A/N: I mean I wasn't originally going to post this here (out of sheer laziness) but I kind of figured who can possibly resist a good cat café AU? (presumably it's good, idk, you'll tell me if it isn't).

Warnings: YA'LL THIS IS ROY/ED IF YOU DISLIKE SHOUNEN AI/YAOI ENOUGH TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT, BACK OFF. Otherwise it's mostly schmoop.

Disclaimer: Ya'll don't even want to know what would have happened to these characters if I owned the series.

Nine Lives Café

Roy glared up at the sign for the Nine Lives Cafe balefully, irrationally annoyed to be there. The thing was, he could have said no when Maes had asked him. He could have backed out at any time in the month since his friend had made the reservations. Technically, he could even have just decided not to go at the last minute if he'd really wanted to, and forked over a few extra apology dollars instead. There was just one problem.

"What's wrong, Uncle Roy?" Elicia asked quietly, big blue eyes looking up at him as her nose wrinkled slightly in concern. At thirteen years old she should have been far beyond the age where she could get grown men to do what she wanted just by looking cute, but the sad fact of the matter was that she had both Roy and her dad wrapped around her little finger. Hence, Roy glaring at the sign. Backing out would have meant disappointing her.

"Nothing much," Roy assured her, offering a little smile and a half hug. "But that sign is a bit obnoxious, don't you think so?"

"No, I think it's adorable!" Elicia protested. "The colors are fun and the kitties are so cute—Daddy! Daddy, take a picture of the sign!"

"Oh, lord," Roy muttered under his breath. Elicia heard him, and the grin she shot up at him was all Maes.

"Wait!" she said, tugging Roy forward. "Take it with me and Uncle Roy underneath!"

Maes grinned brightly as if this was the best idea he'd ever heard, Gracia stifling a giggle behind her hand as her husband held up the camera. Roy allowed himself to be shuffled over with ill grace, but when Elicia wrapped her arms around one of his and beamed, he smiled fondly down at her. Maes took the picture before he could look up, then came bounding over and showed it to them with a flourish.

"Oh no!" Elicia said, pouting up at Roy through a blush. "Uncle Roy, you're supposed to smile at the camera! Daddy, take another one."

"No, this is perfect," Maes chortled, tucking the camera away. "He just looks smug when he smiles for the camera anyway. This is much better."

"And our reservation time starts in a minute," Roy added helpfully, checking his old pocket watch. Gracia gave him a knowing smile—it was no secret that Roy had little patience for Maes's pictures—but Elicia and Maes brightened identically and skipped off together. Roy offered his arm to Gracia.

"Thank you for coming," Gracia said as they entered the building far more sedately. "Elicia was really looking forward to sharing this experience with you; I think it would have broken her heart if you'd backed out."

"Honestly, the only reason I'm here is so I wouldn't disappoint her," Roy said ruefully. He tapped at the breast of his jacket pointedly. "I've got something to keep me busy if I need it."

The young man behind the pastry counter brightened up as they entered, and then deflated so completely that even the ridiculous cat ears he had perched on his head looked dejected. He visibly forced himself to look pleased again.

"Hello!" he said cheerfully. "You must be the Hughes party. Four people, right? You're right on time. I'm Al, I own the cafe and the shelter that adopts the cats out. I'm sorry, but could you give me just a moment?" He hadn't even given them a second to respond before he'd disappeared into the back, calling "Brother!" as he went.

Roy and Gracia waited patiently as they heard a muffled argument drift out through the doorway Al had disappeared through, while Maes and Elicia walked down the glass case and admired the admittedly delicious-looking baked goods.

"But I can't make the coffee, Brother!" they finally heard Al's voice shriek, high-pitched. "Brunhilde hates me, you know she does—"

"It's a fucking machine, Al, she can't—oh, hell, you've got me doing it now!" The deeper and more irritated voice was obviously getting closer, which was a good sign. "Fine, I'll make the stupid coffee. Gonna fucking kill Russell—"

"Brother, you forgot your ears!" Al called, just as a vision of grumpy male beauty stepped into view. Roy blinked rapidly for a moment, allowing himself one swift look up and down the young man's body. He was rewarded with a narrow look, but before Roy could try to defuse the situation with one of his irresistible grins, the man's eyes had already looked away to sweep over the rest of the group. He hesitated when he saw Elicia, expression softening in a way that instantly endeared him to Roy, and Al took the opportunity to slide a pair of fluffy black cat ears onto his head.

"Dammit, Al," he growled instantly, like a reflex, but didn't remove them.

"This is my brother Ed," Al said in the same cheerful voice he'd been using earlier. "Don't mind him; he's just grumpy because it's his birthday today and he wasn't supposed to work."

"It's my birthday too!" Elicia said brightly, looking up from where'd she'd been inspecting what appeared to be—Roy took a closer incredulous look—cat poop-shaped cookies (or at least he hoped they were cookies), and gave Ed a grin that had melted the hearts of lesser men. "Daddy said I can adopt a cat because I'm thirteen today and it'll teach me responsibility."

