The rain beat against the window in his apartments bedroom. The street lights on the outside painting each little droplet of water with light, illuminating them on the glass panel until each individual one stood out. Whiskey colored eyes stared at them intently, even maybe absentmindedly, his thoughts spanning way back in the past to events that had already unfolded and come and gone.

His mind reeling back to the good times, to the happy memories, when his family was whole and there was no fighting. When his eldest brothers would walk together side by side, laughing and talking together. Training together. Visiting the younger angels together. Everything they had done, they had done together.

When he himself had been a mere fledgling and his brothers would sneak up behind him. When his eldest brother would scoop him up in his arms, his other big brother always at his side ready to torment his unprotected tummy until he had tears streaming down his face and his laughter filled the garden, or where ever they had caught him up.

When his big brother would carry him around on his shoulders as he did his duties, and later, after he had completed his tasks, would take him to their favorite spot and cuddle him under their tree, or take him swimming in the sparkling lake in their garden.

How his oldest brother would brush his fingers through his wings, gently guiding the feathers back into place.

Or when it was finally time for bed, his big brother would climb in behind him, despite the fact that they each had their own room (it was easier to make sure he had actually gotten to sleep) and wrap an arm around his waist, pulling him into his chest and nuzzling his face into the side of his neck. Humming gentle lullabies under his breath or softly talking him down, whispering words of comfort and love into his ear.

Gabriel forced himself from these thoughts before he started sobbing uncontrollably and unable to stop himself. Turning onto his side away from the window. One arm wrapped up under his head, under his pillow. Those things were meant to be forgotten because they only brought him pain and sorrow. Rememberance of what his family used to be, of what Michael and Lucifer used to be. They only brought misery and the same unanswered questions.

What had happened?

Why couldn't they just say sorry?

How had they all come to this?

He reached up with his free hand to wipe away a stray tear that had escaped. Part of him knew that they weren't worth his tears for they hadn't really done anything to stop this entire mess from happening in the first place. He wished that one of them knew that he wasn't actually dead, the first time and the last time, but he also knew that if her were to make his presence known that they would force him to chose a side and he couldn't honestly pick one over the other.

They had both raised him.

He loved them both.

He also knew that they would have no care for his feelings. The versions of his brothers that he so desperately wanted, the ones who would straighten his wings and pull him close to their chest by the arm they'd wrapped around his waist, they were long gone. That the only thing that was left was the thing who wanted nothing more than to end the other despite anyone or anything that got in their way.

Never before in his entire life had he ever felt so lonely.

Gabriel shut his eyes slowly, finally allowing the beat of the rain to lull him to sleep.

He'd forget about all this in the morning and be on his merry way as that's what was expected of him.

He was startled awake earlier the following morning. The red blinking numbers on the cheap dollar store alarm clock on the table next to him blinked '2:15' over and over again. He was still too out of it to realize what was happening.

As the arm slowly wormed itself around his waist, gently pulling him back into a strong muscular chest somewhere behind him. A bristled stubbly face was nuzzled up into his neck, warm breath hitting his ear gently. The scent of star dust and morning dew filled his senses.

He figured that this was his imagination, creating an image, a scent, that he longed for. Tricking him into believing its reality. None of this was real though, that he was sure of for Gabriel knew his brothers and what they had turned into. Michael was no longer the strong and commanding but playful leader and Lucifer wasn't the warm cuddly teddy bear he had once been. This was all a dream that he would wake up from crying his eyes out like he had the last three nights this week.

The hand on the arm around his waist intertwined its fingers with the hand he didn't have curled under his pillow. It felt so real, the calloused but gentle fingers and the warm but steady grip.

"Go back to sleep baby brother"

The voice that whispered in his ear was deep and rough, gravelly even, rumbling in the chest pressed up against his back. Gabriel sucked in a breath at how real it sounded, how close it felt.

"W...What are you...?"

There was a breath, maybe a sigh, he wasn't sure.

"Your emotions were always strong baby brother, I could feel your sadness half way across the world."

Gabriel stilled, shocked, frightened. His breath hitched and he felt himself tremble slightly. The hum from behind him indicating that he felt the tremble as well.

"But...But...You can't be real...This isn't you"

Warm lips pressed softly into the back of his neck, chills spreading throughout his body at the action.

"I am as real as you are baby brother, why would I not come at your distress? You are my little Gabby, I will always come for you"

Gabriel shuttered, tears threatening to fall from his eyes once more. The hand intertwined with his own released his grip for a moment, coming up to cover his eyes gently, darkness cascading over his vision.

"Hush baby brother, no more tears now, it does not look right on you, big brother is here now"

He nodded, trying and most likely failing to cuddled back into the strong achingly familiar chest behind him. There was a soft airy chuckle and the hand was brought back down to intertwine with his fingers, warm lips pressing back into his neck.

"Go back to sleep Gabby"

He didn't want to, and even fought the urge to do so, for he knew when he did that when he woke up the next morning the person behind him whom he's missed so much would be gone. But then they started to hum those gentle lullabies that always got him to sleep as a child and he knew that he was a goner. He felt his eyes begin to flutter and he knew that they knew it too because a moment later warm lips pressed against his ear.

"Goodnight Gabriel, Big Brother loves you, both of us"

When he did wake the next morning, his heart dropped when he no longer felt the arm around his waist. He knew it must have all been a dream, a sick sick heart wrenching dream. But as he made to get up he spotted it, the note, the parchment, the ancient piece of finely cut papyrus that he remembered Michael loving to write on back up in Heaven. It was folded nicely and his name "Gabriel" was beautifully scripted on the front. He laid back down as he reached over for the parchment, gently, tenderly unfolding it.

Gabriel,

While we may not see eye to eye on most things anymore, the one thing we can agree on is that tears falling from your eyes looks absolutely wrong. But one thing remains true, no matter what may happen or what may be done, we will always love you.

I promise you, we are always there, when your heart is filled with sorrow and despair, we are always there.

Rest well Baby Brother, know that Big Brother(s)'s always watching over you.

With Love,

M & L

He sighed heavily, refolding the note once more and placing it on his bedside table. Rubbing his hand over his eye he looked towards the ceiling. Gabriel took a shuttering breath before he could think about saying anything.

"I love you asshats too"

And he was sure, that wherever they were, whatever it was they were doing at the moment, that they had smiled.

It was almost as if he could see it.

That was actually really sad...