Birds twittered and sang in the forest as Simon and Declan made their way through on a sunny day. Their were scattered clouds against the blue sky, and the forest itself was mostly adorned with yellow leaves. They were passing though a makeshift graveyard full of small tombstones, and a few scattered bones. Both were quiet, passing through the area slowly and lazily. It had been a little over a week since the Duke of Nuts' party, where Simon had shared the truth with Declan about what he had discovered underwater. Since then, the two had gone about their business with little purpose. With nothing better to do, they simply explored Ooo, gathering supplies where they could and focusing on staying alive.

Declan looked at a skull as they passed. Morbidly, he wondered if it was the skull of someone who had died in the nuclear war a thousand years earlier. He almost missed that Simon had suddenly stopped, and stopped with him.
"What, what is it?" He saw Simon looking ahead, and looked to see something big, shaggy and gray was lying in the shade ahead of them. For a moment, they both thought it could be some kind of beast, until it started to shift; from the way it moved, it was clearly a person under some kind of cloak or blanket. They even had a little pointed hat atop the cloak, somewhat tattered with a little blue tassel.
"Food?" the figure asked in a scratchy voice, looking out from under the covering with bright eyes. "Food for a beggar? Food for a poor old man?"

Simon unshouldered his pack and reached inside. "I suppose I can spare something..." he said.
Declan narrowed his eyes at the figure. Something seemed oddly familiar about him. Declan sniffed; he had definitely smelled the man before, but he couldn't place where.
"Here you are, sir." said Simon, removing a green apple and approaching the man to offer it. The beggar snatched it and pulled it under his covering, beginning to devour it rapidly.
"Hey, man..." said Declan.
"Declan, really," replied Simon, "it's been half a year, when are you going to start calling me by my n-"
"Listen! Something's wrong here, I'm not sure about this guy..."

The apple's core was ejected onto the forest floor. "You know..." said the man, "I'm not really a beggar... I'm actually a..." it was then that he threw off the cloak dramatically, and Simon and Declan's perception of someone had never changed so fast. "MAGIC MAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN!"
The Magic Man had bluish-green skin; his clothes were ragged, but very vivid yellow. He had mismatching boots; one bright red and the other purple, and he carried supplies in a backpack and small bag on his leg. His body language was dazzlingly energetic, as he waved his hands with a hop and a smile, throwing sparkling little bursts of light around like fireworks.

"Yes!" yelled Declan suddenly as it came back to him. "I remember this guy! Ah, crap, we need to get out of here! I'm not kidding, he's bad news, seriously!"
Simon took Declan at his word and pointed the flamethrower at the Magic Man, but the magical interloper made no attempt to attack, merely kneeling down and whistling to a nearby songbird. The creature fluttered down and alighted on his finger, twittering beautifully as it did. With his free hand, he rubbed two fingers together before waving at the bird. "Magic! Away!"

It promptly turned inside-out.

As Simon and Declan exclaimed in simultaneous horror, both stepping back from the atrocious sight, the now-skinless bird flopped pathetically to the ground and began spasming in the leaf litter. Simon wasn't sure if he was more horrified by the bird itself, or the fact that the Magic Man was still smiling at the sight of it's pitiful attempts to fly away by flapping it's featherless, bloody, muscle-covered wings. "Declan... where exactly do you know him from!?" he asked, alarmed.
"First day in Ooo, man! When I ran from those things on the beach, I saw this guy around when the sun was going down! Some hot piece in an eyepatch and sweater-dress came and helped him out of a ditch he said he was stuck in, so he cursed her to feel eternal lust for empty metal cans and then turned her into a giant arm!"
"He just... turned her into an arm!?"
"Yeah, and she's gonna spend the rest of her life frenching old soup cans, it was messed right up!"

