Enpowera: Welcome to the story. It's based off a very funny rp my friend and I had. None of it is to be taken seriously and a good chunk is taken directly from the roleplay with some edits. The main pairing is Hiccup/Dagur. Onesided Male Astrid/Hiccup. I just really wanted to share this funny roleplay with everyone.

Note 1: Dagur never terroized Hiccup, as due to Hiccup being a female, he took pity on her being weak and small. He's still an ass to everyone else though.

Note 2: There are random bouts of song lyrics. As I stated before, most of it was taken from a rp. If you don't like them, then skip past them or stop reading all together.

Berk- An Island inhabited by the Hairy Hooligans. Snowy and cold most of the year, Hail the rest, and one brief month of nice weather (which is used for going on raids). All year long it is tormented by a certain pest...

It's leader: Stoick the Vast, a great warrior, dragon slayer,chief and not so great father.

It's heir: Hiccup the Clumsy, daughter of Stoick the Vast, major klutz, inventor of things that can backfire, and the opposite of a shield maiden. Trained well for 'women' things like sewing. Her only value is seen as a bride, as intelligence isn't appreciated on Berk.

Village Opinion of Heir: Marry her off and let Snotlout (closest male relative) take over.

The village's tormentor and the reason why every house is new: Dragons. Fire breathing, livestock stealing dragons.

A young teenaged girl scampered about her house, running back and forth between cooking/baking various things and trying to get ready for the day, tossing on a green tunic and some brown pants and boots. After about twenty minutes, the petite girl had her long red hair braided and enough food to feed a small army (it seemed) in front of her. She had managed to get by with only a few little burns and one small cut from the knife (so a good start to the day).

She was getting ready to yell out for her father when he appeared by himself, having awoken to the sounds and smells. Ten minutes later and only a slice of bread, a small fish, and a few eggs were all that was left. The great,burly man that was her father, Chief Stoick the Vast, said a brief goodbye and went to go about chiefing.

"You're welcome..." the girl sighed to the non existent thank you before she sat down to eat her breakfast by herself, as usual.

After washing the dishes and laundry (along with hanging it out to dry) she went into town to run some errands, tripping in her haste to finish before it was time to go to work. She landed face first into some dirt/mud.

"Just perfect," She sighed, clothes ruined already. That was the story of her life, failing at the simplest of tasks.

"Now Hiccup, what have I told you about rushing to do your work?" An older male's voice asked as she was lifted off the ground by a hook on his hand. "If ya don't take your time, it'll just break in the end." The man in question was Gobber, the local weapon-smith and trainer for the next generation of dragon slayers. "I know you're a busy girl, but rushing around to do every little thing's gonna break that wee body of yours eventually."

"That's crazy talk," she stated sarcastically, dusting herself off, "and I'm not that small". She ignored the laughter of the nearby village folk, specifically the other teenagers.

"Eh, whatever you say." Gobber just shrugged. "Don't be late for work, I have a feeling we're going to be quite busy soon enough!" He smiled a bit at the thought of fixing and making more weapons in the near future. "A viking's work is never done, especially with dragons!"

Hiccup nodded and took off to get her errands run.

"Did you see how she faceplanted?" Snotlout (Hiccup's cousin and main tormentor)laughed loudly once Gobber was out of hearing range,"what a klutz."

Tuffnut joined in his laughter while Hiccup turned scarlet and tried to focus on her task at hand, not on the insults. Hiccup was getting used to it by now anyway, it still stung, but when one was as awful a viking as she was, it was a given to be insulted regularly. It'd started with Stoic publically stated she could not be trained to fight, lest she hurt herself.

"It's amazing how she can even walk straight." Ruffnut commented, then laughed at her own 'joke.'

"It's almost like watching a disoriented dragon fly, but walking instead!" Fishlegs laughed a bit, but he got an un-amused stare from the female twin.

Hiccup bit her cheek to prevent the tears that were trying to form. Who was she kidding, the insults would always hurt. What she wouldn't give to be able to fight back against the insults and prove them all wrong. As the Chief's daughter, though, she couldn't risk acting out on her anger, lest she be more of an embarrassment.

I don't wanna be left behind. Distance was a friend of mine. Catching breath in a web of lies. I've spent most of my life. Riding waves, playing acrobat. Shadowboxing the other half. Learning how to react. I've spent most of my time...

Catching my breath, letting it go, Turning my cheek for the sake of the show

Now that you know, this is my life, I won't be told what's supposed to be right...

The young teen calmed her emotions, put on her best front, and went about her business, giving herself words of platitude that her intelligence might one day help. Or perhaps she'd be fortunate enough for her father to let her train. In any case she needed to hurry up with her errands and rushed to do just that, arranging for any purchases to be delivered to her house before rushing toward the forge. Along the way she fell into the mud again- this time due to Snotlout 'accidentally' tripping her.

Gobber looked up as the muddy girl entered. "Troubles, lass?"

"Nope, I love being covered in mud,"

"Ooky-dokey...mind getting to work?" He piled an impossibly large pile of weapons into her hands and sent her off to repair them, "make it fast, you never know when a dragon will show up,"

"Yes, Sir," the viking princess rushed to tie her apron and get to work, occasionally nicking herself, but doing a fine job of sharpening and repairing the weapons (almost better than Gobber).

