Ask and ye shall receive :) First of all I want to say thank you, thank you, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart (seriously!) to everyone who reviewed, faved or followed, you seriously have no idea how much it means to me, I have been so giddy. Second, to everyone I caused a painful a death by feels, I am sorry. Finally, y'all set the bar high, so I hope that this is up to par! Enjoy :)

Erin stood there, staring at the person in front of her, the black boots and dark navy jeans, followed by the grey Henley shirt and black leather jacket, that lead up to an unshaven face, with a smile that brought out his sleep deprived eyes, his brown wavy hair, longer than usual but not by much. Erin felt the tears well-up, as she choked back a sob, struggling to get the right words out. "Jay?"

"Hey." He said, his voice low and raw.

Erin stood there, her mouth agape as the words struggled to come out. "Erin? Are you ok?" Jay asked as he reached an open hand out to touch her arm.

Erin jumped back, his motions seeming to pull her out of her trance. "Am I alright? Did you just fucking ask me if I was alright?" Erin yelled. Jay pulled his hand back, running a hand through his hair before shoving his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket. "Erin… at least let me come in and explain." Erin took a second to debate her options before she slammed the door shut. She told herself she was imagining things, that he wasn't really standing there outside the door, that her sleep deprived brain was making unrealistic things happen.

Erin glanced at the framed folded flag, proudly displayed on the bookcase as she thumbed the dog tags hanging around her neck. She shook her head, the consistent ring of her phone bringing her out of her thoughts, she ran over to the counter to answer it before the caller could disconnect.

"Yeah?" she asked without looking at the caller ID.

"You're late." Voight reprimanded her.

Erin glanced at the clock on the stove, seeing she was fifteen minutes late. 'Shit.' She cursed to herself. "Sorry, time got away from me this morning." She lied.

"You alright kid? Why don't you take a few days off, you deserve it after this week."

"I'm fine, don't worry about it."

"I can pull Roman up, him and Burgess always have worked good together."

"I'm fine Hank, I promise. I will be there in ten."

Voight let out a sigh, he knew that something was up, but he could tell Erin wasn't about to budge. "Alright." He reluctantly agreed. Erin hung up the phone, going back to the bedroom, throwing on a shirt and leather jacket. She slipped on a pair of boots, and grabbed the keys to her car before heading out the door.

"You ready to talk now?" she heard his gravelly voice echo behind her.

Erin stopped in the hall and closed her eyes 'This is just a dream. You will wake up… now' she told herself as she opened her eyes. She let out a sigh and her shoulders sagged as what she considered to be a nightmare became a reality.

"I would take that as a no?" he said as he followed her down the steps and out the front door.

Erin reached into her pocket, grabbing her keys to unlock her car. She jumped into the driver side and cranked the engine. Jay stood outside the car for few seconds before he turned around and began walking away. Erin rolled her eyes, she knew she wanted to know what had happened, where he had been, who, why, a variety of questions ran through her mind as she rolled down the passenger window.

"You coming or what?" Erin said as she leaned down to yell at Jay.

Jay spun around, surprise written on his face, before he hesitantly moved over to the waiting car. "Are… Are you sure?" he asked as he leaned in through the window.

"No, but someone besides you has to have some answers and I sure as hell deserve some." Erin told him before he took a second and opened the door.

Erin shifted the car into drive and they rode in silence, with a thick tension in the air of unspoken words.

"Erin… I'm sorry. I didn't ha-"

"Stop. Not here. Not now." Erin said throwing her hand in the air to stop the conversation from where it was going.

Jay closed his mouth, putting a hand up to rub his jaw as he turned and looked out the window.

Erin pulled around to the back of the district and got out before Jay had the chance to say another word. She walked over to the metal door, not checking to see if Jay was behind her. She pulled it open and walked in, "Hey Mouse." She acknowledged as she walked by the tech room, Mouse was reading a magazine with his feet planted up on the table. "Hey Eri-" he stopped the words, noticing a familiar face walking behind her. His feet and the magazine fell to the floor before he stood quickly, the chair hitting the floor behind him. "Erin!" he yelled.

"Yeah… Mouse?" she said nonchalantly as she back tracked, sticking her head in the door.

