I do not own Supernatural, but I sure wish I did!

His eyes left me shivering. The green orbs flittered across my skin so quickly I would have missed it if I hadn't been paying attention. The complete lack of emotion in them was something I hadn't seen before; he usually greeted me with a familiar smile, and the fact that he seemed to not even recognize me had my insides chilled.

"What are you thinkin' about?," I heard. I shrugged.

"Nothin' too special, darlin'."

Sam only shook his head and sat back in his chair. His arms crossed across his chest and I fought the urge to roll my eyes at the tactic. Sam couldn't be impassive with me if he wanted to be; we knew each other far too well.

"You don't scare me, Moose. I don't wanna talk about it," I said softly. He sighed.

"You know he'll be okay, right?"

I shook my head and dropped the rag I was using to wipe down the counter next to the leaky faucet.

"Yeah, sure," I tossed over my shoulder as I fought the urge to cry.

Again.

Two large hands wrapped around my upper arms and I felt Sam rest his chin on the top of my head.

"All we can do is wait, ya know? He's gotta get better on his own."

But Sam didn't know.

He had no idea.

I loved Dean.

He's my only.

He's my one.

"Sure, Sammy. Hey, I'm gonna head out tonight, okay?"

"What, you gotta hot date?," He asked with a smirk. I planted two hands on my hips.

"Is that so hard to believe?"

His expression fell to surprised and then to his signature smile.

"Wait, no shit, you do have a date?," He asked, his hands falling to the countertop.

"Yes, I do. His name is Ryan, and he's eye candy to say the least," I said. Sam winked at me and wiggled his eyebrows.

"He comin' to pick you up?"

I scoffed and shook my head.

"You think I would chance that? Yeah, right. You two scared my last date half to death, and it took another month for me to get laid!," I complained, a smile gracing my lips. Sam laughed, shaking his head.

"Alright, alright. Have a good night tonight, make sure you've got your phone and your gun on ya though."

I sent him a salute and headed for the hallway that led to my lonely bedroom.

"You got plans for the evenin'?," Dean asked me, leaning against the doorway to his room. I tried not to make direct eye contact, mostly because the last time we spoke, he pretty much told me that he thought I was a useless addition to the team.

More or less...

As I wiped blood from my face, I heard footsteps behind me. I caught a glimpse of Dean behind me in the mirror and apprehensively turned to face him. His eyes told me that he was pissed, as he should be. If they hadn't caught that werewolf at the exact moment they had I'd be good and dead.

"You almost died out there, tonight."

"I know."

He shifted, angling his lean body towards me, his perfect pouty lips downturned with disappointment.

"I fuckin' told you to wait! I swear, you've got a problem with simple directions! Jesus, how many times are we gonna have to have this conversation, huh? How many more times are we gonna have to save your ass?," Dean yelled.

I winced, dropping my eyes to the wound in my arm that was still bleeding. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream back at him; I wanted to tell him that I had been saving his ass, but none of it would matter. The mark that lived on his forearm made him another person, one that I was beginning to fear.

"I'm sorry."

The words came out softer than I'd intended, almost a whisper, and he frowned more intensely before taking a step forward.

"You're sorry, huh? Well so am I, for lettin' Sam talk me into takin' you in all those years ago. I knew from the start you were nothin' but dead weight, but he wouldn't listen!," Dean yelled, his pointer finger coming increasingly closer to my face as he began to breathe heavily. I wanted to cry at his words, I wanted to curl into a ball and wrap my hands over my ears, but Sam came rushing into the room and stood between me and Dean.

"Dean, what the fuck, man? That shit ain't true, and you know it!," Sam argued, tucking me into his side. I shook my head and pushed away from him.

"I'll be in my room," I told him softly, but Dean made a move for me. I backed away, my spine connecting with the cold porcelain of the sink behind me. My eyes widened at the anger that radiated from him, something that hadn't ever been aimed at me before.

"Dean! Walk away," Sam said warningly. Dean looked to me before he finally took a step back, holding his hands up with a small smirk on his face.

"Alright, I get it. You got your piece of ass's back, and I'm the bad guy? I'll remember that."

As he stepped away from me, Sam turned to see if I was okay. Motioning to deep gash on my arm, he asked me if I needed help stitching it closed. I took a shuddering breath and shook my head.