"Ah, dearest Kim!" said the Magic Man with a wistful smile. "Don't worry, she and the can will be very happy together!"
Simon raised his weapon a little higher. "Listen, Magic Man! If you try anything, I'll-"
"ZAP! ZIP! ZOBOOMAFOO!" Yelled Magic Man, pointing his finger at the flamethrower. A little jet of yellow light flew from it, hitting the weapon and promptly transforming it into a shower of ramen packets, which scattered all over the ground. Declan was alarmed, but Simon simply seemed amazed.
"Fascinating!" he said, picking up one of the packets for examination. "To completely reconfigure one substance into another on such a complex level... the amount of energy needed for such a task is mind-boggling!"
"My, you're quite the big brain, aren't you?" asked Magic Man. "Well, as long as we're over her handing out life lessons like candy..."

Magic Man floated high into the air, and called out in a singsong tone: "A mystical, magical favorrrrrr..." he waved his hands at Simon, who was consumed in a sparkling blue mist as he began to transform; "...for yooooooouuuuuuuuuu!" While Simon was still changing, Declan growled and lunged, meaning to attack the Magic Man, but the impossible attacker raised his hand, conjuring from thin air a huge, bright green plastic tube, not unlike a child's playground slide. It was positioned perfectly to catch Declan as he pounced; he went straight into the tube, which seemed to be slicked up with butter on the inside. The dog quickly shot through the entire slide at high speed as it curved around Magic Man and ending in an opening pointed back the way Declan had come. He flew out and crashed to the ground back near Simon.

As the tube vanished, Declan got up and shook off his disorientation. When he saw Simon, though, he was startled. "Ah!" he proclaimed, taking a step back in surprise. Where once there had been Simon Petrikov, there was now a massive, wrinkly mass of grey flesh at least fifteen feet across. It oozed greyish juices into the grass, and occasionally crackled with sparks of electricity.

Simon had been turned into a giant brain.

"What did you do to him!?" Declan demanded.
"Sweetheart all I did was unleash his inner beauty," said Magic Man. "Today, a magical life lesson comes to him!"
"No, change him back!"
"Not until he appreciates what a jerk I am! WA-ZOO!" Magic Man flew away into the sky, and then seemed to vanish in an explosion of fireworks that momentarily formed the flashing words "EAT IT" before disappearing. Declan watched helplessly as the magician departed, and then turned to the enormous brain lying in the woods. He carefully approached it and sniffed. It still smelled like Simon, which he supposed was probably a good sign.

He reached out a single paw to try and touch the brain, when he suddenly heard Simon's voice call out. "Ah!"
"Ah!" Declan echoed, jumping back in surprise. "Is... is that you!?"
The brain floated upward, a few feet off the ground. Simon's voice appeared to come from thin air; there were flashes of electricity with every syllable. "Oh... oh my... this is different..." said Simon the Brain.
"That's putting it mildly," said Declan.
"Oh my word... oh... this is fascinating... do I have eyes?"
"I don't see any."
"Interesting... no ears either, I assume? I can see and hear everything around me, despite lacking sensory organs... I can talk... look around me carefully, Declan. Am I really just a disembodied brain?"
Declan quickly ran in a circle around Simon. "Looks like it."

"How frankly bizarre... of all the strange things we have born witness to in Ooo, I must say this is certainly the most peculiar..."
"There's a talking microwave living at our house."
"I stand by it. I- oh! Oh! Look at this!"
A sort of tendril of blue light had emerged from the front of the brain; it was transparent, and Declan found he could see right through it. "What's that?" he asked.
"I'm not sure... but I can move it, see?" the tendril began to snake around through the air, getting longer or shorter according to Simon's will. "Hang on... I want to try..." he moved the tendril down to one of the tombstones, and touched it to the granite. A blue aura of light appeared around the entire marker, and when the tendril moved upward, it pulled the object with it. The tombstone was torn straight out of the ground, ripping itself out of the dirt and leaving a little trench of exposed earth in the grass. Using the tendril, Simon flung the tombstone aside, clods of dirt flying from it as it sailed between the trees.

