Teen Titans Go!

Author's Note: Hello guys. This is Israel Pena, the author of The Akatsuki Watches Death Battle and Team Akatsuki. This is me presenting a side projecting of mine. Nostalgia Critic is one of my favorite internet series, and I wanted to do a fic about the series. Anyway, here it is.

APRIL 23, 2013

"Minions of Hell, it is time to unleash chaos upon the Earth. I have found the best way to do so," proclaimed a dark voice. The voiced belong to the Devil, the ruler of Hell. He is wearing a black fedora hat and a black business suit with a red collared shirt and a black tie. He is appearing at multiple screens around Hell.

"This will bring the humans to wage war against each other," the Devil declared with an evil grin. He shows his skeletal minions a black box labeled TTG. The minions tilted their heads as they wondered what is in the box.

"Daddy!" a young female voice called. A little girl came up to the Devil. She's a brunette in a blue dress with red polka dots. She is also wearing a princess crown.

"What is it Evilina, my little spawn?" the Devil asked his daughter.

"This thing you have. Am I going to enjoy it?" Evilina asked.

"Oh you're going to enjoy it. You and every little child on Earth," the Devil replied with a smile.

"Oh yay!" Evilina squealed with joy. Her father only continued to smiles with evil glee.

NOW

Nostalgia Critic is sitting on his couch with a remote in hand. He is going through the TV guide on his television screen. It's been a while since he's done a review for his fans, so he wondered if there is anything he could find that he can review on. He then found something that caught his eyes.

"Oh, Steven Universe is on! I haven't seen this episode," the Critic said. He clicked on Steven Universe, hoping to watch the cartoon. However, it didn't show Steven Universe. Instead, Cartoon Network showed something worse.

Now it's time your favorite new show, Teen Titans Go!

"Oh what the hell is this bullshit?!" Critic cried out. "I was expecting Steven Universe, not Toddler Titans! Damn, they again lured me to this deathtrap. When are they going to legitimately show Steven Universe or Adventure Time?"

Critic gave a sigh. This always happens when he tries to watch something on Cartoon Network. Teen Titans Go is always on the air, and Critic is a very busy man. Something needs to be done about it. His doorbell rang, and Critic went to go see who's at the door while the cartoon's intro is playing.

(Cue Santa Christ Theme)

"Santa Christ? Devil?" Critic asked with surprise as he opened the door. "What are you two doing here?" Santa Christ and the Devil are Critic's two known friends and associates. They are the only ones who the Critic appreciates.

"Critic, we need your help. If you do, the whole world is in your debt," Santa Christ said in an urgent tone.

"What is it?" Critic asked.

"Teen Titans Go. I was the one who unleashed it to the world. I tried to use it to create chaos among the fans, but things went wrong. Its power became too great, not even I can control it. Unleashing that cartoon is something I dearly regret," the Devil stated.

"Damn it Devil, what am I going to do with you?" Critic muttered in annoyance. "So how exactly do you guys want me to help?"

"We need you to review it. Then, you must gain the power to finish it off once and for all," Santa Christ declared.

"Alright, I know what I must do," Critic said with determination.

(Cue The Review Must Go On)

"Hello I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to," Critic told to his viewers. He is sitting behind his review desk, beginning to start his review. "Superhero cartoons have always been a big part of everyone's childhood lives. I know because some superhero shows have always been a big part of mine."

Images of Batman: The Animated Series, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987 series), X-Men: The Animated Series, and Superman: The Animated Series are shown.

"Over a decade ago, a superhero cartoon aired on Cartoon Network. It was called Teen Titans, based on the popular sidekick team of DC Comics. This cartoon was one of Cartoon Network's most beloved and critically acclaimed shows, renowned for its character development and serious themes," Critic said.

An image of the Teen Titans is shown.

"It became so popular. Fans would write Fan Fiction about and cosplay as their favorite characters. There was even a TV movie that served as the series finale. However, all good things must come to an end," Critic told his viewers.

A soundtrack of 'Aww' was played.

"However years later, there were news of the Teen Titans coming back to the small screen. Fans around the world rejoiced after learning their favorite characters would be coming back," Critic said.

An image of Young Justice is shown.

"It was meant to be a replacement for the Emmy Award winning series Young Justice. It was a phenomenal cartoon, so the new Teen Titans cartoon had very high expectations to meet," Critic informed his viewers.