"No. Thank you for helping me," I said motioning to the empty doorway that Dean had just exited. He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head slowly, eyeing me closely.

"What he said ain't true, ya know that right?"

I felt the tears sting the backs of my eyes again and shrugged.

"Yeah, I know."

But I didn't know, because two weeks later I still felt the ache of his words deep in my gut. Like now, facing him was torture. His green eyes didn't leave my face as I shrugged and kept walking, my gait quicker than normal. Yes, I had plans; plans to forget Dean, forget the person he'd turned into. Forget the fact that he made me feel insecure about my place as their friend and team mate.

"Hey, bring me back some food, would ya?," Sammy called from behind me.

"Sure thing, Moosey."

His laughter followed me all the way into my room.

It felt wrong, wearing a dress. I didn't usually wear them, and I only owned a few (most of which were generally used to gather information while working a case, and yes that tactic always worked.) Tonight I chose to wear the red one; Dean's favorite. At least, when we used to joke around about how it made me look like a modern day Jessica Rabbit, it was his favorite. It was an off the shoulder bodycon dress that hugged every curve I was always embarrassed to show. Dean used to assure me that the dress made me look, and I quote, 'fuckable'.

Now it just made me feel plain.

As I painted on some nude lipstick, I tugged a brush through my shorter hair and sighed.

Date?

A date, really?

This is the worst time for this, honestly.

But there was no better time to try and move on from the hurtful things Dean had said, and truth be told, I just wanted to quell the pain until I found another group of hunters to leave town with.

Which I can't avoid now, because Dean sure made things here less than enjoyable.

As I spritzed on some perfume, I heard a soft knock at my door. I opened it to reveal a hesitant looking Sam.

I smiled.

"Hey, did he show up here?"

"Yeah, I mean...are you sure about this? Hunters don't usually make the best significant others."

I patted Sam's cheek and grabbed a small purse.

"Sammy, Sammy. I ain't lookin' to get married and have ten kids, I just want a good fuck. If somethin' else comes out of this, then good on me. Relax, okay? He's probably not Prince Charming, but I sure as shit ain't no princess," I cajoled. He watched me through pained brown eyes.

"He didn't mean what he said," Sam whispered. I heard my own breathing hitch at the mention of Dean and I clamped my mouth closed to make sure nothing I would regret spilled from my lips. So instead of spilling my guts to Sammy, instead of telling him that I was only going out with Ryan so I could leave him and Dean behind, I tenderly pressed my mouth to his.

"I love ya, kid. Remember that, alright?"

Sam's face fell, and he searched my eyes for a moment before I pulled away.

"I'll be back later," I called over my shoulder as I made my way through the garage. I heard a muffled response, but I didn't stop to ask him to repeat what he'd said; my date was watching me expectantly from the driveway, and his smile promised me a good time.

I needed a good time.

Tequila was, and always will be my best friend and my sincerest enemy. It didn't matter how much I loved the liquor, or how well I knew it; at the end of the night, I always ended up feeling betrayed by all the secrets it made me spill, and felt awful about how much of it I'd ingested.

Tonight was no different.

Even now, as I heard my bare feet slapping against the cold cement, I regretted the way I'd begged Ryan to let me leave town with him and his partner, Ben. But no; I was tainted. I was ruined, he'd told me.

Everything the Winchester's touch, dies. Can't risk takin' you with me, not after all the years you've spent with them.

Tears fell from my eyes and I hated that Ryan was capable of making me cry; but it wasn't really him, it was the fact that what he said was true. The Winchester's have ruined me for anyone else, because no one else would share the dynamic that we do. I just didn't want to share the dynamic with Dean anymore. I didn't want to wake up, chase cases, and every day wonder if he resented me because I was merely there.

I tripped over my bare toes and cursed out loud, hissing at the resonating pain that hit me hard.

"Fuck it," I murmured helplessly, wincing when the bunker came into view. I hurriedly wiped the tears from my cheeks.

The imposing fortress held a foreboding aftertaste as I inched closer, hoping like hell both men were asleep in their beds, but I wouldn't get my hopes up. As I slithered into the home we made for ourselves, I closed the door softly behind me and jumped when I heard Dean's voice behind me.

