Different paths

One-shot

I saw her today. It has been so long, that at first I couldn't even tell if the person who just passed me was truly Kaname. It wasn't that I had forgotten her face in the last five years – even if I tried I couldn't – it was just how much she has changed. Now she wore flashier make up, her hair was a tad shorter than it used to be and when I saw her she was clad in a maroon colored dress, which hugged her figure perfectly.

I became certain that the young woman was Kaname only when she called out my name, though I could see that she was hesitating, as if she also wasn't sure if I was Sousuke either.

I saw him today. He was so different from the military freak Sousuke I had known all these years ago. He was wearing civilian clothes – loose dark blue jeans and a jumper, which hid his well-toned muscles – and he seemed a lot more relaxed. I wasn't sure if he remembered me, so at first, my intentions were to pass him by, without saying anything, but somehow, I just couldn't. Few moments before I would have lost Sousuke in the crowd, I called out his name. He turned around, looking at me wide eyed, when his lips mouthed my name too.

I couldn't stop staring at him, it was as if his intense persona was gone. Actually, I was even proud of him, until I noticed something which I had trained my eyes to see, after he had left me. He didn't change after all, at least not that much, as he was hiding a gun underneath his jumper. I smiled at this realization.

I was momentarily stunned by her smile, it has been such a long time since I've last seen it. God, she really did the codename angel justice. Kaname somehow looked better than before, not that she wasn't beautiful five years ago, but I guess that beauty was different from before.

When I stopped gawking at her, I asked what she was doing here – as our meeting place was really far from her previous place of stay – and how it was going for her all together. She smiled again, and said that we should talk about these things in a cafe nearby, if I had the time, that is. I nodded and she showed me the way to a small cafe, in which there weren't many people. I think she was being considerate of me when she chose the table – one in the very back, in the corner, from which you could see the whole place – as it truly was a wonderful summer day and I caught her glancing longingly, at a table near the French windows before sitting down.

When we ordered – a simple black coffee for me and a strawberry sundae for her – she finally answered my questions. It was going good for her and when we saw each other she was going home from her lectures. Kaname said she had a new apartment now – she moved right after she started university – and that she was doing her major in photography, for in it she unexpectedly found passion.

Once our orders arrived, she asked me what I was doing here, as this was a place where she expected to see me the least. She was about to dig into her sundae when I said that I was here with Captain Testarossa. She didn't ask why and I didn't say, as it was my mission to act as Captain's bodyguard when she was done with her meeting and it was secret, but now I regret it. The thing is her smile fell, though only for a second, and then returned, only not as bright, when she replied by saying "Is that so...". She seemed to have lost all of the interest in her treat, as she slowly scooped the treat and put the tea spoon in her mouth.

It's not like I didn't think about Sousuke and Tessa becoming a thing over past five years at all. No, I did, after all Tessa's affection towards him was hard not to notice, but I guess it still shocked me to find out, that they were in a relationship. Maybe that was one of the reasons why he had never contacted me.

I had lost my appetite and only nibbled at my favorite desert. I could feel my face fall and I hope that Sousuke didn't notice this. He wasn't the sharpest at observing people, but who knows, a lot of things could change in five years. No, he already changed a lot. He could easily pass as a civilian, excluding that small slip up for carrying a gun. I guess being with Tessa really does make him happy.

I plastered a fake smile on my face and continued to talk about anything really, as long as there was no silence to suffocate me. I guess that's one of the ways that I've changed in these five years – I have learnt to talk to chase away anything that I feared.

After having discussed almost everything we could, without talking about personal things, Sousuke was no longer looking me in the eyes. I won't lie, I wasn't looking at his face any longer either – at the time I was studying his hands, which were gripping the white coffee cup. There were a lot more patches of paler skin on them, than there used to be five years ago. Every single scar indicated his clashes with enemies, the missions he was sent on and the times he barely escaped with his life. All I can do is hope that at least some of them were from daily tasks, like cooking, and not from the battles, as I don't like to think that he was in danger so many times. But who am I kidding.

I sighed and put the tea spoon back into the glass, which contained my barely eaten sundae. I was pushing it away, as I doubted I could stomach any more of the sweet, when Sousuke started talking again. He told me about how much he had missed me during these five years, and that maybe he should have said it straight away, when we first saw each other. He told me about the letters he had written me, yet sadly, never sent. I knew that he was lying, but I went along with it.

I think, she thinks that I still can't tell a genuine smile apart from a fake one. She's wrong though, I can – ever since two years ago, when the whole Mithril had to take a course on micro expressions. The thought of me being responsible for Kaname's smile disappearance made me quite sad. I wasn't able to look at her for the next few minutes, without feeling all of the frustration, which had accumulated over the past years. Once I was able to look her in the eyes again, I told her about how much I missed her, as well as about the letters, which now take up two boxes in my closet, that I had written her. The way she looked at me I was able to tell that she didn't believe a single word I said, but Kaname still nodded and said "I missed you too."

I suddenly felt an urge to shout, to make her understand that I wasn't lying. At that moment I regretted more than ever, not having sent a single letter.

I realized that I had been in love with Kaname after a year of us being apart, thanks to Kurz talking his usual nonsense, and since then my letters contained nothing but hidden confessions of love. If I were to read them now, though, I don't think I would find those confessions hidden and maybe I could no longer describe those sentences as confessions at all. I think they would be more like ramblings written by a nineteen year old me, who had no idea how to deal with his feelings.

As we weren't talking any longer and basically ignoring our purchases, we decided that it's time to part. At first she was the one who insisted on paying the bill, but there was no way I could let her. It turned out into quite a weird argument and ended up with us both splitting the bill. After we were out of the shop, I hugged her. I pressed myself into her as hard as I could, taking in all of these sensations that I was feeling for the last time. Or, at least, in my mind I did. Reality was a bit different – our hug was nothing like the one between lovers, it was friendly and short. I barely got a whiff of her hair.

Kaname released me and we went our separate ways.

Before we went back to our everyday lives, he hugged me. It was only a friendly hug, but I wish it would have been long and one filled with passion. Once I started feeling as if his hold was suffocating me, I reluctantly let go of Sousuke's warm body and continued where I had left off almost an hour ago – on my way home.

When I got home the place was quiet. Too quiet for my liking. The silence started to crush me and before I knew it, I was crying. The salty tears are still falling from my eyes as I am writing. I hope that they won't stain paper, as it would only be another proof of my feelings for Sousuke, and I don't need it.

I still love him.

When I got back to Tuatha de Danaan I asked Kurz to do some combat training with me. I wasn't really that into it, compared to him, and lost most of our so called 'matches'. I think, that was the way that I dealt with grief of knowing that there's no way it'll work out between Kaname and myself. It would have been stupid to hope for any different outcome, but I guess, I still expected it unconsciously.

I lost her.

AN: I wrote this a while ago (right after finding out that there's going to be 4th season of FMP) and I found it again only recently so I decided to post this. This might be a bit OCC since I haven't seen or read FMP in a while, but I hope this turned out okay anyway.

Thank you so much for reading this!

Positive and negative comments are welcome.