"JARVIS, who's at the door?" Peter asked, not looking up from his experiment when he heard his lab doorchime go off.

"It is Agent Coulson, sir," JARVIS replied.

"Keep the door looked, but patch me through?"

"Of course," the AI stated before Peter heard a beep to signify the connection.

"I'm in the middle of a delicate procedure, Agent. Can this wait?" Peter asked, still working.

"It can. May I return in fifteen minutes?" Coulson's voice was heard over the speaker.

"Give me twenty-five."

"Of course."

"He has left for the elevator, sir," JARVIS stated a few moments later.

By the time Agent Coulson had returned, Peter's experiment was finished. He was grinning because it was successful, which meant he was on the right track for his project. "How can I help you, Agent?" He asked as Coulson entered the lab.

"I just wanted to hand you this, in case it was necessary," the agent of SHIELD replied, handing over a metal business card.

"Okay," Peter replied as he stared at the card in his hand, confused.

"If you are ever in a situation where you need help. Here, or with your boyfriend," Coulson continued.

Glaring, Peter dropped the card to his desk. "Excuse me?!"

Holding his hands up to ward off the coming angry retort, the agent continued. "I don't mean from your boyfriend. But, Deadpool does have a dangerous job. It may affect your life in some manner. If you need help, SHIELD is there for you."

Grabbing the card, he shoved it back at Coulson. "Thanks, but we've done good so far."

Coulson's reply was stopped by Tony Stark entering the lab. "Coulson! I told you to stop recruiting my staff!"

Rolling his eyes, Coulson turned to the billionaire. "I'm not recruiting. I'm giving him options he may need for dangerous situations."

The two left the lab, bickering, while Peter stared down at the card still on the floor.

Wade did you abduct an assistant from SI?

I do not abduct! ...Anymore ...Much

Much?! No, we'll talk about that later. Did you or did you not leave SI with a person of the female persuasion hours ago?

...Maybe. And, damn it, Peter, I hate this thing. It's changing my elite text speak into normal English! And, punctuation! Capitalization! No!

It saves my eyes. Back on subject. I have a frazzled woman in my lab complaining that you left for coffee with her friend and haven't returned. They have spreadsheets to go through.

Uh Yeah About that

Wade?!

No Really Nothing too bad happened. I was able to talk stop trying to grab the phone Darcy! I'm talking here!

Did you just type in your argument instead of actually saying

I'm taking the phone. No! It's my phone!

Guys?

Well, you're obviously not using it right. And, this autocorrect sucks.

HEY!

No need to shout! Geez, Wade, you're boyfriend is high strung. You need to fix that. Sure!

Stop sharing the texts, and Wade stop leering. Get back here and away from the zoo.

Is he psychic? Should I start thinking about random numbers and blinding lights? Huh? That's how you stop telepaths from reading your thoughts, I've been told. I sometimes think he is psychic, but he always has an explanation.

You do remember that you're talking via text while standing right next to each other right? And, I have a gps lock on your personal phone Wade, you know this.

Oh yeah! I forgot. Why does he stalk you? And, we're texting so we don't wake up the sleeping mama tiger. We're having too much fun with the cubs.

Cubs?! No! I don't want to know. Get here Now!

"Now, I don't know much about science, but this is a good setup."

Peter looked up from his screen. "Hello, Hawkeye."

"Call me Clint," the archer said with a shrug as he sprawled across the couch in the corner. "Even this couch is awesome. I may start sleeping here!"

"Okay Clint," Peter replied. "Why have you invaded my domain? How have you invaded my domain?"

"I'm a barbarian, and your gates weren't enough to keep me out!" Clint exclaimed. Then, as a woman entered the lab, he added, "And, look, here's my elephant!"

The redhead raised a delicate eyebrow.

Peter choked on his coffee before psuedo-whispering, "I may be with the crudest guy on the earth, but even he knows to never call a woman an elephant. Well, not without consequences."

"Thank you," the woman replied before holding out her hand to be shaken. "I'm Natasha."

"Ma'am," Peter replied, giving a brisk handshake. "If you'd like to stay away from the barbarian, my desk chair is yours."

"Proper manners as well," Natasha stated as she gracefully sat in Peter's chair.

