Title: Silver Lining

Summary: Hurting his back on a rescue is heartache for Gordon. He wishes he didn't have to be so careful. But with three older brothers who frown on tears and one little brother who finds teasing Gordon about it too tempting to resist. The pain just gets too much. Can they take it all back on will they lose their silver lining? "We're all so sorry, Jelly Bean." – Scott. On Request.

Disclaimer: I do not own Thunderbirds never have never will.

A/N: NO FLAMES! Not accepted.

AGES: Scott – 26; John – 24; Virgil – 22; Gordon – 19; Alan – 16.

Gordon cringed as his back gave a twinge. Ever since the Hydrofoil accident it hadn't been the same. He was always having to be careful – he was lucky he could still swim. But this rescue hadn't been that easy. Gordon had gotten all but one of the survivors of the building collapse when his back gave a painful twinge. He dove back in to find that the last person was a teenaged girl. Small for her age and with her injuries she couldn't go out under her own steam, so Gordon had to carry her. Not the best idea with ruined vertebrae. He cringed a few times on the way out but as soon as he put her down he felt his back start to seize up. He could feel the familiar burn of tears in his eyes. Normally he could handle it, but right now the amount of pain he was in was so intense that he honestly felt like curling up and crying until the pain subsided. But he had to keep going. As much as he didn't want to he kept going. His brothers were counting on him. These survivors were counting on him. Ignoring the pain in his back he led them to the medical tent and then started to return to Thunderbird 2.

"Hey Virg?" Gordon said as he entered the 'Bird, "you got any pain killers in the med kit? I'm gonna need some." Gordon winced as he rested his hand on the small of his back.

"Why?" Virgil asked as he set the flight plan for home.

"My back's acting up." Gordon said. Virgil turned to face him missing the wince of pain that passed across Gordon's face.

"Suck it up. We've gotta get home. I can't keep patching you up because of a pulled muscle Gordon." Virgil said, hurt and more than a little speechless, Gordon did his best to ignore the pain and sat down in the co-pilot's seat but as the pain hit him again the tears leaked out.

"Don't you dare turn on the water works, Gordon Cooper. What are you 9?" Gordon had turned 19 just six weeks previous and this was his 7th official International Rescue mission. Sure he'd done his job well and gotten everyone to safety but there was no 'good job' or 'you did good' or anything like praise from his brothers. No it was just push through the pain and don't turn on the water works. He'd get Brains to get him some pain relief or something when he got back to the Island. He just hoped he didn't have to have a needle. He hated them. They terrified him more than anything in the world. He wished he didn't ever have to have them.

Gordon sought out Brains as soon as they landed. He asked if there was any strong medication he could be given that didn't have to be injected.

"A couple of endone tablets or OxyContin?" Gordon asked, desperate for anything pain relief.

"You know I c-c-can't give you that, G-G-Gordon." Brains said, OxyContin was banned completely in 2020 after all the overdoses and addictions to it.

"Come on Brains. You know I hate needles." Gordon said, he needed to take something that didn't involve being stabbed with a needle.

"Sorry Gordon. I c-c-can't give you a-a-anything other than m-m-mor-morphine and that has to be I-I-I-I-given with a needle." Gordon reluctantly nodded.

"Alright." Unfortunately Virgil, Alan and Scott had gone looking for him. And they found him sitting in the infirmary as Brains prepared the morphine. They knew of Gordon's fear of needles. And if there was one thing they really enjoyed doing it was teasing him about it. They had the sense to wait until Brains had finished before saying anything.

"Bet that was the worse ten seconds of your life, huh Gordon?" Alan said.

"Buzz off, Al." Gordon snarled.

"No I mean it! I mean since you're such a pussy, scared a little needle! How did you manage all the immunisations at school?" His brother said.

"I said, buzz off." Gordon snapped.

"Take a joke Gordon!" Alan laughed.

"Alan's right, Gordon, you need to lighten up a little!" Scott joined in.

"Leave me alone!" Gordon growled.

"What scares you so much Gordon?" Virgil said, his tone teasing not curious.

"I said: LEAVE. ME. ALONE!" Gordon shouted slamming his door shut and locking it tight.

No one knew what Gordon did when he was alone in his room. He had tried talking to his brothers about his fear of needles and his pain when his back was aggravated but it was tough love that was returned. He was told every time to suck it up and get over it. He didn't know when he had become the subject of teasing. He hated it. But they were his family and he loved them. He sometimes wished he didn't. There was one thing that didn't judge him. The razor blade. It was a comfort. It helped him, the numbing sensation he got as the blood dripped into the basin. He'd never been abnormally interested in blood and all that weird stuff. He didn't enjoy hurting himself. But the cutting helped.

He had approached Alan and tried to get him to stop teasing for just a minute so he could talk to him about it. If anyone should listen it would have been Alan, but the blonde continued to tease him about needles. When Alan had ammunition to use to make fun he made it last weeks. This wasn't going to work Gordon had no one left to talk to.

