Title: How Barry met Lisa (and they became the best of friends)

Pairing: Eventually Coldflash, Barry & Lisa bff's

Warnings: Eating disorders, therapy

Beta: Thanks heaps to chocoholicannanymous

Summary: "An eating disorder? Really?" Even though he shouldn't be surprised, he really was. He hadn't had even the slightest idea.

Barry is away at college and finally gets some help dealing with his issues. He is in group therapy when he meets Lisa.

(and then later he meets her brother)

AU: This has a bit of a darker note than the show. A bit anti!Iris and anti!Joe, but shouldn't be particularly OOC . Also, I am not a qualified therapist, I only use whatever experience I have from my own therapy sessions and struggles I've had.

Barry Allen suffered from an eating disorder and low body image. This shouldn't really surprise him. He hadn't always been as skinny as he was, but in his early teens he grew like a weed, and his body stretched out. As a teenager he tried to gain muscle mass, eating as much as he could and lifting weights. It never seemed to make any difference. It frustrated him so much that just looking at food made him feel sick to the stomach, and he would stop eating almost all together, and stop working out. He would slowly start to eat normally again, but then someone would say something or something would happen, and the cycle would start all over again.

Barry was in college now, and when his roommate had realized what was going on, he had gone ballistic and convinced him to see one of the therapists on campus. It was during his third appointment with Dr. Levi that she told him.

"An eating disorder? Really?" Even though he shouldn't be surprised, he really was. He hadn't had even the slightest idea.

"Yes. Eating disorders are about control. It's about people wanting to control one thing in their life, or people losing control over that one thing. Your cycle is not very surprising. Your body image is low, and when something happens to set you off, you try to 'fix' the thing you don't like by an excessive amount of exercise and eating anything that will help you gain muscle. When you don't gain the muscle as fast as you wish, you stop eating. I think you do this because you feel like if you don't eat, at least there will be a reason why you are skinny."

Barry felt like his mind had just been opened. He had never thought of it like that, he had just thought it was a weird thing.

"What... Is there a way to get better?"

"Yes, in certain ways." said Dr. Levi "You will always carry this around with you, but there are ways to keep it in check. You need to figure out things in your life that you feel you don't have control over.

"I would suggest you start with your body issues. I will work with you here so one day you will be able to let that go. However, I would suggest that you hire a personal trainer and learn how to work out properly to gain some muscle and how to do it healthy. That will give you more control.

"I also want you to start with a group for people with eating disorders. It can help a lot to listen to other people tell their story, and it can help to tell your own."

She gave him a flier that he put in his bag without looking at.

"Lastly, I want you to think over things in your life that makes you feel like you lose control. For example, I know you are often late for things. Try to think about that. How does it feel when you're late? How do you feel when you're not late? Maybe it is worth getting up those fifteen minutes earlier to avoid that feeling of losing control. Think through your everyday life, things like that, and figure out what you can take control over."

Barry walked out of the therapist's office in a bit of a daze. Suddenly understanding, just because someone else said it, and realizing he could actually do something about this was mind blowing. He wanted to do everything right this minute, but Dr. Levi had cautioned him to take it one step at the time, not overdo it. So he started simple. He couldn't afford a real personal trainer, being here on a scholarship as he was, but a friend of his worked as a PT next to his studies, and he decided to have a talk with him, see if they could make a deal of some kind.

In the end, Barry told Danny why he needed help, and the other boy looked at him with sympathy.

"Man, of course I'll help you out. I wouldn't need something in return either, but I happen to struggle a little with my math requirements, so how about you tutor me in math and I train with you?"

Barry nodded, glad he could do something in return. They started up that same week, and Danny didn't just teach him how to exercise and build muscles in the best way, but he also taught Barry how to eat healthier.

"The simple fact of the matter is that your body will feel better when you are healthier. You will have more energy and stamina, and you will get better results from your training."

So every week Danny taught him a little more about nutrition. Barry slowly but surely stopped eating take out and started making his own meals instead. Daniel forced him to try a health shake, and it tasted disgusting but did make him feel a whole lot better.

After two weeks, he took the next step; trying to stop being late for everything. It was not fun, but he forced himself to get up earlier. He even had an alarm on for when he had to leave his room, so that he wouldn't forget the time. He was still plenty late, but less and less so, and he was feeling better and better each time.

After another two weeks, he had his next therapy session.

"Today I want to talk about something that might be a little hard, your adoptive family back home. I want you to think a little, how did you feel leaving home to go to school?"

Barry opened his mouth without thinking twice. He was about to say it was hard, he missed them, when his therapist held up her hand.

"No. Think. Take your time. Think through the whole process, from applying to school and to getting here."