(Cue Teen Titans Go! Theme)

Critic groaned as he slammed his head against his desk while the intro was playing. Meanwhile, Santa Christ and the Devil were watching from the background. They are hoping that Critic can survive this review, but they can already see that their friend is already having trouble.

"Do you think he can make it? He's already struggling with the cartoon's intro music," the Devil asked.

"Don't worry. I have faith that Critic will pull through," Santa Christ replied.

"Teen Titans Go, as the new Teen Titians cartoon is named, didn't meet the fans expectations as it was supposed to. Once the intro played, people already began to have their doubts. I don't blame them. Look at this crap!" Critic shouted.

The cartoon's intro is now being shown.

"How is the intro related to the original Teen Titans animated series? They're all so goofy, stupid, and childish!" Critic shouted in anger. He sighed as he attempted to keep his anger in check.

"See, I told you he'll rebound," Santa Christ told the Devil. The ruler of Hell nodded in agreement.

"While the original voice actors are back from the show, it is the only redeeming thing about this cartoon. Everything else is shit! Let's start with the characters as a whole team before going to them individually," Critic said.

An image of the Teen Titans is shown.

"Throughout the history of DC Comics, the Teen Titans were one of the best superhero shows on Earth. However in this cartoon, they're the opposite of that! Sometimes, they don't even want to fight crime as they're too lazy. Other times, they appear and behave as villains rather than heroes. They are selfish lazy-ass jerks who deserve to burn in the fiery parts of Hell!" Critic shouted in rage.

"Even I don't want those Teen Titans in Hell, and I'm the Devil," the Devil commented.

"Here's a clip of them being the lazy jerks they are," Critic told his viewers and showed them a clip from one of the episodes.

Robin: Brother Blood has kidnapped the City Council! TITANS GO!

The rest of the Titans groaned.

Cyborg: Do we have to?

"Of course you do! You're the freaking Teen Titans! It's your job to save people from danger for God's sake!" Critic shouted at the fictional character.

Raven: Yeah, I really don't feel like teleporting instantly across the entire city.

"How is that such a big deal? You said it was instant. I doubt it'll take so much effort!" Critic ranted. "At least Robin is the only one who wants to fight crime, and that's his only redeeming factor in this show. Don't worry. I'll explain a lot about him later on. Here's another clip of the Teen Titans being stupid and obnoxious."

A clip from the episode "Crazy Day" is being shown where every Titan is acting crazy except for Raven.

"I mean how the hell they superheroes? They'll more like children on a Sugar Rush," Critic said. "Now when they start acting like superheroes, they do things that real heroes shouldn't be doing."

A clip from the episode "Breakfast Cheese" is shown where the Teen Titans, except Starfire, are shown beating the Hive Five senseless to a pulp.

"There is a thing of taking things too far. This is a kid show and yet Cartoon Network is showing kids heroes beating up people like this. The only hero is allowed to take things too far is Ben Affleck's Batman, yet he does it so cool. When the Titans do it, it's just so vicious and cruel," Critic muttered as he shook his head.

A clip from the episode "A Farce" is shown where the Teen Titans are creating senseless destruction upon Jump City to defeat Brother Blood, who is just doing nothing at the time and is nowhere near them.

"Dear Lord! They create more destruction than Superman did in Man of Steel!" Critic shouted, shocked. "There's no doubt that these Teen Titans aren't heroes. They're more like supervillains, doing a better job than the actual villains of the show. Now, it's time for analyze each Titan one by one starting with Robin."

An image of Robin from Teen Titans Go! is shown.

"Dick Grayson, who is Robin in both versions, used to be the sidekick of Batman and decided to go solo. In the original Teen Titans cartoon, Robin was a hero that would inspire kids. He was hardworking, determined, and always had a righteous sense of justice, ready to lay his life on the line for the sake of others and his team," Critic stated. "However, in Teen Titans Go…"

A clip from the episode "Staff Meeting" is shown where Robin is repeatedly hitting the other Titans with his staff while shouting "staff meeting."

He's an arrogant, self-loving perfectionist who is a tyrant and control-freak to his team members. He even cares more about himself and his staff than his own friends. He's constantly orders them around like a madman and abuses them if they disobey them," Critic ranted. "Jesus, Batman needs to send this guy to Arkham Asylum!"