No one noticed when he stopped eating so much. Usually Grandma would have to wake double of everything for Gordon but he stopped eating so much. In fact he ate less than Scott did. No one took any notice that he stopped eating himself stuffed. It was like no one cared. Not even Virgil who usually liked to keep an eye on how much his brothers ate and how their health was fairing.

Gordon would spend hours in his room, not talking to anyone. Ignoring the klaxon until Alan or Scott banged on his door telling him to get moving. Gordon ran on auto-pilot. He did what he had to do, sparing a smile to the people he rescued. It was simple smile, not overly happy but pleasant. More of a required smile, and less of one he wanted to give. Gordon was going downhill very quickly. And for some reason he found he didn't care. His self-esteem was rock bottom and his self-respect was even worse. He was basically becoming someone who was a shadow of his former self. What he needed was his brother to notice and to realise that what they said to him had an impact. He didn't wave it away like water off a duck's back. It really affected him and he needed to talk to someone. But there was no one left to talk to. Not even Brains or Grandma. They were both busy, and Kayo was far too busy with her vendetta against The Hood.

Alan had run out of ammunition, he'd used the needles jibe to death and he needed something new to tease Gordon about. He knocked on Gordon's bedroom door, hoping that with the guise of brotherly- heart-to-heart Gordon might divulge something he could use. But there was no answer, in fact there was no sound at all from Gordon's room. Alan punched in the auto-lock and waited as the door swished open. He paused in threshold.

"Gordon?" He asked carefully. The bathroom door was shut and Alan frowned, Gordon always left the bathroom door open, even when he showered. Stepping close Alan listened – he couldn't hear anything. Not even a faucet running.

"Gordon?" He asked knocking on the door. He heard something but wasn't sure what it was. "Gordon, you ok in there?" He asked, suddenly feeling just a little concerned. If Gordon was hurt – he'd have to get help. Alan opened the bathroom door with a little difficulty and froze for a second. He thumped the emergency button on the wall. It sent an emergency signal to their watches – letting them know that another needed help. And right now Gordon needed their help.

"Gordy? Gordy, can you hear me, Buddy?" Alan asked kneeling down next to his brother, blood slowly seeping into the knees of Alan's jeans. He grabbed two wash cloths off the counter and was able to wrap them around Gordon's wrists – Alan could tell the cuts weren't too deep so they bled slowly and he hadn't been given the time to bleed out. He kept pressure on the cuts until Virgil and Scott arrived.

Scott scoffed, "what's he gone and done now?" He asked, Virgil on the other hand knelt down beside Alan.

"He slit his wrists, by the looks of his arms he's done it a few times. They aren't deep but he's gonna need a hospital. Virgil, this is beyond you and Brains." Alan said.

"Scott, get Tracy One ready." Virgil's voice was business and Scott after hearing what Gordon had done he was ready to act. This time Gordon really needed them and he wasn't faking or just in a little bit of pain. Who knew how long Gordon had been on the bathroom floor, but by the looks of the crimson on the floor as Scott dashed out the door – a while.

They arrived at the hospital just 90 minutes later. Too slow for Virgil's liking but he and Alan had been able to slow the bleeding further so Gordon – who was starting to pale to white – hadn't lost any more blood.

A doctor took Gordon from them and wheeled him into the ICU. The boys were told by a pretty nurse with blonde hair to sit and wait. They'd be given an update when they had any information for them. So now they had to wait.

Virgil put his head in his hands, he should have known that Gordon was hiding away from them for a reason. He noticed that Gordon wasn't eating as much but he just thought maybe he was losing his appetite because he didn't want to gain any weight. But that was silly now he thought about, Gordon didn't gain weight! His metabolism burnt it up too fast!

Scott closed his eyes against the burn of tears in his eyes. He should have noticed. He was the oldest he should be looking out for his brothers it was his job. He'd promised his father he'd look after them and now…he'd failed. He had failed in his job as a big brother. And he hated how it felt.

"Family for Gordon Tracy?" A doctor stood just inside the waiting room. Scott, Virgil and Alan got to their feet, feeling the eyes of the waiting room on them. The name 'Tracy' was well known around New York. After all just down the road was the 46 storey Tracy Industries building stood proudly in New York's skyline.

"Doctor?" Scott said, "We're his brothers." The doctor smiled slowly and indicated they should follow him.

"Gordon lost a lot of blood from the cuts on his wrists but we managed to stop it and we're giving him a life-saving blood transfusion. We have a nurse that will work with him as he continues to get better. She's with him now." The doctor said they walked down the white and cold hallway.

"Is he awake?" Alan asked.

"Not as yet. He lost too much blood to stay awake. You're very lucky that the cuts weren't deep. Otherwise I'd be delivering news that I don't like giving people. He's in room 204, down the hall on the left." The Doctor replied. The Tracy boys nodded and thanked him before continuing down the hall to the room. They stood outside for a moment watching the nurse adjust Gordon's IV drip, and she checked the blood transfusion. She spoke a few words to him.

