SADDLE TRAMP

(For MonCon): Character: Qrow

Theme: Storytelling

The air sang softly with the clatter of harness and tack and the clip-clop of horseshoes. The broken moon shone high above, bathing the dusty flats in a soft silver glow. Far over the range, a howl rang out. The jet-black horse paused in its trot and raised its face to the night sky, whinnying as it nervously danced from foot to foot.

The rider drew his pistol from its holster, the faintly blue steel gleaming menacingly in the moonlight. There came a loud click as he thumbed back the hammer and cupped one hand to a cautious ear. Silence. Then the howl came again, wild and savage but further away. It was just a beast, not some brave from one of the Grimm tribes taunting him before he got himself killed trying to cut the rider's throat. The man bent low in the saddle and quietened his steed.

He straightened up, gazing at the small homestead whose lantern shone like a beacon against the night. He muttered something under his breath, took a swig from the flask on his hip. He moved to cap it, but paused, eventually reconsidering as he took a deeper draught of the liquor, savoring the burn. This wasn't something he wanted to deal with sober. And so he reached up and cocked his hat, brushed his sweat-soaked hair back, and resumed his trot to the lonely cabin.

He had traveled but a few yards further when a voice rang out, a woman's voice, her tone iron.

"One of these days I'm going to think you're some Beowulf scout and blow your empty, drunken head off." She called, stepping into the light. She wore white riding gear, although she shunned a hat. The sword and pistol she held aloft were swiftly returned to her hip as she beckoned him forward.

The rider grinned with all the arrogance he could muster. "Are you saying that one day I'll manage to sneak up on you, Winter?"

The woman stared back with an expression that could freeze the contents of his flask, but her expression quickly softened. She still cussed him out, for form's sake. "Just come inside, Qrow." She called, turning back to her homestead. "It's late. And you've been gone too long."

Qrow's smile never wavered as he approached the cabin. "Oh ho, you hear that, Corvo? I think she's warming up to me." He let out a chuckle as he tied his horse to the hitching-post. But as he dismounted, his smile faded. He took another sip from his flask and turned to look up at the stars. He stroked the black feather embedded in his cap as he pondered the night sky. But quick as a flash, the smile was back on his face. He whistled a tune as he turned to see what the lovely Ms. Schnee had in store for him.

He was careful to duck as he stepped inside the cabin, and sure enough a boot went whistling over his head. He lunged forward as Winter sent its twin following after it. He turned his lunge into an elaborate bow as he entered the sitting room, looking up to see Winter in an armchair, sizing him up with a practiced eye as she took off her jacket.

"Alright, where'd you get shot this time?" she snapped. Qrow did his best to look innocent. "I'm afraid don't know what you mean, Miss." Winter growled in frustration and stood up as Qrow took off his boots.

"What I mean" she replied, her voice icy, "Is that every time you come back here it's either because you got shot and need me to patch you up, or because you've got a posse of some sort on your tale and you want to drag me into it."

"Hey, fighting that White Fang war party was fun." He countered, raising a finger like some fancy university lecture. Winter replied by holding up an altogether different finger. Qrow rolled his eyes.

"Oh, real mature. Truly your eloquent comebacks have left me-"

"Oh, shut up." She snapped, closing the distance between them in an instant as she pressed her lips to his. He slid his hands down her hips, wincing when she slapped him across the face for trying to go lower. She started pushing her hands up under his jacket. "Hands where I can see them, you old dog. Now really, where's the-MMMPH!"

She was stopped by Qrow grabbing her arms and pulling her in for another kiss. Her frustration ebbed as Qrow slowly pulled back, leaving her arms pinned to her sides.

"I told you," he muttered, his face pressed to her collarbone, "I'm not here because I want anything. I'm just here to… Say hello. See how you're doing."

Winter froze in shock. "Really?" she whispered.

"Yes, really." He replied, pinning her arms behind her back as he pulled her closer. For a moment they stayed like that, until Winter rolled her eyes, twisted free from his grip, and flounced back to her armchair.