"Who… who's… slap me I am dreaming." He stuttered before getting the words out.

"Hey Mouse." Jay said guiltily with a small wave.

Erin rolled her eyes at his bluntness, before she turned and headed up the stairs, missing a step as she almost reached the top, she reached for the railing and prepared herself for the fall, only the pain from hitting the wood never came, instead she felt a pair of arms holding her up, lighting her skin ablaze where every finger grasped.

"You good?" Jay asked as he looked down at Erin.

"Ye… Yeah." She managed to say as he helped her back up, and continued her trek up to the bull pen. Erin and Jay entered the main floor of the precinct, Mouse following behind, the loud conversations of the patrolmen getting their daily routes and assignments ceased as they headed up the stairs to the iron gate, the only sound to be heard was a pen dropping from Platt's hand and the squall of a dispatcher talking over the radio.

"How many people knew?" she asked under her breath as she scanned her palm.

Jay let out a nervous laugh, "Only a few."

"… a few? Who?"

Jay punched in the code for her before running a hand through his hair, "I'll tell you but not here." Jay said as he casted a glance over to the people in the district that was avidly watching them.

Erin rolled her eyes, she knew he was right, the gossip grapevine would be full speed ahead before they ever reached the top of the stairs. She pulled open the gate and jogged on up. "Erin nice of you to finally join us." Voight told her as he turned around from the white board in the corner of the room.

"Not now Hank." She silenced him as she turned around, waiting for Jay who was still standing at the bottom of the stairs. "Are you coming or what?"

Everyone turned around from the spots where they were sitting at in the bullpen, trying to see who Erin was talking to. Jay hesitated, knowing that he was going to receive shit from his coworkers but once he explained, they would understand. Or so he hoped. He felt Mouse give him a small nudge to his back, almost like he was afraid to touch him, like Jay would shatter into a million pieces at the slightest touch or Mouse would wake up and all this be just a dream. Jay let out a sigh and headed up the stairs, staring at the ground, unable to look at the reactions of his friends and co-workers.

"What the fuck?" he heard Ruzek say before standing up quickly from the corner of a desk.

Jay looked up, seeing Ruzek's question written on the rest of their faces. He nodded towards Voight who nodded back. Erin rolled her eyes "Of course." She said as she noticed their silent interaction. "Let's go." She told him before grabbing him by the sleeve of his coat, dragging him down the hallway. "You too Mouse." She yelled back. Erin dragged Jay down to the first room on the left, "Sit down." She pointed to the steel chair that they sit the offenders in.

"Really?" Jay asked, raising an eyebrow, questioning her motives.

"Yes really."

Jay did as told, as Erin began pacing the small cylinder block room with Mouse leaned against the wall in the far corner.

"Who knew?" Erin asked after a few minutes, feeling the scrutiny from Jay's stare.

"Voight, Commander Crowley, Connor and…" he mumbled the last person under his breath.

"Who?"

"Will."

Erin shook her head, letting out a small laugh "He played me?" Jay winced at the wording but nodded his head "He's good, had me fooled." Erin said before she let silence fill the room.

"Do you want me to start from the beginning or are we just going to sit here all day?" Jay asked as Erin began to pace the room once more before sitting down across from Jay.

"It's your floor."

"You sure about this Halstead?" Voight asked from behind his desk, staring at the contents of the manila envelope that held Jay's undercover identity and background.

Jay nodded his head, looking out the window over Hank's shoulder "I need to do this." Jay told him, his voice unsure, like he was trying to convince himself as he glanced down at an old stain in the carpet of the floor.

Voight stared the young detective down, almost to the point of glaring "What's the problem then?"

Jay looked up, and leaned back in the chair, placing a hand on his forehead as he gave his boss a 'you're kidding me right?' kind of look.

Voight leaned up, folding his hands on top of his wooden desk, as he let out a sigh. "This is one of the reasons I don't particularly tolerate co-workers dating; but, you and Erin make a good team, and I trust you both to have each other's back. I promised myself not to get involved in your… relationship, but can I give you a piece of advice? Back before I was in Gangs, I was in Organized Crime, me and Camille hadn't been together long, I got assigned an undercover op, and I took it without telling her, things between us got rocky, the op went longer than anticipated and it end with me at Med with a broken femur and wrist..." Voight was telling him as his phone interrupted "Long story short kid, you need to tell her." He told Jay as he answered the phone.

