A/N: Hi all! Sorry for the delay, the past couple of weeks have been so, so busy. I was in my best friend's wedding this past weekend and it took up way more of my time than I thought it would! Anyway, this chapter features some humor and some scheming along with more development on the Lydia/Lily dynamic. For the record, I love Lily – and as the story goes on her relationship with Lydia will progress. I just couldn't bring myself to give them an easy road to friendship.

Also – I really feel like the first lyric and title of this chapter title song pretty much encapsulates Sirius and James' feelings towards Lydia in this chapter haha! Also, I happen to love this particular song.

Thank you, thank you for all the reviews, favorites, and follows! I hope that you guys are liking it! I'd really love to hear what you all think!

Disclaimer – I don't own Harry Potter. If only I did.

The Lonely Hearts Club

Chapter 3 – Evil Woman

The first Saturday morning of the winter term dawned clear and cold. A fresh blanket of snow covered the grounds, tempting many groups of students outside to engage in ferocious snowball fights and to build snowmen, charming them to move and change colors. Sirius longed to be causing mischief, spelling snowballs to pelt themselves at unsuspecting passersby, turning the patches of snow right outside of the school entrances into slick ice, and cursing the sleds of his schoolmates to zoom down the sloping lawns three times too fast. He was fidgety and irritable, desperate for any way to occupy his time until sundown.

"Sirius, you're not focusing," said Remus tiredly.

Sirius had been staring off into the distance, daydreaming about burying rocks and other unpleasant surprises in snowballs to fling at Snape and his Slytherin cronies. Snapping his attention back to matters at hand, he groaned to see that his school work was still spread out in front of him. Remus fixed him with an unusually stern glare, the kind he saved for occasions such as this. Pale and peaky, the effects of tonight's full moon were already having an impact of Remus. He was exhausted and tetchy, exhibiting even less tolerance for his friends' idiocy than usual.

"I hate this rule of yours, Moony," Sirius said, very nearly crossing over into outright whining.

Remus' glare did not abate; if anything it only became more intense and he roughly shoved Sirius' potions homework back towards him. "You're getting off easy, imagine the restrictions I could have placed on you all."

James looked even more put out than Sirius felt. Every so often he let out an exaggerated sigh, rumpling his hair in frustration. But the rule was the rule. After Sirius, James and Peter managed to become animagi, Remus only agreed to let them accompany him on the full moon under the condition that they all got their homework finished before they went. It was a little way for Remus to assuage his guilt, ensuring that even if his friends were stupid enough to abandon all sense of self-preservation and common sense, at least they wouldn't also fail out of school. Deciding this was a fair trade and well worth it in order to keep Remus off their backs, all three boys readily agreed to the compromise. Remus was always irritable during the full moon and if completing his Arithmancy homework kept the werewolf at bay, then Sirius would gladly do it.

Well, thought Sirius unhappily as he picked up his quill, gladly was a strong word.

"Hey James, have you got your notes on the Third Giant Rebellion of 1876? Mine are a bit incomplete," asked Peter. Sirius stole a glance at Peter from the corner of his eyes and fought the urge to shake his head. Peter's notes weren't incomplete, they were utter rubbish.

"Sorry, mate. All my history of magic stuff is upstairs," said James.

Sirius smirked and tried to put all of his focus back onto his essay on the common uses of the calming draught and possible side effects of an improperly brewed potion. The work wasn't hard and Sirius knew that Professor Slughorn would likely give him good marks in a bid to get him to join the Slug Club. It was a waste of Slughorn's efforts, in Sirius' opinion, but he wasn't going to say no to good marks when they so willingly presented themselves.

The sound of familiar voices drifted past and Sirius lifted his head just in time to see Marlene McKinnon, Alice Millner, and Lydia Beckett enter the library. All three girls, dressed in varying states of weekend casual dress, were chatting happily about something as they sat at a nearby table. Moments later, Emmeline Vance strayed into the library with sixth year Gryffindor Mary Macdonald in tow. It was a merry gathering of girls and provided Sirius enough distraction from his homework. And what a lovely distraction they were, each girl possessing some distinctive feature that appealed to Sirius from Mary Macdonald's peaches and cream skin to Alice Millner's stark blue eyes to even Marlene McKinnon's impossibly thick mane of rich chocolate brown hair.

