"Someone's finally gone and done it," Lin snorted derisively, entering the office. "They've out-Varricked Varrick. They've gone so far into the land of crazy that sanity's a distant memory."

Mako had to think for a moment before he processed all that. "Wait, what?" It had only been a few weeks since he'd got back on the job, after all, after Wu's abdication he'd hung around for a bit as bodyguard, but eventually returned to being a cop. So he wasn't quite back into the swing of things as of yet.

Lin Beifong sighed deeply, producing a file and fishing through it for a specific picture. The look of profound irritation on her face was slightly more profoundly irritated than the normal look of profound irritation she always wore. There was a distinction you got to know when you worked with her for any length of time. When she was profoundly irritated, as in genuinely put out, something was usually up. Sometimes it was Korra, being her usual stubborn self; sometimes it was the political state of Republic City; sometimes it was Varrick's plan to invent catapults to launch people as far into the sea as was possible; sometimes it was just Varrick's entire existence. The best thing to do, Mako had learnt, was to work efficiently enough in order to avoid it ever being you.

There were times that was hard. For instance, the picture she'd slammed on his desk. Okay. Sure. This happened sometimes. A case. That would have made sense, normally.

It would have all made sense if the people in the picture were not dressed as Nuktuk and Ginger, posing while holding a swelling sack of...of watches? Everything about the picture was surreal. Combine it all together and Mako honestly- he had no idea what to say. It seemed ridiculous.

"What is this?" He asked again, and she produced another. There they were dressed as...as sandbenders, winking and pointing into the camera, okay, was that candy they were stealing? And another, featuring one of the pair as a hippo-cowboy and the other in a long elaborate gown. Both were beaming. Both were also carrying stolen cash. People around them were posing with them, in on some joke no-one else understood.

"Honestly? If I knew that, I think I'd be as insane as they are. Up until recently they were petty thieves, watches, candy, the gates to the Water Tribe Cultural Centre…"

The…what? "For real?" Mako asked, feeling like he was being toyed with except no, this was Lin Beifong and she never joked, at least not like that. "Why would anyone do that?"

"Because, Detective," Lin said, through gritted teeth. "They're insane. In the head. And a total pain in my ass right now. All in all they've been responsible for almost a hundred robberies across the United Republic, including, most recently, the fortune of a wealthy millionaire. And since then, they've been upping their game, their hauls have been considerably larger, though their robberies themselves remain entirely beyond reason - fireworks, party supplies, balloons, that kind of thing."

"Any leads? Where did all these photos come from? Someone must know something."

A resigned look crept its way onto the chief of police's face. "Members of the public. They assumed, what with the costumes, that the pair were mover stars, and this was some publicity stunt. After checking certain parties were not actually involved after all," Her eyes narrowed accusingly, disgust flashing across her face. "I thought you could handle it. Get you back up to speed."

"I mean, sure. Whatever you say, Chief," Mako nodded. "I'll look into it. Anything else?"

"Just that. Good luck - you're gonna need it, with these nuts."

"Thanks," he said, tonelessly, staring down at the pictures on his desk. Where to even begin…? Actually, he almost fancied going back to bodyguarding Wu. At least his particular brand of viperbatshit crazy made a certain level of sense, if you were a) former royalty and b) tone deaf. There was a vague kind of rationale. True, it was only vague, and it was tenuous at best, but it was there, if you squinted.

Then you had Varrick. Who was definitely what could only be called out there, but he was hyperrich and a mad genius, so it was only to be expected (this explained many other things, such as 'why his conscience was missing, presumed absent' and 'why he was so annoying sometimes - aka often'). And now he'd been overtaken. Left for dust by these two, whoever they were, on their insane spree of robberies. He looked back to the photos and sighed.

Then he blinked, disbelief crossing his face. He leaned in closer. "No way," he said. "Bolin, you idiot." He put the pictures back in the file, stood up and left to go ask his brother some questions.

Next to the thieves, in the first picture, was the original Nuktuk himself, posing proudly alongside the duo, oblivious to the crime taking place. He probably thought he'd met the coolest fans ever. He probably thought he had made two new friends he could hang out with and discuss Nuktuk and have lots and lots of fun together without breaking the law at any point. Why did Bolin always unintentionally make the worst friends? Being his brother and a cop was a very stressful combination. The idiot had been friends with Kuvira! Future dictator Kuvira! He should have learnt by now but no, he never did. Never.

At least, he mused, he had a witness. Even if he was unlikely to be useful providing information and more likely to talk about what he had for dinner instead.

