Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. If I did, if I did I would have no soul because I would have sold it to the devil in order to gain copyright privileges over J.K. Rowling. As I am pretty sure I have most of my soul (I auction pieces off when I am low on cash sometimes), we don't own Harry Potter.

Thank you to Morrm8894, Revkah2010, Baka 00, RavenKnight, and Katra Talos for your well wishes and prayers. It means so much to me. Thank you for being such faithful reviewers!

A/N: I'm back and finally able to walk again. My doctors found 5 blood clots. Four in my lungs and 1 in my leg. I spent five days in the hospital then had to walk on a walker. I am on a cane now. Also I have to take blood thinners. I am starting chapter 13 in the next few days. Beware of the chapter as it is graphic. Anyways, thanks again for the well wishes.

Recap: Hermione had been thinking all afternoon about her and Harry's talk that morning and had decided to make an excuse to go visit him again. Leaving Ron in the common room, under the guise of going to the library, she had taken with her the book she had mentioned to him earlier. She made her way to the infirmary. Unaware of what was going on behind the infirmary doors, she opened them without hesitation. What she found was the most shocking thing she had ever laid eyes on. She saw her friend Harry making out with his arch-nemesis Draco Malfoy. What shocked her even more though what the name she could hear Harry's mouth in between kisses. Why is she calling Malfoy James?

Chapter 12:

Hermione's eyes were filled with sort of a bewildered shock. She had never seen anything like what was being displayed in front of her. So many thoughts were running through her head and she was having a bit of trouble wrapping her head around was looked to be Harry and Malfoy having a VERY heated snog-fest. What was even more shocking was that she had, very faintly, heard Harry moan the name James. With a bit of hesitation, she called out Harry's name.

Both boys froze instantly. Detangling themselves from each other, they hurriedly returned to their previous position. Trying to ignore the heat trailing up his neck, Harry responded. "Hey Hermione! Have you met james?

Contrary to Harry's attempted light-hearted attitude, Draco was staring daggers at the intruder, a silent warning in his eyes to keep silent on his identity.

"J…James?" Hermione stammered, now fully realizing that harry had no idea that the boy he had just been in a heated lip-lock with was none other than Draco Malfoy. "I don't think- No, I'm pretty sure we haven't…" Hermione dropped the book she had just been holding as she caught the deadly look emanating from Draco's eyes. She felt a trickle of cold fear weaving itself around her belly.

Harry leaned forward in his bed, voice full of concern. "Are you alright Hermione? Did you bring that book you told me about? Why did you drop it?"

"I'm fine. Just a small case of the butter fingers is all. I brought it like I said I would. I didn't mean to disturb anything…" Slowly walking to the bed, she set the book in Harry's lap. She felt Draco's presence right behind her. Suddenly he grabbed her wrist tightly. She jerked away, accidentally bump her hip against the bed.

Unaware of the exchange going on between the two people in the room, Harry started examining his gift. Tracing his fingers gently around the book he had just received, Harry had a sudden realization. "How am I going to read this if I can't see what is written?"

"Doesn't Malfoy have to do whatever you ask of him." Hermione stepped back with her left foot onto Draco's toes.

Harry heard James's sharp intake of breath. Misinterpreting it as surprise, Harry blushed. "Sorry, I forgot to tell you. Malfoy is assigned to be my seeing-eye-ferret. He hasn't been doing that good of a job of it though." Now addressing Hermione, he added, "I guess I can try to get Malfoy to read it to me."

"Hasn't he been slacking on his duties?" She felt a jab in her side and bit her lip. Feeling a bit devious, she added, "He was taking on a bit more ferret-like qualities the last time I saw him."

Harry smirked "I think we can all agree a ferret was the best animal that Mad-Eye-Crouch could have picked to turn him into. Don't you think, James?"

Draco tightened his grip on Hermione as he said, "Yeah sure. Funniest thing I've heard in a long time. Hermione could head the hint of sarcasm in his voice.

Harry cocked his head in confusion, also catching the sarcasm in his voice. "You don't think Malfoy being turned into a ferret is funny?"

"It really isn't my thing to see or hear about some guy getting turned into a creature that smells like arse." James/Draco said matter-of-factly. "I don't really know anything about this Malfoy person anyways." Draco hastily added as to not sound so nonchalant about himself.

Harry cracked a smile. "Ferrets are so cute though! Especially when they are bouncing." Harry looked nostalgic. "I remember his little face, all confused in indignant. Even when it was Malfoy that little ferret would make my heart melt. He-I mean it- was so cute!"