"Is that so?" Ed asked with a grin of his own. "Well, since we share a birthday, I think you deserve a free treat too. If your parents don't mind, of course."

"Can I?" Elicia asked, turning to Maes with shining eyes. Maes, of course, caved instantly.

"Of course you can, Princess," he said warmly.

"Can I pick anything?" Elicia asked. "Can I have a whole cake?"

Ed's bark of laughter sounded like he was surprised to even be laughing, but he didn't hold any of it back, and Roy wasn't even ashamed to admit that he was utterly entranced.

"I don't think your dad would appreciate that very much," he said, which only meant that he hadn't figured Maes out yet. "Here, I'll let you in on a secret. See these big cupcakes? We buy most of 'em cheap from a guy we know, but Al makes the black cats himself and you know what he does?" Elicia shook her head, looking as entranced by Ed as Roy felt. "He fills 'em with a white chocolate cream. It's the best."

Damn, he really knew how to sell those cupcakes. Roy didn't even like white chocolate and he wanted one.

"I want three," Elicia breathed, and Ed laughed again. He only put one on the plate, but he added a handful of tiny cookies that looked like paw prints with a wink that made Elicia giggle, and brought the plate down to the far side of the counter were Maes was dithering over his own selection while Al looked patiently on. Then he came back down to the coffee machine Roy and Gracia were waiting at.

"Thank you for giving her the cupcake," Gracia said. "I think she might enjoy this trip for that if nothing else."

"Sure," Ed said lazily, "I'm always happy to get more people addicted to Al's baking. Really, it might work out against you; if she doesn't ask to come back for the cats, she'll definitely ask to come back for the food.

"So what can I get you?"

Gracia ordered two coffees for herself and her husband, then moved over to the condiment counter after giving Roy a sly, knowing glance. Roy used to think that the woman was a saint to put up with Maes, but he'd since learned better. He made a face at her back, and turned to Ed with the most charming of his expressions.

It didn't so much as make a dent in the glare he was being given.

"And what would you like, pervert?" Ed asked him. "From the coffee machine, I mean."

"Now is that any way to speak to a customer?" Roy purred, leaning on the counter and feeling gratified when Ed didn't push backwards at his new proximity.

"I haven't offered to shove a stirrer up your nose yet," Ed growled. "Trust me, this is as polite and professional as you're going to get."

Roy believed it too.

Ed had left his right hand resting on the countertop, so Roy touched gentle fingertips to the back of it—and was surprised to feel the unforgiving hardness of steel underneath. It must have shown on his face, because Ed looked down to see what had startled him and his jaw clenched. Before Ed could jerk away, Roy tightened his grip pointedly, running his thumb down the side of the hand just hard enough for the pressure sensors of what had to be an amazing set of automail to feel it. Ed looked up again slowly, like he was afraid of what he would see, but Roy knew his smile was sympathetic without being pitying. He leaned in further.

"I'd quite like your phone number," he said lowly, keeping his voice soft, and he wasn't surprised when Ed swayed closer to hear him better. His eyes were dilated already, and when he licked his lips Roy's own eyes followed the movement. "And possibly a date this weekend, if you'd be kind enough to indulge me."

"Uh," Ed said a little croakily. "You—what."

"Of course, if you're not amenable to these suggestions, I'll settle for a mocha, please."

"You fucker," Ed said, but he was still a little breathless, so it didn't have the effect he'd probably been aiming for.

"Is that a no to the date then?" Roy asked cheekily.

"Yes!" Ed snarled, a faint pink tinge appearing high on his cheeks. He started up the utterly mystifying process of making Roy's order (he didn't pretend to understand a thing baristas did), and Roy knew he must look utterly besotted as he watched the younger man slam things around, but he couldn't help himself.

"Uncle Roy, what's taking so long? The cats are waiting!" Elicia demanded. She was dragging Maes over with her, an impatient look on her face as she saw Ed still making Roy's drink, but the shameless grin Roy gave the two of them wasn't meant for her. It was for Maes, who had taken one look at Ed's blush and come to the right conclusion.

"Roy," he said, the exasperation in his voice clear. Fatherhood had ruined him.

"I'm afraid I ordered a bit of a complicated drink, Sweetheart," Roy said to Elicia, which made Maes's lips thin in annoyance because he hated when people lied to his precious baby girl. "I'm sure it'll only be another moment."

Ed turned from the machine a second later, pushing Roy's drink to him with a scowl that probably ought to have been terrifying. Roy smiled serenely back at him as he handed over the cash to pay for his drink, then dragged his attention away before Elicia started pouting in earnest.

"I believe we came here for a reason, didn't we?" he asked Elicia, tugging at her high ponytail to make her nose wrinkle in annoyance. "Your cat won't find you if we stay out here."

In the next room, Roy and Gracia took seats at a table near the window to get the most of the morning sunshine. A nearby cat on a cushioned ledge looked up and blinked drowsily at them, making Elicia hiss at her dad to take a picture immediately (Maes, of course, obliged), and then it turned its back to them and curled up with its nose in its tail.

