English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

And for your information, my fic is based on the remastered version (but I watched the original version, too).

Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.

Grass on My Side

FINAL PHASE: My Grass Is Green

Miriallia took a sip from a glass of wine she had snatched from a waitress on the way to the garden, wondering if she should have collected her coat and camera so that she could leave as soon as they finished the conversation. She might be going to be upset, and in that case, she preferred to have to see no one and leave as quickly as she could. Kira and the others would be disappointed if she left without saying anything, but they would understand.

Well, it's too late anyway. They were already out in the garden, heading farther from the building. She wondered if they needed to since she could see or hear no one around. But she might be mistaken and there might be someone close enough to them to hear their conversation. Considering Coordinators' enhanced hearing and soldiers' stealth ability, she concluded it was best to let Dearka decide where to talk. Being a Coordinator soldier and part of the security team, he surely knew a place safe from being overheard.

Passing garden lights one after another, she tried not to remember what she had thought concerning them, which might agitate her again.

They kept walking a little more before he finally stopped and turned around. They were standing by a small lake. Only few garden lights were around, but it was bright enough for her to see his face, serious and a little uncertain.

She folded her arms in front of her again, careful not to spill wine on her gown. "So, what's it that you wanted to tell me?"

"Do you really wanna end it?"

She raised an eyebrow. "What makes you think I wasn't serious?"

He sighed. "Cut it out, Miri. I know you still like me, and you don't really wanna break up with me."

"Well, then, sorry for disappointing you, but I want out. Really."

"Because you don't know if we can make it work?"

After a brief silence, she quietly said, "Yes." Then she added, "And I'm not sure if I wanna still be with you even if I have to give up everything else."

He fell silent, as if wondering what to say, or how to say what he wanted to say.

She asked, "Can you say you're sure? Can you say you really want this? Want us?"

"To be honest, I don't know."

"Don't you think it's best for both of us? Just breaking it off? Then...then, maybe we can find someone else."

"Maybe."

She threw her free hand in the air, frustrated. "Then why are you doing this? What do you want?"

"What do I want?" he repeated, his eyes boring into hers.

She stared back into the darkened violet eyes, as if in a trance, and before she could notice it, he was already right in front of her, their bodies almost touching.

She widened her eyes as he pulled her toward him, crushing her body into his. Her glass fell to the ground, making a clinking sound and possibly breaking. But neither paid attention to it. "Dea—" Her voice was muffled by his mouth.

His lips were warm—hot—feverish. Familiar and intoxicating—addicting. His warm body was like a shield against cool air. Hard, yet comfortable and inviting—tempting.

Her eyes fluttered shut. She felt the urge to give in. But she willed herself to push him away.

He didn't let go of her body, but released her lips.

"Stop it, Dearka. What's the point of doing this? Do you really think this'll be something more?"

"Don't know." He sighed into her ear. His breath was hot, igniting a fire deep inside her. She quietly gasped. "But still...I don't wanna let you go yet."

He straightened a little to look at her eyes.

"And now, now I want you. Isn't it enough?"

At a loss for words, she gazed into his eyes. Eyes filled with lust, passion…and love. She knew her eyes mirrored his, whether she liked it or not. But was it enough?

His serious look suddenly broke into a grin. "And this is fun, right?" He nibbled her earlobe, and she couldn't help a shiver. She glared at him, but he was unfazed. "There's nothing wrong with having fun. Don't ya agree, miss?" He winked at her seductively.

She narrowed her eyes at the blond, feeling like strangling him, but then burst into laughter. It was so like him. Attractively cocky. Annoyingly charming. Disgustedly sexy.

And he was right. For once. This was fun. He was fun. She couldn't deny that she enjoyed being with him. A lot.

She didn't know what this would result in, what would await them in the future. Tomorrow, they would go back to their own places. To different countries. To different lives. Only Haumea knew when their paths would cross again, whether they would become one someday. They might never be going to. This night might be going to turn out to be a mistake. They might be going to repeat the same mistake again and again.

But now, even if only for one night, she wanted to forget about everything else. About the future and the past. She wanted to stop thinking and worrying. She wanted to bask in the sense of happiness he gave her. She wanted him.

Smiling against her skin, he nuzzled and sucked her neck. She let out a half-giggle, half-moan. Now, for now, I'm happy. Even if it was short-lived, she had what she wanted. She no longer felt empty. She was filled with emotions, feelings, and desire.