"Padfoot, would you stop ogling and get back to work? I swear, sometimes you're worse than Wormtail," lamented James.

Scowling, Sirius tipped his chair back onto his back legs, fixing James with a particularly unpleasant look. "I was not ogling," he snapped.

"Yes, you were," said James, looking not in the least bit harried, unlike Remus who kept shooting daggers at his friends. Through his glasses, James surveyed the quintet. "They're quite pretty," he noted. "Not Lily Evans pretty, but really, who is?"

"Oh sod off with yet another one of your Lily soliloquies. It's bad enough you ask her out every available chance you get," said Remus shortly. It took every ounce of Sirius' considerable willpower to keep from laughing out loud. He knew it was wrong and rather mean-spirited, but sometimes he couldn't help but enjoy Remus' pre-full moon bad moods.

"Yeah," said Sirius in a teasing, but supportive voice and winking heartily at Remus who threw his hands up in the air as if to say he was completely done with all of them. "Besides, as lovely as Lily is, she's not the be all end all of girls."

"Says you," said James, clearly uninterested in any opinion that Sirius had to offer on the subject. James had made his mind up early on that nobody but Lily Evans would do. He'd turned down date after date in the pursuit of the redhead, entirely undeterred by the fact that Lily wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. For the most part, Sirius found his attempts amusing, but that good will dried up the instant James went around comparing Lily to every other girl in the known universe.

Lily was beautiful, though Sirius had never been much for red heads. Besides, he thought, as he watched Emmeline Vance and Lydia Beckett bend their heads together in deep conversation, there were other pretty girls out there. Lydia pushed her long, curly ponytail over her shoulder. Ribbons of champagne curls stuck to her green sweater and she smiled at something the beautiful Emmeline Vance said. Absently, Sirius wondered if Lydia's smile had always been so bright and if so, why he hadn't noticed.

"Yes, says me," said Sirius smugly. "There are a lot of great girls at Hogwarts." Though Sirius got the distinct impression that the majority of those great girls were already dating someone or wanted absolutely nothing to do with his friends and their hijinks.

James crossed his arms over his chest, giving Sirius the kind of superior look he would have loved to smack off his best friend's face. "Oh really," he drawled. "So, if there are so many great girls at Hogwarts then why haven't you dated a single one of them since the start of this year?"

Sirius shrugged, shaking his hair out of his eyes. There were a myriad of reasons as to why Sirius hadn't dated for most of the year, but he didn't particularly feel like sharing them in the library. He wasn't about to go talking about his deep-seated personal reasons or the fact that most of the girls who asked him out did so out of some misguided fantasy as to the person he really was. Sirius wasn't dense, he knew how handsome he was and he knew the effect he had on girls. While he certainly didn't mind using his good looks to his advantage on occasion, he wasn't interested in being any girl's trophy, a prize for her to show off and say to the world look at me, I've bagged Sirius Black!

"We've been a bit busy this year," said Sirius offhandedly. "What with our extracurricular activities, extra classwork, and preventing you from making a total arse of yourself in front of Lily."

James arched an eyebrow, not believing a single word of Sirius' excuse but thankfully he let it go. Two tables over, Marlene and Lydia were exchanging notes. Sirius wondered why girls like Alice, Emmeline, Lydia, and Marlene had never once jumped on his fan club bandwagon. Suddenly irritated and in need of a new task, Sirius snapped his potions book shut. The sight of Lydia and Marlene trading notes had given him a fresh idea.

"Enough of this potions rubbish," he said. "How about we start on Charms? I've never seen Flitwick give so much homework. Luckily for us, I've procured a secret weapon."

Remus' jaw dropped. "You didn't," he said sharply. "Don't tell me you brought those copies into the library while Lydia is sitting two bloody tables away!" He hissed, fire practically leaping from his eyes.

