Something Worse than Trust

.

I cannot read minds.

As far as I am aware, that particular ability is reserved for fictional characters with superpowers. Granted, modern neuroscience has come a long way, but something like mind-reading is still a technological impossibility.

And so, regardless of my well-developed understanding of human behaviors, and regardless of how well I can predict people's motivations, actions, and their results, I am far from some kind of omniscient, all-knowing being.

Regrettably, seeing people's thoughts is not one of my 108 special skills.

What I can do, however, is make guesses. Not just blind guesses, either. Educated guesses. Guesses backed with evidence. Rather than knowing with absolute certainty exactly what will transpire, in reality I'm simply very good at outlining all of the possible outcomes from a situation, and the likelihood of each.

The particular set of my 108 special skills that allow me to read between the lines so well are frustratingly limited in that regard. As useful as they are, it isn't mind-reading. But after all, this is real life - a place where the only thing that's absolutely certain is uncertainty.

It's all well and good to know that a girl who seems to be dropping "I like you" hints is a so-called "nice girl," but even with that information one simply can't just remove the possibility. Sure, the chance of you misconstruing something is certainly very high, and it's important to be aware of the relative probability for each outcome. But if one is interested in truly being observant, in truly trying to read other people's motivations, no possibility can be completely eliminated.

It was only recently that I had personally begun to acknowledge this specific viewpoint. In the past, I had simply disregarded unlikely results, for a very simple reason: although ignoring outcomes with a very low possibility meant that it was possible for you to be wrong, sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Yes, the trouble with letting possibilities linger - what if you somehow got into that really hard school? what if you magically did really well on that test? what if she actually likes you? - the trouble with letting these thoughts linger inside one's head is that they produce the most dangerous drug mankind has ever known: the hallucinogen called "hope."

Oh, certainly it's sometimes better to have the full story. But if knowledge is power, and power corrupts, then...

Well, suffice it to say that I had hoped Yukinoshita Haruno, for once in her life, was wrong.

.

"Oh, so you're aware. You're right - it's not trust. It's something far more sinister."

.

"You know, I'm not even going to bother asking how the hell you managed to find me."

"Ara, Hikigaya-kun, are you becoming predictable?" returned the purple-eyed vixen, pulling up a chair at my table in the dusky coffee shop.

"I hope so, then maybe you'll leave me alone." If it works for opossums, maybe it'll work for me too.

"Fufu, playing dead? But you can't fool your Onee-san, Hikigaya-kun. Or I might just bury you on accident." The smile she flashed was more like a carnivore baring its teeth.

"With my luck, I'll get you as a cellmate in hell…" Actually, it was more likely that she would be the one in charge, wasn't it…

"Oh, but sweet onee-sans go to heaven to live in happiness, didn't you know?"

"Pff, you're not fooling anyone there. I'm not sure if you're aware of the definition of 'sweet,' but..."

"Ah, but this is where you show how bad you are at science, Hikigaya-kun. Beryllium, element number four, is both quite sweet and a deadly poison."

"So you admit that you're a deadly poison."

"Ah, Hikigaya-kun, but it takes one to know one. And you can't exactly deny your own toxicity, now, can you?"

I paused, taken aback. "...you've known exactly what's been going on this entire time."

"Did you expect anything less? And I've been right, too. I told you about Yukino-chan-"

"DON'T say that name to me."

"Ohh, getting prickly, are we? Fufu, but how do you expect to talk about this without mentioning my dear little sister?"

"Haah… you can't have any friends, being like this. And if there's anyone out there who can dance around a topic better than you, I haven't met them yet."

"Ah, you smooth talking flatterer, you." She would take that as a compliment… "So I assume Hayato told you about the engagement?"

"I don't even know why you're asking me, Miss Omniscient, because it's obvious that you already know exactly what happened."

"And then?" she pressed. "Where did Yukino-chan conf-"

"Shut UP."

Her gaze flattened and her eyes deadened into soulless discs. "My, how boring of you, Hikigaya-kun… You're beginning to sound as testy as Hayato. I'm sure you don't want to be his replacement in both of our eyes, do you?"

I sat, dumbstruck for a moment, before finally sighing. "I've known I was his replacement to you for quite a while, so I can't say it was a surprise on your end. Oh, my, my, are your insults getting weaker, Haruno-chan?" I asked mockingly.

"No, I just think you're getting stronger, Hikigaya-kun," she sighed, sounding a little serious and a little tired for a change. I raised my eyebrows.

"I would think you'd be a little happier that you've succeeded in creating a successor, but I guess even Dr. Frankenstein ran from his monster..."

Haruno Yukinoshita turned, smiled a smile that was all stretched lips, and looked me dead in the eye. And, softly. she clapped. Slow and mocking. "My, my, Hikigaya-kun. And did either Dr. Frankenstein or his monster ever find happiness?"

"...at least Mary Shelley made a couple bucks."

Haruno sat back in her chair and gazed into the distance. "Let's talk honestly here for a change, Hikigaya-kun."

"Do you even know the definition of that word?"

