Summary: I tried to write your name in the sand but the waves washed them away, then I tried to write it in the sky but the wind blew it away, so now I'm going to try to carve you in my heart, and I'm going to hope and pray that this time you won't go away.

Written and Carved

"So does this mean you want to break up with me?" I asked softly, in which I was answered by complete and utter silence. There are many types of silence in this world, there's the silence of acceptance, the silence of understanding, the silence of apathy and many others. But his silence was the type of silence that hurts the most, the silence of rejection. This is the kind of silence that is loud, screaming, and roaring with anger. It is the silence that had me crying after he left me there alone in the park. It is the silence that told it was over.

And that is how it all ended.

The months Akashi-kun and I shared were some of the happiest, hurtful, and educational moments of my life. It seemed impossible that this was the last conversation we would ever have as a couple.

But I suppose that the joke was on me, I had ignored the fact that high school relationships never last long, instead I got lost in him, I got lost in Akashi Seijurou, I got lost in the way he made me feel, like I was special and that I belonged with him. I got lost and now I'm trapped, with no way back.

I guess I knew it was coming, the signs were all there. We never get to spend time anymore; he wouldn't return any of my calls. And we just kept fighting and fighting. The last month of our relationship was the most terrible moments of my life. It just stopped being fun, it stopped making sense, and it stopped being about me and him and started being about everything else that surrounded us.

The next time we met I tried to look great. I tried to smile and be happy just so that I could spite him and make him realize what he had given up. I even tried to talk to him, with the sweetest smile I could muster, I walked up to him and I tried to ignore the hurt and anguish that I was feeling, I tried to fool myself that my heart wasn't throbbing in pain.

Later on, I walked around in a complete daze. I didn't realize that my feet took me to where we had our first kiss. And all of the emotions just came at me like a tornado. All the hurt, sadness, anger, regret that was bottled up inside me just burst out and I cried and I cried until I was satisfied. I cried until I was tired. I cried hoping that as the tears fall off my feelings for him also will but that didn't work so I cried some more.

Akashi-kun was the only thing I could think about, talk about and even dream about. I drove Fukuda and Kawahara to wit's end by constantly trying to analyze the situation. Why did it have to end? How did it end? When will I be able to forget him? I tried to fool myself that I was still fine but the truth was I found my other half with Akashi-kun. And now that his gone, it feels that something was lost inside of me, I no longer felt whole.

One night, I couldn't stand it anymore, the loneliness and the desperation was just eating me up so I gave up and called him. I didn't even last a minute before I started crying. I begged him to return to me, I told him that I wasn't myself anymore, I told him that it could still work, I reminded him of all the promises and the memories we had. Akashi-kun told me that he would always care for me but right now it would be impossible for us to be together.

At that point, the pain and loneliness turned to anger and rage. I was tired of crying and moping around the corner. I tried to forget about Akashi-kun so I threw myself at different guys. I flirted with anyone who would look my way. It was a different guy every week but somehow it managed to dull the pain. It helped me ignore my broken heart.

I don't know when exactly things started to change. I began spending time with my friends; I busied myself with basketball and studies. I threw everything that Akashi-kun has given me. I burned every picture and letter that I had. I was doing all I can to erase Akashi-kun from my life. And slowly, I began to have fun by myself. I was finally able to smile and laugh again. Sometimes, a whole day would pass by without me thinking of him, I would see him at a tournament or a get together and I would smile and wave, this time truthfully without any pain in my heart. The wound was still there but I knew that with time it would heal by itself.

Because of the pain and the heartbreak, I learned to be a whole person again. At one time, I had tried to write his name in sand, but waves washed it away. I tried to write his name in the sky but the wind blew it away, so now I'm going to try and carve him in my heart so that the next time I fall in love I wouldn't get lost.

Because as time passes by, I learned that love doesn't always end in forever, I begin to accept that relationships aren't promises, I begin to understand that even sunshine can hurt you if you get too much, and I learned and learned with every heartaches and goodbyes.

~Fin~

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