Mako left the office and headed to meet up with his brother, who was assisting with trying to train lavabenders - outside of city limits, of course, for health and safety reasons. He was finishing up when Mako arrived, and as usual was totally overjoyed to see him, bowling him over in a hug. His older brother sighed, and cursed his sibling's oblivious innocence that lingered even now.

"Mako! I thought you were busy with police work again! What are you doing here?"

"Actually, this is police work." He produced the photo and showed it to his brother. "These two. A pair of thieves we're trying to close in on. You met them?"

"No way," Bolin's jaw dropped. "Isaac and Miria are criminals? They seemed so nice the other day! So that's what was with all the watches. I did wonder. I thought maybe Varrick had created a Nuktuk watch campaign or something. He's always talking about a Nuktuk revival."

Mako tried not to facepalm so hard he went into tomorrow. Focus on the relevant details. Filter out the blabbering. "You got their names?"

"Yeah, weird names. Isaac Dian and Miria Harvent. Where do you think they come from? They sound so exotic, don't they?"

"Did you...uh see anything else...important? Where they went? Anything? Useful?"

Bolin shrugged. "They went running off. I don't know where. They seemed in a hurry anyway. Man, I can't believe they're thieves. Do I have a bad taste in friends or something?"

"Either that, or the worst luck ever," Mako shrugged, and turned to leave. His brother grabbed at his sleeve immediately.

"Hey! If you do...uh, you know, capture them, tell them I said hi and I'm sorry about everything. Please?" He tried to bat his eyelashes. Rolling his eyes, Mako nodded. "Thank you! I guess I'll be seeing you later, then. Bye!" Again, another hug. Bolin was a huggy person. You got used to it.

Mako hugged his brother, then left to track down his new buddies. They couldn't be hard to find, they stood out wherever they went. Sure enough, there was a trail, immediately after their largest cash robbery they had...been to a bakery and ordered the largest cake possible?

What?

‡

A few days previously:

"Hey, Isaac!"

"What's that Miria?"

"Don't you think that guy we met just then looked a lot like the actual Nuktuk?"

"Why, yes he did Miria! He must have recognised us as admirers but been too shy to introduce himself, in case we started asking questions! To think, we just met the real hero of the south, defeater of the evil Unalaq."

"To think!"

"And that's why he introduced himself under a fake name, so that we wouldn't think of him as Nuktuk and treat him any differently to anyone else."

"We would never treat him differently!"

"I know that, and you know that, but how was poor Nuktuk supposed to know? Poor, poor Nuktuk. It must be very lonely being a hero," Isaac sighed.

"Very lonely being a hero." Miria nodded mournfully.

Immediately Isaac perked up and started gesticulating wildly "We should throw him a surprise party for everything he did! A thank you for saving the world party! That's exactly what we should be doing!"

"How do we do that, Isaac?"

"Simple, love, very simple. First, get some candy. You can't have a party without candy."

"No party is complete without candy!" Miria clapped her hands together excitably.

"Then," continued Isaac. "We should make preparations. We...we need fireworks, and balloons, and magic tricks, and a chocolate cake so big it'd take a week to climb!"

Miria tittered. "Where do you get a cake that big, Isaac?"

"Well…" he narrowed his eyebrows and made a rough approximation of thinking. "We would need a lot of money…"

"A lot of money…" His partner-in-crime immediately copied his pose.

"And I suppose we'd have to take it to a bakery and ask them to make the biggest cake they can."

"The biggest cake they can...for Nuktuk, right?"

"That's right, Miria, for Nuktuk the hero of the SOUTH!" Both of them burst into immediate song, hurtling into a sudden dance. Several people stared, shook their heads, and ignored them. The finished equally suddenly and resumed their 'scheming'.

"So, the question is, Miria, where do we get the money from?"

"Where do we get the money? Oh, I know! A rich person!"

"That's right Miria, a rich person! I'm sure if they knew their money was going to such a good cause, they'd give it to us right away! After we have the money, we buy the cake."

"Why can't we just steal the cake?"

"Because that's not how it's done, Miria my dear. You have to pay for cakes. Otherwise they don't taste as good."

"Don't taste as good?" Miria looked horrified. "That's awful! We can't give Nuktuk a cake that doesn't taste good, not after all he's done for us-"

"No, we can't, can we? Only the best, for our hero."

"Our hero!" Suddenly, Miria's face fell. "Isaac, how are we going to find Nuktuk again, if he's in hiding?"

"We search for his alias, of course! He introduced himself as Bolin, cunning isn't he, that's how he defeated the evil Unalaq, with his cunning and his muscles." Isaac flexed his own muscles, to rather less impressive effect. "We'll track him down and give him a party he'll never forget, even if he wants to!"