Sirius' lazy grin stretched a fraction wider. "Ye of little faith," he chided. Reaching into his bag he produced four notebooks, each one bearing a different cover and looking well-used and entirely innocent. Remus smacked his palm over his face and groaned into his hand. "You didn't think I'd copy the cover too, did you? C'mon, Moony, give me a little credit here."

James and Peter instantly perked up, curiosity flashing on their faces. "What is it, Padfoot?" Peter asked excitedly, holding his chubby hand out for one of the notebooks. With all the air of an overly gracious benefactor, Sirius handed one of the notebooks over to Peter, the other to James and tossed the last to Remus who cast it a filthy look.

"I can't believe you actually did this," said Remus unhappily.

"Did what?" James asked, head snapping back and forth between his friends.

"See, I think that's the full-moon talking. We'll revisit this subject in a few days and you'll be whistling a different tune," said Sirius in a sing-song voice.

"For God's sake, Padfoot, what did you do?" Asked James, exasperated.

"Well it's a bit of a story, but the short version is that I managed to get a hold of Lydia Beckett's charms notebook and Moony informed me that she's the best in our year. So I figured that it might be beneficial, no – essential – to our survival on the OWL if she shared her genius with us. After all, it's just unfair for her to hoard all that talent to herself."

James and Peter both looked down at their grubby notebooks and then back up at Sirius. A look of extreme gratitude came across Peter's round face, as though Christmas had come around a second time. James, in the meantime just grinned. "Padfoot, I salute your initiative. Although I can't believe you were in possession of her notebook and didn't tell me. The things we could have done to it," he said in a dreamy voice.

Sirius's thoughts drifted back to his conversation with Lydia earlier in the week. "Exactly the reason I didn't tell you," he said. "I figured it was bad enough she'd been humiliated in front of the whole classroom without you hexing her notes. Besides, getting all of her notes is a better tradeoff in the end."

"I suppose you're right," said James and he rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

"I'd like to say on the record that I am extremely against this," said Remus, though he wasn't pushing away the notebook.

"And I'd like to go on record and say that Sirius is a lifesaver," said Peter.

"Well, then, let's see what Miss Beckett has to say about Charms," said Sirius and with a flourish, opened the notebook.

Just as in the original, Lydia's handwriting was neat, miniscule, and incredibly thorough. It was clear that she went back through her notes after class, adding information, organizing her thoughts and putting together all sorts of useful little study charts. Sirius, James, and Peter all started digging into the material while Remus stared dubiously at the notebook. "Christ, Moony, would you get off your high horse? You're the one who gave me the idea in the first place," snapped Sirius when he caught Remus' hesitant glance out of the corner of his eye.

But Remus didn't answer because at that moment Sirius noticed the tendrils of vivid emerald smoke that began issuing from within the notebook, escaping from in between the pages. "What the?" James asked, tilting his head to get a better look at his own smoking notebook.

Remus was no longer staring at the notebooks, but rather two tables down where Lydia and her friends were watching them curiously. Slowly, surely, recognition dawned on Lydia's face and Sirius stared back down at his notebook. "She's the best in our year at charms," said Remus slowly.

"You don't think," James started to say but his words were cut off by Peter's indignant shout.

Even Sirius jumped back as his copied notebook burst into brilliant pink flames. Thick plumes of perfumed smoke continued to issue from the notebook until the flames died away and with a loud 'bang!' the notebook exploded into a shower of multi-colored, shining foil confetti. Sirius watched, slack jawed as the confetti pieces floated down onto the tabletop, each piece spelling out the word 'cheater' with a cheery exclamation point at the end. Beneath the confetti pile, Sirius noted with extreme dismay that the potions essay, over which he'd placed the notebook, was now nothing more than ash.

Two tables over, all five girls burst into raucous laughter along with all of the other occupied tables nearby. All four boys stared at each other, stunned while the smoke continued to clear. "Yes," said Remus slowly, shaking the confetti from his hair. "I think that Lydia Beckett is conniving enough to spell her own notebooks so nobody can cheat off her.

"Why, yes, she is," said a sunny voice above them.