Both Hermione and Draco laughed at the look on Harry's face. As Draco laughed, he let go of Hermione's wrist and she moved out of reach of him and grabbed the book from Harry's lap. "I figure this book might help you out a bit with certain things…" She said, changing the subject.

Realizing he had been told absolutely nothing about what book was given to him, he decided to ask. "What's it about anyways?"

"It's about different types of relationships. Almost every kind you can think of. I found it quite fascinating. It talks about both Muggle and Wizard relationships!" Hermione grinned. Setting it down again, she sighed. "I should be off." As Hermione stood to leave, she saw Draco getting ready to follow her.

"James?" Harry called out. "Where are you? You're not leaving are you?" he asked sensing the shift in movements. He could hear not one but two bodies moving away from him.

"Sorry…I have some things to take care of. I can come back later if you want." He leaned over and lightly kissed Harry's lips. Hermione turned away.

Harry smiled sweetly. "I can't wait for later." He said softly. Draco smiled back even though he knew Harry couldn't see, kissing him once again to acknowledge his words. Reluctantly rising from his position, he saw Hermione trying to leave inconspicuously. "I'll see you soon." He said quickly, catching up with Hermione and resting a hand securely on her shoulder so that she couldn't get away.

"What…" She looked behind her to see if the door to the hospital wing was closed. "…Malfoy." She glared at him, emphasizing his name with clear disgust.

"Granger." He replied, tightening his grip on her shoulder. "I would advise you to keep quiet about this. I would hate to see anything unfortunate happen to you or your repulsive cat."

Hermione hissed. "How dare you threaten me? Don't you think you have done enough to me already? You grabbed my wrist!" She looked down and gasped at the bluish purple finger-like bruises wrapped around her wrist like a bracelet.

She raised her hand and slapped him as hard as she had done 3rd year. Only this time she was much older and angrier then she had been then.

Draco's head snapped to the side with the force of her slap. Turning his face slowly back towards her again, the force of his gaze bore into her. Suddenly, in one fluid motion, he forcefully pushed her against the stone wall. Inches from her face, he whispered venomously. "If I hear even rumors of this circulating at Hogwarts, Mudblood, I will personally ensure that your life becomes a living hell. You will not ruin this for me."

The look on Hermione's face went from one of anger to one of undeniable fear. "If Harry knew who you really were Malfoy, none of this would be happening!" She asked, her words coming out shallow and whispery.

Draco recoiled, relinquishing his gaze, yet still not releasing Hermione from her pinned position. In a near whisper, he spoke, "You know nothing of who I am, Granger. Don't pretend you do. There is only one person who has ever seen the real me, and he is napping inside the infirmary right now." His voice gaining strength and intensity once again, he looked into her eyes. "Do not ruin this for me." Then, just as abruptly as he had assaulted her, he backed off, waiting for her response.

Hermione opened her mouth to speak then closed it again for a moment. Speaking with just as much intensity as Draco, she spat out coldly, "You are ruining this yourself by lying!" She pushed him back even farther and started to walk away. Before rounding the corner, she added, "For now I will keep your precious little secret but only for his sake. But I swear Malfoy…you better tell him soon!" She disappeared around the corner, massaging her tender wrist as she went.

After Draco watched Hermione round the corner, he leaned against the cool stone wall ad breathed a sigh of relief. Sometimes he felt that he lost control a bit too much. But when it came to certain things, Harry for example, he felt he had to protect himself and those secrets at all costs. Anyways, it was only the Mudblood Granger that he had to keep from saying anything. Though he knew at some point it might become difficult. After pulling another long deep breath into his lungs, he pushed himself from the stone wall and entered the hospital wing once more. Seeing Harry sitting on his bed with a flushed tint to his cheeks, he hissed. Cutting the quiet hiss quickly, he called out "Potter…" with his typical Malfoy drawl.

Harry tensed, instantly recognizing the voice. " Malfoy." He replied with a forced civility but with an undertone of pleasure, at the same time attempting to quell the blush remaining from his time with James. "What are you doing here? I don't remember anyone sending for you." Harry became nervous when he realized that if Malfoy stayed in the hospital wing, James might be scared off and not come back.

"I figured I better come and do what I am supposed to do before you or someone else sends Dumbledore after me. But if you'd rather I leave it's fine by me. It's not like I am choosing to even help you!" Draco said with his eyes glued on Harry. He was feeling that his James persona was getting harder and harder. Part of him wanted to tell Harry the truth but it almost seemed not worth the risk. If only Harry could feel the heat emanating from Draco's eyes, he knew everything would be out in the open in an instant.