"Let's go look around at the other ones, Daddy!" Elicia said excitedly, dropping her plate onto the table with a clatter. One of her paw print cookies bounced off it and slid across the table towards Roy; he picked it up and inspected it curiously.

"Remember not to bother them, Elicia!" Gracia called after her as her daughter and husband rushed off. While nobody was paying attention, Roy quickly ate the cookie he had picked up. Not bad for a sugar cookie. He eyed Elicia's cupcake thoughtfully.

"Roy Mustang," Gracia admonished. "If you touch one more thing on Elicia's plate..."

"I would never," Roy said in a hurt voice, keeping his eyes wide in innocence as he reached over and snatched a mini cupcake off Maes's plate. Normally he would have just popped it into his mouth, but he was curious what design might be on it, so he looked down and admired it. It didn't have a licorice tail like Elicia's bigger cupcake, but it did have a cartoon cat face drawn into the icing that resembled a tortoiseshell coat pattern. When he peeled the paper off, he noticed that the cake itself was marbled too, and grinned. Cute.

"You could have ordered your own items if you wanted cake that badly," Gracia pointed out softly, taking a small swipe of his icing. When Roy glared at her, she smiled cheekily back.

"Stealing Maes's food is a tradition," Roy said loftily. "If a cupcake hadn't gone missing, he'd have thought I was sick."

Gracia rolled her eyes at him, and Roy resisted the urge to stick his tongue out at her. It was juvenile, and he was certain he hadn't done it since high school. Instead he ignored her entirely, and carefully bit the cupcake in half. He hadn't expected there to be cream inside of it, and his eyes widened as the flavor hit his tongue and he struggled to keep the cream in the cake rather than on his fingers. The other half of the cake was polished off quickly, and he even licked the escaped cream off his fingertips, to the visible amusement of Gracia. Roy could feel his cheeks flushing in embarrassment, but he pretended they weren't and pointedly pulled the book he'd brought with him out of his pocket.

Then he made the mistake of taking a sip of his mocha, and all pretenses of dignity went out the window. He'd expected mediocre coffee at best, and not just because Ed clearly wanted to do worse than shove a stirrer up his nose, but this was one of the best mochas he'd ever tasted. Good lord.

"Do you need a moment alone with your coffee?" Gracia asked.

"Don't ruin this for me," Roy moaned, taking another blissful sip. "Do you remember what the coffee was like on a college campus? Do you have any idea of how I've had to suffer? Try drinking coffee made by a man who's incapable of smelling anything for a week straight, then see how you feel the first time you taste something this heavenly."

Gracia laughed, but seemed to feel that she'd teased him enough, and turned to look out the window and watch people walk by. Roy turned to his book and actually managed to start reading, and the two of them sat in a companionable silence as Maes and Elicia played with the cats in the background.

Eventually they came back, sliding into their seats with bright eyes and identical grins splitting their faces. Elicia was a little breathless, and she ignored her food for another long moment as she waited impatiently for Roy to look away from his book.

"They're all so cute, I just don't know which one I like best!" she gushed, her hands clasped under her chin. Roy couldn't stop a grin, and when he shifted to lean on his hand he felt something in his lap shift with him. "Oh, Uncle Roy! I thought you didn't want a cat!"

"I didn't even notice she was there," Roy said, staring bemusedly down at the tiny thing in his lap. Her coat was white with gray spots, and the large eyes staring back at him made her look surprised, but she purred when Roy ran a hand down her back. "Cats like to sit on warm things that sit still. She probably just thought I was comfortable."

"Aww, she's so cute," Elicia said. "You should adopt her!"

"I'm not getting a cat, Elicia," Roy said, in the tone of voice he used to let her know a conversation was over. Elicia pouted, but subsided. "Why don't you tell me more about the cats you were looking at?"

Her spiel covered what Roy thought must have been every single cat in the room (illustrated by Maes's camera, of course) and somehow she managed to utterly decimate her cupcake and every single one of her cookies as she talked, but it lasted longer than the time they had left. Eventually, Al came out to explain in his kind voice that they couldn't stay any longer, and Elicia's eyes filled with tears of panic when she realized that she hadn't made her decision yet.

"You can always come back again," Al soothed her with a bright smile. "We don't adopt out the cats very often; there's a good chance that the one you want will still be here if you come back soon enough."

"Can I, Daddy?" Elicia asked, and Maes uncharacteristically hesitated. Working for the military meant he didn't get many days off work—at least not many that he shared with his daughter—and it would be difficult to find another chance to come back.

"I don't mind bringing her back, Maes," Roy offered, and he even meant it. The food was good and the atmosphere was peaceful, though that might change if he had to follow Elicia around. Maybe he could convince her to be calmer next time. "You know my schedule by now. Go ahead and make the reservations."

"And then Uncle Roy can get his cat, too!" Elicia said.

"I'm not getting a cat!" Roy protested again, but he had a feeling that Elicia had decided otherwise and wasn't going to change her mind.

A/N: In the battle between Roy's and Elicia's wills, who will win!?