"Oh, I do. I do indeed. But honesty is only slightly less of an idealism than true love, or your little 'something genuine.'"

"So why even bother?"

"Tell me. Who told you about the arranged marriage?"

"Changing the subject? Even I can see something as obvious as that."

"Was it Yukino-chan, or Hayato?"

"Why does something like an engagement feel like such an overused trope? It's like an automatic suspension-creator. You ordered some tension? Here you go, one arranged marriage."

"Or could it have been Mother? No, she wouldn't have bothered coming into contact with you…"

"Haruno, whose side are you on anyway?"

"Ah, Hikigaya-kun. I'm on nobody's side but my own. Just like Dr. Frankenstein, eh?"

"No, that's not the whole story, is it? Even Dr. Frankenstein had a family he wanted to protect, had a love interest, had things for the monster to destroy. And I'm much too familiar with the lie that is 'nobody's side but my own.'"

"Fufu, soon enough you'll send me running into the Arctic on a dogsled."

"Or, does the great Haruno Yukinoshita not even know whose side she's on? Heh, in the end, you're so much like your sister it's scary. You accuse her of imitating you, but here, she almost had something that you never did."

Haruno gazed back at me quietly, her lavender eyes strangely soft, like the center of a baseball. "Perhaps I should get to writing my letters to England, before I die?"

"You-" But I was cut off by a look from her.

"My sister didn't 'almost have' that genuine thing. You know this as well as I do. I told you before - it's not trust. It's something far more sinister. Trust is confidence in each other's strength. What Yukino-chan had for you was the product of a weak will, a lack of self, and nobody else to turn to. Sometimes, when you thrown a kid in a pool, they learn to swim. Other times, well…"

"You would let your own sister drown?"

"You would let your friend drown."

"We were never friends."

"You would refuse to help someone because they weren't your friend? Truly heartless."

"Like you're one to talk. And drowning people have a fearsome reputation for pulling unwitting rescuers under with them in their panic."

"So you're implying you have something to lose, after all. How boring."

"Humans are naturally selfish, after all. And I'm only human."

"...so, it turns out Yukino-chan wasn't chosen again, huh?" she sighed after a pause.

"Trust has to work both ways, Yukinoshita-san."

.

de·pend·ence

/dəˈpendəns/

(noun)

the state of relying on or being controlled by someone or something else.

.

I had hope, oh yes. Foolish hope.

But Yukinoshita Haruno is never wrong.

.

trust

/trəst/

(noun)

firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.

.

"Hikigaya-kun… I… I, I-"

"I know what you're trying to say, Yukinoshita. Don't worry about it."

"Oh, er, okay…. so… what is your answer?"

"When does the arranged marriage with Hayama come into effect?"

"Huh? Wait, did my sister tell you about that? Don't worry, it's actually fairly straightforward to remove and I can convince Mother-"

"Who are you?"

"What?"

"What happened to the Yukinoshita Yukino that I know?"

"Huh?"

"We could have worked this out together. Without false pretenses. You didn't have to force yourself to pretend."

"What? I'm not pretending anything, these are m-my true feelings…"

Yet her voice trembled with uncertainty.

"It's quite simple what's happened here. The engagement to Hayama caused you to panic. You mistook the relief you felt when I could help you for attraction. Surely you should have realized this much."

"That's not… that's not t-true at all…"

A tear slipped down her cheek.

I turned away.

"I'll help you. I promised you that much. But not like this. I won't pretend with you. That's the one thing I won't do."

"H-hikigaya-kun…"

"Goodbye."

"...I'm sorry…."

"Me too."

.

Heya ladies and gents, ImaNuke here again…

So, this came out way more depressing than I originally had in mind… like WAY more depressing.

The object of this one was to outline a particular discrepancy that I feel could easily cause a center of conflict within the relationship between 8man and Yukino, and to do so in the length of one chapter. The issue at hand was, as 8man explained, very simple: Yukino faces an arranged marriage; somewhere in the trusting, reliant part of herself, she sees 8man as her savior, her way out; and thus, neither she nor 8man can be certain of the validity of her own feelings - how much was the result of genuine (dare I say it) love, and how much the result of that reliance, that "something worse than trust?"

And who better to discuss these topics than the perpetrator herself, Haruno?

Okay, enough explaining away my own story. Hopefully, all of you Yukino fans don't decide to take up pitchforks and torches and storm my house, demanding vengeance… I swear I have a nice Yukinofluff chapter planned! I swear!

(I also have at least 4 other chapters in the works, so it's not material I'm short of… rather, it's the other precious commodities, time and motivation.)

Anyway, if you enjoyed - or wanted to rage at me for any of the following: a) writing a Yukino rejection; b) having a Haruno chapter without a proper Haruno ship; c) writing about Yukino; d) not writing enough words (you know, I should stop providing you guys with ammo to throw at me) - please leave a fave, a follow, or a review. As a writer, it's the only real way I know that I made an impact on you readers, which, at the end of the day, is the truest goal of the author.

Plus, it also motivates me to pump out that lovely fluff chapter to ease your (and my) stinging wounds…

As always, thanks for reading, and I'll cya next chapter.