"You are full of shit, you old drunk." She scoffed, sinking into her seat. Qrow took a step towards her. "And take off your boots, you're getting dust on my rug."

Qrow sighed and obediently took off his scuffed footwear. When he looked up, it was with a solemnness she had never though him capable of. "Winter," he began, taking another step forward. "I mean it. It's getting bad out there. I came back…To warn you. And after this trip…" another step forward. He reached out and touched her cheek. "I wanted to come back, and talk to you. It settles me down."

"Oh…" Winter looked up at him, laying her hand on top of his own. Then she grinned and stood up, pushing him down into her chair and taking a seat on his lap. "Then tell me all about it." She whispered, pressing her face up against his. His stubble scratched at her cheek as he laughed.

"Alright then." He muttered, pulling her closer. "It all started with a game of cards in Bitter Flats…"

Qrow did his level best to hold back a grin as he stared at the straight flush in his hands. He didn't know where his luck with the cards came from, but it was shining onhim yet again.

"Qrow, I know exactly where your 'luck with the cards' came from" Winter sighed. "The hidden fold in your sleeve. Like always. You're practically a compulsive cheater. You even cheat when you play me. That's just sad." Qrow solemnly held one hand over his heart-or rather, over Winter's heart, because it was easiest to reach. She slapped it away. "I wasn't cheating, I solemnly swear." He replied, with an air of wounded dignity that made her let out a little huff of amusement. "Now, to get back to the story…"

Qrow felt more than confident going all in. he was very surprised when the man with the bowler hat matched his bet. Everyone else folded, and Qrow grinned as he lay down his hand. But the other man merely smiled and moved to show his own hand, and it was right there that he saw it. Quick as a flash, he'd pulled a card from his sleeve, and promptly showed a royal flush. He laughed as the Hunter forked over his cash, but he swore as he did that he'd follow the cheat and see where he was heading.

"So, basically you decided you'd track this guy back to wherever he was going because he was better at cheating than you." Winter replied succinctly. Qrow scoffed. "I told you I wasn't cheating. And who knew what this criminal could get up to elsewhere. As it turned out, my suspicions proved correct."

With the catlike tread and cunning of a master scout-

"Oh god, spare me."

"Shut up and let me finish."

Qrow had tailed the cheat out of town, down a narrow canyon. He'd had to dismount and leave his horse at the canyon's opening for the sake of stealth, and sure enough, he'd traveled undetected. It was then that the girl had showed up. Her eyes mismatched, a pretty parasol to shield her from the sun, and a shotgun hung from her saddle. The man said something as she approached. Qrow didn't hear the girl reply, but he heard the man laugh anyway. Then, a shout from up ahead: "Roman!"

Qrow froze. He knew who he was dealing with now. Roman Torchwick was an infamous running gun, well known for robberies and banditry of every sort, who by all accounts took a delight in the chaos of his bloody path. He was dangerous, and if he kept the girl around… Well, she was no slouch either.

Roman called out something to the man who'd yelled his name, urging his horse into a trot as they headed down the canyon. Qrow peeked out from behind the boulder, and saw that there was only one way into the canyon. For all he knew there could be a small army in there. Torchwick on his own was dangerous enough. Torchwick with friends… Now that was a whole different kettle of shrimp.

"I don't think that's how the saying goes."

"Oh, I'm sorry, did you want a grammar lesson instead?"

"Just shut up and keep talking so I don't have to dwell on it for too long."

Anyway, Torchwick with friends was a whole different kettle of shrimp. Qrow raised his eyes to the heavens and sighed. "I may not come back from this" he said, his voice bursting with a quiet, solemn nobility. "But I swore to protect the people. Even though it may cost me my life."

"You did not say that."

"I did. Hunter's honor."

"Qrow Branwen, you are so full of shit I should drag you over to my crops and use you as fertilizer."

"I did, really. It was all very heroic."