Several clips are shown of Robin in love with Starfire.

"In the cartoon, he's obviously in love with Starfire just like in the original series. However, things are different. Instead of it being a simple, innocent crush, it's actually a creepy stalker obsession. There were many moments where Robin would do whatever it takes to win Starfire's heart, and I mean it in a bad way. Some include kidnapping her date and pretending to be him and dressing up like a cat," Critic says while cringing.

Several clips are shown of Robin being abusive to Starfire.

"That's not the worse part. There are scenes in the show where Robin is physically abusive to Starfire! Who would do something like that to the person they love?!" Critic cried out.

Several images of well known celebrities are shown.

"Well yeah them, but is a kid's cartoon. This makes things much worse! It's like Cartoon Network is telling kids that it's okay to beat up the person they love since a famous character is doing it. If they two do end up married, then I won't be surprised if Robin is charged with domestic violence in the future. I'm just glad this is not happening to Barbara Gordon, aka Batgirl, who I usually prefer Dick Grayson to be with, but not this cartoon asshole," Critic ranted.

Several clips are shown of Robin being disrespected and ridiculed.

"While Robin isn't being an asshole, he often finds himself at the center of ridicule with some of the reasons being he has no powers. Most of the times, Robin himself is being abused and treated like shit more times than anyone else in the Teen Titans. I think the creators of this cartoon have some sort of grudge against the sidekick. No wonder he acts like a bastard," Critic stated.

An image of Starfire from Teen Titans Go! is shown.

"Now to go with the next character from this shitty cartoon, Starfire," Critic announced. "In the original series, Starfire is an alien from another planet who struggles to adjust to Earth society. Her character is sweet, innocent, and lovable who can do nothing wrong. She only becomes mad when she needs to be," Critic said. "However, in Teen Titans Go…"

Starfire: It is where I create my favorite recipes.

Starfire is shown mixing something inside the toilet and adds salt to it.

Starfire: This will be the most delicious pot of the chili!

"She's an ignorant, naïve, gullible girl who desperately tries to fit in for the wrong reasons," Critic explained. "She's also very short-tempered, easily getting angry over the smallest things. She attacks anyone in her way, including her friends even if they did nothing wrong. This girl needs anger management!"

Starfire: Second Santa, I knew you'll-

Robin: Tell her!

Cyborg: There's no such thing as Second Santa.

Beast Boy: We just didn't want to have to wait for another 364 for another Christmas.

Raven: We're sorry.

Starfire: No Second Christmas Miracle? No flash of light?

Cyborg: Yeah, we kind of made all of that up to.

Starfire lets go of her kite and starts to cry.

"Aww, that's sad," Critic said in pity.

Raven: Are you okay?

Starfire: No. I am not the O or the Kay. You made me miss the Great Kergoff FOR THIS!

"HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!" Critic cried out as he was suddenly startled.

Starfire screams and attacks the other Titans, even Robin who did nothing wrong.

"This is what I mean. In the episode "Forces of Nature," Beast Boy pranks Starfire, even though it was by accident. The worse thing that she has ever done in response was giving him the cold shoulder and the silent treatment, which I can understand. However, this Starfire takes things way out of control and it appears she's even attacking them with the intent to kill. Robin didn't have anything the prank that took place, yet she still saw him as guilty," Critic explained.

Several clips of Starfire being gullible is being shown.

"In this cartoon's Starfire, she's much more gullible than Starfire from the original series. In fact, Starfire from the original series actually has common sense than her counterpart. I believe the Starfire of Teen Titans Go have more grammer issues than the other Starfire from the original series," Critic stated.

An image of Raven is shown.

"Now it's time to go with the third character of this horrible cartoon," Critic muttered. "Raven was arguably the best written character of the original Teen Titans cartoon. She has to deal with her emotions and demon heritage as she's afraid that she might hurt the people she cares about. Out of all the characters in the Teen Titans, Raven had the best development in the original series. In Teen Titans Go…"

Several clips of Raven are shown in which she watches Pretty, Pretty Pegasus and plays with Pegasus toys.