"I appear to have telekinesis," Simon remarked.
"Great," said Declan sarcastically, "while we're calling dibs on mutant powers, I want telepathy. WHY ARE YOU NOT MORE FREAKED OUT BY THIS!? YOU'RE A GIANT ORGAN!"
"And yet I seem to be perfectly functional. I see no reason to be alarmed right now."
"You don't even want to find the magic freak? Try to get him to turn you back?"
"Well sure, eventually. But Declan, this is beyond unprecedented! I wouldn't be doing my duty as a philosopher if I didn't study myself in this state while I have the opportunity! I could learn so much!"
"I... I mean, I guess..."
"Brilliant, you agree! Quickly, let's get back to the Fort!" Simon began floating away in a blue aura. Declan hesitated a moment, and then ran after him.

oOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo

The brain and the dog returned to the Tree Fort together. "Let me see if I can get the door..." said Simon, reaching out another branch of telekinesis. Carefully, he gently turned the knob and pulled the door open. "Superb! Come on." They entered, and headed up quickly, finding Neptr in the living room.
"Ah, hello Benjin, hello- AH!" The little robot wheeled backwards in surprise at the sight of the giant floating brain that had entered the room.
"No, Neptr, hang on!" said Simon, before having to quickly dodge a chunk of poison that Neptr had thrown. "Oh dear!"
"Stop it, moron!" Declan yelled, and Neptr hesitated.
"Neptr, it's me. Simon."

"...Mister Simon?"
"Yes. I'm a brain now."
"Oh... okay. Math!" Neptr accepted the change cheerily, wheeling around and heading over to a pile of books, which he began to rifle through.
"Huh, that was easy. Come on." said Simon, leading the way upstairs. He and Declan moved through the Fort and crossed the rope bridge to reach the room that Simon had claimed as his laboratory. In the considerable time since they had acquired the treehouse, Simon and Declan had gathered much of what Simon had needed to outfit the lab; some of it scavenged from the postapocalyptic wastes of Ooo, and some purchased or borrowed from Princess Bubblegum.

The lab was cramped and ramshackle in places; mismatched equipment, and some that had been hastily repaired with duct tape and glue. Still, it was functional: clean and well-lit, with tables, machines, computers, cabinets full of supplies, and stacks of books, the Enchiridion featured most prominently. "There are SO MANY tests I want to run," said Simon, telekinetically picking up several books and stacking them near his workstation. "I mean, a brain requires oxygen, so where am I getting it? I obviously don't have lungs. How am I speaking? How can I sense? Where are my electrical impulses coming from? GAH, I can't wait to get started!"
"Well... okay... are you sure you're safe, though?"
"How do you mean?"
"Well that guy didn't exactly seem friendly. And doesn't a brain need to be in a skull?"

"Yes... yes, you have a good point. The first thing I should do is try to determine my own safety in this form." He began collecting equipment and got to work. "Organs need protection; the brain needs a skull, as you said, and skin. I have neither, so I need to make sure I won't dry out or become infected."
Declan watched for a time as Simon worked. Simon was very engaged for the first time since before he had gone into the ocean; it seemed that something was finally distracting him from his loss, which Declan supposed was a good thing. Still, he couldn't help but shake an anxious feeling about the whole situation.

After half an hour of examining his tissue under microscopes, Simon finally came to a conclusion. "Alright. By my determination, I am vulnerable in this state. I'm drying out, and particulates from the air are affecting me. However, the effects are quite slow, and I should have more than enough time to do my research and then fix myself before I expire."
"Uh-huh," said Declan. "And you're sure about that?"
"Oh yes. Good thing, too, now I can get to the real work."
"Math. And while you're doing that, I'm going to see if I can find that green hobo. We'll probably need him to change you back."
"Take your time."