"So what has boy wonder looking all happy?" Draco asked, changing the subject. He hadn't ever seen Harry this happy when he was with Harry as himself. Only when he was with James.

In spite of his effort, Harry's blush came back full force. "It's none of your business, Malfoy." Blindly looking at his bed covers, he seemed to be contemplating something before finally coming to a decision. He raised his head. "As long as you're down here with nothing to do but pry into my personal business, I might as well ask you a favor. Hermione gave me this book today and from what she said it sounds very interesting. I was hoping that, since I obviously can't read it, you would be decent enough to read it to me." Harry said, stressing the word decent. His blush, if possible, got even deeper. It was humiliating for him to be asking Malfoy for anything, even something as simple as reading a book aloud.

"You are kidding right?" Draco asked incredulously. Draco forced himself to sound surprised at Harry's request but was, of course, already away of the request. Noting Harry's very serious look he muttered. "Apparently not…" He saw the book resting in the bureau nest to the bed and grabbed it, "Love throughout the wizarding ages." Looking at Harry he asked again, "You're kidding right?"

The corners of Harry's mouth twitched upwards. "Nope. That's the book Hermione brought me. It sounds really interesting, right?" 'And,' he added in his head, 'Hermione would absolutely kill me id she found out I didn't attempt to read it.' Coming back to the present, he asked teasingly, "So, are you going to read it to me? Or am I going to have to get Pomfrey in here?"

"Interesting? Not really Potter!" He rolled his eyes. "What is that old bat going to do to me?" He looked around through because sometimes he felt she was a little off her hinges. "Did Granger say what this book is even about?" He sifted through the pages and words like: Polygamy and Serial monogamy popped out at him. "It looks like a book on types of relationships or something." He was surprised to find that he was indeed a tad bit interested to see what the book had in it. "Why would Granger bring you this?" Draco asked through he, of course, already knew the answers. "What the bloody hell is Polygamy?"

Harry mumbled something about curiosity killing a cat, before reaching out for Malfoy's wrist, finding it, and shoving him not-so-gently into the chair next to his bed. "Come on Malfoy; tell me what Polly Gummy is." Harry said grinning. He hadn't been happy in a long time. He was even feeling less vicious towards Malfoy, of all people. Through come to think of it, Harry really had not felt a lot of anger or viciousness towards him since the bathroom incident. Reclining on his pillows, Harry made himself comfortable before staring expectantly in Malfoy's direction.

"Polygamy." Draco said as he pronounced the word as the book instructed. "Wow! Polygamy is the practice of having multiple wives!" Draco hadn't really heard of something like that though he supposed it had to happen in some places. "The definition the book gives is: 'Polygamy can be defined as any form of marriage in which a person has more than one spouse."

Harry made a face of absolute terror. He pitied the man who married multiple Mrs. Weasleys or woman who married three or four Snapes. In fact, the thought of Snape in a romantic relationship at all made him want to retch. "Please tell me wizards don't do that."

The book says it's more common in the Muggle world than it is in our world. The Muggles have some sort of religion that practices Polygamy. It sounds kind of creepy to me. How can someone love at two people at once? Or more than two?" Draco sat back pondering over this. "There is even something called Group Marriage! Where the heck did Granger find this book?"

Harry shook his head in disbelief. "I've learned not to ask about the 'wheres' or 'hows'. Usually I really don't want to know." Harry was getting excited through. This book really was fascinating. "Tell me another one. Make it good."

Draco flipped through the pages randomly and they stopped on homosexuality. Draco felt compelled to read it aloud. "Homosexuality…Homosexuality refers to sexual behavior with or attraction to people of the same sex, or to a homosexual orientation. As a sexual orientation, homosexuality refers to an enduring pattern of or disposition t experience sexual, affectional, or romantic attractions primarily to persons of the same sex; it also refers to an individual's sense of personal and social identity based on those attractions, behaviors expressing them, and membership in a community of others who share them." As Draco read he felt the heat and tension rising a bit between them.

Harry was fighting his blush once again. This was not usually a topic one discussed with a rival, but he was feeling bold. "How do you feel about it?" He asked hesitantly.

"I guess its feelings on is born with." Draco's voice trembled as he fought the urge to blurt out his darkest secret. He wanted to trust Harry but as himself he was not sure if he could. "What would you do if you realized you were gay?" Draco already knew Harry was gay but that was only to be known by his James persona. Draco itched to just lean forward and kiss him, without being James. Just as himself.

Contemplating the repercussions of an honest answer, Harry decided to throw caution to the wind. "IF I was gay?" he asked quietly. "Then I guess I'd know who I was and learn to accept it." Harry hesitated before returning the question. "What would you do?"