"My aunt raised me up right," Peter said with a grin. "Now, what do I owe the pleasure, Ms. Natasha?"

"Hey, what about me?" Clint called from the couch trying to swallow him.

Seeing his boyfriend finally arrive, Peter opened the door to his lab to lead him in. "Thanks for the..." he paused as he took in the imposing black man with an eyepatch in the swishy trenchcoat. "You're not security."

"He wants to recruit me, baby boy!" Wade wailed. "Me! Working for the Man!"

Standing tall, Peter glared at the silent man. "What's this all about?"

"Seriously? You're getting all protective and shit over a guy who can't die?" the man asked, incredulous.

"Kick his Director-of-SHIELD ass Petey! Kick it!" Wade crowed from the one area of the lab he was allowed, the couch-of-doom-and-sleepies, as Clint had named it.

"If Wade wants to work for SHIELD, I'm sure he'll contact someone about it," Peter scowled.

"Oh, fuck this shit," the man angrily said, throwing his hands into the air as he started to stomp off.

"Hey!" Wade exclaimed as he jumped off the couch. "How does he know our safeword!?"

The exclamation only made the man pause in his exit, before hurrying away.

"Baby boy!" Deadpool exclaimed as he was let into the lab. "Guess what?! Guess what?!"

Peter looked up and smiled. His smile widened when he saw Steve Rogers behind his boyfriend, a confused look on his face. "Captain Rogers!" he exclaimed happily.

Wade pouted. "You ruined my surprise."

Looking fondly at Wade, he shook his head. "It wasn't hard, doofus."

"I decided to give the security staff a break and escorted Mr. Wilson up. Hi, I'm Steve," he said, a hand stretched out to shake.

"Peter," the scientist replied as he shook Captain America's hand. "A pleasure."

"Are you calling your freebie, Peter?" Wade asked, looking serious.

"Freebie?" Steve asked, confused.

Peter snorted in laughter. "No, babe."

Wade leered before turning to Steve. "He gets one free night of sex with anyone of his choosing."

Grinning at the uncomfortable look on Steve's face, Peter continued. "He's adorable, but I'm reserving my freebie for someone else."

"Who?" Wade looked curious. "I have to know!"

"Not saying," Peter grinned.

"Is it Thanos?" Wade asked. "Please, say it isn't Thanos!"

Looking very awkward, Steve started to back out of the room.

"Eww," Peter replied, his nose wrinkled in disgust. "Fine, if you must know. It's Spiderman."

"No fair!" Wade exclaimed. "I wanted him as my freebie!"

The two grinned widely at each other as Steve continued to quickly walk towards the elevator.

Seeing the Norse god standing outside his lab doors, Peter raised his eyebrows. "Can I help you sir?"

"I am Thor, young one," the god replied as the lab doors opened. "I request a meeting with you at your earliest convenience."

"Umm, sure," Peter replied, confused. "I'm free now."

"My questions will take long, and I do not want to interrupt your work."

Peter looked more confused. "Questions?"

"Your mate is a great warrior! And, I find his dialogue engaging and entertaining. However, I'm developing a very long list of things he says that I do not understand. And, who better to teach me than you, the one who understands him best!"

His mouth dropped open. Giving himself a shake, Peter nodded. "I'm free for lunch today, Say, one?"

Giving him a hearty slap that caused the shorter man to stagger, Thor agreed. "Then, I shall see you then! We will partake of the wings and tails of fire! And, perhaps I will finally find something on Midgard worthy of being called 'beer'!"

Notes

I regret nothing. Except that I don't have more ideas. They are so much fun to write!

I almost didn't put the the Clint & Natasha scene in because it ended abruptly. But, I had no idea how to continue it...

I may (may!) write Darcy and Deadpools' adventures at coffee... But, I have so many stories to finish!

And, that Coulson scene? Did not end like I originally thought it would... Huh. I think my brain may know something for the future that I don't. It does that sometimes.

If I do end up adding more to this, I may branch out into the comic book universe more. Even though it s been fifteen plus years since I ve read comics. That, and having everything revolve around Peter s lab would make it hard to do Maybe a new story? (No! Stop it!)