Declan made his way back to the general area where they had encountered the Magic Man before noon. Right at the edge of the yellow-leaved forests, where they gave way to the grasslands, he saw a village in the distance with smoke rising from it. Not far from a narrow river and surrounded by a cobblestone wall, the entire town seemed to be on fire. "Huh... I wonder if the lunatic started that... might as well ask."
He bounded down to the edge of the town, where some refugees huddled outside the gate. They were humanoid, all wearing varied-colored sweaters, with grey skin and hairless heads resembling butts. Their clothes were stained with ash, but most of them looked unharmed.

"Uh, hey?" Declan asked. A few of them turned to look at him. "Sorry, I can see you've got a crisis here, but if I'm dealing with an emergency too, and I could use some help. Have any of you seen a weird guy around here? Some freak with green skin, dressed like a homeless beekeeper?"
An angry woman in the group replied. "The only freaks around here are the ones that hide under the bridge! I bet one of them started this fire!" She pointed towards the river, where a large cobblestone bridge could be seen. Declan wasted no time heading towards it, wanting to put distance between himself and the fire.

Making his way to the river (which he discovered was dried-up, with a few wild roses growing in the bed), he could see from above that there was indeed a large, darkened opening under the bridge. He sniffed the air a few times; he could smell creatures underneath, but no Magic Man. The odor that was there was absolutely vile, like vomit on fire. Just as he was contemplating this, one of the "freaks" emerged. Some sort of greenish, hairy lump of flesh with no arms or legs, it had only a mouth and single large eye, with which it looked up at Declan. "Welcome, traveler," said the disembodied head in a deep voice. It seemed to move simply by hopping awkwardly around. "I am Gork, leader of Freak City."

"And I am Declan, eater of gravy. You wouldn't happen to know anything about a weird, crazy green guy would you? Turns people into organs?"
"Ah, yes," said Gork. "The Magic Man. All here in Freak City have felt his sting. He taunts us with an uncertain life lesson, and turns us into body parts. Did he turn you into a dog?"
"No, I've always been like this. But he turned someone I know into a brain, and I need to figure out how to fix it. Do you know where to find him?"
"I'm afraid not, and thank Glob I've never seen him down here. You won't be able to force the Magic Man to do anything; he's far too powerful."
"Dang..."

Declan sat down and stared off into the sky, thinking. "Do you think he'd undo it if we figured out his dumb lesson?"
"Perhaps," said Gork. "But I don't have a clue what that could be."
"Well... what were you doing when he hit you?"
Gork suddenly looked away uncertainly. "Me? Oh, um... nothing of too much significance..."
Declan narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "Wait a minute... what were you doing? Were you doing something wrong?"
"I... have issues, man! I've worked on it..."
"Tell me!"
"I set things on fire sometimes, okay! You don't have to make a cow out of it..."
"You set things on fire!? Why!?"

"I don't know!" Gork yelled. "It's satisfying! It's just an impulse! Maybe the Magic Man wanted to punish me for it... way easier now, though. I can do this math lava breath thing..."
"Wait a minute..." Declan said suddenly. "Did... did you set that village on fire?"
Gork's eye widened. "Uuuuuuhhhhh... I have to go... I think I hear Trudy calling me..." Gork hastily hopped back under the bridge, vanishing into darkness.
Declan sighed. "Great, the lunatics come in arsonist flavor now..." he said to himself. "Next thing you-"

He stopped midsentence, having a sudden revelation. "The flamethrower!" Turning around, Declan began running at top speed back to the fort.

oOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo

Returning to the house in a hurry, Declan saw Neptr in the foyer, holding a book up. "Hey, Devon!" he called right after seeing the dog enter, waving the book to get his attention.
"Huh? What do you need, I'm in kind of a hurry. And it's Declan."
"Right, sorry. I found a book of jokes! Now I can poison people with my wit! Do you want to hear one?"
"Not now," he said. "I just figured out something important." He trotted up the stairs, leaving the machine to his activity.
Neptr opened the book and looked inside. Now alone, he read outloud to himself. "'Why did the chicken cross the road? To return this book!' Hahaha! I don't understand."