Feeling utterly contented, she held his face in her hands, causing him to look at her face, and kissed him passionately, which he reciprocated after a short surprised pause. She was determined to enjoy this night, the time they were together, to the fullest.

Leaving the ballroom, Yzak walked to a nearby room where he could make a call. He had told Dearka to take action instead of brooding and doing nothing like a fool, and he had decided to do it himself. He was going to call his wife. She should have been at home already, but not in bed yet.

His wife wasn't his lover, or his friend. She wasn't even his family. Not exactly. Not yet. Probably she was more of a comrade to him, not only at work but also in private. They fought together to protect PLANT and lives of its citizens, and to provide a safe, happy life for their child.

She was someone he could trust. He trusted she would give him her support when he needed it, be loyal to him, be willing to cooperate in raising their child, and put an effort to make this marriage work.

He was willing to do the same for her. He was sure she knew it and trusted him, too.

And that was what he needed. A stable relationship based on trust and respect. He didn't need romantic love and the troubles it caused. He was content with his marriage.

But perhaps, they could be something a little more than they were now. Not like his friends and their girlfriends—or whatever they called themselves—were. But more like friends.

He didn't know how to give family love to her, how to become family with her. Family was something he had always had since his birth, not something he had acquired. Before his marriage, he had never chosen or tried to become someone's family. It was completely new to him.

But he had some idea how to become friends with someone. Even though he didn't have many friends, he still had acquired some. He had some experience.

So he had thought he would try to be friends with her, be friendly to her and show more concern for her. At least, it was easier than trying to show affection to her. After listening to the problems in Dearka's love life, he had reached the conclusion that it was absolutely impossible for him to imitate the purple-eyed man. He simply couldn't understand Dearka, or love and relationship stuff.

However, the conversation with Dearka also had made him realize that he at least knew how to act as a friend. He had offered to listen to Dearka because he cared, and had been worried, about his blond friend.

Becoming friends with Shiho first seemed to be a reasonable choice. And then, they might be able to become family from friends.

As he sat in front of a communication console, he hesitated, feeling a little nervous. But he wouldn't be able to go home tonight, and possibly for the next few days. It was probably better to start doing it now than to wait for a few days. No time like the present, he told himself, inhaled deeply, and reached out to call his home.

It didn't take long for Shiho to answer the call. "Commander Jule? Did something happen there?" She had already changed into her sleeping clothes though he could tell she had not been sleeping.

"No. Everything is fine here. I just...wanted to check on you. If you got home safe...and if you are feeling well." He tried hard to keep his face and voice calm.

She looked amazed, but quickly regained her composure. "I'm fine. There is nothing to worry about. Thank you for your concern."

He nodded. "Good. Well, I got to go. Good night...Shiho." He had to force himself to say it. Although he had called her by her first name many times, it was the first time to do it when they were alone. But it was a necessary step to become friends with her.

She enlarged her eyes, gazing at him. He felt the urge to take back what he had just said, but fought it off.

Her eyes softened and her lips curled into a smile. "Good night, Yzak."

Relieved at her positive response, and lack of comments, he thanked stars that she was the woman he had married.

It seemed like his plan was working. Probably they could become friends, and perhaps family. Maybe, just maybe, he could say he loved her someday. To himself, of course.

Finding his wife, Kira stopped in hesitation. She wasn't alone, and the person she was talking with was neither Cagalli nor Athrun. He wondered briefly whether he could act normal enough to avoid prying questions.

Before he decided what to do, however, Lacus's eyes turned to him. And she smiled at him warmly. Seeing her smile usually filled him with happiness. But now, it wrenched his heart.

He couldn't help but remember her face when he had told her he didn't want to have their biological child. It had been several months ago. And it had been an accident.

Lacus had visited a school as part of her job. During her visit, a girl had told her she wished she had had pink hair like hers. After the dinner that night, they had been talking about their day in the living room.

She had mentioned the girl's words and said with a smile, "But I would rather like our child to have your hair."

He had been taken off guard, and blurted out, "I don't want kids."

There had been a stunned silence.

Realizing what he had just said, he had hastily added, "I didn't mean I don't wanna have kids. I do. But it...it doesn't have to be our biological kids, right? I mean...probably we can't make our own kid, and...if we adopt kids, they're still ours, so..."

Her eyes had been wide, full of shock and pain, and he had turned his eyes away, not able to look at them. It was rare for her to show her feelings so clearly. That fact alone proved how much his words had disturbed her.