Qrow paused to brace himself and crept through the narrow canyon until he reached its opening. What he saw astounded him.

There were more White Fang braves than he'd ever seen in one place before, armed with far more than just their usual bows and spears. There were rifles and pistols galore, and Qrow even saw a few gatling guns. Chief Adam Lincoln of Bullshead Pass had sent every man he could muster. They were gathered at the bottom of the slope the canyon led to, busily loading everything they could aboard…A train.

"But why?" Qrow muttered, reaching up to feel the feather in his hat. "How did they get all those men and guns? And why load it onto a train? That line didn't go anywhere except-Fort Beacon." He growled, watching Torchwick and his lady climb aboard.

"You know, I like the fact that you were talking to yourself while doing this. It shows just how crazy you really are."

"Shhhh. This is where it gets interesting."

Qrow jumped slightly as Torchwick shouted something to the men, and the braves began to pile into the rearmost cars. The locomotive blew its horn, and a wisp of steam began to rise from its smokestack. Qrow swore and ran for his horse.

He galloped along the canyon with blinding speed, bursting out onto the slope just in time to see the train start moving. He spurred Corvo into a sprint as he raced towards the train. There were shouts of alarm as he drew up alongside it, gunfire went whistling past as the braves attempted to shoot him off his horse. He managed to get about halfway up the train when he felt Corvo's stamina flag. The train began to pull away.

Qrow sighed and stretched his muscles out as best he could. "Nothing for it." He growled, and flung himself from the saddle, frantically scrabbling for a grip until his hand closed around the windowsill of one of the forward cars. His arm was jerked back painfully by the speed of the engine, but he managed to pull himself through the open window.

"I would have thought that was impossible."

"Thanks. It was pretty amazing in hindsight."

"No, I actually think that it's physically impossible to leap from a horse and somehow grab and hang onto a speeding train without tearing your arm off."

"Like I said, it was pretty amazing."

"How can you possibly take pride in something you're blatantly lying about? You're disgraceful."

"Just wait. It gets better."

"Oh, I'm sure it does."

Qrow rolled into the compartment and came up on one knee, his gun already out of its holster. But the train car was empty of White Fang soldiers. He raised an eyebrow at the contents. The car was loaded with crate after crate of dynamite. He peered into the next one. Same thing.

"But why-?" "Hands where I can see them, pal."

The mocking tone of Roman Torchwick froze him in his tracks.

"I knew I heard those savages shooting at something." He said. "Now, hands where I can see 'em, and turn around. Nice and slow." Qrow growled in frustration, but there was no choice but to comply. He stood in the gunsights of the most ruthless man in Remnant, watching as his lady-friend came strutting into the compartment, twirling her parasol as she grinned girlishly.

"Not the brightest move, my friend." Roman said. "You'll end up dead for nothing. A pity." Qrow's mind raced at a mile a minute. He knew that if he tried to shoot Roman would have him cold before he could so much as thumb back the hammer. He had to find a way-

The girl. She was standing behind him, blocking the exit. Maybe, if he moved fast enough…

"Trust you to pick a fight with a little girl."

"I didn't have a whole lot of choice. And besides, I have leeway with these kinds of things. I'm a hunter."

"I hope you've never actually done those kinds of things before, and you're just speaking theoretically. But I know you better than that by now."

"Don't talk. This is the exciting bit."

"That's what you've been saying for the past twenty minutes-MMMPH!"

"There you go. Now quiet down."

With all the speed he could muster, Qrow moved like lightning, twisting the girl around to block Torchwick's aim. The girl hissed something under her breath and tried to break free, but he managed to hold her steady save for a whack on the head with the parasol.

Then he saw where the umbrella was currently pointed, and got himself an idea. He swiftly reached up and tugged the parasol back and down, so it was caught in the connector of the car behind her, then with one swift shot he severed the link, the girl's mismatched eyes wide with shock as she was slowly pulled back by the cars behind her.

