Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling. I do not own Harry Potter.

Notes: The writing of the following (mildly frivolous) one-shot was prompted by (in the real world) the recent, at the time of initial posting, death of the UK entertainer and performer, Paul Daniels. This piece takes place after dinner in Professor Snape's study one evening in September 1991, and imagines a universe in which a Harry Potter (or rather 'Eldanis') who was adopted and brought up by a muggle 'magician' has arrived at Hogwarts. Professor Snape has called Harry in for a one-on-one meeting following some complaints that he has received from other members of the school staff...

Further Note: This piece is rated 'T' and is identified as 'Humor'.

"Professor McGonagall has asked me to have a word with you about your messing around in her transfiguration class."

Professor Severus Snape, of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, had not been expecting Harry Potter – or rather 'Harry Eldanis', as he insisted on calling himself, after his adoptive muggle father – to be sorted into Slytherin. Then again, Professor Snape was discovering very quickly that it was unwise to anticipate anything where young Mr. Eldanis was concerned.

"I wasn't messing around. We were supposed to be turning a matchstick into a needle, so I was turning a matchstick into a needle. Everyone else was messing around, doing that mumbling and feeble stick-waving stuff." Eldanis said, obstinately. "Sir."

Professor Snape had in fact also had similar comments or complaints from Professor Flitwick and Professor Quirrell, to the effect that 'Eldanis' was not taking their classes seriously, and was messing around and not carrying out the expected exercises. Like transfiguration, both were of course classes which revolved around 'wandwork'.

"Perhaps you could give me a demonstration of exactly what you were doing in Professor McGonagall's class?" Professor Snape suggested.

"Do you have a matchstick, sir? I tend to carry needles in case I need to make running repairs, and empty matchboxes, of course, but not matchsticks."

Professor Snape sighed and produced a box of matches – some potions were sufficiently sensitive to magic at stages during their brewing that the best results were produced by heating them over fires of specific woods, lit by non-magical means – extracted a match, and handed it over to Eldanis.

Eldanis made a great show of inspecting it, holding it up closely to his face in one hand whilst he very discreetly fumbled in one of the very many pockets of his robes with his other hand. And then, apparently satisfied by his inspection (and with discreet fumbling done):

"And we have here, one genuine matchstick, donated by Professor Snape of Slytherin House!" Eldanis flourished the match. "But, this is of course a school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, which means that with supernatural powers, we should be able to transmogrify such a common household item, into another common household item – in this case a needle." He whipped a white silk handkerchief out of a pocket with the hand which was not holding the match. "And we do it like so: Alakazam, piff-paff-poof!" He whisked the handkerchief over the match, for a moment, and when he took silk away, a moment later, a shiny steel needle was there in the match's place instead.

It was done at a decent speed, and with a minimum of fumbling, and as a piece of sleight-of-hand, Professor Snape had to allow that it had been done fairly well.

"Very good, Eldanis. I barely noticed any hint of the substitution, and that only because I was expecting it and watching very closely for it." Professor Snape allowed. "However, I see why my colleague, Professor McGonagall, may have been unhappy, if you were doing that in her class. Not least in that it would have proved a distraction to other members of the form, who were trying to complete the exercise, as they understood that it had been set to them."

"I wasn't speaking the words, sir. Although I may have been mouthing them, trying to get the phrasing right. Very important, a magician's patter, as my dad says." Eldanis said, putting the needle on the desk between them, and tucking the handkerchief away, whilst producing the matchstick and laying it down next to the needle.

"And are you capable of carrying out the exercise which Professor McGonagall believes that you were supposed to be carrying out?"

"Oh that." Eldanis adopted a faintly scornful tone. "Dead easy, and dead boring. That was why I was rehearsing some 'proper' magic. If I can use your matchstick, again, sir, look."

Eldanis produced the wand he had obtained from Ollivander, said the appropriate spell, and twiddled the wand appropriately, and two needles gleamed on the desk in front of Professor Snape, one of them Eldanis', and the other Professor Snape's own match, now transfigured.

"I see. Well we are going to have to sort something out about this with your tutors – Professor McGonagall is not the only one to have commented about this so far, although she is the only one to have leaned on me for action – and I will expect no sleight of hand or substitutions during potions classes…"

"No, sir. From what I've heard, I wouldn't try it in potions anyway. Potions is about hard work and craftsmanship, making props and stuff. It sounds interesting and like it needs a lot more concentration and skill than this stick-waving."

A long and almost certainly never-to-be-boring seven years lay ahead, of that, Professor Snape was certain.

Author Notes:

This iteration of Harry sorted into Slytherin, on account of his love of sleight-of-hand, stagecraft, and misdirection counting as something like 'cunning'. His housemates are not quite sure what to make of him – especially since he's friendly and highly sociable and most of them aren't sure if when he 'teleports' a coin from under one beaker to another he's hoodwinking them somehow or is actually a prodigiously skilled and powerful wizard for his age...

I assume that after years of practising sleight-of-hand, this universe's version of Harry masters the precise wand-movements of first-year level spells ridiculously easily, hence his quickly falling back on trying out something he finds more challenging and interesting in certain classes...

I have no thoughts at the time of the writing of these notes on how this particular universe would develop. The piece is purely about the situation immediately arising from a Harry who uses an 'unconventional' method to 'turn a matchstick into a needle' in transfiguration class.

This piece is a one-shot.

Update (11th April, 2016)

To give credit where it is due, a stage magician who went under the name of 'The Great Soprendo' used the phrase 'piff paff poof' as part of his routine for some years. I believe I may have come across the phrase from one of his UK television appearances.