Since several people asked for Hiccup's origin story, and because I'm getting more interested in this AU as well, here's a sort of... prequel, to the previous story, I suppose. I hope you like it!

Note: This story contains mentions of rape.

Hiccup stumbled when he recognized the massive tree at the crossroads. He knew that tree. He had climbed it countless times when he was a kid, and when he reached the top he could see the entire village.

His home village.

The village he was banished from.

A hamlet so small it barely had a name. In other villages they called it Dragon's Edge, from the vague legends of dragons that lived there long ago. But the locals just called it 'the village'.

Hiccup suddenly recognized the road, and the hills in the distance. How silly, that a tree caused him to make the connection. But now it all came flooding back. He had climbed the tree again as an adult. Not to enjoy the view, but for a more sinister goal. He had been a fool, consumed by rage.

"Uh, is our next assignment in this village?" he asked as he scrambled back to his feet, hoping the others wouldn't notice his nervousness. Astrid looked at him oddly, but the other didn't seem fazed.

"I think so! The local lord wants us to escort a caravan to Southport," Fishlegs piped up, grabbing a letter from his pouch. "How did you know?" he asked after a moment of thought.

"Uhm… Uhm…" Hiccup said, trying to think of a way out of this. There was no way he could meet with the lord.

"I… I know this area. I… I grew up here," he eventually said, hoping they wouldn't ask further. Fishlegs' expression became excited, while Astrid's face narrowed.

"Ooh, then you must know where the castle is! Can you lead us there? This map isn't very good," Fishlegs asked, and Hiccup froze.

"That's… really not a good idea. Let's just say I'm not exactly welcome at the castle. But it's down that road. The village of Dragon's Edge is in that direction," Hiccup pointed at the branching paths on either side of the big tree. He desperately hoped they wouldn't ask why he wasn't welcome.

Thankfully, the others seemed to understand, and simply nodded. It was the unspoken rule of the Hooligan mercenary company. You don't ask about each others past.

"Okay, then maybe you should stay behind here and we'll meet with the lord. We can meet up again outside the castle," Fishlegs said, but before Hiccup could respond, Astrid spoke up.

"I think it would be better if someone stays with Hiccup. It might be dangerous if he's alone in… territory where he is unwanted. I'll stay with him, and we can get supplies at the village while you meet with the lord," she said, and Hiccup blushed. Both from the embarrassment that he needed an escort, and from the surprise that Astrid volunteered.

Over the past few months he had grown closer with her than with anyone else in their group. He had tried to resist, but he found that he was slowly falling in love with her. And sometimes he thought she might return the feelings. But he didn't hope for it. The love felt wrong. It was a betrayal. He had promised he wouldn't love another woman ever again.

"I can stay behind as well! I could carry the supplies for you, Astrid," Snotlout said with a disgusting grin, and Astrid's expression tightened.

"We'll be fine, Snotlout. You should go to the lord, he might not have confidence in us if only three people show up," she said, and Hiccup could see she was doing her best not to lose her temper. Suddenly she grabbed his arm tightly and rapidly led him away from the others.

"Let's go, Hiccup. It's already getting late!" she said, letting go of his arm after a few steps. The others walked the other way, toward the castle, while Hiccup and Astrid followed the road to Dragon's Edge.

They walked in silence for a few minutes, Hiccup too lost in his memories to notice Astrid staring at him.

"You… You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but… why are you not welcome at the castle?" Astrid asked just as the houses and church tower of Dragon's Edge came into view, and Hiccup was pulled from his thoughts. Could he tell her? He knew she wouldn't be angry if he didn't, but… he wanted to, somehow. He didn't want the others to know, but if there was anyone he could trust with this story, it was Astrid. And if he told her, she might allow him to go visit someone in Dragon's Edge.

"I'll tell you as long as you don't tell the others," he demanded, taking a deep breath when she nodded.

Well, I, uh… I kind of killed the current lord's father," he said, before quickly looking down at his feet. "It's why I was banished from here," he muttered when she didn't respond.

"Oh… I see…" Astrid said, and he was surprised he had apparently shocked her. He had certainly shocked himself with his actions.

Then came the natural follow-up question. He wasn't sure if he dreaded the question or not. It was both terrifying and comforting to talk about it.

"May I ask why?"

He sighed deeply, looking up from his feet to see they were approaching the houses. Hiccup quickly put his hood on to avoid being recognized, and led the way to the church square in the center of the village.

"I lived here. In this village. I was a smith. Well, a smith's apprentice who had just been granted the status of master. I was about to open my own shop, I had build my own house and… The most beautiful girl in the world was going to live there with me," he slowly explained. His throat became thick as he remembered Camicazi, from the nearby village of Bog. He had loved her so much, her strength, her intelligence, her beauty.