Jay nodded his head, grabbed the manila envelope and let himself out of the office, telling himself that he would tell Erin that night. He sat down, burying himself in the paperwork of his new identity, the footsteps of the others in the unit arriving caused him to be more aware of the people around

"Hey." He heard her voice say as she sat down a ceramic mug of coffee in front of him, bring him out of a work induced haze.

"Morning." He let out a sigh before rubbing a finger over his eyes and dropping the papers he was looking at, taking a sip of the hot liquid.

Erin gave him a questioning look and nodded her head towards the breakroom, but before Jay could answer Voight came out of his office. "We've got a fresh one, let's move."

A dozen witness statements, six hours of standing in the humid air, four cups of coffee and one dead marine staff sergeant later, they finally had enough to outline the case.

"Alright, victims name is Staff Sargent Jason Whitticker, a registered nurse over at the VA hospital on South Damen Ave; 34 years old, married to Elise Whitticker. Looks like the vic was walking down the street when a tan corolla pulled up and shot him point blank. Everything was still on him, nothing was missing. Seems random." Atwater filled the team in as he hung pictures up onto the whiteboard.

"What about his wallet, cash? Credit Cards?" Antonio asked.

"All there."

Jay let out a sigh and glanced towards Voight who was looking him, not giving him any indication that based on numerous similarities he thought the two cases might be connected, but rather he ran his tongue along the bottom of his lip before directing orders to the others, telling them to contact their CI's, go back over the miniscule pieces that may have been overlooked. "Halstead my office." Voight said as he turned around.

Jay stood, glancing at Erin who was giving him a questioning look, Jay waved her thoughts off. "Sir." He said as he stepped in and shut the door.

"What are your thoughts?"

Jay let out a sigh and ran a hand over the stubble on his face "Givin' the evidence, and the similarities between the death of the marine, the staff sergeant, the navy seal, and now the nurse, all within the past two months, they're connected."

Voight reached into his desk, pulling out a file folder that held the information from the case Jay was fixing to go undercover on. They each took a paper, reading and skimming over the information.

"I think I've got it." Jay said after they had been reading over the files for almost an hour. "We already knew the Hospital was involved, we just didn't know who or how, but check this out, Caleb Dobbs is a Doctor over at the VA, our victims were either his patients or worked under him."

Voight read over the victim's files, seeing that he was in fact a commonality. "What do you think?" Jay asked.

"I think that you need to tell Lindsay because you are going in on Thursday."

Jay nodded his head before grabbing the file and headed back to his desk, going back over the information as Voight called a judge for a warrant. Jay was reading the last page as Atwater's voice cut through his thoughts "Hey Boss, that warrant came through on Dobbs." Atwater announced.

"Alright, let's get suited up." He said standing.

… Time Jump ...

"What have we got?" Connor Rhodes asked as they wheeled Jay into the emergency room.

"32 year old male. Victim of a Car Accident. No pulse when we arrived on scene, he was shocked with an AED on hand by coworkers. No conversion times two. CPR was started, we administered epi and intubated. Collapsed lung, was inflated with a chest tube. Major internal bleeding. Blood is present in the throat and nose as well also in the ears. No reaction to light. We got a pulse back but it's bradycardic."

"Shit Halstead? Damn it. Alright…" Connor said before he began directing out orders.

Connor made his own assessments, deciding to rush him up to emergency surgery. As Voight came walking through the sliding doors. "How is he?"

"Not good. He's bleeding internally, probable brain damage, he's…"

"Circling the Drain?"

"Yeah, listen I've got to get up there. I'll do my best." Conner said giving him a reassuring pat on the shoulder as he walked away.

Voight stared off and nodded his head, "Wait."

Connor stopped in his tracks. "Do you want him to die?" he asked frustratingly.

"Yes." Voight said bluntly, "But no, I need you to fix him, but I also need him to die."

Connor looked at Voight with confused look "You want him to die, but you want him to live?"

