Disclaimer: I do not own Supergirl or the characters.

Kara sat up gasping for air as she woke from her nightmare. As she gave herself a moment to recover she shut her eyes and tried to will the memories away. Only this time it wasn't just a dream, the events had really happened. As she remembered what she had done, what she had said, she couldn't stop the tears from flowing.

As she replayed the memories she came to accept that she wasn't good. She was no better than Non or Astra, in fact she was worse. They didn't hide who they really were. She had been living a lie.

She could never take back what she had said to Alex. Nor would she ever forget the look on Alex's face as she said all of those things. She knew that Alex had been tearing herself up over Astra's death and she had just accused her of murder. She had denounced their relationship, denied they were family.

Had it not been for the Black Mercy, maybe with time Alex could put that down to the red kryptonite. But Alex had seen that fantasy world, she knew she played no part in it.

Kara picked up her mobile and saw several missed calls and texts from Eliza. She knew she should speak to her, but she couldn't face it.

What she wanted at that moment, more than anything was a hug. But she couldn't go to Alex, not after everything she had said and done.

With no one else to turn to Kara lifted her bed and pulled out the device that Hank had removed from Kara's pod. Activating it she sat on the floor as the image of her mother appeared speaking the words she had spoken all those months ago.

As the image warned Kara she would lose her way many times she started to feel hope, but then the image told her. 'Be wise, be strong and always be true to yourself.'

As she heard the words she sobbed once more and asked out loud. "How can I? I don't know who I am anymore."

As the image of her mother disappeared she looked round her apartment and kept seeing herself verbally abuse Alex, first in the bedroom, then at the window. Shutting her eyes she tried to force the memories from her mind but it was useless. Knowing she couldn't stay there she dressed and left her apartment.

-00-

"Kiera. It's one in the morning on a Saturday. Why are you here?" Cat asked as she saw her assistant standing on a balcony at CatCo.

"Ms Grant?" Kara asked confused, desperately trying to wipe the tears from her face. "Wh, what are you doing here?"

"It's my building." Cat replied. "You've not answered my question."

"Just enjoying the view."

"You don't look like you are enjoying it." Cat commented. "In fact you have looked miserable for the last few days. And whilst I can see returning to clothes from the fifties is traumatic, for everyone, it is easily remedied."

"I'm sorry, I should go." Kara said trying to escape the balcony.

"Not so fast, not if you want a job on Monday." Cat warned causing Kara to stay in place. "Why are you here?"

"I have no where else to go." Kara said sounding more lost than Cat thought was possible.

"You have lost your home?"

"There are too many memories there." Kara said.

"Has something happened?" Cat asked wondering if her assistant had been through some trauma that would explain the continual behaviour changes.

"I have lost everyone."

"Don't be so melodramatic." Cat said but as she saw the pain in Kara's eyes she realised her assistant believed in the statement.

"I lost your respect and trust. The sad thing is I was trying to do the right thing by Adam. Trying to protect him from the train wreck that my life could and has become. Then my aunt died." Kara said pausing briefly to steady her wavering voice. Cat opened her mouth to offer condolences but was cut off by Kara continuing. "But I could cope with those. No matter what you think I wasn't responsible. But then, then everything went wrong and I have lost everyone. How can anyone trust me again?"

"I don't know what you think you have done, but it can't be worse than Supergirl and even she'll find her way back." Cat said.

"I have betrayed everyone I care about." Kara said. "Winn's girlfriend was fired because of me."

"He knew you didn't like her but was sleeping with her anyway." Cat countered.

"James and Lucy broke up because of me."

"All your involvement did was bypass a slow death of the relationship." Cat said.

"The man who has tried to protect and guide me, who has treated me like a daughter has been locked away."

Cat opened her mouth to give a counter argument but was so confused by the revelation she shut it again. Before she could come up with a response Kara was talking again.

"I told my sister that she wasn't my sister, that we didn't share blood so could never be sisters and without me she was nothing, she had no life."

"Sisters fight all the time."

"Not us, not like this. We can't go back to how things were, I made sure of that. I just feel so alone. I have never felt so lonely."

"Even after you lost your parents?" Cat asked, still not sure what had happened to Kara, but trying to give her perspective."

"After I lost my family I felt scared but never lonely, my foster family made sure I was always loved and Alex has done so much for me. She has pretty much dedicated her life to protecting me. But I threw it all back in her face. No matter what problems I have encountered over the last twelve years Alex has always been there, helping me, protecting me. I have always had her to help me. Now I don't."

"Whatever has happened can be fixed." Cat said.

"This can't. Even if it could how can I ask Alex for help now? I have to do this alone, only I know deep down that I can't do this alone. I have always needed others around me for support and guidance, but now I have no one. I want so badly to fix this but is that because I'm being selfish. Worse than that what if me staying makes things worse? Alex has put her life on hold for me. If I wasn't around she could lead her own life without being held back by me. James and Lucy might be able to make it work. I wonder if I just disappeared if their lives would be better."

"So that's your plan? Run away? That won't solve anything." Cat said dismissively. "There are many words that I have associated with you, annoying, hesitant, loyal all come to mind, but never cowardly, until now."

"Why is it cowardly to want them to be happy?"

"I never said wanting them to be happy was cowardly." Cat clarified. "I said running away was cowardly. You think that is the easiest path not the best path."

"It is the only path I can see right now. I don't know how to make it right."

"That is because you are focusing on the end goal. You are standing at the base of Everest looking at the peak and can't figure out how to climb it. The way to climb Everest is not to climb from the bottom."

"It's not?"