"We were married right here. I thought that would be the happiest day of my life," he said as they stopped in the square, and he pointed at the church. He still remembered it like it was yesterday. The incredible happiness he had felt when the priest pronounced them husband and wife. The feast was right there in the square, and the entire village was celebrating with them. But there was an uninvited guest.

"We were just leaving the feast to… to go home and consummate our marriage when Lord Caldar rode into the square with an entourage of guards. Apparently he had heard of the wedding, and wanted to check it out. But… But when he saw Cami, he…" Hiccup shuddered when he remembered the lust that appeared in the lord's eyes when he saw Cami's blond hair and strong body.

"He said… He…" Hiccup couldn't continue talking, but then Astrid grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

"You don't have to tell it if you don't want to, Hiccup," she said, her tone far more gentle than he was used to. It reassured him a little. So Hiccup took deep breaths to calm himself, trying to stop the pointless rage and pain from returning.

"I want to tell. I've never told anyone. And… You deserve to know," he said, before pointing at the castle's high towers faintly visible in the distance.

"Lord Caldar said that all lords had the right of… he called it 'Prima Nocta'. He said that because he is the lord of both Dragon's Edge and Bog, he owns all the people in it. Because of that, he… he had the right to… to have a maiden on her wedding night, because her… purity belonged to him as well," Hiccup said, trying to stop the bile from rising in his throat when he remembered the lord explaining it.

"I don't know if that's true. If he really had that right. But… he had men with weapons and armor, so I couldn't do anything to stop him. He rode for me and pulled her right out of my hands and threw her on the back of his horse like she was a sack of grain. She fought, but he hit her and she became still. Then he rode off, towards his castle." Hiccup said as he slowly walked towards the church steps and sat down, Astrid following close behind. He remembered doing the same thing after his wife was taken.

"I… I waited for her all night. It was supposed to be our wedding night, and… I don't know… I hoped she would be okay. I wouldn't care if she wasn't… pure anymore. I married her because she was strong and willful and smart, not because she was a maiden. I promised myself I would take care of her when she'd come back, and we'd be okay one day. We could forget what the lord had done." he continued talking while staring at his hands, unable to face Astrid. She remained silent, letting him tell his story.

"The following morning one of the lord's guards rode into town. Cami was slung across the horse. When he arrived at my house, he lifted her up and… threw her at me. And… And she was dead," he whispered, trying very hard not to let the tears fall. He had moved on from that, he had a different name now, a different family. It shouldn't matter anymore. But… It still did.

"She was covered in blood, and her skull was cracked. Her dress was torn and ripped, and it didn't even cover her… her private parts anymore. It… It was wrong. I was supposed to see those in our bedroom on our wedding night, not like that!" he exclaimed, feeling shame when Astrid flinched away a little. But he couldn't stop talking.

"The guard told me Caldar had… raped her. Again and again, and she had fought back each time. And… he had tried to make her… compliant, but he hit her too hard and… and she had died," he said, unable to stop the tears now. He bowed down a little, hoping the hood would mask the tears. Astrid put her arm around him and pulled him towards her a little. Again he felt surprise at her behavior. But above all he felt that twin sensation of excitement and shame at their close contact. He wasn't supposed to love Astrid, he had promised his heart to Cami. He couldn't betray her like this.

"So… That's why you killed him?" Astrid asked after about a minute where he slowly calmed down. He nodded.

"I was so… angry. I felt so empty and furious and disgusted and… All I wanted was to kill him for killing my wife. So… I prepared. I made my crossbow, the one I'm still using now," he said as he gestured at the weapon slung behind his back.

"I… I wanted him to suffer. So I made an arrowhead that would fragment and cause huge pain without actually killing him. Then… Then I covered the arrowhead in shit, and I bathed it in the blood of a cow who died from plague, and rubbed it in the skin of a leper. Then I planned the attack. Caldar hunted every week. He'd follow the same route, from his castle past the crossroads to the woods. I climbed the big tree there and waited for him to pass. Then… Then I shot him. I had practiced a lot, so I managed to hit him exactly where I wanted to. Right in his lower stomach, where I knew the shot wouldn't kill him. Not yet, at least," he said, disgust filling him again when he recalled the quest for vengeance.

"I shot him and managed to run from the guards. I don't think they were that eager to chase me, they didn't like him that much either. They carried him back inside, but Caldar's screams could be heard even outside his castle. It took six days for him to die, and I listened to all of it, hiding in a cave next to the walls. The arrow had the desired effect, and I heard later that he indeed get infections and illness, just like I planned," he said, still unable to look at Astrid. Was she disgusted? Proud? Shocked?

"But… it didn't give me the satisfaction I had hoped for. I still felt so empty. And then I wondered if Cami would have wanted this. She was feisty and passionate, and quick to anger, but… she never hurt without reason. She was clever, and I wished I could talk to her. But she was gone, and… I was lost," he said, not sure why he was telling Astrid all of this. Surely she didn't want to know it. But… it felt good to let it out, and Astrid wasn't complaining.