Declan quickly made his way upstairs, across the bridge, and into Simon's lab. "Hey! I need to tell you- whoah."
Simon had reconfigured the lab significantly since Declan had left. More technology had been hooked up and turned on, filling the cramped laboratory with a mess of buzzing, beeping, and lights. Simon himself was, with his telekinesis, building a large contraption at the far end of the room; big, circular and metal, with a large ring shape full of inward-pointing spikes.

"Man..." said Declan, "you've been busy..."
"Of course!" said Simon. "Busy, that's me. Busy, busy, busy. Busy little bee. B for brain. Big brain. Big, busy brain."
"Um... yeah. Listen, I didn't find the creep, but I found this village that was on fire-"
"Oh dear!" Simon interrupted. "Did you save all the babies?"
"No. But I found other people that have been attacked by the Magic Man, and I think I figured out what his deal is."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. He turned this one arsonist guy into a big green head, and he destroyed the flamethrower first chance he got. I think he's trying to get rid of fire! I think he has something against it!"

The brain stopped working and turned to face Declan. Even without eyes, Simon seemed to stare disapprovingly. "Getting rid of fire?"
"Yeah! In fact, maybe it's that brat with the ice powers, just in disguise! He hates fire!"
"He's not getting rid of fire, Declan. And he's certainly not the Ice Prince in disguise."
"How can you tell?"
"One, because the Ice Prince isn't nearly that powerful. He doesn't have the ability to turn me into a brain, or anything else. If he did, he could have turned me into an esophagus or something in our first encounter and that would have been it. Two, because the Magic Man and Ice Prince don't sound anything alike."

"Yeah, not really..." Declan admitted. "If anything, the magic guy sounds more like you."
"What!? No he doesn't!"
"No, you sound kind of similar. Like, I could see a voice actor playing both of you."
"Declan, that's absurd. No voice actor has ever had that much ridiculous range and talent. They'd have to be basically the greatest voice actor of all time. I don't think so."
"Whatever, man. Trust the dog ears."
"And three!" Simon continued, "because I already figured out what the Magic Man wants. His motives aren't an issue."
"Wait, what!? Well then why haven't you been trying to help me find him! If you've figured out his puzzle, we can fix this right now!"

"There's no need to rush," said Simon, returning to his work. "I have plenty of time."
"How long?"
"About half an hour or so. I think. I haven't checked the clock."
"WHAT!? That's insane! That's barely any time at all! Have you lost your freaking mind!?"
"Declan, all I am right now is a mind."
"Shut up! Come on, we need to find the Magic Man right now! You're going to die!"
"Declan, please! You're distracting me from my work! I know what I'm doing! Being a giant brain is a gift! Don't scorn a gift!"

Sighing in frustration, Declan turned and trotted out of the lab while Simon psychically twisted one of the spikes into place. The dog went back out onto the rope bridge and began pacing. Neptr emerged from the other end of the bridge. "Good afternoon, Dexter!" said the little robot with a smile. "Boy, is it me, or does it smell a lot like updog up here?"
"This is no good..." Declan muttered, looking down at the planks making up the bridge. "I think I might know what's going on..."
Neptr frowned for a second, then smiled and tried again. "What is it? Something do with Mister Simon? Is he being a bit of an updog?"

"He's being an idiot is what he's being. And I think I know why, I just... URGH, I don't know how to get through to him!"
"I think that perhaps the thing you really need to get through to is updog! Are you curious what that is?"
Declan looked out over the horizon. "I might be able to find the magic guy in time... but that's not going to do any good if I can't get him to listen to me."
Neptr frowned again. He cleared his throat. "I said, do you want to know what that is? The updog, I mean? I know. You just have to ask me!"
Declan sighed again, more heavily this time. "Crap. I know what I have to do. Oh, man. This is going to be so awkward."