Somewhere in all the chaos, Lydia had gotten up from her table and ambled over. She grabbed the nearest chair and sat down at their table, looking thoroughly pleased with herself. "So," she said, addressing Sirius directly. "Despite your nice guy assurances that you didn't mess with my Charms notebook, you thought it was okay to make copies?"

"Ah, yes, well," said Sirius haltingly. James was struggling not to smirk and Sirius had to fight him off when he tried to pick pieces of confetti stuck in Sirius' hair. Back at Lydia's table, Marlene and Emmeline were wiping tears of mirth from their eyes. Sirius swatted at James' hand again, wondering the whole time why Madam Pince hadn't showed up. How was it that that blasted librarian caught him every time he tried to cause a ruckus in the library but was nowhere to be seen when he was the victim? Still, he was Sirius Black for crying out loud and so he decided to try and play it cool. "At the time I figured it couldn't hurt anyone," he suggested jauntily.

Lydia arched an eyebrow and her eyes reminded him of hard steel. "Charms is the one subject that I excel at. Did you really think I was thick enough to not protect my notes? I spend hours on all of that. And more to the point, what makes you think it's okay to take advantage of someone else's hard work?"

"You're chastising me?" Sirius spluttered. "You nearly burned our bloody eyebrows off with your little charm; which, if you ask me is a bit of an overkill really."

"Well fortunately for me, I didn't ask you," snapped Lydia. Then, suddenly her harsh exterior cracked and she covered her mouth with her hand to stifle her laughter. "Though it would have been a bonus to see all of you with no eyebrows."

Sirius didn't find this funny in the slightest. Next to him, James had managed to collect a handful of the confetti, staring at it thoughtfully before he turned his attention to Lydia. "How'd you do it?" He enquired.

Lydia stopped laughing long enough to sweep her long ponytail back over her shoulder and Sirius wondered if he could curse her in the middle of the library and not come off looking like the bad guy. Her eyes sparkled with humor; she was clearly pleased with herself. "How did I do what?" She asked, not immediately following James' question.

"Charm the notebooks! That's was a pretty complex spell, or I suppose it was probably a set of spells," he mused, scratching his chin. "Mind if I keep Remus' copy to figure out your handiwork? It's quite impressive."

A groan rose up in Sirius' throat and even Peter gave a slight shake of his head. Flattery was the signature James Potter tactic when he wanted to get anything. And although it usually worked, James was also notoriously bad at reading his audience. Remus covered his face with one of his hands, muttering something that sounded an awful lot like "you shameless cad."

Lydia's lips still quivered over her laugh and she shook her head, holding her hand out for the notebook. "Nope," she said, popping the 'p.' "And even if I were to let you keep the notebook, you'd never figure it out."

With a casual flick of his wrist, James tossed the confetti on the table. He picked up the notebook and handed it out to Lydia. She grasped it, but he refused to let go, and a miniature game of tug of war ensued. Lydia's smile dropped, only to be replaced by a glare that would make a better man hesitate. James relented, at Remus' urging, releasing the notebook. "You know we are housemates," mused James with what he clearly thought was his best winning smile. Sirius didn't have the time or the heart to tell his friend the attempt wouldn't work. Plus, thought Sirius with some small joy, he'd already been on the sharp end of Lydia's verbal knife, it was someone else's turn. "What kind of housemate would you be if you didn't give me some helpful advice?"

Lydia pressed the notebook to her chest, shifting her weight. With a lazy turn of her wrist, she motioned to their surroundings. "Alright, Potter, here's my advice. See the place we're in now? It's called the library. And it's full of these things called books, maybe you've heard of them? If you want to figure out the sequence of charms I used, then my advice is to do your own research, and not rip off the hard work of others," she said waving the notebook at them before she turned to walk away.

"Always a pleasure, Beckett!" Sirius called, half-wishing she'd stayed longer just for the fun of it.

Lydia paused and looked over her shoulder, giving him a wicked grin. Sirius couldn't help but grin back at her, wondering how he'd gone so long without noticing her sense of humor, as sharp as Marlene's and as smart as his. He watched her rejoin her friends who all gave her high-fives and congratulations. It wasn't until James resumed his annoying game of picking the confetti pieces out of his hair that Sirius turned back to his friends.