"Neo!" Torchwick cried, and it was with a look of absolute fury on his face that he moved to draw. There were two shots fired, so close together that they merged into a single sound. For a moment, the two stood frozen.

And then a bloodstain began to spread across Torchwick's chest like a blooming rose, and he gasped in pain as he fell back against the wall. His pistol slipped from his grasp and fell to the floor.

"He missed?"

"You always tell me I'm full of dumb luck."

"Dumb luck is one thing. But you're telling me that Roman Torchwick had a straight shot at you from point-blank range, and missed?"

"That's about the size of it, yeah."

"That is without a doubt the stupidest thing I have ever-"

"Look, just let me tell the story, alright?"

Qrow had taken care of the gunslinger and his friend. But now he was stuck on a train full of explosives hurtling towards a critical fort with no time to bring it to a stop. How could he possibly save the fort?

Then, another one of his flashes of absolute brilliance struck, like it often did in times like these.

"Oh, you have to be fuc-"

"Shh. Look, there's another kiss. Now let me tell the damned story."

Qrow pulled his matchbook from his pocket. A handful spilled across the floor. He scooped up one, struck it against one of the crates-

"Oh, that was clever."

"I'll admit that I probably should have thought that through."

And used it to set the matchbook aflame. He fired another round into the forward connector, and as his carriage started to fall behind he hurled the matchbook into the car in front.

He was interrupted by the sound of Torchwick moving. He whirled around, only to find the outlaw looking through his pockets for his lighter, a cigar between his teeth. Roman glanced up at Qrow. The two locked eyes. Slowly, Qrow reached down, grabbed one of the spilled matches, and lit Roman's cigar. The bandit nodded his thanks, then turned to stare out the rear of the carriage into the distance, where Neo was no doubt coming to a halt, either alive or dead.

"Sorry, kiddo." He wheezed, and with that the light in his eyes grew dim, the cigar fell from his mouth, and Roman Torchwick left this world in a pool of his own blood, like the gunslingers before him.

"Wow. That was poetic. At least for someone like you."

"I'm going to take that as a compliment. I'm not even embellishing this bit, though. It all happened just like that."

"So you admit you were making stuff up before?"

"Look, maybe I…Embellished some parts. Just let me talk."

Qrow bowed his head at the passing of the fallen outlaw, but paying his respects was interrupted by a thunderous boom as the traincar blew up. The explosion echoed, sending a great geyser of dust into the air, until the sound of the explosion faded and the debris fell back down. The train car began to slow to a halt. And that's where Qrow smelled smoke. He glanced over. Roman's fallen cigar had started a small fire in the corner of the car, just a few feet from the crates of TNT. Qrow swore and sprinted to the window, bracing himself before he leaped from the train.

The landing knocked the wind from his lungs with an oof, and as he staggered to his feet he was hurled to the ground again by the explosion as the carriage went up in flames.

Qrow coughed and staggered to his feet, all alone in the empty desert. Or at least, so he thought, until he heard a faint clip-clopping and saw trusty Corvo, trotting towards him like something out of a vision. He hauled himself up into the saddle, got his bearings, and realized with a grin that he was just a few hours' ride from a certain lady's homestead…

Winter arched her back and yawned dramatically. "Great story, I must say. I was so thrilled I actually stayed awake." She turned to glare at Qrow with her ice-blue eyes.

"But I know that you came here to warn me about something, so if storytime's over, what's your point, Qrow? Why are you here? What's this danger you're so scared of?"

For a moment, there was silence. Qrow hung his head and sighed. "Winter, I wasn't lying about those White Fang braves being better armed and more numerous than I'd ever seen before." Winter rolled her eyes.

"Numerous? My, you really have learned some pretty big words lately!" Qrow growled in anger and clamped a hand over Winter's mouth.