Declan turned to return to the laboratory, leaving Neptr alone again. The robot smiled again, and decided to simply say the punchline to himself. "...Orange you glad I didn't say banana!?"

oOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo

As soon as Declan entered the lab again, he knew that something was wrong. Most of the machinery was humming very loudly, some of it shaking enough that the whole lab was beginning to shake. The computer screens were flickering violently. A harsh red glow was bathing the whole room; Declan looked up to see that it was coming from the machine that Simon had constructed. The giant metal ring was now suspended from the ceiling, and the large spikes were all glowing bright red at the tips. The glow was gradually becoming more intense. Cables went from the machine all over the lab, connecting to the other terminals and machinery, all of which seemed to be powering the device.

Simon the Brain himself was floating in the middle of the ring, all of the glowing red spikes pointing inwards at him. The humming was gradually becoming louder and louder, and the glow brighter and more intense; Declan was already having a hard time looking directly at the machine. "Uh... dude!?" Declan called, having to yell to be heard over the cacophony. "What is all this!?"
"It's a high-intensity scanning device!" Simon yelled back down. "The energy pulse it emits will penetrate my new cells more deeply then anything I had access to! I'll gather far more data this way!"
"And you're sure that's a good thing!?"
"WHAT!?"
"I SAID, 'ARE YOU SURE THAT'S A GOOD IDEA!?'"
"OF COURSE! THAT'S ENOUGH NAYSAYING FROM YOU, DECLAN!" He turned away from Declan as the machine continued to build power.

"LISTEN TO ME!" Yelled Declan angrily. "WE REALLY NEED TO TALK!" He leapt on a bank of computers to get higher up, and closer to Simon. "I THINK I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON!"
No response. "WILL YOU PAY ATTENTION!?" The machines were shaking quite violently now. "ARGH! HEY, THIS... ENERGY PULSE, WHEN IT GOES OFF, WHAT'S IT GOING TO DO BESIDES SCAN YOU!? IT'S SAFE FOR THE TREEHOUSE, RIGHT!?"
Simon still didn't turn. Declan continued. "I KNOW YOU'VE HAD A LOT ON YOUR MIND LATELY, AND IF YOU MISCALCULATED... COME ON, LISTEN TO ME, NERD! Oh, man... SIMON!"

Surprised, the brain finally turned to face the dog. "LISTEN!" yelled Declan, "I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING! YOU'RE TRYING NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT! WHAT YOU SAW UNDER THE OCEAN, WHAT YOU TOLD ME ABOUT... YOU GRABBED ONTO THE FIRST THING THAT CONVENIANTLY DISTRACTED YOU SO YOU COULD FOCUS ON SOMETHING ELSE, EVEN IF THAT SOMETHING ELSE WAS YOU BEING TURNED INTO A GIANT BRAIN! BUT YOU CAN'T KEEP IGNORING REALITY FOREVER!"
Declan reached up a paw and touched the edge of the ring. "SIMON... SHE'S DEAD! YOU NEED TO STOP IGNORING IT, BECAUSE IF YOU DO, YOU'RE GOING TO DIE TOO! AND IF YOU MANAGED TO SURVIVE A THOUSAND YEARS AFTER EVERYONE ELSE YOU EVER KNEW, AND THEN FOUGHT ICE WIZARDS AND GIANTS AND WON, AND THEN JUST DIED BECAUSE OF A SLIP-UP, THAT WOULD BE REALLY, REALLY FREAKING STUPID!"