"Stop it, Prongs!" Sirius snapped, smacking James' hand. His friend only shook his still confetti covered head at Sirius, laughing the whole time.

X X X

Lydia's friends were still congratulating her over the exploding notebooks as the week wore on. Marlene had taken to reenacting poor Peter Pettigrew's shrill squeak much to the delight of her friends. For the days following the incident, Lydia kept looking over her shoulder, terrified that James Potter would try an exact his revenge. Yet, the revenge never came and Lydia was able to return to her usual routine without much fear of retribution; usually when James and Sirius decided to wreak havoc, they were swift about it.

As the days wore on, Lydia felt her satisfaction over the whole affair lessen, leaving more room for the other emotion eating at her. Guilt. It hung over her with all the unpleasantness of a constant storm cloud. Marlene had told Lydia to, quite simply, get over it while Emmeline and Alice assured Lydia that it hadn't been that bad. But none of their opinions and advice did anything to allay the constant gnawing every time she saw Lily Evans. Unfortunately for Lydia, Lily was an unavoidable part of her day, a near-constant presence morning, noon, and night.

Lydia could happily argue the politics of equal pay for women or the importance of civil and gender rights until she was blue in the face. Confrontation, on the other hand, was not Lydia's strong suit, especially when she'd picked a fight unprovoked. And she could not happily stew over the fact that she'd fought with Lily in a moment of emotional turmoil. Lydia tried to tell herself that she'd just been humiliated in front of her peers, she'd been embarrassed and angry. Surely Lily knew that, surely she would understand that the rude things Lydia said came from a place of anger and frustration. Still, no matter how many times Lydia tried to convince herself of these facts she was left feeling worse. No amount of rationalization could take back the very harsh judgment she'd doled out to Lily, a girl she barely knew.

As the week wore into Thursday afternoon, Lydia found herself staring at the back of Lily's head in potions class, where she sat three tables up. The Gryffindors had potions with Hufflepuff and Lydia was pleased to be paired with Emmeline to work on their calming draught.

"Merlin's beard Lyd!" Said Emmeline in a rushed voice pulling Lydia's hand back from the dandelion root she was supposed to be dicing. The edge of her sharp potion-making knife was precariously close to her fingers.

"Sorry," cried Lydia under her breath.

Emmeline gently pried the knife from Lydia's hand and slid the cutting board across the table. She then slid the mortar and pestle to Lydia, full of beetle's eyes. "Maybe you should pulverize these instead," said Emmeline.

Feeling flush from her moment of absentmindedness, Lydia gladly started to grind the pestle into the bowl. It was oddly satisfying, listening little pops of the tiny eyes as she ground the eyes into a fine powder. Still, Lydia found her eyes inadvertently drifting back to where Lily and Julie Featherby, the other Gryffindor fifth year girl were making their potion. Every so often, Professor Slughorn would move along the rows, pausing to correct students or to praise his favorites. At one point, he stopped by Lily's cauldron and loudly announced to the class that he'd never seen a more perfect royal purple hue to a mid-stage calming draught. Lily flushed pink with pleasure as did her partner who seldom got any glory in her classes.

"You know," drawled Emmeline. "If you keep staring at the back of Lily's head so hard it might burst into flames."

Lydia scowled. "Yeah, I know."

"Look, if it's such a big deal, why don't you just go apologize to her after class? Tell her that you were upset and out of line and all that. I'm sure she'll understand." It seemed that even Emmeline's patience had run out with Lydia over her continued brooding over the fight.

"I was really rude, Emme. I wouldn't blame Lily if she didn't want anything to do with me."

"Maybe, but you weren't wrong either and I bet Lily knows it."

Lydia measured out thirty grams of the powdered beetle eyes and scattered it over the top of their royal purple potion, stirring the brew six times counterclockwise before letting it rest. "It doesn't matter, I shouldn't have let my temper get the better of me."