A little while later, Stoic picked up an axe that had been repaired for him. It was sharper and more balanced than it ever was before, a result of Hiccup's handiwork,"Thank ye, Gobber, one of your finest pieces. Hiccup, make sure to pay attention." he was off before he could be corrected.

"Have fun swingin' that around!" Gobber called out before he continued on his own work.

'Nevermind that I was the one who fixed it' Hiccup mentally sighed. Her mental sigh turned to an outward groan as the group of teens approached the smithy. They were carrying the heaviest weapons they could find, hoping Hiccup would fall trying to lift them. 'Best to not disappoint,'

Hiccup took the weapons one by one, surprisingly able to carry them. Snotlout, Fishlegs,and Tuffnut were quietly amazed, but hid it behind laughs as she stumbled slightly over a stray hammer. Ruffnut, on the other hand, hid a smile at her friend. Yes, she gave Hiccup shit, but she gave everyone shit. So it made her proud when the only other girl their age did awesome at something. As the boys wandered off, she quietly called for Hiccup to meet her outside her -Hiccup's- house later for their usual chat. Hiccup agreed readily, happy her only friend hadn't abandoned her, yet.

A while after the other teens had left a handsome young man approached to pick up his axe. He had icy blue eyes and golden blond hair braided down his back. He was Ari Hofferson, the local heartthrob and a prime example of the perfect viking. Hiccup blushed bright red, having a slight crush on the boy, like every other girl. Luckily Gobber saved her the embarrassment of talking to him and handed Ari his axe.

"It feels different…" He mumbled, taking a few test swings.

"Hiccup rebalanced the blade and replaced the handle for ya," Gobber stated with pride.

"WHAT? You let her near it?" Ari didn't have anything against Hiccup per say...he just knew how accident prone she was.

"The lass knows what she's doing and I was watching the whole time,"

"Fine…" Ari still looked weary about it as he paid and left.

Hiccup sighed as he left, caught up in a daydream….till Gobber swatted the back of her head.

"Head out of the clouds, lass," Gobber stated knowingly, "stop making googly eyes at every male that catches your attention."

"Yes, Gobber," Hiccup sighed, getting back to work.

Later that night, after having made her dad supper, Hiccup waited in her 'backyard' area for Ruffnut to show up. Hiccup had changed out of her usual outfit into her nightgown, which was basically a long white tunic. No one but Ruffnut would see her, so she hardly saw the point of waiting till later to change out of her dirty clothes.

"I hope she didn't forget," that would be just Hiccup's luck. As Hiccup was getting ready to head back in, the blond girl arrived, waving eagerly in greeting.

"Hi Hiccup!" She greeted loudly as she bounded up.

"Quiet! Do you want to wake my father?"

"Good point…" Ruffnut quieted down. Away from her twin, Ruff could actually be relatively well behaved.

The girls got settled in together and started chitchatting about their day.

"And then Ari showed up…" Hiccup stated, making Ruff sigh dreamily, "but he seemed upset that I had repaired his axe. What is it about me that repels people?"

"Well…"

"Don't answer that!"

Ruff laughed a bit, "If it makes you feel better, last summer Dagur didn't seem repelled by you...he was constantly by your side," Now that was a man, wild and unpredictable.

Hiccup blushed red at the thought of the Heir of the Berserker tribe. As they were both heirs, whenever either Chief/heir pair would visit the other, they would end up hanging out together. Dagur was a few years older and had orangish red hair and a very violent attitude, except towards Hiccup. It seemed to Hiccup that he took pity on her weak and helpless female status, and was actually her only other friend besides Ruff. Not that it counted, given how far away he lived.

"It was expected of him to hang out with me…"

"Taking romantic walks around the island," Ruff hinted.

"Gobber was with us, most of the time,"

"Except..?" Ruff was digging for information. Little did both girls know that Ari, who was taking a walk, had stopped to eavesdrop after hearing his name.

"When I was showing him some of my favorite hiding spots Gobber didn't know about…"

"So you showed him your secret spots?" Ruff hinted suggestively.

"That isn't what happened at all!"

Summer lovin' had us a blast...Summer lovin' happened so fast. Met a girl crazy for me. Met a boy, cute as can be. Summer days drifting away to oh oh the summer nights…

"Then tell me!"

"Well..we walked around and chatted a lot...but nothing inappropriate…"

Ari was definitely interested in what was being said now, hiding behind a shed to not get caught.

"Why not show him more secret spots and see if he makes a move next time?" The way Ruff said secret spots had Hiccup turning scarlet, "no, seriously, see if he likes ya…"

"But...even we did...how would that work, we're the heirs to two different tribes...unless our firstborn took over one tribe and another child the other…" Hiccup was never going to lose this blush at the thought of having a child with Dagur...or more specifically the process of making one. "I suppose he might like me…"

"What makes you say that?"

"He might have...kissed me...once…"

Ruff squealed at that, hugging her friend, "see, someone out there is dumb enough to want you!" And so the girls continued for hours.

Ari definitely felt rage at that thought, and stormed off, grumbling to himself. His storming off brought him to where Snotlout was hanging out at, and he griped to Snotlout about Hiccup and her having Dagur's kid…. His angry mumblings leaving out the important detail that nothing had happen for said kid to come into existence. The mention of 'secret places' had Snotlout smirking at the thought of spreading this news around. That would definitely make him the next chief if his cousin was whoring around.

Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, alarm bells sounding, signalling a dragon attack.