Eyeless, Simon continued to stare at Declan in silence. The red glow was so intense now that Declan had to look away, his eyes burning. "SO I'M GOING TO ASK YOU ONE MORE TIME: ARE YOU SURE THIS THING IS SAFE!?"
The brain seemed to recoil slightly, as if in surprise at some internal revelation, and then Simon spoke at last. "...NO! I THINK... HANG ON... IF MY CURRENT CALCULATIONS ARE CORRECT, IT WILL DESTROY, AT THE VERY LEAST, THIS LABORATORY!"
"GEE, I WONDER IF WE SHOULD LEAVE, THEN!?"
"NO! THE LAB, THE BOOKS, ALL MY WORK... WE NEED TO SHUT THE SCANNER DOWN! STOP THE PULSE FROM HAPPENING!"
"FINE! WHAT DO WE DO!?"

Simon floated free of the ring, carefully avoiding the spikes, and flew down towards the computers. "DISCONNECT THE POWER! UNHOOK AS MANY CABLES AS YOU CAN, QUICKLY!"
Declan began to leap around the room, grabbing cables with his mouth and yanking them free, while Simon telekinetically typed at the computer. "AH, IT'S NO GOOD!" Simon yelled, causing Declan to stop. "THIS IS WHAT I WAS AFRAID OF! THE DEVICE IS ALREADY SUSTAINING ITSELF OFF OF THE MAIN BREAKER ALONE! HERE!" He yanked a metal panel off one of the walls, revealing the lever inside for the breaker... surrounded by spinning blades.
"WHY ARE THERE BLADES PROTECTING IT!?"
"I SALVAGED THIS IN OOO, YOU EXPECTED THE DESIGN TO MAKE SENSE!?"
"WELL, TRY STOPPING THEM WITH THOSE AWESOME BRAIN POWERS OF YOURS!"

Simon reached in a strand of energy, but it dissipated as soon as it touched the blades. "AH! NO GOOD, TOO FAST!" he yelled. "I KNEW THAT WOULDN'T WORK!"
"WELL THEN WHY DID YOU TRY IT!?"
"BECAUSE YOU SAID TO!"
"WHEN DID YOU START LISTENING TO ME!?"
"DECLAN, LISTENING TO YOU JUST SAVED MY LIFE! WHY ARE YOU COMPLAINING!?"
"BECAUSE IT'S HOW I DEAL WITH STRESS!"

At that moment, Neptr entered. "Hey guys!" he called, not nearly loud enough to be heard. "What do you get when a Rabbi, a Priest, and... what is going on in here!?"
"NEPTR!" yelled Simon, "PERFECT! JUST THE ROBOT I NEED! I NEED YOU TO THROW POISON INTO THESE BLADES! IT'S THICK, IT WILL GUM THEM UP!"
"WHAT!?" Yelled Neptr.
"AH, IT'S TOO LOUD, HE CAN'T HEAR ME!"
"WHAT!?" Yelled Declan.
"WHAT!?" Yelled Simon, "OH FOR- STUFF THIS!"
Lashing out, Simon grabbed Neptr with a tendril of power, lifting him into the air and puppeteering him, forcing him to throw a glob of poison into the blades.

The purple-and-yellow slime stuck everywhere within the hatch, spraying all over the blades and, as predicted, suddenly jamming them up, causing them to stop. Simon reached in with his telekinesis and flipped the breaker. All of the noise suddenly stopped, and the red glow dimmed. The scanning device detached from it's cradle, falling towards the three. Simon quickly shielded them all in telekinetic energy, causing the metal ring to glance off and hit the floor on it's side, rolling out the door. Simon lowered the shield, and Declan blinked rapidly. "...I can barely see anything," he said.
"And then the doctor said," said Neptr, "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday!"

oOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo

Together, a dog, a brain and a robot returned to the living room. Declan looked up at Simon, who was beginning to look rather reddish, and more wrinkled than before. "You feeling alright there, um... Simon?"
"Fine..." said Simon. "I mean, dying, but that's about to be remedied."
"Food!" All three of them were surprised by the voice; it had come from the couch, where a figure lay, cloaked in fur. "Food for a beggar?"
"Oh no..." said Declan.
"It's alright," said Simon. "I predicted this. The Magic Man isn't an idiot, he knew what he was turning me into, and exactly how long I would last."