"That's incredible, Isaac!" cheered his accomplice. "Nuktuk will be so happy, he won't ever be able to forget our party, even if he wants too!"

And that would, funnily enough, turn out to be true.

‡

"They said what?" Mako leaned over the counter at the baker, who trembled nervously at his sudden turn of intensity. "Tell me you're joking."

"I'm not!" the baker waved his hands, frightened. "They asked me to make a cake that'd take a week to climb, I said that wasn't possible, they asked for the biggest cake their money would buy-"

"Not that! The other thing!"

"They were wearing matching Unalaq outfits?"

"No!" Mako groaned, head sinking into his hands. "They told you they were buying this cake for someone else, correct? Just tell me again, who?"

"Uh...well, it's crazy. But...okay, right, they asked for a cake specifically for Nuktuk. I thought they were messing with me, y'know, but then they said they meant the actual Nuktuk, like he was real or somethin'. But that's crazy talk, right?"

"Dammit." Mako muttered, rushing out of the bakery to his car. If this meant what he thought it meant, Bolin could be in danger. Though he wasn't quite sure what he would be in danger of. Death by chocolate? Ah, whatever. He needed to capture these two before they found his brother.

As always, he needed to protect his brother.

Immediately he headed back to the lavabending school, but it was closed for the day, Bolin had gone home. He tried to contact him, in vain. Which wasn't abnormal. There was nothing to worry about.

His brother wasn't missing. Wasn't. This was just Bolin being Bolin. There was no way anyone could have found him so conveniently, just as Mako became aware they were looking. That was a ridiculous idea. Bolin was fine. Everything was absolutely under control. He was going to find Bolin, warn him...uh….take him into protective custody?

First, he had to find him.

He had to find him.

Oh shit. He thought, after searching for well over four hours. Nobody had seen Bolin anywhere. Normally he was the first person you saw, loud and friendly and trusting and crapcrapcrap he was missing he was missing Bolin had disappeared off the face of the earth.

Bolin could look after himself, he reminded himself, besides, this duo were non-benders, they were unarmed, there was nothing they could do to him. This was nothing. They had dealt with far worse together - together - no, Bolin had dealt with far worse on his own. Still. He needed to find Bolin, and he needed to find him fast. Where would the thieves go next after buying an inordinately large cake? Why had they bought a cake?

Indeed, why buy a cake at all?

Cake, balloons, fireworks, decorations...it was almost like they were planning a- no.

It was almost like they were planning a party.

"Dammit Bolin," he muttered, and began trying to pinpoint a location. Fireworks. He'd put the word out.

Today was the most emotionally exhausting day of his life - and he'd once broken up with the Avatar, so his standards were pretty damn high. He was almost regretting becoming a cop again.

‡

"Okay...open your eyes!" Two voices spoke in perfect unison. Bolin obeyed, intrigued. His jaw dropped. Of all the things he had anticipated when he got into a car with two people his brother had said were career criminals, this was not one of them.

Contrary to popular belief, Bolin wasn't an idiot. He wasn't as stupid as he came across. Admittedly, he didn't come across particularly intelligently most of the time, but the point still stood. So why had he got into a car with two people he barely knew, who Mako was chasing down, who were wanted in a number of cases, who were literally inviting him into a car with them was it even their car did they...own a car ? Had they stolen a car especially for this? Looking at them waving eagerly, Isaac wearing a tall hat and flashy suit, Miria in an elegant gown, broad, gleeful grins on their faces, his heart melted. They were overjoyed to see him. Besides, maybe if he helped capture them then Mako would take him more seriously. He could do that. It'd be so cool.

Yes, he got in. He knew it wasn't his brightest idea ever but if the worst came to the worst, he could escape easily enough. Neither of them were benders, he didn't think. Mako would have mentioned if they were, right? Mako always mentioned those things. Mako also said things like 'stop befriending everyone you meet, you can't be too careful' and getting into a strange vehicles definitely was not being careful, nor was agreeing to cover his eyes so it wouldn't 'spoil the surprise'.

Actually this sounded like abduction. Was it abduction? He'd been abducted? Not the first time, to be fair, but this was...definitely the weirdest. Definitely. Hands down.

"Whaddaya think, Bolin?" Isaac said, smiling. "Or should I say…" he lowered his voice, covertly. "Nuktuk."

Miria leaned in, mirroring Isaac's pose to the letter and asked "What do you think? We spent so long getting this ready for you. Do you like it?"