Voight let out a sigh before he pulled him to the side. "He was about to go undercover, deep, undercover. The more people that thinks he's dead, the better because we don't know who is involved, it would also allow us to change his cover a little."

Connor nodded his head, not speaking a word. "I could give him Amiodarone, which will slow his heart rate and respirations, giving the illusion, but that will have to given once I repair the damage."

"Do what you gotta do."

Eight Hours Later….

"Yeah?" Voight asked without checking the caller ID on his phone.

"Detective Jay Halstead passed away at 21:53 this evening due to his injuries." Connor said as a door shut in the background.

Voight let out a sigh "How is he?"

"Miraculously he pulled through but he's not out of the woods yet, he needs to be in the ICU until he wakes."

"Is he safe to be moved?"

"Let's get his vitals stable, then maybe in a day or two but his body needs time to heal. There was internal damage, a punctured lung, with the other one only working at 25%, a deep but minor tears to his kidney and spleen, six broken ribs, finally he has a severe concussion with intracranial hemorrhaging, which we relieved the pressure of, he has a hairline fracture in his left wrist along with your normal cuts and bruises."

"That bad?"

"Honestly no, with this kind of accident it probably could have been worse."

Voight thanked him before hanging up.

Two days later…

A groan from the hospital bed in the middle of the room brought Voight out of his slumber.

"How you feeling Halstead?"

"Like shit." He said as he grimaced, clutching his side as he attempted to sit up before pushing a button on the bed that moved the mattress for him.

Voight let out a small laugh "You look like it too."

Jay looked around the room, disappointment fell over his face when the one person he wanted there was nowhere to be found. "What are you doing here Voight, where's Erin?"

"She is getting ready for your funeral, I hope."

"My… funeral?"

"Your funeral. You are being buried today, well, some bags of cement are being put six feet under."

"I don't understand?"

"You were in an accident, you lived by the skin of your teeth, and now to preserve your undercover status, you Halstead, are legally dead."

"Does Erin know?"

"No, only Commander Crowley, Dr. Rhodes, and myself know." Voight said before he began going over the details of the accident and Jay's undercover assignment.

Jay took a minute to process the information "I need to tell Erin."

"No, that cannot happen."

"Why not." He demanded.

"Because… it's complicated."

"She's my girlfriend! She deserves the fucking right to know!" Jay seethed before he began pulling out the IV in his arm, struggling to move off the bed.

"Mr. Bryson I need you to lay back down." A nurse instructed as she rushed in through the door and pushed him back onto the bed, checking his arm making sure the needle wasn't still in there.

"Mr. Bryson? Who the hell?

"Johnathan, calm down." Voight glared as he talked toward Jay.

Jay laid back, his mouth agape, his eyebrows furried in confusion. The nurse mumbled something to herself before walking out the room.

"Jay, I'm sorry but…"

"You know what, fine whatever, this will come back to bite you in the ass one day, but if I can't talk to or see Erin, at least let me see Will."

Voight let out a sigh before agreeing, and giving Will a call, asking for a favor and that he meet him at the VA hospital, not giving Will any other information, Will reluctantly agreed to meet him on his lunch break. Voight received a text from Will around 12:30, asking him where to meet, Voight gave him Jay's room, but stepped out into the hallway, to lessen the surprise on the eldest Halstead.

"That was… a conversation I was hoping to never have." Jay said as he let out a sigh, leaning back in the metal chair, before letting out a nervous laugh "You should have seen him, I'm surprised he didn't punch a wall he was so pissed." Jay glanced over towards Erin, seeing the hurt that was written on her face. "Listen, Er… I didn't have a choice."

"You didn't have a choice!" she yelled. "You had a choice Jay, you could have told me, who the fuck cares what Voight thought, you should have told me."

"Erin I-"

"You know what, once you man up enough to realize that you messed up, you know where to find me, but until then I am done." She sighed frustratingly.

Jay jumped to his feet to chase after her, but a raised arm stopped him. "Let her cool off." Mouse told him.

"I don't see what the problem is."

Mouse looked at him like he had lost his mind. "You don't see what the problem is? You DIED Jay, we all thought you were fucking dead but you were in fact alive and fucking well, yet you didn't even try to contact us. Now do you see the problem?"

