. Instantly, I jump away from him and sob.
"Paul, what's going on?"
"Nothing! God, leave me the fuck alone, will you?"
Jacob takes a step toward me and I growl. "Paul, let's just talk about it. You haven't done something like this in a while."
"I'm just a piece of shit that can't control himself!" My hand finds its way into my hair and tugs. "Just like her. I'm just like her!"
"Paul, stop!"
Without another word I head into the forest, phasing on the fly. My heads filled with images of Quil's bloody face, and then there's just static.
Breanna's POV:
After a nice meal with the family, Sandy and Mari force me to go with them Black Friday shopping. In Port Angeles, it's a bustle of activity and I feel overloaded to the extreme. It's only when we stop for some Boba and a pretzel that I start to feel okay.
"I'm so happy I got this jacket," Sandy exclaims, hugging the red leather jacket tightly. Mari hums in agreement, holding her pair of Doc Martens like they're prized jewels.
Turning towards me, Sandy's mouth morphs into a frown before she says, "Bre, you need something too!"
"Like what? Dad already bought me clothes and I have everything I need at home."
"It's about what you want, not need. And besides, we need to do Christmas shopping too and the night is still young!"
Grimacing, I finish my food before throwing my trash away. When I get back to the table, Sandy has a cheeky grin on her face.
"Let's go to Hot Topic, sissy. I'm sure an emo like you will fit right in." Without giving me time to reject, she wraps her arm around my shoulder, Mari on my other side grasping my hand tightly as they lead me to Hot Topic. I can't help the smile that appears on my face.
I'm so glad I have a big sister to turn to now. I wasn't sure where I'd be without her.