So he took a couple of minutes before he opened his mouth again. "I was very excited when I applied, looking forward to study what I like, with people that like the same things. It was a little harder leaving, but it wasn't as hard as I thought, I guess I was too excited to get here. Now, I miss them."

His therapists nodded. "Okay, now I want you to think about how it feels being here. Just whatever pops into your head."

"Well, I love it, I get to learn so much about the things I love to do. It's exciting. A little scary. Freeing, in a way." He looked down as he answered, to where his hands, as always when he was here, were fidgeting.

"Freeing? From what?"

He stopped short at her words, not really having thought about what he said.

"I guess from being the kid that everyone knows, the kid whose dad everyone thinks killed his mom."

"In any other way?"

He hesitated a little, unsure if she was aiming for what he thought she was.

"I'm not... I'm not sure I know what you mean?" He looked up at her again, before letting his gaze flicker around the room.

"Well, saying you feel free here suggests that you felt trapped or restricted there, and not just in social situations, but also in your home."

His eyes went down to his hands again and he sighed. "I guess I always kind of felt... I mean, I love Joe and Iris, but it's never home. I've always been a weird kid, and I have that from my parents, something Joe didn't really know how to deal with. He tried to teach me to fight, but he wasn't used to an ungainly and skinny kid, so he didn't really manage right, and that just made me feel worse about the whole thing."

"What does feel like home? Close your eyes and find that feeling that for you is home, and tell me where that is."

His lips went up into half a smile and he looked up at her again.

"I don't need to think, I know where it is. A few years after they sent my dad to prison, they loosened up things a lot for him there. He always behaved like he was innocent, not joining any of the gangs inside and in general being docile and helping out when he could, particularly with injured inmates, as he's a doctor." Barry's smiled a little wider. He remember clearly how well respected and liked his dad, and his mom for that matter, were before what happened. Seeing how his dad managed to keep his nature and help other people out, even in the situation he was in, made him incredibly proud to be his son.

"So a few years after he had been locked up, I had a pretty crappy year, and it was my dad's birthday and I begged the guards to let us have a room so I could hug him and see him properly, because I wanted to tell him about things that went wrong. And they let me, and I got to spend most of the day with my dad in there. At one point I think they actually came to get us and send him back to his cell, but I was crying, and he was hugging me, and I guess they just felt really bad about it.

"So we got food in there, and stayed there until lights out. Joe was furious, didn't know where I had been all day, and he never found out, nor does he or Iris know that I now every year get to spend my dad's birthday with him. They even let me bring food and cake and that day inside those four walls feels more like home to me than anything else."

He had let his gaze flicker again as he talked, and when he looked at his therapist again there was a sheen of tears over her eyes, and he stopped, surprised.

She started blinking away the tears as she realized he was looking at her. "Sorry. Just, feeling a bit sorry for you, kid."

He clenched his teeth together, and could feel the annoyance rise inside him. "I know you don't believe me, but my dad is innocent..."

"Oh, no no!" She cut him off before he could continue. "I didn't mean it like that, I believe you, I just hate that you only get to feel at home once a year."

He looked at her, shocked eyes wide. She believed him? No one ever believed him. "You... you believe me?"

She smiled, still looking at him with sympathy.

"Yes. I'm not a child psychologist, but for you to be so sure of it even now, when you're almost an adult... well, I felt like I needed to check things out a little. So I managed to get my hands on the file about the case, and I called Iron Heights, talked to the guards. A few of them has actually started to believe your story, you know, because, and I quote, 'don't quite believe Dr. Allen could kill anyone, let alone his own wife'. So yes, I believe you."

Barry pressed his lips together, feeling the tears threatening to spill. To have someone listen to him long enough to actually believe him... It was an amazing and overwhelming feeling. It probably didn't help his dad's situation at all, but just knowing there were other people out there that knew, the same way he knew, was fantastic.

Dr. Levi let him have the time he needed, just handing him a box of tissues. After a while, she spoke again.

"When is your dad's birthday? Are you planning on going home for it?"

He cleared his voice, shaking his head as he answered. "In a couple of months, and no, it's in the middle of the week and I doubt they will give me time off."

She pulled out a pad of some sort, and started writing. When she was done, she handed it to him.

"Here, this is a note from me, as your doctor, to get three days off to go see him. Just fill in the dates, in front of me now."

She handed him a pen, and he filled out the note in a daze.

"Good. Now, I want to suggest something. When you go, I don't want you to stay with the Wests. I think this day is something that you need to take for yourself and your dad, and I don't want you to mix in the ambiguous feelings you get from them into it. We'll have to talk a bit more about this the next time I see you, and I would actually like to schedule you in for next week if that's okay? And remember to sign up for the group therapy, which starts in a couple of weeks."