"Mouse, it's not that simple, it's not like I could just pop up and be like 'surprise, I'm not dead.'."

Mouse let out a sigh "I get it man, I really do, just give Erin a chance to process."

"How do you know her so well?" Jay asked suspiciously.

"It's not what you think if that's what you're asking. Erin almost went back down that hole she dug after Nadia died, we tried not to let that happen again."

"What do you mean tried? Will told me she was doing fine."

"It's not as easy as it looks, she's a grown ass woman. She lived with Voight the first few months and then we practically forced her to see , but she grew distant, cold even, she buried herself in cold cases and never looked back."

"I thought she was fine, maybe if I hadn't…"

"Jay, don't blame yourself, you did what you had to do, you took a killer of the streets for christ sake! Just… think of the lives you saved man and try talking to her another day." Mouse said as he walked out of the interrogation room.

Jay sat there, pondering Mouse's words 'Maybe he's right, I shouldn't blame myself. But I was the one who choose to go undercover.' He thought as he ran a hand down his face.

Jay got up and back down the stairs and out the door. 'The paperwork can wait.' He thought to himself as he walked out the door, ignoring the murmurings coming from the people behind. He walked down the street, laying out his life, the case, and events of the day in front of him. His thoughts melting into one as he stopped at a park, sitting down on a bench in the far corner. He glanced around taking in the sounds of children laughing and couples walking by hand in hand on their lunch breaks, he took in the people playing chess at the picnic tables and the college kids throwing a Frisbee, none of them seeming to have a care in the world in that moment. He wished he could be like them, clueless to their surroundings, healthy and carefree. He reached into the pocket of his jacket, pulling out a metal flask, the one that had took away the pain and what he thought kept him sane over the past year and a half. He popped the top and brought the flask to his lips. He was about to take a swig when a hand on his shoulder made him jump out of his skin.

"What the hell!" he yelled as he jumped to his feet, flailing his arms causing liquor to go everywhere.

"Relax kid, it's me." The hand on his shoulder gave a firm squeeze as he pushed Jay back down.

"What do you want Voight?" Jay asked, looking out over the park as Voight sat down next to him.

"How you doin' kid?"

Jay gave him a side glance, "Fine." He told his boss as he gave the flask still in his hand a shake, disappointed to hear nothing inside. "You owe me a bottle of Jim."

"I don't owe you anything, you're the one that choose to go undercover."

"You forced me! So don't give me any of that BS." Jay said, flinging the flask into the dirt.

Voight hung his head, leaning his elbows against his knees as he let out a sigh. "I know that what has transpired is partially my fault, and I will take the blame for my part in it, but you did have the option to say no, Halstead. We could have put Ruzek or Dawson under, but the deaths of the service men became personal and you put their justice before your heart."

"I realize that now, I just… I didn't think it would have been this hard. I've changed Voight, not a week goes by that I don't go back and think of the accident, what could we have done different, where did we go wrong. And then I got reliant on the bottle and… I don't know if I could go back to who I was."

"Jay, you're belittling yourself."

"I don't think I am."

"How did the bust go, I heard this morning they nailed Dobbs." Voight said changing the topic.

"Yeah, the idiot knew we were closing in and decided to make a run for it, he came to me asking for help but honest to god the man was as dumb as a burnt out lightbulb." Jay chuckled. "I still can't believe the man trusted me enough to run his club."

"How'd that go?"

"Ahh, good. When the feds busted the club, they arrested everyone including me, heard they took almost 25 tons of pot, 10 tons of crack, found almost a dozen missing kids."

"Jay I gotta ask, did you…"

"I didn't cheat on Erin and I didn't take anything." He said clenching his fists and raising his voice. "We're there opportunities? Yes, but I would never hurt myself or Erin, I love her too much."

"Does she know that Jay? Listen I've told you before I prefer to stay out of your relationship, but Erin has been in a dark place since you've been gone, has she been drinking? No, but she has thrown herself into her work and she hasn't seen the light of day since you've been undercover. She told me several times how she loves you, and how she wished that you were here and now you are, finding out that you were never gone in the first place? She's confused Jay. Now if I were you I would get off your high horse and go and fix things."

"Where do I start? What do I tell her?"