The Magic Man leapt from the couch and threw his shroud aside, producing a burst of fireworks in an entrance just as flashy as last time. "That's right, Bacon Peel!" he said, "I'm here to collect! Gotta love harvesting ripe brain!"
"Yaaaayyyyyy!" yelled Neptr, impressed. "Someone clap for me! I only have one arm!"
"I figured out your 'life lesson,'" said Simon. "I'm ready for this farce to end."
"Brilliant!" said Magic Man. With a snap of his fingers, his clothes were replaced with clothes more like Simon's; tweed, glasses, bowtie and all, but with is same yellow, pointed hat. He sat cross-legged in a chair that appeared from thin air behind him, pulled out a pen and notepad and began pretend-scribbling. "Why don't we go over this semester's lesson?"

"The lesson was easy enough to figure out," said Simon. "You're too insane for it to be something common like "believe in yourself," or anything of the sort. But you're smart enough for it to be something that actually applies to life, and to what you did to me. The lesson is that some people are just jerks for no reason, and you have to accept that and move on with your life."
"Oh, very good!" said Magic Man, tossing the pen and paper aside to applaud.
"Seriously!?" demanded Declan. "That's the lesson!?"
"Indeed," said Simon. "Trust me, I've been dealing with jerks and bullies since middle school."
"Oh, I'm sure you have..." said Declan.
"We figured it out!" said Simon. "Change me back!"

The Magic Man pointed to him with a smile, and in a poof of blue mist, the giant brain was transformed back into a normal-sized Simon Petrikov, glasses and all. Simon immediately began coughing, before falling to his knees and vomiting a bunch of grey brain slime. "Oh, that is disgusting!" said Declan, while Neptr simply cheered again.
Simon wiped his mouth and looked up at the Magic Man. "Now, will you return my weapon?"
"Yep! By which I mean NOPE!" The Magic Man made a whooping sound and jumped towards the window, vanishing into thin air as soon as he hit it.

"...What a douche..." said Declan.

oOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo

Later that evening, Simon and Declan sat on opposite couches in the living room. They both stared out the same window, into the starry sky. Simon sighed.
"So..." said Declan.
"So," said Simon.
"Now what?"
"I'm not sure. Move on, I guess."
Declan looked over at him. "You still don't really seem to be... mourning, I guess?"
"I'm... not sure it's fully set it yet. Or maybe I'm in denial. I don't know. I'm too tired for introspection."

"Fair enough. But what are we going to do with ourselves? Just live in the treehouse with the robot that can't remember my name?"
"No... no, that's not it..."
"You're right, I'm pretty sure he's getting it wrong on purpose to mess with me."
"No, I mean that's not all we're going to do. We need a goal of some kind. I've been following goals my entire life... as I assume you have, for that matter."
"Yeah, I guess I have..." Declan admitted, looking down at the floor reflectively.
"And I refuse to simply stagnate here. My life does not end with me wasting away in distant future while surrounded by a strange new world of magic and monsters."

Simon sat up. "Maybe that's it. Betty and I studied magic of the past... maybe this is my chance to study the magic of the future. My purpose could simply be to learn everything I can about Ooo."
"Sounds boring."
"Perhaps. It's not ideal, but it may work out. First priority will be to build a new flamethrower tomorrow, though."
"Good idea."

"Hey, do you smell smoke?"
Declan sniffed, and nodded. They both turned to see smoke drifting in through the window. Getting up, they went to the window to look outside. Down below, at the base of the tree was Gork, wearing a cheap, one-eyed bandit mask while vomiting a shower of glowing lava onto the trunk, creating a growing fire. Seeing them, Gork stopped his stream of magma.
"YEAH! BUNK THE POLICE!" Gork yelled, before turning and hopping awkwardly away into the night.