"You know, Hiccup. If you hadn't killed him, I would go to that castle right now and lob his head off. You did the right thing," Astrid said, and he finally looked up at her, surprised at the… power he saw in her face. She was so much like Cami, and yet so different at the same time. It scared and comforted him.

"Thanks, Astrid," he said, trying to force a smile, before shaking his head again. "I don't think I did the right thing, though. I didn't have to make him suffer so much. I could have just shot him through the heart and killed him instantly. All I did was… torture him. And for what? It didn't bring Cami back," he whispered.

"Maybe… But what's done is done. I suppose this is why you joined us?" Astrid asked, and he nodded.

"I returned to the village at night, after Lord Caldar was dead. I found Gobber, the master smith, and… I told him I couldn't stay here in Dragon's Edge. Caldar's son would be here soon, and he would probably hunt me down," Hiccup explained, not mentioning the other reason he had left. He had found that everything in the village suddenly reminded him of Cami. The church where they married, the graveyard where she was buried, the market where she bought food, the field where she exercised. He couldn't look at them without pain in his heart. He still couldn't.

"Gobber was a mercenary in his youth, until he lost two limbs in battle. But he told me of you guys, of the Hooligan mercenary company. So… I went to find you, and you know the rest," he finished, looking up again at Astrid. She looked at him with a soft expression.

"I'm sorry that happened to you, Hiccup. But… I'm glad you joined us. Do you want to leave and wait in the forest? I could get the supplies myself," she asked, and he shook his head.

"No, I… If it's okay with you, I'd like to visit Cami's grave, though. I… I didn't get the chance to say goodbye before I left. Before she left," he said as he gestured at the nearby graveyard, and she nodded.

"Sure. We've got time, I think the caravan doesn't leave until sundown," Astrid said as she stood up and pulled him to his feet. He smiled, before feeling guilty again. He shouldn't feel affection for Astrid on the steps of the church where he married Cami. He couldn't let Astrid erase those memories.

They walked through the graveyard in silence, and soon they reached a small stone in the corner. 'Camicazi of Bog', the stone said. Hiccup hadn't been able to read it when he buried her, he had to trust the priest to inscribe the name correctly. Fishlegs had taught him how to read and write, and he was glad to see her name was spelled right.

He could feel Astrid's eyes on him, and he wished he could talk to Cami about her. He wondered if Cami was angry about him falling in love again.

"Thanks for coming with me, Astrid. Could you… I would like to be alone for a bit. I'd like to… talk to her," he said, hoping she wouldn't be angry. She just rubbed his shoulder before walking away slowly.

"Of course. I'll get the supplies, and then I'll come back here, okay?" she whispered, and he nodded. He sighed deeply after she left, trying to collect his thoughts.

"Hello Cami. I… I don't know if you can hear me, but… I hope you can. I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye before I left. I'm sorry I was too angry to visit your grave. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you," he eventually told the stone before him.

"Lord Caldar is dead. I killed him for what he did to you. He… He suffered. I made sure of that. But I'm not so sure if it was the right thing to do. I hope it helped you find peace, though."

"I… I probably won't be able to visit you often. I'm just passing through. I'm with a mercenary group now. They're a little weird, but nice. There's… There's a girl there, Astrid. I think you would have liked her if you could have met her. You two are both strong and smart and confident and…" he said, hating himself for confessing all this.

"I… I like her a lot. And I don't know what to do about it. I tried to stay true to you. When I left I promised that I wouldn't let myself love again. You would be the only one for me. But… Astrid, she… she makes me happy. I don't feel so empty when she is with me. It's like… she's replacing you, but I don't want to replace you. It feels like I'm betraying you. You're my wife, even if we didn't get to consummate." he said, desperately hoping for a response that never came. All he heard was the wind blowing through the trees.

A tear fell on the grave. More tears quickly followed.

"I'm sorry for everything. I promise that Astrid will never replace you. I'll always remember you. I love you more than I've got words for," he slowly said, taking deep breaths until the tears stopped falling.

Suddenly Hiccup was pulled from the tranquil world when he heard uneven footsteps behind him. He recognized those alternating steps and clunks.

"Hello, Gobber," he said without turning around.

"Hello, kid. Though I suppose you're not really a kid anymore, are you? What brings you back?" the blacksmith asked, and Hiccup tried to focus on the here and now.

"The lord, Caldar's son, hired us to escort a caravan. And… while we're here, I wanted to visit Cami," he said, gesturing at the stone, before realizing something.

"How did you know I was here?" Hiccup asked as he glanced around, nervous that he might be getting arrested.

"One of your companions just visited my shop. She bought some arrows, including crossbow bolts. I happen to know someone who joined the Hooligans and wields a crossbow, and I figured he might be here. It seems I was right," Gobber said with a smile, and Hiccup tried to smile as well.

"That was Astrid. She's my best friend now," he said, before guilt crept up on him again. Here he was, standing on Cami's grave, and he was admiring Astrid!

"She seemed strong and kind. A good catch!" Gobber exclaimed as he punched Hiccup's shoulder, and he shook his head.

"It's not like that! It's… I don't want to catch her," he said, walking away from the stone. He couldn't have this discussion on Cami's grave.

"What, you don't like her? She seems your type. She's a bit like Cami, isn't she?" Gobber asked, and Hiccup forced himself not to lash out.

"That's the problem. She's too much like Cami. I don't want to replace Cami," he slowly said as he walked past the church to the square, Gobber following close behind.

"What, you're going to mourn Cami forever? Henrik, there's an amazing girl right there, don't let her get away! Cami is dead and gone, and you have to move on! Finding someone new doesn't mean you have to erase the old memories. She won't disappear just because you met someone similar!" Gobber said angrily, and Hiccup stopped walking, trying to process it.

"I promised Cami that I would love her and stay true to her," he said, taking deep breaths.

"Those vows were just until death, kid. She's dead. And… Just because you love someone else, doesn't mean you can't love her at the same time!" the blacksmith said in his usual blunt tone, and Hiccup resisted the urge to punch him.

"I don't know… It feels like Cami's death left a hole in me that Astrid is now filling, and… it feels wrong and right and… I just don't know, Gobber," he eventually said.

"Look, kid. When you joined the Hooligans, you changed your name and started a new life. That's what it's about. A chance to start over. Don't let the dead stop you from living that new life. Fine, when you come here you can be Henrik and mourn Cami's death all you want, but when you leave you'll be whatever new name you took, and you should fill your life with someone who makes you happy. I'm sure that's what Cami would have wanted as well," Gobber said loudly, and Hiccup wondered if he was right. Was there enough room in his heart for the both of them? Could he really split his old and new lives like that?

Maybe he could try.

"I'll think about it, Gobber. Now… I'd just like to say goodbye to Cami before I find Astrid," he said, hoping to get out of this conversation quickly. He had to think. Gobber seemed to get the hint, and moved away. Hiccup took two steps before turning around.

"Gobber? Thanks. For coming to find me," he said, before turning back to the grave again, waving back when Gobber said goodbye. When he was at Cami's grave again, he took a deep breath.

"I… I suppose this is goodbye for now. I'll try to visit again as soon as possible. I'll never forget you, Cami," he told the stone, freezing when he heard footsteps behind him again. He recognized these as well.

"Ready to go?" Astrid asked, and he nodded. He wondered how much she had heard.

"You go ahead, back to the crossroads. I just have one more thing I have to do here," she said, and he mumbled a thanks before leaving the graveyard.

Astrid waited until Hiccup was out of sight before turning to the gravestone.

"Hello, Camicazi. I'm Astrid. Hiccup told me what happened to you. I'm sorry that happened, and I'm sure Hiccup is sorry too. He misses you a lot. I can see that. He seems a little lost without you," she said, not sure why she was talking to the grave of someone she didn't even know.

"I just wanted to ask you something. Hiccup means a lot to me, and you were very lucky he wanted to be your husband. So… I wanted to ask if it is okay if I keep him safe for you. I'll make sure he'll be able to return here, so he can talk to you again. I'll keep an eye on him, and make sure he doesn't forget to live. Is that okay? If I try to make him a little happier?" she asked, not really expecting an answer.

But then a sharp gust of wind ran through the field, and suddenly blue flowers from a nearby bush were raining down on her and the grave. Astrid wondered if it was a sign. An answer. And if so, what the answer was. The flowers did look friendly, not the sign Astrid expected an angry Camicazi to send. So she smiled and said goodbye to the gravestone, before running out of the village, catching up with Hiccup just before the big tree.

"Ready to complete another assignment? You better not nearly die like last time!" she asked when they saw the other mercenaries approach from the other path.

Hiccup smiled and blushed.

"With you looking out for me, I should be okay," he said, leaving Dragon's Edge behind again. But as Astrid punched his arm playfully, he felt a little lighter, and somehow he knew that he could do it. He could love Astrid and remember Cami at the same time. He might be leaving Dragon's Edge, but he didn't have to leave his memories behind. And there was enough room in his heart for old memories and new adventures.

Thanks for reading, and I hope you liked it!

I am wondering something. I'm considering writing more in this mercenary!Hiccup AU. I could write an alternative ending to Devil, and make it so Hiccup convinces Astrid and the others to spare Toothless, and we could have the adventures of the Hooligan mercenary company and their dragon companion. Would anyone be interested in reading that, or in a mercenary!Hiccup AU in general?