"Tell her the truth from the beginning, she'll understand eventually." Voight told Jay patting his knee before he stood up and walked on down into the park.

Jay sat there mulling over his thoughts before he let out a sigh and began walking to the one place he could feel comfortable in at that moment. Home.

The building looked normal on the outside, bricks lining the sides for an extended length up. He had drove by here countless times, just to see if he could get a glimpse of her. He did once, Erin and Kim were walking into the apartment as he drove by, he almost stopped, almost blew his cover, but instead he pressed the foot on the pedal to the floor and drove away. He had been in the building earlier that day but now… now he couldn't find the nerve to move.

"Young man, can I help you?" A woman looking like she was in her late seventies asked.

"Uhhh…" Jay said trying to think fast. "Yeah, I left my keys in the apartment and my girlfriend isn't answering her phone so… I'm kinda locked out."

"Oh no worries dear, my Henry done that all the time except we didn't have phones back then and- never mind, you don't want to hear this." The woman said entering a key into the door lock, pulling back the metal door, allowing Jay entry.

"Thanks." Jay said plastering a fake smile. 'Man up Halstead.' He thought to himself as he made his way up the stairs to the second floor.

Jay stood in front of the door, raising a fist, allowing a light knock on the door.

"Go Away Hank." A muffled voice spoke.

Jay let out a laugh, before knocking once again.

"Go the Fuck Away! Do I need to spell it out for you?"

Jay knocked once more.

"Oh my fucking god. I swear Hank you better be dying, actually no, your ass better be in the grave." He heard as footsteps approached the door. "What the fuck do-" Erin was saying as she opened, stopping short as she seen who it was. "Go to hell Halstead." Erin said before slamming the door, much like she did that morning but Jay wasn't about to have a repeat of events, he quickly stuck his boot into the frame, stopping the door from shutting.

"Erin, please, can we talk?" Jay pleaded, still standing out in the hall.

"Jay, I think I've heard enough for the day, I mean what more is there to say?" Erin said, her voice cracking as she turned around to face him.

Jay stepped inside, closing the door behind him. "Plenty, but there was a lot of stuff I left out earlier."

"Like what Jay, like how you couldn't stop thinking about me or how you lost countless nights of sleep because you wished that it was you that died, how about how you wished you could have one last kiss or one last hug, Jay."

"Erin, I… I'm sorry ok, I will spend the rest of my life apologizing to you for what I've done, I understand… I understand if you want nothing to do with me after all of this, but I need to get my side out there, you need to hear how, after I woke up in the hospital, the first person I asked for was you; not Will, not Mouse, but you. I spent night after night, throwing everything I have into solving that case, I wasn't about to let those men's deaths go unsolved and Dobbs walk away scott free, please, if nothing else understand that. Erin, when I was asked to go undercover, I didn't think anything of it, we had just moved here and everything seemed to be going great between us and I thought 'hell, why not?' not thinking or knowing that it would take as long as it did, but then when the last body was dropped, me and Voight sat down and that's when we discovered they all worked or were patients of Dobbs and I was going to tell you that night, really. I don't remember a lot of things that happened before the wreck, just bits and pieces but I do know one thing, after all the shit we've been through, I love you, I love you come hell or high water, I will never stop loving you Erin." Jay said as his voice broke.

Erin turned around, and ran a hand through her hair, as she willed the tears that were forming not to fall, unsure of what to do or what to say as Jay stared at her.

"We're there others?" she asked, taking a deep breath to prepare her for the answer that may come.

"Never Erin, there's only you, it's always been you."

Erin let a sob escape her throat as she turned around, she looked at Jay who was across the room, before she could move a muscle he was next to here, like he always had been. Erin wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close as Jay's wrapped around her waist. "I love you." She whispered into his tear stained t-shirt.

"I love you." He whispered as he placed a kiss in her hair. "I promise to tell you everything Erin. I promise to make this better."

"I know you will Jay." She smiled standing onto her tip toes, giving him a long kiss on the lips. "Promise me one thing right now though." She said when they finally broke apart.

"Anything."

"Don't get rid of this." she smiled as she joked, grabbing his jaw, thumbing the small hairs that lined his face.

Jay let out a low laugh "Never babe." He told her before he leaned in for another kiss.