"Just got a call from Ryan and Ben. Got somethin' you wanna share?," He asked me calmly. I could hear the neutral tone in his voice, wondered if his concern was genuine, and shrugged before I simply shoved past him and headed towards my bedroom. His boots echoed loudly around us as he followed.

"Damn it, talk to me! I get a phone call from two mediocre hunters if I ever saw 'em, tellin' me you wanna leave town with 'em?!," Dean asked me angrily. He wrapped one strong hand around my arm and yanked me towards him, turning me to face him. I cried out at the sharp pain zinging up my arm and wrenched myself from his grip. His eyes captured every inch of my face in his intense glare.

"Why the hell would you even care?," I spat, moving away from him as I fought to keep my balance long enough to find my bedroom.

"Hey! Damn it, wait! We ain't through talkin' about this," Dean called. I threw my hands into the air, shoved against his chest and scoffed.

"I'm through with you!"

His green eyes widened and his face morphed into an expression I hadn't seen in a long, long while.

Nothing can hurt this man.

He ain't the Dean we love.

"You don't mean that."

Not a question, a statement.

"Oh, don't I? Just like you didn't mean everything you said to me on the last hunt we went on?," I asked, stabbing a finger into his chest. He caught my hand in his and shook his head.

"I-, you know I didn't mean that," He said softly. I chuckled darkly and shook my head.

"You're full of shit! You meant it, you've probably felt that way for a long time, haven't you?," I inquired, taking in every line of his beautiful face. It irked me how perfect he really was, hurt me how much I wanted him even still.

"You know I don't feel that way. The mark-it makes me something I'm not. Don't leave us, come on. This is freakin' nuts!"

I tucked my hair behind my ear, canted my head sideways, and narrowed my eyes.

"Right...,"

As I slammed the door to my bedroom open, my eyes fell onto a duffle bag tucked into the farthest corner of the tidy space and I headed straight for it. I heard Dean slam the door closed behind him and I ignored him as best I could as I hurriedly began to shove clothes into the bag.

"You ain't leavin'!"

His voice wavered slightly when I made no move to respond to him, and when the bag was all but full, he wrapped a hand around my wrist and pulled the bag from my hands. He sent the bag flying across the room, the contents landing every which way.

"Dean! I ain't a prisoner here, for fuck's sake!," I cried, pushing my hair out of my face. As he rounded my small bed, his boots made a heavy scraping noise on the freshly washed floor.

"For the love of God, really? Now is the time that you wanna ditch us? After everythin', you wanna ditch us now?," He repeated this to me twice before I answered.

"No, Dean. I wanna ditch you! I wanna make sure that when I wake up in the mornin', I feel good. Safe. I wanna know that my team has my back, because right now, I ain't too sure if you'll save my back, or stab me in it!"

The words came out too fast, too loudly, too honestly. I wasn't sure if he would berate me like he had before, or if he would finally grasp how hurt I truly was.

His mouth opened and closed before he hung his head, and rested his hands on his hips.

"I told you I was sorry. I didn't mean that shit I said. I just couldn't-do you know how close I came to missing you? How close we came to losing you? I almost missed my chance to save you, okay? And then what, huh? What would I have done then?," Dean asked me, his eyes filled with the same hopelessness I'd seen countless times before when mentioning things that made him wince in pain.

"Why be upset? You could have cut your dead weight!," I snarled. His green eyes shot to mine, and he stalked towards me then.

"Fuck you! I told you I was sorry, damn it. You know I don't think of ya that way, sweetheart. You know that!," Dean argued. His chest was heaving and he struggled to compose himself, but I could see the vulnerability in his eyes. They were glowing, they were so pained. And as his gaze swept over me, all but blistering my skin with it's heat, a smile tugged at his lips.

"You're wearin' my favorite dress," He whispered. I rolled my eyes and began to re-pack all the things he'd thrown around the room.

"Where will you go? When you leave me?"

The agony in his words cut me to the core, and I felt my heart stall in my chest. The words sobered me, drained all of the tequila haze from my eyes. I turned to glance at him over my shoulder, and his normally emotionless face was crumpled and confused, his brow furrowed and his eyes watery.

It broke me, it caught me off guard, it sent me over the edge.

"I can't stay here knowing that I love you, and that you hate me," I said gently.