"I would hide it…" Draco spoke in almost a whisper. Never had anything made him feel so scared yet so alive. Well almost. The James situation made him feel alive but he was always hiding behind a mask so there was always a small part that made him not feel so alive and happy. "In my family if someone was gay they would be disowned. That would be the very least of what could happen."

"But would hiding it really make it go away? You can't get rid of those kinds of feelings, Malfoy, no matter how impenetrable your mask." Harry spoke solemnly. "Sooner or later, those emotions would break free."

"Hiding it would be the better than dealing with the likes of my father…If he knew I was…" Draco cut off before his sentence. He had just confided his biggest secret. He grabbed the arms of the chair to keep from running from the room. He had to stop running.

Silence descended upon the room. Harry was shocked at Malfoy's confession "Malfoy…Draco" Draco's head jerked up at the utterance of his first name. "It's ok. I-I'm gay too."

Who have you told?" Draco asked. He couldn't say he was gas as easily as Harry. He wished he could figure out why he felt every possible emotion around this boy. At one time or another Harry had always made him feel something. Draco scooted closer to the bed touched Harry's hand before pulling away. "What am I doing?" Draco's thoughts were screaming through his head.

"You are the fourth to find out, although two don't really count." Seeing Draco's doubtful look, Harry hurried to explain. "You see, my cousin-," Harry's voice broke. "I told my cousin Dudley. And he made my life hell." Harry paused for a moment, His voice coming back stronger. "And when I got to school this year, it didn't take long for Hermione to confront me about my sexuality. I'm sure she's known since before even I figured it out. Then there is James." Harry blushed and started picking at his bedcovers, instinctually hiding his face from view. "he came to visit me after I was…incapacitated this year, and we hit it off right away. He's almost perfect."

"Wow. That's more people than I have ever told. You are the only one that knows about me now. I am not even sure that I have accepted it myself. Who is James? He's really almost perfect?" Draco pretended to sound crestfallen to hide his mix of happiness and sadness, though part of him really did feel that way. James wasn't real. He wondered to himself why life had to be so hard and complicated. Draco scooted in as close as he could to Harry without actually touching him. He was wondering if Harry sensed how little space there was between them.

As if hearing his thoughts, Harry shifted closer, reaching for contact with a hand, settling it on Draco's forearm. He could see Harry focusing intently, appearing to be staring at the base of Draco's chin. "Yea, almost." He spoke softly. Entrenching in the moment, Draco slowly brought his hand up to cup Harry's face, bringing them to eye level with each other.

"Why almost, Harry?" Draco's hand was slowly exploring the other boy's face, unconsciously shadowing the caresses Harry had bestowed upon him when he was acting as James.

The touch seemed familiar in a way to Harry. Maybe it was just the touch of a man instead of a woman "I don't know…he is missing something…I am not sure what it is." Harry softly whispered. "Draco?"

"What, Harry?" he asked distractedly. Draco was now running his hand lightly over Harry eyes, entranced with the way the other boy fluttered them closed, staying shut even when his fingers had moved on to a different part of his face.

"Have you ever kissed a man?" Harry asked, his voice coming out in shallow breaths. Harry raised his hand to touch Draco's face but it was pushed away.

Draco was thrown off guard by the hand on his face, and the question made his roaming fingers still their movements. 'Surely, if Harry touches my face he will recognize me.' He thought in anguish.

Harry had asked him if he had ever kissed a man. The answer was that he now had no desire to kiss any man other than Harry. "I…can't. My family would disown me." He stumbled out. "But oh how I want to."

"Nobody will know if you kiss me…who am I going to tell?" Harry felt an almost desperate need to kiss him. It was as if at that very moment James did not exist. "It's ok…I promise nobody will find out. Please?"

Draco reeled at Harry's words. He really wanted to kiss him, but if he did, his lie would be uncovered and Harry wouldn't want him or James. Harry would reject him like everyone in his life had ever done. But another part of him was shouting at the top of its lungs to do something impulsive for once in his life and kiss the man he loved. Staring into Harry's unseeing eyes, he slowly brought their heads together, stopping a breath away. He closed his eyes in rapture, trying to remember everything he was feeling at this moment. He could feel the smooth skin of Harry's cheek, the breath the two were sharing, and most of all, he felt loved for himself. A whisper of lips had touched Harry's velvet cheek, and then, with great reluctance, Draco pulled away. "I can't." he said as softly as his lips had touched Harry a moment ago. Releasing Harry's face from his gentle grip, he got up and left the infirmary, leaving the boy on the bed confused and disappointed about what had just occurred.