Just found this in my files and it made me laugh, so I thought I'd share it here. It's from the old Cleon RP on LJ, where someone had started a bit of a choose-your-adventure thing. This was my turn. (Please forgive the cracky ending. I couldn't figure out how to close it up so I just picked the only option that someone had filled. Originally, it led to either Sephiroth, Sora, or malfunctioning claymores.)

Note: I know that choose-your-adventure is against ToS. Please don't report this, it's just a remnant. :)

Edit: onediagonalscar and I have revived the comm (and the kink meme)! cyo-strifehart dot dreamwidth dot org

Disclaimer: dood, fanfiction. Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, and the characters and universes therein are the property of Disney and Square Enix. I receive no remuneration for this work; it is a parody and as such utilizes the Fair Use clause of the Copyright Act.

The self-proclaimed Great Ninja Yuffie stared evenly across the table at Leon—this was pretty much the only time she could look at him eye to eye, when he was sitting and she was not—and then at Cloud, tapping one booted foot impatiently.

"Well?!" she exclaimed, eyes bright and hands planted firmly on her hips. "Aren't you two lazy bums ready to go yet? The sun is shining—well, almost—and the birds are chirping—or they will be soon—and the Heartless are…loitering? Sauntering? Traipsing? Meandering? Moseying? Well, I'm not quite sure what they're doing, but whatever it is, it's probably not going to be good for our collective health, and as such we need to go give them a good swift kick in the you-know-what," she declared authoritatively, demonstrating with a high kick that narrowly missed Leon's head, and only because instincts kicked in and he caught her around the ankle just in time.

Other than Leon's reflexes, her speech was met with only a stunned silence, lasting a good twenty or thirty seconds. At last, Cloud carefully raised his mug to his lips and took his first sip in the hopes that the sooner he got some caffeine into his system, the sooner he'd be able to keep up with—or at least comprehend—the girl's perpetually excited chatter.

Leon simply continued to stare.

Yuffie folded her arms over her chest and huffed at the lack of a suitable response, seemingly unaffected by her leg still being propped high in the air.

"Well, I'm going to the Bailey. You two slowpokes are on your own," she said, finally wriggling free of Leon's grasp. "Lowest kill count at the end of the day has to muck out the chocobo stable!" she singsonged on her way out, waving her shuriken and slamming the front door shut with great enthusiasm behind her.

Leon turned his gaze from the still-quivering door knob back to Cloud. He lifted one eyebrow very, very slightly.

"It is way too early to be that awake," Cloud mumbled in agreement, staring blearily into his mug. "Remind me again, why did I volunteer for dawn patrol?"

"You didn't," Leon conceded, working his jaw to stifle a yawn. "But it's as good a time as any to keep an eye out for malfunctioning claymores."