Several moments later, she had recovered her composure and said, "You are right, Kira. It does not matter if they are our own or adopted." Even though her voice had been slightly shaking, she had sounded calm enough to make most people believe she was all right. But he wasn't most people. He was her husband, and he had been able to tell she was distraught.

But he had been able to do nothing except just nod, still not looking at her. He had been sure she was putting on a smile, and known that seeing it would break his heart and probably make him break down. The last thing he had wanted was to be consoled by her when he was the one who should be consoling her.

He had never meant to tell her like that. He had known he would have to tell her someday. But not like that. He would have chosen another way so that she wouldn't have been as shocked. Probably he should have told her before they got married. But it wasn't an easy thing to talk about, and he had been still hoping he could change his mind eventually.

However, his unwillingness to have a biological child had not lessened. And after the accidental revelation, he had had to realize that it probably would never go away. Even seeing Lacus in pain couldn't help him get over it. Then, probably nothing could.

He knew she wouldn't leave him no matter how much she wanted her own child. She would still love and accept him. He was glad and grateful for it, but it pained him at the same time. Why do I have to do this to her? He would give anything to get rid of these feelings and get over the past. But there seemed to be nothing he could do about it.

Lacus excused herself to walk up to him.

"Kira." Her melodious voice called out his name. Her dazzling eyes were focused only on him. Her tender smile was meant only for him. And she reached out her delicate hand to touch his cheek the way she did only with him.

Choked with emotion, he stepped forward and held her tight.

Talking with Miriallia, he had appreciated again how fortunate he was to have Lacus at his side, even after he had failed to give her what she wanted, even though he had been hurting her by his decision.

"I love you, Lacus. I really do. So much," he whispered in a shaky voice.

He felt the words were far from enough to describe his feelings. How glad he was that she was here, in his arms. How much it meant to him. How much she meant to him.

Lacus softened her face, embracing him back gently and tightly.

Later the night of his revelation, she had woken up from her restless sleep to find his side empty. She had found him in the room where they kept some old stuff. He had been staring at a picture with sorrowful eyes, not noticing her presence. The picture of his biological mother holding him and his sister.

It had been then that she had understood his reason. She knew, probably more than anyone, his anguish over the way he had been created, his strong negative feelings toward his biological father and his experiment.

And she had realized, by intuition, that they would probably never be able to have their own child.

She was still struggling to accept it, with great pain. However, it had never affected her feelings for him. It had never swayed her determination to be with him, to spend a life with him.

"I know, Kira. I love you, too. More than anything," she whispered back with utmost sincerity.

She could live with not having her own child, but couldn't live without him…or probably she could, but she didn't want to ever try to. He was the one who gave her happiness. He was her happiness.

Even if she could never have their own child, she had Kira. And it was enough for her. More than enough.

With less light around, her hair looked darker, but it was still shining in the darkness.

"There you are." She didn't turn around at the sound of Athrun's voice. Walking up to her side, however, he didn't miss the change in her posture, her body relaxing a little.

He leaned against the railing, imitating her. Cagalli cast a side glance at him.

"What did he say?" she asked in a slightly worried tone.

He knew what she was worried about. The man whom he had been talking with, or rather who had been talking to him, was one of those who hated him for his defections from ZAFT, and his decision to move to Orb.

Even though he didn't show overt hostility to Athrun, perhaps afraid of incurring the Chairwoman's displeasure, the man was quite good at making snide remarks. And he seemed to like making Athrun uncomfortable. Whenever they were present at the same place, he always came to talk to Athrun only to insinuate how shameful his past decisions were.

Cagalli was aware of it. Actually, most of his friends were. They often tried to distract the man or intervene.

Athrun had noticed her watching him and the man with a small frown, and made a quick sign to her with his eyes not to intervene. If she had tried, the man would have made insulting comments—indirectly, of course—about her as well, which he hated.

Although he never liked those remarks, it wasn't difficult for him to keep a polite attitude as long as he was the only one attacked. He was more or less used to it, and he didn't really care about strangers' opinion of him.

It was much harder to hold his tongue, and hold back his anger, when people dear to him were attacked, especially Cagalli. He was glad she had listened to his silent request and left it to him to deal with the man.

But he knew she wasn't happy about it and had expected the question.

When someone asked him this kind of question, he usually would just shrug and answer, "Nothing." He didn't like to trouble other people with his problems, or to talk about them with others.