"No. First you have to make it to the base station. The first step is to decide you want to do it. It's flying to Lukla. It may cost you something, but it is as easy as boarding a plane." Cat explained. "It is the next part that is the most tricky, the trek to the base camp. You have to trek, with all your baggage along a long, cold, lonely route. Stopping each night in strange accommodation surrounded by strangers, all of whom have their own goals, their own motivations and don't give a damn about you. Sure you can hire porters, but they are only in it for the money, they'll jettison you as soon as they have a better offer. But if you are prepared to work hard, put in the effort you can make it to base camp. Once you have made it, then the real progress is made because you get real help. You get sherpas. They'll guide you to the peak, helping you overcome obstacles and avoid dangers not because they like you, but because their lives are tied to yours. Don't get me wrong, it is not easy and the pitfalls are numerous. But by the time you have made it that far there will be someone to help you."

-00-

Hearing a bang Alex jolted awake and reached for her gun, cursing as she instinctively moved her broken arm. Realising the noise was just someone knocking on her front door she checked her watch and wondered who would be at her front door at three am. Stumbling out of bed she started moving to the front door when she stubbed her toe. Cursing again she muttered.

"Someone had better be dying." As she opened the front door and saw the figure on the other side her rant was immediately cut off and instead she asked.

"Ms Grant? What are you dong here?"

"I would have thought that was obvious. I am here to talk to you."

"Why? How do you even know where I live?"

"You are Kiera's emergency contact. Your details are in her file, which as her employer I have access to. Are you going to invite me in?"

"I guess." Alex said moving away from the door. "Why do you want to talk to me?"

"Because I am concerned about your sister and having recently fired one assistant I can't afford to lose the other."

"I know Kara may have acted abnormally over the last few days, but that has passed now." Alex said waving at her couch. Accepting the invitation Cat sat down and said.

"I don't mean the last few days I mean tonight, well this morning."

"This morning?" Alex asked confused. "It's three am."

"I am aware of the time. Do you know where your sister is?"

"At home, in bed, not having crazy conversations?" Alex guessed as she sat down trying to ignore her throbbing toe and arm.

"She is at the office."

"You have some sort of camomile tea emergency?" Alex sniped.

"I didn't know she was there until I found her on the balcony."

"Why was she on the balcony?" Alex asked trying to wake her brain up.

"A better question is what was she doing."

"Ok, what was she doing?"

"Crying."

"What? Why?" Alex asked concerned. "Where is she now?"

"Still on the balcony. She said she needed time to think, but she doesn't. I have seen your sister lose her temper and I have seen her sad, this morning was the first time I have ever seen her so lost. I don't know what has happened, she was not exactly coherent, but right now she needs help. We both know I am not the right person to give it."

-00-

As Kara woke up she felt disorientated. She was lying on something hard, definitely not her bed or couch, but her head was raised and was resting on something soft and warm. Cracking her eyes open she saw Alex look down at her.

"Alex?" She asked confused as she looked round and realised they were on a CatCo balcony. "What are you doing here?" She questioned as memories of what had happened on the balcony came to the surface.

"I was worried, so was Cat. I don't know what you said or did, but she is concerned." Alex explained as she stroked Kara's hair. "She came round to see me and told me you were here."

"So you came?"

"Of course I came." Alex said. "She said you were hurting and that you needed help. But when I got here you were fast asleep. I thought your head might need a cushion."

"You shouldn't have come." Kara said sitting up, resenting the fact she had put Alex out again.

"Why?"

"I hurt you."

"My arm will heal." Alex said.

"I didn't just mean physically. I don't deserve your support." Kara said standing and walking to the edge of the balcony again.

"Kara, some of what you said hurt. But that is because there was truth behind it. You were right I have tried to hold you back, to stop you being all you can be. I told you, I told myself that was to protect you, but some part of me, deep down, will always be jealous of you. I can never compete with you. But I will always love you." Alex said as she stood and moved to Kara's side.

"You shouldn't. I am not who you thought I was. I am not who I thought I was." Kara said refusing to face Alex.

"Kara the Red Kryptonite changed your brain."

"But it was still me. Everything I said came from within me."

"We all have dark thoughts." Alex said. "Some stay hidden forever, some come out when we're angry, some when we're drunk. I mean how many times have you seen mom and I argue and say things we shouldn't? But having dark thoughts doesn't make you bad, it makes you normal. What makes you good are all the other thoughts you have. You have chosen to help others, you risk your life everyday to do that. If you weren't good you wouldn't do that." She then reached out and took Kara's hand and said. "I killed Astra, I can never undo that. I did what I thought I had to do at the time. Maybe there was another way, but I couldn't see it then. I was so scared I was going to lose you. It killed me lying to you, but I was so scared that if I told you you would hate me. Then when you found out I thought you were going to walk out of my life forever, but you forgave me. Only someone who is kind and good could do that. You didn't give up on me, on us, then and I am not giving up on you now. We will get through this. Together. Just like we always have. Just like we always will. I love you. Red Kryptonite won't change that. You running away won't change that. You are my sister and I will always love you."

"I love you too." Kara said finally turning to face Alex. "But that's why I don't want to be a burden to you any longer. I don't want you to sacrifice your happiness for me."

"You are not a burden." Alex assured her.

"I want to help you for a change. I want to give back what I have taken."

"You want to help me?" Alex asked.

"Yes."

"Then give me a hug. I miss my sister." Alex said holding out her good arm. Sobbing Kara entered the embrace mumbling apologies.

Holding her sister Alex said. "I promise you, we are going to be okay and so are you."

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing