Pairing: Kakashi/Yamato

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Water washes over Yamato's face, and his hands come up to wipe his eyes as he moves up, taking a lungful of air. He sinks back down, letting his body drop down in the water, and he opens his eyes, ignoring the sting of warm water.

The onsen is directly two thirds between the daimyō and Konoha. While not on their original plan, they've split momentarily, one person returning whatever had summoned the creature and the creature itself to Konoha. The rest of them, three guards, Tsunade and Kakashi, are stopping over until the other two return.

Yamato comes back up. The water has nothing for him, and he walks to the changing rooms slowly, one foot in front of the other, as he has been since Kakashi turned away from him.

"We need to get these back to Konoha," Kakashi had said, voice low and steely as he'd gestured to their captives. He hadn't even glanced in Yamato's way after that, and Yamato accepts that. What he's done, lie and hide and pull Kakashi around – Kakashi has every right to be hurt.

Yamato changes back into his uniform. This trip was only meant to be for one day, none of them have any other clothes. They've all done worse, and Yamato walks quietly back to his room, nodding to the guard stationed in the hall. Two get rooms and one gets the corridor, as per Tsunade's orders.

As any perfect ANBU, Yamato enters silently and sits next to the door, as hidden as he can be. He could, in theory, merge into the wall, but he knows he'll be talked to, no matter how much he's wanted to avoid that.

"Your ANBU comrades were very impressed today," Tsunade says. She's sipping sake and has a book open, but they both know she's not been reading it. "I was impressed too, and I think Kakashi was, when he wasn't trying to cut through the swamp you'd stuck us in just to get to you." She gives a curious hum, and Yamato looks in her direction.

"Thank you," he murmurs, though he doesn't feel like he deserves compliments.

"It's unexpected, but makes sense when looking at things retroactively. I assume Naruto's been helping you?" Tsunade asks, and Yamato looks down, nodding.

"I didn't mean to involve him in the lie," Yamato starts, and Tsunade sighs, cutting into his words.

"Listen," she says softly. "I'm not your team. I'm not any of your little brats and I'm not Kakashi. It would have been nice if you'd informed me, as the Hokage, of your power increase, but everyone, at the end of the day, is looking for a power increase. It's what ninja do."

Tsunade smiles, actually smiles, and Yamato feels fear like he's never felt before. Why is she being nice to him? Why isn't he being punished?

"I'm not the one you need to feel guilty about this with. Judging by Kakashi's reaction to you going alone in the fight, I'd say he was the one you need to talk to more than anyone." Tsunade takes a sip of her drink. She looks Yamato in the eye and smiles. She is strangely comforting, and Yamato wonders if the bond between him and Tsunade has changed since the war, or if peace changes them all.

"I just want to talk to you, no guilt or explanations. Ignore that, even if just for one more night, and simply talk to me," Tsunade says, and she nods to the space on the other side of the table she's sat at. Yamato jerks, considers, and then stands.

"He – Naruto – has been there from the start," Yamato says, and Tsunade nods. "He came close to the mangroves, but he didn't actually see them. Only I did, and, well."

Tsunade nods. "That explains the swamp you stuck us in," she says, good naturedly. She isn't here to attack him or tell him he was wrong, Yamato is slowly realising, and he frowns.

"I don't know why I haven't told anyone," he admits in a quiet voice. Tsunade raises and eyebrow, sipping her sake. She nods at Yamato, and he pours some sake into the second cup on the table. She had this planned, Yamato thinks.

"Are you sure?" Tsunade asks. "Because I think you do know. It's why we're all doing what we're doing right now. We don't trust peace, probably never really will, and we all need to cope with what happened in the war, some more than others."

Tsunade falls silent, looking down. Yamato doesn't press, simply takes a sip of his drink, letting the flavour roll over his tongue. It's been a long while since he's had such good sake, and he spares a moment to look outside. The moon is a thin crescent, and he's glad.

"After the war, when things slowed down and I'd recovered, I couldn't heal anyone." Tsunade's lips press together, and she shakes her head. "I could smell blood in the air, and I just froze. Even if I saw a drop, that was it, I couldn't do anything but shake. It was as bad as it was years ago, and I wanted to know why. Why now? Why, after everything, was my fear coming back? I'd conquered it, or so I thought, and I didn't need to fight anymore, so why couldn't I save the people who needed it?"

She shrugs. "It didn't matter what I told myself though. Every morning I would wake up, go to the hospital, and end up leaving, clinging to Shizune and trying not to fall apart just from seeing someone who had caught their hand on a door or something stupid like that."

Yamato nods, rigid. No one had known about that – aside from Shizune clearly – and he wonders how Tsunade hasn't fallen apart, how she's still kept on going. Her art, her calling, her passion, had been taken away, not by something she could fight. Tsunade's power had been taken away by herself, and Yamato doesn't know how she's kept it hidden and kept on going.

"Until one day, I decided I didn't want to leave the room shaking anymore. I had a life to get on with, the war was in the past, and I needed to stop being so selfish and get over myself." She laughs, brushing hair away from her face. Yamato leans in, eager to hear the rest. "Well, I went to the hospital, straight into the trauma ward, ended up vomiting in the nurse's station bin and had to be escorted to a quiet room until Shizune could take me home."

Yamato smiles, sinking back disappointedly.

"There's no miracle cure. You can't just wake up and decide one day to be magically better. Some days the smell of blood still makes me sick and I can't get past ten minutes of surgery. Some days I can have my hand inside someone's body the entire day." She tilts her chin and looks at Yamato, wisdom and kindness radiating from her. She may have an exceptional reputation, but Tsunade is also his Hokage, and while she will protect everyone, she'll also love them. She loves Konoha, and wants Yamato to know this.

He nods.

"There are some things I don't think I can tell you," he says honestly. There's only one person who needs to hear those things, and that's Kakashi. He'll tell no one but Kakashi, and Tsunade nods.

"I'd like to hear about your sage mode. I saw my grandfather use it a handful of times, and it was as beautiful as it was terrifying. I saw… something in the war, from him and from… you." She sounds a little uneasy, as if she doesn't want to encroach, and Yamato nods slowly.

"They used me. Hashirama-sama gave me the directions to the island, but I didn't think I'd go there at first." Yamato thinks back to the mangroves, and then the waterfall. He thinks back to the spirit that guards the island, and he wishes that there were others he could send there. Maybe one day he'll go back to train, and depending on how it goes with Kakashi, one day may be sooner than he wants.

"I started small, Naruto and I have been replanting the forests ruined by the war." Tsunade nods.

"And then you started on Konoha's trees? Blossoming even in the winter – did you know we've had people from all over the world coming to look at the miracle trees?" Yamato shakes his head at Tsunade's words. He hadn't known that, and it amazes him that people have come from so far away just to look at something he created.

"Today was the first time I've done anything like that," Yamato admits quietly. "I couldn't let them hurt… I couldn't."

Tsunade doesn't say anything for a long moment.

"My grandfather was a lot like Naruto, in a way. He had the same magnetism, the same kindness, though Naruto takes it to an entirely different level. He was a good man, even if he made some bad choices, and when he loved, he loved with all of his heart." She smiles fondly, running a hand over the table.

"I have some scrolls that will be in better care if I gave them to you. I'd like to see them at some point too, if I may." Yamato's heart swells in his chest, and he nods hurriedly.

"Of course, it would be an honour and-"

"I'd like us to be friends," Tsunade cuts in, looking out of the window. "I'd like to get to know you as Yamato, not as someone who has inherited my grandfather's talents."

Taken aback by her declaration, Yamato blinks. His mind whirls, and then he gets it as he sees Tsunade close her eyes, still turned towards the outside world. She is like him. They've both lost and lost and lost, and they're starting to truly gain now. Peace is unsteady to them, but they can both do this, and Yamato wants to make more friends.

"I'd like that too," he says, and he feels his strength building. He's lied and secreted himself away, but it's not the end of the world. Life still goes on, and he can do this. Yamato can become the person he's supposed to be, and he opens his mouth.

"After the daimyō visit, and after I've sorted some personal things out, I know a teahouse that I've been meaning to go to." Yamato looks at Tsunade hopefully, and she nods, smiling wryly.

"That would be nice," she says, and Yamato smiles in return.

The world isn't ending.

.

He hardly sees Kakashi during the mission, and not through lack of trying. The rest of the team have decided that Yamato can take a slight back seat in this mission, so they're busy focusing on the outside world, and Yamato is to be the impenetrable wall. He figures it's because he stopped them helping yesterday, and he's okay letting them take more control now. He suspects he'll be taken in for a discussion when he's back in Konoha, and Yamato is okay with that too.

The daimyō likes Kakashi. No, actually, he loves Kakashi, and he makes jokes about how this time Kakashi really is going for the Hokage seat, winking at Tsunade as he does so. Yamato can hear Tsunade's patience waning as she huffs under her breath, and Yamato thinks she's about to snap when they're done. The daimyo invites them to stay longer, Tsunade states they need to return to Konoha, and that's that. They're on their way home – which will be a much shorter journey without needing to stop and wait – and Yamato feels every step jolt through him, nerves shocking up his spine.

It's evening when they return home. Their team lingers at the gate as Tsunade pauses, and she nods to them.

"Commander, I will speak with you in private. The rest of you are dismissed, and I expect to see you tomorrow bright and early," she adds on, looking at Kakashi. He nods, the barest movement he can get away with, and the commander leaves with Tsunade.

The rest of the team hover, and Yamato's throat dries. He opens his mouth, closes it, and then straightens his back, squaring his shoulder.

"I will see you tomorrow," he tells the other ANBU members, and they nod, walking away slowly. He wonders what they'll be doing this evening, if they have families to return to, or even friends. Maybe they do, maybe they don't. Yamato doesn't really care, he's just delaying the inevitable.

"I-" he begins, but Kakashi jolts, looking away. He starts walking, and Yamato frowns, following silently. He doesn't say anything, just keeps following Kakashi, and when he realises where they're headed… well he shouldn't really be as surprised as he is.

Yamato unlocks his front door and Kakashi walks in as if it's his own home. He sits down on Yamato's favourite sofa, and Yamato puts some tea on. It's not Kakashi's favourite – he ran out of that a few days ago and forgot to pick up more – but it will do. It's better than nothing, though he feels uncomfortable about it now, and feels his breath catch in his chest.

He perseveres. Yamato makes the tea, takes the tray into the sitting room, and puts it down on the table. His hands don't shake, his breathing doesn't freeze up, and he almost feels normal. Except for, of course, the raging ball of nerves in his stomach, but Yamato's working on that one.

"I-" he says, and Kakashi makes a low sound in the back of his throat. Yamato's nerve breaks, and he falls silent, clamping his lips together. He sits down on the floor, opposite Kakashi, and waits.

It's six minutes and seven seconds before Kakashi moves, and of course Yamato was counting. His eyes drift from unseeing to Yamato's face, and his eyebrows furrow as soon as he meets Yamato's eyes.

"I don't know you," he says, and Yamato's heart hammers in his chest, panic flooding him. He wants to grab Kakashi and shake him, tell him that he's the only one that knows Yamato… but… he can't. Because Yamato has been hiding himself, and Kakashi's just speaking the truth.

"I thought, with the war, that you just needed space. And trees. And Naruto." Kakashi looks away at that. "I thought that you needed time and space, and someone who wasn't me. I thought you needed… not me."

Yamato feels his stomach drop and emotion catch him. He hasn't cried in a long time, but if there was ever a night to let the flood gates open, this would be the one.

"I didn't push, you even asked me not to. I… I wanted you to be okay. After everything you went through, I thought you deserved something better. Something more." Kakashi's expression turns pained, and Yamato's world is falling under his feet. He knew he'd been selfish before, but he's only realising now exactly how selfish he really has been.

All this time, Kakashi's been struggling too. And Yamato's ignored him, pushed him away and fed a lie between them.

"I tried to give you up so many times, but I couldn't. I knew I couldn't have all of you, but I thought just that tiny part would be enough. For old time's sake," Kakashi lets his head fall down, running a hand through his hair. He keeps his head down after that, and Yamato leans forward.

"I thought you were going to die yesterday. You trapped me in tree roots and took on that opponent all by yourself, and I know you're strong, I know I can trust you, but all I could think of was how I'd have to take you back to Konoha and tell everyone you died. All I could think of was telling our team that I'd failed, again. All I could think of was how you were going to become just another name on a growing list of people I love and failed, and I couldn't bear that." Kakashi's voice is raw and deep, and each word presses hard into Yamato. This isn't easy, and Kakashi has been hurting for so long.

"And then I saw you!" Kakashi says, looking up. His eyes are wide, disbelieving, and he shakes his head.

He falls silent, just staring at Yamato. There is nothing in his stare, it's blank and guarded, and Yamato knows he needs to talk. He needs to explain what he's done and why he's done it. He needs to talk so then Kakashi can talk back. They can solve this, they have to be able to solve this.

"I've never talked to anyone what happened to me in the war," Yamato starts, and Kakashi remains unmoving. "I never wanted to. I got captured, I was tortured, the enemy used me. That's all there was to it, case closed."

Yamato shifts, crossing his legs and closing his eyes. He summons up the image of the room he'd been shut in for weeks, focuses on remembering what Hashirama's power felt like flowing through him, even if it had been just a clone. He focuses on the truths and the details, because he wants Kakashi to understand.

"It was dark and lonely," he says. "Kabuto took what information he could, and that was the only time I left the room." Yamato reaches up to rub his ear, and notices Kakashi's gaze. He shakes his head. His ear is something else entirely.

"There was a clone of Hashirama near me. We were both in… some unconscious state, and we connected. The spirit of Hashirama showed me where he'd become a sage, and told me that if I needed solace, that's where I'd find it." Yamato's eyes dart around the room, and he shrugs. "I never thought much about it until after."

Yamato steadies himself. He owes Kakashi the truth, and he's going to do this.

"I travelled to the island, the mangroves, and I learnt senjutsu." He presses his lips together, searching Kakashi's face for a reaction. He remains silent and still, and Yamato has no idea what to feel about that.

"Naruto helped me, and we began fixing the damage the war made." Kakashi frowns, and Yamato continues on quickly. "Physically, I mean. We planted trees, grew them. Like we did in Konoha."

"You replaced the forest," Kakashi says, emotionless. Something flickers across his face, and he shakes his head. "You and Naruto decided to use your power, power that can level nations, to grow trees."

It doesn't bother Yamato how he's phrased it, because it's the truth. Naruto could certainly level nations, and Yamato could, well. He could do something if he tried, he knows that. And they've decided to regenerate the land, learn to heal instead of keep on fighting.

"I wanted to do something. I abandoned you all in the war, the enemy used me. People died because I let myself get captured and-"

Kakashi stands quickly, and Yamato looks up, eyes wide.

"You didn't do anything," he says, and Yamato's blood runs cold. He knows that, he should have done so much more, and he's trying to come to terms with the fact he can't change that and-

"I mean when Kabuto took you. When they used you. You couldn't do anything to stop them. It… it wasn't your fault." Kakashi sits down slowly, and Yamato feels tears prick his eyes. He looks away, blinking quickly, and sniffs.

He can't reply yet. All he has to do is keep staring at the wall, that's it. He takes a shaky breath, risks glancing at Kakashi, and his bottom lip wobbles. He looks away.

"I wasn't there for you," he says, voice small.

Because this is the core of it all – when it mattered, Yamato let them all down. It doesn't matter if they won or lost. What matters is that Yamato left his team to fight alone. He left his village, his nation. He was on the enemy's side, whether he could control that or not, and Yamato will never, ever, be able to change that.

"I don't think I want to be the Hokage," Kakashi says, wearily. Yamato looks up, ignoring the dampness on his cheeks, and nods slowly. "I feel that I'm becoming the Hokage because everyone else wants me to be, not because it's my choice. I love Konoha, but…"

Kakashi takes his time, and Yamato waits.

"I have failed so many people in so many different ways, Tenzō. I can't keep my best friends alive, I can't protect my team members, I can't even talk to the man I love…" Kakashi closes his eyes, sitting back on the sofa with a deep sigh.

"Every morning I'd wake up telling myself that I'd talk to you, that I'd tell you how I felt and talk about us. Every night I'd go to bed pretending I'd go do it the next day, and then the next and," Kakashi breaks off, looking up. "It was just so easy to keep on as if nothing had changed."

Yamato nods. He knows exactly how that feels.

"So now I'm the Rokudaime Hokage and you're a wood sage," Kakashi says, after a small pause. "We both have insecurities bigger than Suna's desert, and problems bigger than Naruto's appetite," Kakashi pauses, narrowing his eyes.

"Which reminds me, why did Naruto bring a pack of his friends to my house to learn about prostates a while back?" Kakashi asks, and Yamato can't help the laughter that bubbles from him. Kakashi's look softens, and he nods to the space beside him. Yamato is there in an instant, careful not to get too close, just in case.

"You're a sage," Kakashi mumbles, reaching a hand to pull his mask down. He reaches for his tea, takes a sip even though it's undoubtedly cold now, and repeats what he'd just said.

"I am," Yamato admits.

"You're a tree-growing sage," Kakashi says, and Yamato closes his eyes, smiling slightly.

"And you're a peaceful Hokage," he replies, and he can feel Kakashi's grin, even with his eyes closed.

"We make an interesting pair," Kakashi says, and the space between them closes. Kakashi shuffles slightly, until his shoulder and thigh are touching.

They remain like that for a while, and slowly Yamato relaxes. He lets his body rest against Kakashi's, lets himself hope that this is a new start for them. If it is, he'll have to work hard and remind himself that, despite his flaws, Kakashi loves him.

"We're not over, are we?" he has to ask. Kakashi is silent for a moment, and Yamato feels a terrible pit opening up in his stomach. He waits, though, and is rewarded.

"Not unless you want it to be. I think we need to take it slowly, and I don't know if the things we went through are the kind we can move past, but I can't imagine my life without you." He takes Yamato's hand, and he's shaking slightly, as if he almost can't believe he still has Yamato.

"I'm sorry," Yamato says, turning to face Kakashi. He looks startled, and Yamato smiles. "It's long overdue, and there is still so much I have to tell you… but I'm sorry."

Kakashi nods, and Yamato feels as if, for the first time since the war, they're really going somewhere.

.

"Baa-chan told me," Naruto announces happily. He's currently lying on his back in Yamato's living room when he's supposed to be studying the proposed Konoha-Suna trade policies that Kakashi wants to implement. It's a revised structure more than anything, and Yamato asked if he could train Naruto on them. While they do still sneak out to help supplement the forest, it's coming along great by itself, and their pretend-training trips are now mostly real-training stay at homes.

"Did she now," Yamato replies, deadpan. He has no idea what Tsunade's told Naruto, and if it has anything to do with how she had to haul him home last weekend after plying him with alcohol, Yamato is going to stop every bar selling her sake. Somehow. Sage powers can do that, right?

"Yup, she told me how you used a super cool technique and saved everyone, while taking on the bad guys." Naruto flings a hand out, sending a scroll skittering across the floor. "She doesn't think just anyone has super cool techniques," Naruto adds, and Yamato hums, glancing his way.

Things over the past few days have been good. His team know about his power, and apart from the people who were there, that's it. Yamato wants to keep it quiet, and everyone's been happy to oblige. Yamato doesn't want to curse it, but things are looking up. Kakashi spends most of the time he's not at the office at Yamato's, and he thinks it's only a matter of time before he asks Kakashi to move in.

Or they could get a place somewhere else together, Yamato really doesn't mind. Kakashi is the important thing.

"That's nice," Yamato offers, when he realises Naruto wants a response. His words earn a sigh, Naruto sitting up and stretching.

"How'd Kakashi-sensei take it?" he asks bluntly, and Yamato closes the book he's been reading.

"Okay," he admits. "There's a lot we have to discuss still, and he never spends the night, but I think we'll get here, in our own time."

Naruto nods sternly, rolling back on the floor.

"We should get a team photo," he says quietly, and Yamato returns to his book.

It's a good idea.

.

Sakura is the next one to ask. She corners Yamato while he's inspecting tomatoes, hands on hips as she grins.

"You finally did it," she says proudly, and Yamato can feel other people in the shop watching them in interest. He puts the tomatoes down and takes Sakura to a quieter aisle. He needs some canned goods anyway.

"I don't think I would have on my own," he admits, picking a few things out from the shelves. "And we're not alright. We're getting there."

Sakura pushes hair behind her ear, rolling her eyes.

"You're both already there, it's just being a ninja that's holding you back." She nods, as if she's imparted some amazing wisdom, and then deflates.

"You're okay though? You're not going to turn into one of those couples who scream at each other in the market because you can't resolve your issues are you?" she looks desperate, as if she's stumbled across a couple like that recently, and Yamato shakes his head slowly.

"If anything we'd be the ignore everything and pretend we're okay even though we're clearly not kind of couple," he says, and Sakura tilts her head, nodding.

"Of course," she says, scanning the shelves. "Say, can I share your basket? I only need a few things…"

.

Sai brings over a bowl of casserole, stating he made too much last night and needs help getting rid of it. He says it with a twitch of his mouth, and Yamato knows he's lying, but he doesn't pick Sai up on it. It makes the food all that tastier, and Yamato isn't sure he wants to share this with Kakashi later (he will really, but Sai's good is just so good that sometimes Yamato thinks he could eat it all in one go).

"Kakashi and I still have issues, but we're working on it," Yamato begins before Sai has a chance. "It's only been a week, and we still haven't talked about everything," he continues, and Sai raises an eyebrow.

"Well I was going to ask," he says, "But I also wanted to ask you something else – about joining your division in ANBU? I was cleared to join a group if I wanted to, and I'd like to join yours."

Yamato had opened his mouth to retort whatever question about his relationship Sai had, but he closes it.

"Oh," he says, and nods. "It would be an honour to have you." He means it. Sai is a great tracker, and while he only works ANBU part time, Yamato will be glad to have him on board.

"Thank you," Sai said, bowing his head. There is a pause, and he looks up, taking Yamato in with narrowed eyes.

"Are you sure-" he begins, and Yamato resists the urge to push him out of the door and close it.

"I'm sure," he says firmly, and that's case closed on Kakashi and Yamato's relationship for today.

.

"You really want to do this?" Kakashi asks. He's in Yamato's bathroom, primping (he'll deny that though), and Yamato's yawning on the sofa, sprawled across it. He just got back from a two-day mission he spent mainly stuck in a swamp following up leads on the people who attacked them when Yamato had to reveal his powers, and while he wants Sai's food, he doesn't want to move. Would Kakashi carry him? Maybe.

"I don't see why not," Yamato replies, and Kakashi pokes his head out of the bathroom, calling down the hall.

"Because we've never showed up together before, and it means something," he says evenly, and Yamato blinks heavily, stifling another yawn. "And you're about to fall asleep," Kakashi adds, and that's something Yamato can't deny.

He doesn't realise he hasn't replied until he feels someone sit by his legs. Yamato jerks up, lets out a breath of air when he sees Kakashi's soft smile, and sinks back down.

"Maybe I should give tonight a miss," he mumbles, stretching. Kakashi lays a hand on his shin, massaging Yamato's calf gently. It feels heavenly, and Yamato closes his eyes again.

"I sent Pakkun while you were dosing," Kakashi admits, and Yamato hums. Kakashi always knows what he needs, even before he'll admit it. Yamato is lucky to have him, and he opens his eyes, despite the effort it takes.

"I love you," he says simply, and the hand on his leg freezes. Kakashi looks at him slowly, with wide eyes. He moves his head, shakes it slightly, and then looks back at Yamato.

Fear bleeds into Yamato, and he feels his tiredness fade as terror and panic swirl all around him.

"I'm sorry," he says hurriedly, sitting up. His leg feels unnaturally cold now, where Kakashi's hands had been blazing against his skin only moments before. He didn't think he'd said anything wrong, but now Yamato is scared.

"No," Kakashi says quietly, shaking his head. He's still, too still, and Yamato doesn't know what to do. They'd been doing okay, until now.

"I-" Yamato begins, but he cuts himself off quickly. Kakashi looks down.

"How can you stand it," he says, and Yamato frowns. How can he stand what? "You have all the power in the world, and I don't even…" Kakashi swallows thickly.

"I don't have anything anymore. My sharingan is gone, I can't live up to everyone's expectations, they're expecting me to become the Hokage, but how can I do anything after that war?" Kakashi looks up desperately, and Yamato reaches for him. He takes Kakashi's hand gently and shifts until they're pressed close together, hands in Kakashi's lap.

He doesn't know how Kakashi feels. The war took thing from them and put them through hell, but Yamato's been free since the war. He might not have been right, but he's been free. Kakashi on the other hand has been thrown into being a kage, and Yamato remembers how well he coped with that the first time around.

"You're more than some fancy eye," Yamato says, stroking the back of Kakashi's hand. "You're more than just a war hero and an excellent fighter. You're more than the next Hokage. You're Hatake Kakashi, and it might not mean much to you, but it does to me. You might not feel it, but that's okay. You need time to accept, time to understand, and that might not happen quickly."

Yamato smiles softly, looking at Kakashi. He looks so tired, crumbling under the pressure, and Yamato knows they need to break the calm truce they have layered their relationship in. No more walking on eggshells trying to protect their fledgling relationship. If it's to be real and honest, it all needs to come out.

"Some days I wake up and wish I was still with Kabuto," Yamato says, his voice shaking slightly. "That would make getting through the day easy, and some days I want that. They're not very often anymore, not for weeks now, but I still have them."

He wants, needs, Kakashi to know that nothing ever gets solved simply. In years maybe they'll still have their problems clinging to them, but it's working around the problems that matters.

"Some days I want to find someone just to fight them and win," Kakashi says, and Yamato nods. He understands that, but it will never solve these problems. There is no enemy to fight against and win when the problem is with yourself.

"I'm scared," Kakashi says, so quietly that it doesn't register in Yamato's mind first of all. "I'm scared that one day you'll wake up and realise that I'm… I'm nothing."

Yamato jerks at that, gripping Kakashi's hand tightly.

"You're not nothing," he says firmly. He knows that won't rid Kakashi of the thoughts, but he needs to know he isn't nothing. "You've never been nothing. You will never be nothing. Not to me. Not ever."

"Tenzō-" Kakashi starts, and Yamato smiles wide. He pauses, eyes widening, and then he smiles, an honest little thing that Yamato can see through his mask. "You make me feel like something. You always have, always will. I don't know if I can be a good Hokage, but I feel like I can do something, with you."

Yamato bumps against his shoulder gently.

"You're flattering me too much you know, senpai," he comments. "So we're both a little messed up. Everyone in this village is," Yamato says, and Kakashi hums in agreement.

"It doesn't change the fact that I love you," Yamato says, and while the fear from before is still there, he needs Kakashi to know this. No more waiting, no more holding back. The only way they'll move on is the hard way. Yamato's stomach is in his mouth at the silence stretches, and then Kakashi tugs on his hand, turning Yamato to him.

"Hey," Yamato says, and breaks off when he sees that Kakashi's mask is down. He doesn't get to continue his sentence, for Kakashi kisses him, something gentle and sweet. He pulls back, and Yamato opens eyes he hadn't realised he'd closed. He smiles, and they must look like nervous teenagers doing this for the first time.

"I love you too Tenzō," Kakashi says, leaning back on the sofa. Yamato blinks, his mouth opens slightly, and a smile plays across his lips.

"You don't have to say it just because I did," he says, and Kakashi shakes his head, pulling Yamato until he's straddling him.

"I wouldn't be so cruel," Kakashi replies, and Yamato's missed this so much. He's missed the fun, the teasing, the laughs and the smiles. He's missed Kakashi so much, and he loops his arms around his neck, pressing gentle kisses against Kakashi's jaw.

"Did you want to go to Sai's?" Yamato says, and Kakashi tilts his head, letting Yamato kiss down his neck. He's pale, skin rarely seeing sunshine, and blue veins map under skin. Yamato traces a finger over them, smiling as Kakashi shudders.

"I would like to say no, but the kids are tip-toeing around as if we're their divorcing parents," Kakashi says with a wry grin, and Yamato hums low, pulling back. He licks his lips, thinking of the way Sakura, Sai and Naruto have been hovering around them lately.

"Besides, I had Pakkun tell them we'd only be late," Kakashi adds, and Yamato runs a hand through his hair slowly, nodding.

"After dinner, do you want to come back here?" Yamato asks, nerves curling in the pit of his stomach. He doesn't need to be nervous, though, for Kakashi squeezes his hand.

"I'd love that," he says, and Yamato leans back in. They'll leave after one more kiss.

.

It's raining when they set out, and it keeps on raining and raining, until Yamato thinks his skin will never not be pruned up from water. Kakashi's hair is flat, and he sighs every twenty minutes or so, turning his face up to the rain.

"This is great," he comments not too far away from the forest. "I am suddenly seeing the appeal of a desk job."

Yamato scoffs. "I'll eat my own arm if you ever stop doing fieldwork," he comments, and Kakashi hums in agreement.

"You know, I still don't know what you can do with your sage powers," Kakashi starts. His voice is slow, curious, but Yamato can tell he's holding back. He wants to know everything, he always has, and Yamato smiles.

"I'm going to show you, you know that," he says, and Kakashi makes a disgruntled sound.

"I hate waiting," he says, childishly. They're not far from the centre of the forest now, and Yamato rolls his eyes.

"I know," he says. "But it won't be long until we are there, so just be patient."

Kakashi mumbles something inaudibly, and Yamato pauses on a branch. Kakashi moves ahead of him, and Yamato sighs, smiling.

It takes three more minutes until Yamato has found the grove he wants, and he calls out to Kakashi.

"We're here," he says, and Kakashi returns to his side, peering up at the trees. "You wanted to see what I can do, I'll show you."

It's wet, the ground, but Yamato sits anyway, gathering his chakra. It's a little harder with Kakashi right there and watching, but soon Yamato feels the empowering swell of nature chakra. It's like breathing for the first time, and he opens his eyes slowly, looking at Kakashi.

He is staring at Yamato, eyes tracing his face. As Yamato stands, Kakashi reaches for him, smoothing over the lines the sage chakra paints his face with.

"Look at you," he whispers, voice husky. "You're…" he trails off, and Yamato looks at the trees, taking Kakashi's hand.

"Our chakras are in synch," Yamato says. No one else Yamato has ever worked with has been as in synch with him as Kakashi is, not even Naruto. "You should be able to feel how I feel when I use this technique."

Kakashi squeezes as Yamato focuses his chakra. He's done this enough times, with and without Naruto, that he just needs to concentrate. He's going to grow some more trees, fill the spaces his last visit didn't manage to fill, and then he'll return with Naruto to grow them up a bit.

Life blooms in Yamato, and he hears Kakashi inhale sharply. Power rises through him, flowing from his hands, and the forest comes to life. The trees sway, wood creaks, and the ground bursts with life. Yamato can see the saplings, and he focuses on ageing them slowly, thickening their trunks and making them sturdy. They will survive, like Yamato has, like Kakashi has.

Kakashi's hands are sturdy against his back, and Yamato can keep pushing. His trees aren't as grand or beautiful as the ones he creates with Naruto – Kurama's chakra and Yamato's mokuton were made for that after all – but the trees he creates with Kakashi are strong and full of life.

"Tenzō," Kakashi says quietly, as Yamato comes down from growing the trees, pulling back slowly. He lets the sage chakra slip from him, his marks fading as he turns to look at Kakashi. There is longing in Kakashi's voice, and Yamato moves, pushing up until he's before Kakashi, grabbing him by his jacket and pulling him close. Kakashi's slips his mask down, and then they're kissing, chests heaving as they try to get their fill. It'll never be enough.

"Kakashi," Yamato replies, resting his forehead against Kakashi's and closing his eyes. He can hear birds singing around them, and he smiles.

Kakashi kisses him again, softer this time. His hand smooths over Yamato's neck, and he doesn't flinch, not even when Kakashi brushes his ear. He pulls back instantly, eyes wide as he prepares to apologise, but Yamato shakes his head, pulling Kakashi close again. His ear is part of him now, not something to be ashamed of. It is what it is, and he wants Kakashi.

"I want," Yamato says, and bites his lip as Kakashi mouths his neck, teeth tracing the skin. He pauses on Yamato's pulse, tongue smoothing over the skin, and Yamato shivers.

"I know," Kakashi replies, and Yamato brings his hands together.

He's used this jutsu many times before, even on Kakashi, and wood springs from the ground. It gently takes Kakashi's ankles and arms, moving him until he's sitting. Yamato forms a wooden seat too, and then he pauses, considering. It takes him all of three seconds to decide, and he builds walls around them. The roof stays off, and Yamato can feel the sun on his back as he takes his top off.

Kakashi is watching him pupils blown wide. He licks his lips as Yamato throws his clothes behind him, and Yamato tilts his chin, feeling bolder than he has in months.

His technique holds firm as Yamato settles himself on Kakashi's lap, and he can feel Kakashi struggle against the wood, fingers itching to touch Yamato's skin. He obliges, letting the mokuton release its grip, allowing Kakashi to move forward. His fingers feel like warmth and electricity, and Yamato shudders, tilting his head back as Kakashi's mouth presses to his chest.

"You have no idea," Kakashi says between kisses, and Yamato's hand moves to tangle in his hair at the back of his head, "what you do to me."

"I think I do," Yamato says with a laugh, and Kakashi pulls up, tongue darting out as he smirks.

"Maybe you do," he compromises, brushing his knuckles against Yamato's cheek bone. He is gentle, and Yamato turns his head until he can press a kiss against Kakashi's fingers.

This is what he wants, what he's always wanted. Not just the sex, though that is lovely, but the intimacy, the trust and the bond with Kakashi. He's missed that since the war. They had been hollow before, but now they're filled to the brim bursting with love. This is what they really are, and Yamato moves a hand down, slipping Kakashi out of his clothes. He is hard, as is Yamato, and his cheeks flush as Yamato smooths a hand over him, familiar and knowing. He knows what Kakashi likes and what Kakashi loves. They both know that about each other, and Yamato runs his fingers lightly over Kakashi's cock, barely a touch. It sends a shudder through Kakashi, and Yamato smiles.

But he's not here to tease, and he shifts until Kakashi's cock is behind him, waiting.

Kakashi mumbles something against his neck, between pants, and Yamato eases up as he feels something cool against his thigh. He grimaces; the technique Kakashi used makes for a decent lube, but it stains, and Kakashi's going to have some interesting marks on his lap when they're done.

Oh well. A problem for later.

Kakashi starts slow, slipping his finger inside Yamato and waiting for him to adjust. It's been a while since they did this, properly anyway, and Yamato frowns, shifting. His hips start to rock, muscle memory taking over, and he sighs as Kakashi slips another finger in. It's not unwelcome, just different, and Yamato still needs to adjust.

They go slow. Kakashi is attentive, and Yamato is in control here, that's how it's working. He hitches up, sliding down on Kakashi, and his muscles quiver at the change, at the possibility that is before him now. He has Kakashi, and Yamato shifts in his seat, grinning as Kakashi's breath hitches.

"I'll go slow," Yamato promises, and he does, shifting his hips and curling over. He did want to watch Kakashi, but it's all too much, and Yamato's head rests on Kakashi's shoulder instead, pleasure echoing through him as he moves.

Kakashi's hands grip his waist, and he lets his control change hands, pace changing as Kakashi shifts. Yamato gasps as Kakashi moves, and he smiles, letting out a groan. It feels good, and he throws his head back, hand coming up to grip Kakashi's shoulder.

He can hear the wind and the birds around them as if they are miles away. There's nothing that matters right now that isn't Kakashi, and Yamato draws his bottom lip into his mouth, feeling himself growing closer and closer. It doesn't take long, not when it's Kakashi and not when they haven't been together in a while. Not when things are actually going well and this means so much. He comes, just before Kakashi, and his body shakes with the pleasure of it, his weight slumping onto Kakashi as he's pulled close into a kiss.

Yamato lowers them to the ground, chest heaving as he forms a sort of wooden cocoon around them. He's not ready to return to the world yet, and he doesn't think Kakashi is either. This is their world, their time, and they're going to stay here for as long as they need.

"Thank you for sharing this with me," Kakashi says, and he kisses the side of Yamato's head. He's wrapped in Yamato's arms, tracing absent-mindedly on Yamato's skin, and it's so peaceful.

"Only you," Yamato says, his voice drifting off. He clears his throat and Kakashi's fingers stop moving against his skin, pressing flat over his heart instead. "It's only you who makes me feel like this. Only and always you."

Kakashi doesn't reply, but he doesn't need to. The way he looks at Yamato says it all, and there's nothing more in this world Yamato wants right now. He has what he needs, has what he's wanted.

They're only a little late returning for Sai's dinner, and if any of their team notice, they don't comment on it.

They just make inappropriate jokes over dessert, but that's nothing new.

.

The photographer looks unimpressed, but Naruto keeps on chattering away as Sakura pulls them together. They decided that Sai would be in the middle, and Yamato can see his awkward stance, unsure what to do with his arms. Naruto and Sakura decide for him, each gripping an arm with a grin, and Sai's shoulders dip. They're good for him, Yamato thinks, and he smiles as he turns to Kakashi. He has a mischievous look in his eyes, and Yamato wonders what he's up to.

"If we could…" the photographer says, and Naruto replies for them all.

"Kakashi-sensei! Yamato-taichō! It's photo time!" His enthusiasm is infectious, and Yamato stands behind them, Kakashi at his side. It's his bad side, but whereas a few months ago, Yamato would have cringed at the idea of Kakashi standing by his deaf ear, now he feels nothing. Kakashi doesn't care about that, loves Yamato for all of himself, and that's what matters.