"Well then, I say apologize. It can't hurt to try." Emmeline gathered the diced dandelion root on her knife and slid it into the cauldron. Both girls watched as their potion hissed slightly before swirling into a clear pale green. They slumped in relief, it looked exactly as it was supposed to.

"Well done, ladies, well done," said Professor Slughorn as he passed by, over to the table where James and Sirius were working together at the same table with Remus and Peter. At the exact moment he began to praise Sirius and James for their work, a squeal emitted two tables ahead. Suzanne and Marlene both tumbled backwards from their stools as their cauldron began smoking heavily before the cauldron shook and the bottom shot out, sloshing their acid green potion everywhere.

Emmeline groaned in time with Lydia. Marlene was notoriously awful at potions and her partner wasn't much better. "Not to worry, not to worry," said Slughorn as he hurried to help them clean up the mess. "Must have put the dandelion root in before the beetle eyes, yes, that'll be it," he kept muttering unhappily as he vanished the potion.

James, Sirius, and Peter were howling in laughter along with most of the rest of the classroom. Remus seemed on the edge of laughter, but kept drifting back to disapproval at the sight of James slumped against Sirius, wiping tears from beneath his glasses.

"Gits," muttered Emmeline as she added the final ingredient to their potion. The girls had just enough time to bottle their completed potion and clean up. The bell rang and Lydia hurriedly handed their potion in before she and Emmeline started to the door, determined to catch up with Lily.

Severus Snape had been waiting outside the classroom door for Lily. The two fell into step together, Lydia and Emmeline right behind them. "What's all the commotion about?" Severus asked as they started up the steps leading to the entrance hall.

"Oh, Marlene McKinnon and Suzanne Wiggins accidentally melted out the bottom of their cauldron," said Lily with a light laugh. "Their potion went everywhere."

Severus laughed sharply. "I'm not surprised, McKinnon couldn't brew a first year cure for boils if she tried," he said cruelly.

Lily coughed to smother her laughter. "This is the third cauldron she's melted this year," said Lily in a surprisingly disparaging voice. "I'm surprised Slughorn doesn't cordon her off in a special hazard area."

Lydia and Emmeline shared a surprised look. "Doubt it'd do any good, she'd probably just manage to blow the whole classroom up. Did Vance and Beckett come running to her rescue like last time?"

A furious prickling hit the pit of Lydia's stomach when she heard the way Severus said her name with such condescension. "No," said Lily sarcastically. "They were on the other side of the room, though I'm shocked they actually managed to get their potion right on the first go. Lydia's not much better than Marlene, I don't think."

Emmeline curled her hand around Lydia's wrist, a silent warning to keep calm. But Lydia didn't feel angry. "Oh please, of course not. Have you seen Beckett in transfiguration? I'll be amazed if she could transfigure a tea cup into a saucer. The OWL examiner will probably laugh her out of the room during the practical exam. She's so hopeless."

"I know," agreed Lily eagerly. "The other day I saw one of the papers McGonagall gave back to her, she'd gotten a D on it. If I got a D on any of my work I think I'd just as well quit altogether."

The pair of them dissolved into laughter and Lydia's stomach sank. Her poor performance in Transfiguration was no secret, but she was surprised to hear Lily Evans mock her so cruelly. "On second thought, maybe no apology," said Emmeline. "I mean, she's clearly not hurting over it."

Lydia nodded. "Let's just get up to dinner before you have to go to quidditch practice."

The two girls picked up their pace and Lydia watched as Emmeline purposefully brushed past Lily's shoulder. "Excuse me," she said politely.

As they passed, Lydia and Lily's eyes met. The latter's green eyes widened and her mouth fell open. Recognition that she'd been overheard filtered across her face and she turned slightly pale at the thought. Lydia thought of all the things she could say, of all the hurtful words that begged to cross her lips but she swallowed them. Instead she gave her a tiny smile. "See you around, Lily," she said and kept on walking with Emmeline.