However, she was one of the few people he felt no hesitation in opening up to. Besides, she was already worried about him and would be more worried if he tried to hide it from her.

"Same old. What I did. What my father would say." His tone was a little bitter. The subject of his father was still somewhat disturbing to him.

She turned her face to him, her eyes intent on his face, examining his expression.

He gave her a reassuring smile, which was genuine. Although he was tired and annoyed, he wasn't upset. As he had told her, nothing the man had said was new to him.

Her eyes softened. With a gentle smile gracing her lips, she reached out to pat his head a few times, as if praising a child who had accomplished a hard task.

He lifted his eyebrows, but didn't complain. Even though he didn't like being treated like a child, he couldn't deny that it felt good to be comforted and praised by her. But he was still planning a payback, probably teasing her for her childishness later.

She drew her hand back and put it on the railing again. His gaze followed the movement and fell on her bare shoulders. He eyed them critically. It wasn't exactly cold, but not warm either.

As he got behind her, he took off his jacket and draped it over her shoulders. His hands lingered on them.

She gave him an amused glance. "Worrywart."

He quirked an eyebrow. "You're welcome."

Uttering a little laugh, she leaned back toward him, her weight resting against his hands, though there was still space between them to make sure they didn't look too intimate if there were any bystanders.

His face softening, he inhaled her familiar scent: mostly citrus, somewhat floral, slightly minty. The mere act of smelling it made him smile.

Getting a glimpse of Yzak's marriage, Athrun had thought he probably would have been like his silver-haired friend if he had married Lacus. And he was glad he hadn't. Not that he had a problem with her. He probably would have been satisfied with his marriage with her, like Yzak must be with his. Dearka or Kira might not understand it, but he could understand Yzak. Not being in love or having a romantic relationship didn't mean you were unhappy. It wasn't essential for everyone. He was sure Yzak was happy with his life.

But he knew for sure that he was much happier with Cagalli now than he would have ever been with Lacus.

Cagalli pulled his jacket closer around her. Engulfed in his warmth and scent, she smiled. It felt like being held by him. Although actually being in his arms was much better, it was still good enough. And it was the best she could have right now.

She placed her right hand over his left one, which was on her shoulder and firmly supporting her, deciding it would pass as a gesture of gratitude and friendship. His hand was warm, and touching it calmed and satisfied her further.

Lacus's disclosure had reminded her how true Kira's words were. Everyone had their own problem no matter how happy they looked from the outside. No relationship was perfect.

And everyone must have times when they were unsure or anxious about their relationship, about the future, like she sometimes was. There were hopes; there were doubts. Nothing in the future was certain. No one knew what would happen tomorrow.

But there was one thing she was certain about.

"Athrun."

"Hmm?" He made a relaxed sound, which made her feel warm and content.

She turned her head to look up at his beautiful emerald eyes tenderly gazing at her. Her heart swelled with emotion.

"I'm glad I'm here—we are here." Together. Even though they couldn't hold each other right now. Even if they would never be able to be openly together like Kira and Lacus. She was—and would always be—still glad that she was with him. That she had met him and fallen in love with him. That she had chosen him.

Athrun smiled warmly and affectionately. The smile he reserved only for her. His eyes were shining with love, and she knew he had understood the part she had left unsaid.

"Me, too."

The End

A/N: Some of you must be disappointed that Miriallia and Dearka still don't have a real relationship. But hey, I already told you I wanted to make their relationship realistic. And this is what I think is realistic.

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In this fic, I wanted to write about different types of relationship, each couple facing a different kind of problem:

Yzak and Shiho are married, having a child, but not in love;

Dearka and Miriallia are in love, but not in a relationship;

Cagalli and Athrun are in love and in a relationship, but can't make it public;

Lacus and Kira are married, in love, but have a disagreement over having children.

I hope you liked it.

Thank you for reading until the end, despite chapters being rather too long. And I'm truly grateful to those who wrote a review. All reviews really made my day.

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I'd also like to thank those who wrote a review of my previous fics, though I don't know how many of you read this one as well. But your reviews are one of the reasons I could complete this fic. Thank you very, very much.

I especially thank you, GloriousCreation, for writing a review (or reviews) of all my fics and your constructive criticism. By the way, about what you said in your review of the last chapter, I heard the director had said Athrun is the type to wait to sleep together until marriage. So I don't think they did, since it's only several years after GSD. But if they keep hiding their relationship for decades, I suppose they will at some point before marriage.

*posted 05/02/16*