He stared. He was in an abandoned building, one that had been taken over by the spirit vines. Streamers hung from vine to vine, semi-deflated balloons were tied up at each corner. There was a vast chocolate cake in the middle of the room, surrounded by bowls of candy. It was probably taller than he was. It was definitely taller than Korra. Bolin pictured the Avatar slowly descending from the ceiling and disappearing inside a giant cake. On second thoughts, that was weird. This whole thing was awesome...wait, did Isaac call him Nuktuk? That was because he was a fan, right? Anyway, it was awesome. So they were criminals, that didn't stop them being nice, did it? As kids, hadn't he and his brother both had to resort to less than legal things to survive? Point was, he couldn't judge Isaac and Miria when they were just trying to be nice.

"You guys…" he turned around, studying the room. "This is the coolest thing ever! Where did you even get a cake this big?"

The two shared a covert look, and simultaneously replied. "We bought it."

"Cake doesn't taste as good if you don't pay for it, Isaac says. Isaac's really smart," Miria added, sincerely.

Bolin thought back to his days on the street, that time that Mako stole some mooncake on his birthday. It had been the single most delicious thing he'd ever tasted. Technically he hadn't paid for any of the cakes at Varrick's wedding either. They'd all tasted good. He was certain there was a hole in this logic somewhere. If he could find a hole in this logic, of all people...it probably didn't matter.

"I can't believe you'd do this for me! I mean, I'm only an actor." The two looked at him, dumbfounded. "You're both fans, right?"

"Ye-es?" Isaac narrowed his frankly impressive eyebrows suspiciously. Miria copied the expression to the minutest detail.

"So you've seen my movers. Nuktuk, all that stuff?" They were still looking at him oddly. "I played Nuktuk."

"What do you mean 'played'?" Isaac asked, his tone dubious.

"Yeah, what do you mean?" Miria queried, mimicking the tone almost exactly. She would have made an amazing actress, in another life, with Isaac as the leading man. Maybe they still would, if Mako didn't arrest them. He'd have to have words with Varrick. They could write a series of movers centred around a pair of eccentric thieves! Everyone would love it!

If Mako didn't arrest them.

"Well, uh...you know. Pretended to be." The two still looked confused, and Bolin decided to clear something up. "You two know Nuktuk isn't real, right?"

"Not-"

"-real?!"

Both of them recoiled in horror, throwing their arms up in front of their faces in over-exaggerated terror. Their jaws dropped so far they nearly hit the floor. Isaac lept to his feet - he had been sitting on a spirit vine, up until now, Miria next to him followed suit - pointing accusingly.

"Ah-ha! You're just saying that because you think we're spies, working for the evil Unalaq!"

"You think we're spies, don't you?"

"Well, we won't be fooled. We're made of stronger stuff-"

"Stronger stuff!"

"-and we know Nuktuk when we see him! You don't have to pretend to us! We know the truth!"

"We know the truth!"

All the while as they talked, they were gesticulating wildly, either in sync with one another or imitating seconds after. Bolin wanted to laugh, but they weren't joking, both of them were totally sincere. They believed Nuktuk was real, believed with every fibre of their being - beings, they were technically two people after all. Weren't they?

They thought he was the hero of the south.

"Uh, no. My name's Bolin. I'm an earthbender. I used to be a pro-bender, I was part of the Fire Ferrets. I'm friends with the Avatar. She's the one who stopped Unalaq, though I did help, but as an earthbender because you know, I am an earthbender, and not like on a big scale, I was just sort of there. Nuktuk was…" He tried to find the right words. "Nuktuk was Varrick's idea, to make people want a war with the Northern Water Tribe. He's a made-up character."

"Made-up?!"

Sighing, Bolin explained the whole story to them, even going all the way back to his childhood. He demonstrated his earthbending, proving his own identity, and told them all about his life as part of Team Avatar. They both listened intently and nodded loudly at various points, when they felt they needed to (on another note, he'd never heard anyone with a louder nod? How was it possible to 'nod loudly'? He'd ask Varrick later. If anyone knew, it would be Varrick). And so he put the story into terms they could understand, and told them the truth.

"So you're saying," Isaac narrowed his eyes, and glared at Bolin furiously. Bolin gulped.

"You're saying," Miria repeated.

"That you're a hero after all!" Both of them leapt to their feet and slapped him heartily on the back. He coughed. Even being an earthbender, that winded him thoroughly, the sheer enthusiasm the two had.

"Even though you aren't Nuktuk, you're still a hero!" Miria added. "And so this party is still for you, Bolin!"

"Naturally!" Isaac smiled and gave Bolin a thumbs up.

He couldn't help it, he returned the gesture. They cut themselves some cake, digging deep into the bowls of candy, and Isaac decided to set off some of the fireworks. This didn't go so well. But it was fun anyway.