His head snapped up and I blew some hair out of my face and bent forward to shove a mismatched pair of socks into my bag. I squealed when two warm hands wrapped around my waist, turning my quickly. The bag fell from my grip and I rested my palms on Dean's muscular chest, sending my pulse into overdrive.

"Say it again."

"I can't stay here,"

"Tell me you fuckin' love me, and say it slow."

His green eyes were ready to burn me up, burn me to ash.

"I...love...you...?," I breathed.

His perfect pouty lips, the mouth that had only frowned at me for the last two weeks, landed on mine... hard. His expert tongue delved into my mouth and licked me with a finesse I'd never experienced before, tugging a moan from deep in my chest. He tasted like whiskey, he felt like home. His warm skin teased me as he eased me into his hold. His grip on me was tight, almost too tight, and he surprised the hell out of me when he dropped one hand to my ass and ground his pelvis into mine.

"Ya ain't leavin' me. Say it."

I wasn't sure I could formulate a sentence with his lips against my neck, but he squeezed me harder until I agreed.

"I'm not leaving you," I whispered.

The watery sheen in his eyes sparkled in the moonlight and he used his free hand to wrap around my neck and bring my mouth back to his.

It was perfect, it was torture, it was literally the closest I would ever get to heaven.

"I missed ya, so damn much," He said against my skin as he slid my dress down my shoulders. I buried my fingers in his hair and whimpered when his tongue met my skin.

He didn't say a word, no. He simply ran the pad of his thumb across my skin, forming a trail of goosebumps, as he looked up at me from beneath his lashes. Slowly, slower than necessary, he tugged my dress down past my waist, and motioned for me to step out of it. I did as he wanted, wrapping my arms around my bare torso. After he'd dropped the red dress onto the top of my desk he turned to me and tsked.

"I've been dreamin' about this body for four years, baby. Don't hide it away."

His words made me pause and a slow smirk lit his face.

"Ya didn't think I noticed you? So sexy, so perfect? These sweet curves had me hard so often I thought I was useless to any other woman," He admitted as he slowly pulled my hands away from my chest. The chilly air made my nipples hard and he cupped my breasts in his hands as he sucked in a breath. The utter adoration on his face eased my discomfort, and I gently slid a hand beneath his shirt. He shivered, nudging my chin up to gently kiss my mouth. I wasn't sure which part of him I wanted to touch first, since I'd been waiting for so long.

"Wait!," I said in a hushed whisper. He paused instantly, his eyes darting to mine.

"What's the matter, baby? We movin' too fast?" His gruff voice sent warmth shooting to my pussy, but instead of giving in, I did what promised myself I would never do.

"I just need- what is this? Ya gonna fuck me tonight, ignore me tomorrow? I know how ya work, Dean Winchester. If I spread my legs for you, I won't matter in the morning," I said softly.

His lips pursed into a frown and he removed his hands from my body.

"Ya know how I feel about ya, sweetheart. You know."

The adamance in his voice only proved to serve my point.

"I need to hear you tell me that this won't be the only time I ever get to touch you," I admitted. His frown fell and he yanked me into his arms.

"That what you're scared of? That you'll end up a one night stand? Baby, I've gone through four years of one night stands just to try and forget about you. You spread your legs for me, no one else will matter," He told me. I believed him, fuck but I did. I wrapped my arms around his neck and slanted my mouth over his. His tongue tasted me greedily, his hands squeezed my tender flesh.

My fingers trailed beneath his shirt and moved to help him remove his black t-shirt. He pulled it over his head and pressed me to him.

"Fuck, you feel so good. So soft," He murmured, lifting me into his arms and heading straight for my bed. As he laid me down gently, he stopped to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Ya havin' a chick-flick moment, Dean?"

He paused, a smirk taking residence on his mouth. And then it faded, transitioned, into something much sweeter. Something pure and foreign to me, something that resembled love.

"I guess so. Is that okay with you?"

I could only nod as he leaned in to kiss me, to fuel me with his fire, to consume me. His calloused hands created magic against my skin as he brought my arousal to a fever pitch. I could only whimper as his blunt teeth scraped my sensitive skin, as his open mouth lapped and nipped at my breasts like they were a flavor meant to be savored. I wanted to tell him all the sweet things I was thinking, I wanted to see the bright green of his eyes, but instead I arched my back and snaked a hand into his pants and wrapped my fingers around his cock. The groan that left his mouth was nothing short of perfect as he dropped his forehead to mine.