X X X

January's frigid temperatures continued into February. Sometime during the first Tuesday night in February, a blizzard rolled over the castle, socking it with a foot and a half of snow. Professors Sprout was forced to cancel her lessons in order to care for her recent crop of mandrakes and the tropical plants in Greenhouse Four. The Gryffindors leapt at the opportunity for a free period and while Remus insisted on going to the library to finish his homework, Sirius, James, and Peter snuck down to the kitchens for hot chocolate.

James sat at the end of one of the long tables, a large book open in front of him and a stack of four more off to the side. He rotated a golden snitch in his fingers as he read, muttering to himself. The enormous leather-bound tome, entitled, Complex Charms for the Crafty Caster was one of probably three dozen books he'd poured through in the weeks since the library incident with Lydia Beckett's exploding notebooks. James' hazel eyes scanned down a page detailing smoke-inducing charms, searching for a charm that would layer well with others.

Sirius cast a disparaging look towards James out of the corners of his eyes. "Prongs, will you just give it up, already?"

Peter looked up from where he'd been copying Sirius' Transfiguration homework. "Still nothing?" He asked, voice laced with sympathy.

"Not a damn thing," said James, annoyed. "I can't find anything in any of the major spell books in the charms section. I suppose I could try some books on household and entertaining charms," he mused, scratching his chin. "Confetti is a celebratory sort of thing, though I dunno if I could stand the shame being caught checking those books out."

Sirius and Peter both snorted in laughter at the thought of James Potter reading books on how to charm perfect buttercream frosting flowers or enchanting champagne bottles to pop their own corks and pour into crystal flutes. "As much as I'd love to see that," drawled Sirius as he plucked a chocolate pastry from an enormous silver tray on the table, "you've been at this for weeks now and gotten nowhere. It's becoming rather pathetic."

James glared at Sirius who began to pick the flaky pastry apart. Objectively, James knew he was being stupid. It was just a series of ridiculous charms and if he was being truly honest with himself, it didn't matter one way or another whether or not he could perform them. But, the problem wasn't really the charms. Rather, the problem lay in the way Lydia Beckett had all but challenged him to figure out her genius. Among his short list of faults, James knew he was overly competitive, and to have Lydia insinuate he wasn't smart enough to figure it out had been a low blow to his ego; he he wouldn't take sitting down.

"Look, it can't be that difficult," said James. "If Lydia can do it, then it should be a breeze for me."

"I don't know, mate," said Sirius breezily. "Maybe you should just admit she might be smarter than you."

Sirius smirked at James, only further provoking his irritation. Still, it was the first time James had ever heard Sirius speak highly of any of the girls that comprised the trio of Lydia, Emmeline, and Marlene. "You're being awfully nice about Lydia, considering that notebook damn near set your hair on fire."

James' suspicions only grew when the faintest flush came to Sirius' normally passive face. The boy rolled his eyes and began to search for a house elf to refresh his hot chocolate. Almost immediately a half dozen of them appeared bearing a steaming mug, peppermint, marshmallows and more pastries. "I don't care about Beckett in the slightest; but, I do appreciate cleverness when I see it."

"What I want to know is why we haven't gotten back at her yet," said Peter sullenly.

"She's not worth the trouble," said Sirius shortly.

"Besides, tangling with Lydia means messing with Marlene and I'd rather keep my distance from her, if that's alright with you. I don't imagine you'd want to get on Marlene's bad side again; not after the last time you made her angry."

This comment shut Peter up. Sirius barked in laughter. "I'd forgotten about that. I really thought she was going to murder you there for a second. Of course I don't necessarily blame her, I'd probably have cursed you into next week if I caught you trying to look up my skirt too."

Peter turned beet red and he spluttered indignantly for a few seconds. By the time he managed to blurt out that he hadn't been trying to look up her skirt, James had already moved onto his next book and Sirius was entertaining himself by charming the the pastries on the silver platters surrounding them to fly around in formation. The trio fell into silence once more and James started to peruse the index of One Thousand and One Fundamental Charms.

"Out of curiosity, is there another reason why you're so hell-bent on finding out how to do these charms?" Sirius asked, though he didn't sound particularly interested.