"My point" he said softly "Is that the White Fang are more dangerous now than they've ever been. So are the Grimm tribes. Someone's giving them guns and orders, and it's not Roman, because he had no reason to destroy Fort Beacon. So someone very wealthy, powerful and ruthless-other than your father, I mean-is trying to clear us out. You might not be able to fight them off when they come calling." He pulled her closer. "Maybe it's time you packed up and moved elsewhere. I've still got a claim on some land out in New Vacuo..."

He suddenly froze as Winter placed the edge of her sword somewhere very delicate.

"That's one option." She said, leaning back and looking him in the eye. "But I would probably be better able to defend myself if I had someone to help me out and watch my back. After all, the bed fits two. As you know."

Qrow stayed silent and simply returned her gaze. Winter sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "Dammit Qrow, It's high time you came around here for the night and actually stayed until morning for a change. I don't mind spending time with you like this. I don't even mind the drinking and the arrogance all that much, but I hate having to explain to Weiss that I'm already in a relationship with someone, but she'll probably never meet him because he only shows up for one night every couple of months. You're afraid of being tied down, but it's disrespectful to come by whenever you need a wound patched up or a quick roll in the hay and then piss off back to the wild before sunup."

Qrow groaned and held his head in his hands. "Winter, come on…" he stopped when he felt Winter increase the pressure of the blade slightly.

"Let me put it to you this way, Qrow; you're going to make an honest woman of me, or you'll walk out of here as less of a man than you used to be."

He looked her in the eyes, something clouding his expression. For a long time, there was only silence. Finally, he nodded, his expression blank.

"Okay."

Winter nearly jumped out of his lap. "Okay? Just okay? What the hell does okay mean?"

Qrow shrugged, but his grin was breaking through his mask of disinterest. "Okay means 'let's get hitched.' I mean, why not? We're together right now. Neither of us have ever had much use for priests, so we don't need to worry about that. And…" He reached into his vest. "I just so happen to have a ring on me."

Winter was stunned, but the old drunk broke into a grin as he lifted up her hand and held out the ring. "Miss Winter Schnee" he began, careful to avoid slurring his words. "Are you prepared to accept this token of my affection, along with a handsome, roguish new husband, and a much better surname?"

Winter slowly raised her sword and slid it back into its sheathe. She looked up at him with her deep blue eyes.

"Sure" she said, and all but tackled him into the sofa with another kiss. They stayed locked together like that, and this time Winter didn't stop him when his hands went lower. She growled and started to slip one hand under his shirt, laughing as she broke through his feeble attempts to pin her wrists. Her hand started to work its way up his stomach, taking his shirt with it. She grinned playfully.

It was then that she felt something warm and wet trickling through her fingers. Instantly her eyes turned to ice, her face frozen in a mask of dismay. Impatiently, she moved to take his vest off with her other hand. Qrow tried to fight her off, but the hand under his shirt could already feel the wound in his gut. He winced and hissed in pain as she prodded at it. Instantly she is on her feet.

"QROW!" she snapped, her face a picture of rage. She lost patience with fighting him, pinned his arms above his head, and cut away the shirt with her sword.

"Qrow… Oh, Christ…" The wound was deep, bleeding profusely through the wrappings long since saturated with blood. She rushed to grab the box of bandages kept under her bed. She cut away the field dressing to reveal that the wound was deep and very rough. The bullet had fragmented.

"You filthy, lying, drunkard son of a bitch." She growled. "I knew there was no way Torchwick missed you!" Qrow just shrugged with that infuriating cockiness. "My flask." He muttered, wheezing slightly. "The bullet would have grazed me, but it…Bounced off. Tumbled and shattered in the wound. It's a mess in there."

He was right. Winter could see only a small part of the inside of the wound, but it looked bad. His gut was just so much shredded meat.

"You miserable drunk. I warned you." Winter shouted, because right then yelling felt better than crying. "Why didn't you tell me sooner? I could have-"

"Winter." Qrow held up a hand to stop her. "I've seen this kind of wound before…That's what killed Taiyang. We got him to a doctor in minutes. He was dead in a day and a half. There's nothing you could do." He coughed, face screwed up in agony. She wondered if he'd just kept it together out of sheer force of will or if he'd made sure he was drunk enough to dull the pain. Either way, he was sobering up fast.