"This is what she's reduced to, a Brony," Critic said with a frown on his face. "Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against My Little Pony. The thing is, this is completely against her character. Raven has always been known to be an isolated person who struggles to keep her emotions in check to protect her friends. Here in this cartoon, she acts like a little girl. Almost every scene in this series, she is shown either playing with Pegasus toys or watching Pretty, Pretty Pegasus. It's so god damn frustrating!"

Images of Raven from the original series are shown.

"Raven was my favorite character from the original Teen Titans series. She had the best storyline of the show, and I can understand what she's constantly going through. I get so angry to see what she has been reduced to. All that character development has been wasted. She's nothing but a gothic girl with an unhealthy fascination for a pony, I mean, Pegasus show," Critic ranted.

Trigon: Why don't you want to destroy anything with your father anymore?

Raven: Because, I'm a nice person.

Trigon: You, nice? *laughs then coughs* I'm sorry Raven, but you are mean. It's the half demon in you.

Raven: Maybe I'm not nice, but I'm not mean either. I'm nean.

Trigon: Nean? Uh, are we just making up words now? I can do that too. Look, I'm a real bluzo kind of guy.

Raven: Nean is being nice while being mean.

"This is Raven's personality is. Not only does she talk in a monotone voice that's irritating, she's constantly making mean remarks to her friends. She does this to be nice, but that's not how it works. Being nice and being mean are two different things, and they can't be compromised to work together. In the original series, Raven gives helpful advice even though she seems kind of strict. However, she never acts mean towards her friends unlike her counterpart," Critic explained.

Several Clips of Raven being abusive to Beast Boy are shown.

"Another terrible trait of Raven in this crappy show is how she physically abuses Beast Boy out of all the other characters. While Beast Boy makes attempts to flirt with her or annoy her at times, Raven takes things way too far. She smashed him into a pulp and punches him through a window of the Titans Tower with her magic. In the original series, Raven does retaliate against Beast Boy for his annoyance but only to a minimum. The Raven of Teen Titans Go goes all out to critically injure Beast Boy!" Critic tells his viewers.

Several clips of Raven and Trigon are shown.

"In the original series, the villain Trigon made an impact on the show's fourth season as he did in the comics. However, he is downgraded in this cartoon just like his daughter. Instead of having an antagonistic relationship like in the original series, the two have a relationship similar to a father and daughter in a terrible sitcom," Critic ranted.

In image of Cyborg and Beast Boy from Teen Titans Go! is shown.

"Now the reason I'm explaining these two at the same time is because they have the same bad traits. They're idiotic, selfish, and lazy bastards!" Critic shouts in anger. "Those two do wild stuff only for their benefits! It's very difficult and painful to watch them, making me lose respect to the two characters."

Robin: Beast Boy!

Starfire: Stop!

Cyborg: You are not really a ghost!

Beast Boy: Ha Ha! Got you guys! I wasn't gonna jump. I knew you guys were pranking me the whole time.

Robin: We all just died trying to save you!

Starfire: Ugh, I am so angry I could push you.

Beast Boy: But you can't cause you're a ghost.

"What an inconsiderate, little asshole!" Critic ranted. "Out of the two, I hate Beast Boy more. He is nothing more of a slob and a troll. He's the most laziest and stupidest of the Teen Titans. While Beast Boy from the original Teen Titans isn't that bright as well, he at least had some form of dignity and respect. Beast Boy from Teen Titans Go has done nothing that would have us respect him as a character," Critic told his viewers.

Several clips of Cyborg are shown.

"Cyborg in this cartoon is very inconsistent. While I have to admit that he does have some redeemable moments, most of the time he's just Beast Boy. He's lazy, stupid, and has this unhealthy obsession with the eighties just like Raven has with her Pegasus show," Critic informed.

A clip of Cyborg's head dancing is shown.

"What the hell happened to Cyborg?" Critic asked in disbelief. "The Cyborg we know from the original series was intelligent while struggling to maintain his humanity since he's part machine. We barely get anything like that from this Cyborg. All we got from him is his loud and obnoxious personality and his obsession for pie and the eighties.

"Good, he's done with the main characters. Now he has to do the comedy, story, and animation," Santa Christ said.

"I have to admit, Critic is doing really good," the Devil complimented.

"Well, he is the Critic," Santa Christ replied.

Images from Teen Titans Go is shown.