Barry left the office feeling both wrung out and light, like he had let something go that he hadn't realized he was carrying around. This made him feel both nervous and excited for the next appointment.

When it came, he sat in the same chair fidgeting with his hands again.

"Today might even get a little harder than last time. I want to talk to you about your feelings surrounding the Wests. We talked about Joe a little last time, but this hour I want to focus on him and his daughter. How do you feel about them?"

"Uhm, well, Joe is like a father to me, he has done a lot for me and I love him. Iris is... you know I have a crush on her, I mentioned that, and I love her too."

"Do they believe you about your dad?"

Barry just shook his head.

"How do you think they would react if you went home and told them about this? About coming to see me, about your eating disorder?"

He thought about it for a while. "Joe would probably be concerned, and upset that he hadn't noticed, or if he has noticed and just not known what to do, relieved that I'm getting better. Iris would... I doubt she would actually really take it in. She would probably say something like 'but you're great the way you are, skinny beanpole and all'."

"So she would unintentionally hurt you?"

He bit his lip and shrugged. "Maybe."

The session took a bit of a turn with the next question.

"How does it feel, having a crush on your adopted sister?"

Barry scrunched up his face a little. "It sounds weird when you say it like that, but even though I think of Joe as a second dad, I never really thought of Iris as my sister, so it isn't weird even though it sounds like it." He got a little defensive, knowing it might seem strange to anyone else.

"Oh, I agree. You were old enough when you joined their family that it isn't strange that you developed romantic feelings for her. No, what I want to know is how does it feel like having a crush on someone you lived with? Someone who probably knows almost as much about you as you do?"

He frowned a little in thought. "It was hard whenever she dated anyone, and not being able to hide when I was embarrassed just made things worse. I was terrified she knew for a long time, because Joe had obviously noticed, but as far as I'm aware, she doesn't know."

"Why are you so afraid that she will find out?"

"Well, if she doesn't return my feelings, it's going to be awkward."

"Yes, but wouldn't it be worth it if she returned your feelings? There is always a gamble, but I know you have been dating other people, so you have obviously dared to take that gamble before. What's stopping you with her? What are you waiting for?"

"I... I don't know, it's just that we lived together and that would make it all so much more uncomfortable and I... I know I'm not her type I guess; her boyfriends have always been broad-shouldered and stuff."

"So you're waiting until..."

Barry ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "Until I'm more the type she likes, until she's less likely to turn me down."

"Until you've changed enough?" The doctor's voice had grown more and more kind, but somehow, it just made Barry more frantic.

"Yes. No. I don't know."

"Barry. Look at me." He looked up, his eyes in turmoil. "If you want to change, go for it. But don't change for someone else. It will never be worth it. If she doesn't want to date you like you are, then she isn't worth it."

"But she is, though."

"No. No one who needs you to change for them is."

Barry was breathing heavily, and they sat in silence, looking at each other. Dr. Levi's soft voice broke the silence again.

"Do you remember last session, when you said it felt freeing, being here? I suspect that is also in relation to your feelings for Iris. Being away from a crush that has in so many ways defined you, but that you now have at a more healthy distance to and can process properly."

Barry wanted to protest, he loved being with his family. But something held him back and he pressed his lips together as Dr. Levi continued.

"I want you to work on this. Work on letting go of her. I know it will sound like a cliché, but you need to get to a place where you like yourself the way you are before you can think about being with someone at all, especially someone you think you have to change for."

He opened his mouth, unsure of what he was actually planning to say, but she held up a hand before he could say anything.

"Maybe down the line, in five, ten, fifteen years, when you are in a good place, the two of you will get together, but if you were to start dating her now, with the struggles you have, which are connected in so many ways to your childhood and her, I am afraid it would only hurt you in the end."

The week following had been tough, Barry trying to take in what Dr. Levi had said but also having a reflex to defend Iris. By the time the first group session came about, he was mentally exhausted, but he forced himself to go.

The group consisted of about fifteen people, all around his own age. Some were extremely skinny, quite clearly there because of anorexia, whilst others were very large, there because of overeating. Most of them were somewhere in between.

The councilor that was there got them started on a round where they said their name if they wanted and why they were there. Barry had been one of the first to present himself, nervous, but getting out his introduction without a stammer, and they were about halfway round the circle, when a brunette girl introduced herself.

"Hi, I'm Lisa." She was short in her words, and looked right in front of her with hard eyes. When it was obvious she wouldn't say anything more, the girl next to her spoke up.

And that is how Barry met Lisa.