"Winter… I didn't come here so I could… Get my wound patched up… And have you kiss it better… I wanted to see you… Before…"

"No." Winter stared down at the floorboards, her vison blurry. She grabbed him by the shoulders and leaned in until they were practically nose-to-nose. "No, you heartless jackass, you don't get to do that, you can't just come riding up and marry me and then just die!"

"'fraid so." Qrow said, reaching up to cup her cheek with his hand. "You know…I call you Ice Queen… But I've never actually seen ice or snow up close. One of these days…I was gonna ride down to Atlas…See what I could see. Like a polar bear…That'd be quite a sight…"

"Oh no you don't." she growled, slapping his face. "You're going to stay right here, with me, or so help me God I really will use your worthless carcass for fertilizer."

Qrow shook his head, and Winter could feel his grip weaken. "It's too late…I can feel myself…Slipping…" his eyes got a faraway look in them that melted Winter's heart. "Summer…Summer, where are you…Stay by me…" Winter's heart was seized with rage at the sound of this other woman's name. She sent Qrow a slap that whipped his head back.

"SUMMER!? WHO THE HELL IS SUMMER!?" she bellowed, screaming in rage, until she could feel him trembling in her arms.

He was laughing, and his eyes were wide open, and he had the most infuriating, arrogant, insufferable grin.

"Your face…" he gasped, barely able to speak between his wounds and his laughter. "Y-you…You should have seen…Your eyes lit up…" he was working himself into fits, and he raised a shaky hand and pointed. "A-and your voice" was as far as he got before he fell into hysterics.

Winter wanted to scream at him for startling her like that, pummel him with her fists until he was black and blue, but she couldn't. She found it absolutely hilarious, because that's just the sort of thing he would do, and of course he'd be flippant and sly even when he's on his deathbed, and soon she was laughing right along with him.

But she was crying, too, because she knew deep down in her heart that this wasn't fair, that he should still be around to annoy her with these foolish jokes, and she should scold him for being an idiot and setting a bad example for the kids. And she wished, with all her heart and soul, that the day she was married wouldn't also be the day that she became a widow.

And like that, her laughter faded, and she was left crying into his shoulder and cussing him out between sobs. He touched his hand to her cheek and wiped her tears, moving her head so she was looking him in the eye.

"I'm sorry." He said. "I know I shouldn't have. But you can never manage to scare me when you get angry, because you always look so…" He paused, searching for the right term. "Beautiful. That's the word I was looking for, Ice Queen." He raised his head, pulled her down, brushed his lips to hers. His strength really was fading now. He gave her another grin, weak, but still breezy and full of himself as ever. "I'm a very lucky guy…I've got…The most beautiful wife in all the world…"

And no matter how much she cried, and threatened and shook him, those would be the last words Qrow Branwen ever spoke.

Here Lies Qrow Branwen

A Hunter,

Died in the act of saving Fort Vale.

A loving husband to his wife, Winter Branwen,

and a good man with a better sense of humor.

Mortally wounded by the last bullet of the bandit Roman Torchwick.

But although the bullet did most of the work

In the end, it was the drink that killed him.

AN: Well, folks, this is my entry for April MonCon! I rushed this out in a day, so any inconsistencies can be chalked up to the rush job.

I've gotta say, I'll probably hate this in three weeks but right now I'm pretty happy with it. I think it fits the storytelling theme quite nicely. And Cowboy Qrow was just so much fun to do. (This whole AU was mainly inspired by a couple of Marty Robbins songs, namely "Saddle Tramp" and "El Paso"). The unique weapons kind of got thrown out the window, though. Ah well.

Anyway, win or lose I had a ton of fun with this, and I hope you did too! Don't be afraid to review and tell me what you liked or didn't like! Feedback is always useful!

Thanks for reading, and have yourself a nice day!

Ciao!