"I can't take it slow if ya touch me like that, sweetheart," He whispered into my hair. I smiled against his neck and bit the tender skin there.

"I don't want you to take me slow, Dean. I need you," I said against the shell of his ear as I tugged the lobe into my mouth. He growled and it sounded reminded me of something dark, something evil.

"Take me," I pleaded as I spread my legs wider. His wandering hands slid to my inner thighs and I felt the barest of touches against my pussy.

"Are ya ready for me?," He said under his breath, more to himself than to me. He yanked my panties to the side and sank a finger into my tight channel.

Yes.

More.

Fuck.

"Damn."

And then my panties were gone, and so were his pants, and from the way he was watching me, he could barely control himself.

"Are you sure?"

I leaned forward just enough to wrap my legs around his hips and pull him down on top of me. His naked skin was the like a balm to my tortured soul. His forearms came to rest by my face as he pressed a kiss to the side of my mouth.

"I need to get a condom."

"I'm on the pill, Dean," I whispered as I ran my fingers across the tattoo on his chest. He rubbed his nose against mine as he settled deeper in the v of my thighs. I felt my breath hitch as his cock made its way inside of me. My eyes fell close as the intensity of the moment made itself noticed, consuming me, taking me over completely.

Is that what possession feels like?

Being taken wholly, completely?

"I love you," I heard myself whisper.

My eyes flew open and then closed as Dean's eyes darkened as he began to move. I wanted to take the words back, because I knew that Dean wasn't the type to say it back, and it hurt my heart even though I knew that he never would.

"Don't baby. Don't hide."

He pressed a kiss to my eyes.

He hit that spot inside of me that had my mouth dropping open to form a little 'o' and I arched my back and tightened my legs around him.

"Fuck," He said as he buried his face in my neck. His movements became rougher, and he wrapped his arms around me and sat me up against his chest. The movement rubbed my sensitive nipples and I dropped my head back in ecstasy. Dean wrapped a hand in my hair at the base of my and tugged, hard, as he practically fucked me into oblivion. The sounds that came from my mouth were carnal as his cock filled me in ways that I hadn't realized I was empty.

This was pleasure, this was completion.

"I'm gonna come," I said fervently as my breathing altered under the pressure of my oncoming orgasm. Dean slammed his lips against mine, the soft swells slanting against me, searching the inner caverns of my mouth for all the secrets I held underneath my tongue. He discovered me, he changed me, I orgasmed.

I came.

Dean moaned my name into my mouth, and I could feel the hot spurts of come slipping down my thighs as he slowed his pace and I shuddered and came undone from my own orgasm. His name repeated itself like a mantra in my head over and over again, and I knew then that we were both irrevocably changed by one another.

And when I thought he would pull away, he didn't; he wrapped his arms around me and laid me down. He didn't pull out of me either, he tucked my head into the crook of his arm.

His silence had me questioning myself, but instead of acting like the insecure child I felt like, I watched him before closing my own eyes.

"Did you mean it?"

"Mean what?," I asked.

"Ya ain't...gonna leave now are ya?," He whispered. I trailed my fingertips down the sweet slopes of his face.

"Do you want me to stay?"

His eyes opened and he caught my hand in his grip.

"The mark changed me."

Sadness seeped into his voice and I nodded.

"I know, baby."

He dropped his gaze to our joined bodies and I nudged his chin up.

"I won't leave you. Just don't push me away again."

His lips quirked slightly and I watched as that damn vulnerability creeped into his eyes once more.

"I don't think I could...make it...without you here."

I frowned and leaned forward to kiss his lips, desperation lining my tongue as it met his.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry for what I said to you," He whispered into my mouth.

"I know. Me too. I couldn't- I knew before I made it home that I couldn't leave you. I ain't goin' nowhere," I admitted, wrapping my hands in his hair. He rolled me over until he lay on top of me, and when I felt his cock coming to life inside of me, I whimpered. I knew then that this wasn't a one night stand or a one time thing. This was more. We were more.

"I love you, too."

I knew in that moment that neither one of us needed a happy ending.

We were already living our ever after.