James kept his eyes trained on the book, unwilling to see his friends' exasperated expressions. "Thought I'd use them for a surprise when I ask Lily to go to Hogsmeade with me on Valentine's day."

Peter and Sirius both groaned in unison. "You're joking, mate," said Sirius.

"What're you going to do? Charm a card to blow up in her face? I doubt she'd go for that," said Peter. Sirius gestured to Peter in agreement.

"Of course nothing's going to blow up in her face! But I thought maybe a cake asking her out and then the candles would burst into confetti with her name on it."

Sirius pretended to gag.

"Sounds like a lot could go wrong," said Peter doubtfully.

James waved him off. "It's going to be perfect, girls love big romantic gestures."

Sirius and Peter cast dubious looks at each other. "Sure," said Peter slowly, unconvinced.

"Whatever you say, Prongs," said Sirius, hiding his smirk behind his hand.

In the distance, the bell rang, signaling the end of their free period. All three boys hurriedly gathered their things and left the kitchens, destined for Defense Against the Dark Arts. A crowd of students had already gathered outside of the classroom, including Lily who stood with Severus Snape. The hairs on the back of James' neck stood on end at the sight of Snape leaning close to Lily to look at some papers she held in her hands. He watched as Snape's eyes frequently strayed from the paper and up to Lily's lovely face. His hackles rose at the mere thought that Lily would return Snape's painfully obvious affections.

Forcing himself to focus on something else, he watched as Lydia, Marlene, and Suzanne all approached from the opposite end of the hall, laughing about something.

X X X

Suzanne Wiggins' obsession with romance novels was something of an amusement for Lydia and Marlene. Copies of the racy books stood in stacks on Suzanne's beside table. Oftentimes, when Marlene had had a touch too much to drink after a quidditch victory party she'd have the girls in her dorm in stitches as she did dramatic readings of the particularly scandalous bits. Unfailingly kind-hearted, if a bit ditzy, Suzanne happily let her friends borrow her books and occasionally Lydia found herself immersed in the silly storylines, providing a nice distraction from schoolwork.

Lydia held a copy of The Secret Enchanter in her hand as she stood outside of the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom with Suzanne and Marlene. The three girls were snickering about the ludicrous artwork on the cover of a scantily clad witch clinging to the torso of a wizard brandishing a longer-than-average wand, with the front of his robes torn open to reveal his chiseled chest.

"It's way better than the cover suggests," said Suzanne.

Lydia flipped the book over to re-read the description which included a secluded castle, ancient magic, a noble lady in distress and a handsome but tortured wizard with a dark past. The book had all the makings of a quick and entertaining read. Though, Lydia was certain she'd lose a handful of her IQ points after finishing the novel.

"I'm sure it is," said Lydia and she shoved the book in her school bag.

"Does your mother actually read these before she sends them on to you? My mum would have a heart attack if she knew I was reading stuff like that," said Marlene.

Suzanne shook her head. "Oh, I order them directly through Witch Weekly, my mum doesn't know. She'd never let me out of my room again if she did!"

All around them, the Gryffindors and Slytherins stood separate from each other. Lydia, though she was fully recovered from Mulciber's unprovoked attack, still refused to look at any of the Slytherins. Instead she put her focus on listening to Marlene complain about Muggle Studies until Alice Millner appeared in her line of sight.

Immediately, Lydia knew something was very, very wrong. Alice was normally very well put together and was never without a smile on her round face. There was no hint of a smile to be seen and her cheeks were quite puffy. Her eyes were rimmed with red as though she'd been crying.

"Alice, what's wrong?" Marlene asked as soon as Alice came into earshot.

Alice, whose robes were in disarray, took a shuddering breath. Fresh tears welled up in her eyes. "Frank and I broke up," she said before a fresh wave of tears spilled onto her cheeks.

A/N – Confetti! Verbal sparring! Alice and Frank break up? Say it isn't so! More humor and melodrama coming your way next chapter when we pick up with Alice's broken heart and the title of this story will finally make sense!

Let me know what you think? I really love feedback, hearing favorite parts, lines, questions, suggestions, whatever! Much love - Kappa