These two were brilliant. There was no way he was letting Mako arrest them, that was for sure. No way. He'd distract his brother while they escaped. Isaac and Miria, the duo with their weirdly light hair and their names and their costumes. There was absolutely no way Mako would arrest them. Not on his watch.

Meanwhile, party!

‡

Explosions had been reported coming from an abandoned building. Witnesses said they sounded like fireworks, and they saw sparks coming from the windows. It was a thin lead, but it was enough. Mako made his way into the spirit wilds, carefully progressing through the in places impenetrable thicket, grateful at least that they were on the edge of the wilds, not somewhere deep in that impossible jungle. There was a car pulled up outside the building, he jotted its plates down reflexively before slowly, tentatively peering around the door.

Somehow this picture had got weirder than he'd ever imagined.

In all the scenarios he'd run through in his head, he'd never pictured there being spirits participating in this little tea party. Little glowing hazy creatures, floating around cheerfully, eating slices of cake off small plates, some of them holding sad little deflating balloons, Bolin sat on a vine chatting away to them. There was no sign of the two thieves. Sensing his brother's entrance, Bolin jumped to his feet.

"Hey Mako! Uh...funny seeing you here, am I right? What a crazy coincidence! How did you...uh...how did you get here bro?"

"Cut it out Bolin, we both know I'm working a case. We both know which case I'm working. Where are they?"

"Where are who?" Bolin beamed innocently. Mako stared at him, unamused. He raised a single eyebrow. "What, Isaac and Miria? They're uh...nowhere?"

"Wow, Bolin sure is a smooth liar!" A high-pitched, excitable voice came from behind the enormous cake, which was still huge despite having been eaten in several places.

"Indeed he is, Miria, you can see why he's such an acclaimed actor, he's just so convincing! We're watching a master at work. Take note of everything you see and hear."

"Okay Isaac!"

Mako's eyebrow somehow managed to climb higher, and Bolin swallowed nervously. "Nowhere?"

"Fine, okay but look, Mako, do you have to do this?" His younger brother pleaded, bottom lip trembling slightly. He was a grown man. His bottom lip still trembled like that. Go figure. "Isaac and Miria are good people! Okay, so they're not the brightest sparks around, but they tried so hard to make this a good party! Even the spirits showed up!"

"About that...what the heck, Bolin?! What were you thinking?" Mako hissed, shooting his brother a foul look.

"Yeah, they showed up after Isaac set off the fireworks," Bolin immediately dodged the question and started blathering on. "They were really scared at first, but Miria offered them cake and balloons so they came in to join us. You should have seen it. It was totally adorable!"

"I'm sure. We'll talk about this later," Mako replied, unamused. "Come out from behind the cake, please, and put your hands up."

"Dammit! How did he find our cunning hiding place?" A low whisper came from that oh-so-secret of locations.

"How did he find us?" Echoed the woman, with totally exaggerated intonation. How these two had never been caught before was a total mystery.

"He must be an excellent detective," the male voice, Isaac, replied. "An excellent detective indeed, to be related to Nuktu- sorry, Bolin."

The two emerged, hands high up in the air. They were both smiling. The spirits tensed, eyeing Mako like he was the enemy. He'd interrupted their party, and now he was threatening to arrest the dynamic duo behind it all. How dare he? Unhappy spirits were generally not a good idea. How did you arrest someone without angering spirits? Was there a protocol for this? He had a sinking feeling the only way he could bring these two in was by contacting Korra and asking for her help. And she would laugh. There had to be a way to persuade them to come with him of their own accord…

"Mako, please," Bolin tugged on his sleeve, the image of heartrending tragedy "Please don't arrest them. They'll stop stealing things, I promise. I have an idea that'll keep them in line. And don't shoot me down straight away, alright, it's going to be brillia-"

‡

"When you said you had a way to deal with them that wouldn't cause massive spiritual disruption…" Lin Beifong was visibly seething as she shot Mako one of her most lethal death-glares he'd ever had the misfortune to witness. "This was not what I wanted to hear."

"Blame Bolin," Mako muttered, as they stared up at the advertisement for Varrick Pictures' latest feature - 'A Tale of Master Criminals and Daring Escapades', it promised 'Written, Created and Directed by the Genius Behind Nuktuk', displaying vast images of the duo dressed to impress, grinning madly as they froze in a capture moment of dance.

'Introducing the Sensational Thieves who are sure to steal your Hearts, in their first mover - 'ISAAC AND MIRIA'! Based on real events! Buy tickets now, before they vanish in a puff of smoke!'

Mako missed being a bodyguard already.