"The show uses flash animation, which isn't a bad animation if it's done right. The combination of the bright colors and the fast pace of this animation gives me a migraine. I'm surprised no kid received a seizure from this cartoon by watching it too much," Critic said.

More images from Teen Titans Go are shown.

"Teen Titans Go is one of those cartoons where each episode has barely any connection with the other. This cartoon has no story at all. It's all about the Teen Titans going on stupid adventures and meeting strange and bizarre villains. Don't get me wrong, some of the villains from the original Teen Titans are bizarre themselves such as the alien tofu who wanted to take over the world using cows. However, Teen Titans Go has the weirdest villains who we'll never see again. We wouldn't miss them anyway as they're all one dimensional," Critic told his viewers.

An image of the show's creators is shown.

"The creators of this horrendous cartoon stated themselves that they haven't watched the original series," Critic said. He then facepalmed. "What the hell Cartoon Network! Why the hell would you hire people to do a superhero adaptation if they didn't know the source material?! That's worse than Zack Snyder's mistakes in Batman v. Superman!"

"Almost there," Santa Christ said.

Clips from Teen Titans Go show the Titans giving the wrong lessons.

"Each episode doesn't give any morals. Instead, they give the opposite of them such as saying you will be a killjoy if you're smart or Christmas is about presents. This show is basically telling kids all the wrong things and telling them that's right," Critic ranted.

An image of the Teen Titans Go! logo is shown.

"Now it's time to review the last aspect of the cartoon, its comedy," Critic announced. "What were that writers smoking when they were creating these jokes. Most of these jokes are either fart jokes or violent jokes that suppose to make kids laugh. None of these jokes are funny. Only people who are brain dead would find these funny!"

Clips from Teen Titans Go! of the characters doing jokes is shown.

"I get that Cartoon Network wanted a cartoon comedy, but superheroes aren't meant to be in full-blown comedies. Sure the original Teen Titans cartoon and Young Justice had its fair share of comedy, but their jokes were done at the right moment and time. In Teen Titans Go, almost all the jokes feel forced and quick paced," Critic explained.

"Time to end it Critic," the Devil muttered.

"So, what do I truly think of Teen Titans Go?" Critic asked his viewers. "It's not the worst cartoon of all time. There are rare moments when the show has some redeeming parts, and it's great to hear the original voice actors. Hell, it even had some good songs like "I'm a really real boy." It's a kid show, but it's a cartoon that shouldn't be shown to kids. It tells the wrong messages, and the Teen Titians never appear heroic most of the time. It's unfaithful to the original series and no meant to be watch by DC Comic fans. Overall, Teen Titans Go is a terrible cartoon but not the worst."

"Good job Critic. I believe your review will be enough to stop this monstrosity from destroying the world," Santa Christ stated. Critic turned approached them with a satisfied smile on his face.

"I don't think so," a menacing voice growled. Three turned to see a new figure. He's a pale skin man with a black domino mask on his face. He's wearing a green business suit that is decorated with black dollar signs and a dark green bowler hat.

"Who are you?" the Devil asked.

"I am the embodiment of what made Teen Titans Go what it is today," the newcomer stated. "I am Corporate Greed!"

"So you're the reason why Teen Titans Go is still running," Critic shouted while pointing at Corporate Greed.

"Yes. And your little review won't be enough to stop the cartoon or me," Corporate Greed.

"Then how do we stop you?" Santa Christ asked.

"As if I would tell any of you bozos," the villain replied. Corporate Greed then disappeared in a cloud of green smoke.

"Shit, this isn't good. We don't have enough power to stop Teen Titans Go or Corporate Greed," Critic said.

"I think I have an idea," the Devil announced.'

"What is it?" Santa Christ asked.

"Critic must do a Top 11 Worst Teen Titans Go episode list," the Devil stated. "Are you up for it Critic?"

"Yes. It's going to be difficult considering all of them are shitty, but I'll do my very best," Critic declared. Critic is now more than determined to end the tyranny of Teen Titans Go and Corporate Greed once and for all.

Author's Note: That's it for this chapter. The next following chapters will involve Critic's Top 11 Worst Teen Titans Episodes. Each episode will have its own chapter, making them shorter than the review chapter. Remember, this story is a side project of mine as I have other stories to do as well. I will update this story soon though. I also already came up with the Top 11 Worst Episodes.