Sakura looks back, and she smiles, grabbing Yamato's hand to place on her shoulder. It seems Kakashi is getting the same treatment from Naruto, and Yamato thinks they all planned this. This photo isn't just a Team Kakashi photo, it's a family one, and both Sakura and Naruto want them to know it. He has a feeling it'll end up in Kakashi's photo album present when he (finally) goes through with his inauguration, but there will be at least one copy Yamato will keep in his home, pride of place for everyone to see.

They'll have to get another one when Sasuke's back, Yamato thinks. He's precious to Sakura, Naruto and Kakashi, so he is precious to Yamato too.

"Ready?" Naruto asks, and everyone shuffles. The photographer sighs in relief, and they all freeze, smiles in place.

Just as the camera goes off, Yamato feels Kakashi's hand grip his, fingers curling against the back of his hand. His smile becomes even more sincere as he squeezes back. It's been a long road, and Yamato doesn't think they're through all their issues and insecurities, but they're not giving up on each other. He has Kakashi and he loves him, and he will never let that slip.

"You should get the photographs in a few days," the photographer says, and they begin to part, Sai insisting they go back to his for some food. Naruto pumps a hand up in the air as Sakura laughs, and Yamato thinks he can have a bit of fun with this one.

"I think Kakashi-senpai had his mask down," Yamato comments casually, and the group turn to him, mouths open and eyes wide.

"What," Sakura says, just as Naruto whoops, dancing on the spot.

It's a lie, and Yamato meets Kakashi's eyes with a smug smile, but it's a harmless lie. He listens as Naruto launches into a long spiel about how he can't wait to see Kakashi's face when the photo comes out, and bumps shoulders with Sai as they leave.

"You were joking, weren't you," Sai mumbles, sounding disappointed, and Yamato shrugs, just as Kakashi rubs the back of his head, trying to put off answering whatever Sakura just asked him.

"Maybe," Yamato admits, and they exit out of the building. The sun is strong, and Yamato closes his eyes, enjoying its warmth. "But it was fun. And he'll probably take his mask off around you soon, so you'll get to see the real deal then," he says. Kakashi's mentioned it before, how he feels comfortable enough to, but he hadn't wanted to put the last coffin in the nail on the fun of teasing them. Maybe now he will, judging by the slope of his shoulders. He's not enjoying whatever Sakura and Naruto are doing to him.

He has the people he loves right here, despite everything that's happened and all they've been through. They all deserve this, Yamato thinks, and that's a thought he wouldn't have agreed with months ago. But he can now, they all can, and he smiles as they pass under a tree.

"
.

Later that night, Kakashi is sprawled out in bed, one of Yamato's books open. He's only pretending to read, but that's okay. Yamato is having a lot of fun staring at Kakashi's skin as he finishes brushing his teeth.

"You don't seem to be enjoying that one," Yamato says as he slips into bed. He sinks into the pillows, stretching out under the sheets. His knee bumps Kakashi's thigh, and Yamato turns on his side, curling up against Kakashi. He's warm and quick to wrap an arm around Yamato, sliding the book on the bedside table.

"I was distracted," Kakashi says with a smile, and Yamato huffs against him, secretly pleased. "And thinking."

Yamato waits, poking one of Kakashi's ribs when he remains quiet. His efforts reward him a strange sound from Kakashi's throat, and he glares at Yamato.

"Maybe I won't tell you what I was thinking now," he says, mock-offended. Yamato just laughs, propping himself up on his elbow and looking at Kakashi.

"Right, of course," he says, raising an eyebrow. "I guess I'll have to drag a confession out of you," Yamato adds, sliding a hand across Kakashi's stomach, making his way down slowly.

"Well," Kakashi starts, and he catches Yamato's hand. "I want to tell you something first."

Interest piqued, Yamato's attention slides away from sex.

"It's just I'm here a lot," Kakashi begins, and Yamato nods. "And my house… well it's not great. Here there's lots of space for the dogs, a nice garden, great location and, well, you."

A warm feeling blossoms in Yamato's chest as he realises what Kakashi is asking. He grins, launching forward to kiss Kakashi's shoulder, and nods.

"Move in with me?" he asks, though he doesn't need to. He feels more excitement than he has in ages, and he can see his emotions mirrored on Kakashi's face. They're going to do this, they really are, and it's everything Yamato has dreamt of and more.

"Alright," Kakashi murmurs, and he pulls Yamato a little closer. "Though we're switching to my fabric softener."

"I don't use fabric softener," Yamato replies, closing his eyes. Kakashi knows this, they had a heated discussion once, years back, where Kakashi called him a barbarian and Yamato told him he was too prissy not to do even one wash without it. They'd broke into laughter and ended up forgetting the washing altogether.

"Mine can be ours then," Kakashi says smugly, and Yamato sighs, smiling.

"Sure, sure," he agrees.

There is silence after that, Yamato dozing lightly, and he registers Kakashi turning the lights off. He stirs, opening one eye blearily in the darkness, but he finds his way back to Kakashi, curling up against his side as he lays on his back. Kakashi turns his head to bury his chin in Yamato's hair, and he speaks, voice low and humming through Yamato.

"I'm glad it's you," he says, and the words flow through Yamato, warming him. It means everything, he thinks, and his sleepy mind seems to float. Whatever comes for them, whatever they'll face, it'll be together, and that's what matters.

"Me too," Yamato agrees. It's been a long time coming, and it's been tough-going, but they're making it. They're living their lives, and Yamato feels nothing but excitement for the future he's going to be a part of.

He has power, yes, all the power he could ever want, but that's not what Yamato treasures. What he treasures is his family, a small, strange family, but his nonetheless. He is loved and loves others, and that's more than Yamato has ever hoped for.

He has a life, a future and a family, and that is more than enough.

He is happy.

.

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