"What did she say?" Scott asked. Virgil – adapt at lip reading translated.

"She said, I know you hate needles, Gordy, but you'll need these ones for a while yet." He seemed surprised when he said Gordon's nickname.

"Gordy? Like she knows him?" Alan asked, Virgil nodded. The nurse looked up and instantly her eyes narrowed.

"Oh no. That's Aysha." Virgil whispered, all three took a hesitant step backwards. She said something the Gordon and the made her way outside.

"She said that she'd be right back." Virgil hissed as the boys backed up to the opposite wall. They never liked making their Grandmother angry because she was like a viper but Aysha Ocean who had been in their lives since she met Virgil at high school – she was worse. And right now she looked murderous.

"Who was it that put the idea into his head that it was ok to start cutting?" She snapped. Her eyes travelled over all of them.

"It might have been me." Alan said in a tiny voice, his brothers turned to looked at him as did Aysha.

"Al?" Virgil whispered.

"I didn't let up with the needle teasing." He said, his voice small.

"Teasing? Teasing doesn't drive people to cut unless it's relentless and really harsh. What could you possibly have said to make him do this?"

"I don't know. It was just teasing. Usually it's like water off a duck's back for him. He just waves it away." Alan said.

Virgil recalled, "He did hurt his back earlier in the week. On a rescue. I gave him a hard time about it. I told him that I didn't have time to find the endone for him. And then when he sat down he started to cry…I thought he was being childish. I told him not to turn on the water works." Virgil said, Aysha closed her eyes and bowed her head rubbing her fingers in her forehead.

"Scott? What about you?" She asked exasperated.

"Just general teasing a bit about the needles but it was just big brother teasing."

"Oh my God. Ok. Right now Gordy is resting. I can tell you that it might take a few days for him to recover. So book your butts into a hotel. In fact you know what? I'll sleep here you guys," She unhooked a set of keys from her waist, "go and stay at my apartment." She waved them away.

"Ace," She turned at the nickname, "can you tell him we're sorry?"

"Sure Alan. I can do that. Tell your brothers – particularly Virgil – that I'm not really angry just disappointed and remind Virgil that I love him yeah?" Aysha asked.

"Yeah I can do that." The teenager said and rushed after his brothers.

Alan felt like a failure, how hadn't he noticed it earlier? He should have known. But so far he'd been stared down by Scott and Aysha and he felt like he'd failed Gordon. Gordon had tried to tell him but all Alan wanted to do was tease him. Make fun of him to get back at him for all the times Gordon had teased him. But now he realised that being Gordon's Best Friend meant listening to him at time when he needed you to listen. Not just because you wanted to.

"Okay, Gordy. Let's get you another blood bag, hey? B negative? Let's see." The tiny little cooler in the room had six bags of B Negative blood in it, to make sure there was enough. Ashya expertly changed the bag and checked his IV line again. Talking to her patient was something that endeared people to Aysha. Even if they were unconscious or comatose. She moved around his private room, he'd been moved overnight to a ward room. Aysha had asked that Gordon be placed in a private room because of the delicateness of his identity and the family didn't need the publicity.

"Aysha?" She looked up as the door opened slowly.

"John? What are you doing here?" She asked, moving to the blonde's side.

"Scott told me what had happened. I had no idea. I mean I knew they were teasing him but I never thought it would get to this stage." John said.

"You weren't teasing too?" She asked.

"No. Just big brother type stuff. About his hair and all, stuff that he waves off and says 'you're just jealous' or something of the like," A fond smile found it's way onto his face. "I mean I only heard last night. Brains relieved me and I came straight down. It's really weird that Gordon go that far." John replied softly.

"Well, have a look," Leading John to Gordon's side and she slid Gordon's sleeve back. John covered his mouth in horror. The thin white scars stood out on Gordon's softly tanned skin.

"He's been doing this for weeks. He's just lucky that the use of a razor isn't as bad as if he'd used his pocketknife." Aysha said seriously.

"He left it on Five the last time he brought supplies up." John told her with a smile.

"Lucky then." Aysha agreed, "Look John I've given Virgil, Scott and Alan use of my apartment, why don't you go there and join them? There's plenty of room. And you can give them a piece of your mind. Heaven's knows I want to again."

"Again?" John asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"Yeah again." She told him, John thought it better not to ask, but with a request to tell Gordon he loved him, he left.

It took another three weeks until Gordon came to. It was night time when he woke and Aysha had studiously sat by his bedside curled up in a slightly overstuffed armchair the staff had moved into the room for her, while she watched over him.

"Hey there, Coppertop." She smiled adjusting the light to dimly light the room.

"Hey, I got the Ugly Nurse." He said returning the smile, "but can I say you are rocking this lighting."

"Glad you like it. And I'm sorry but out of all the nurses here. I'm the prettiest. I could ask for Helga." She joked, she knew he didn't mean the Ugly jibe it was joke between the two of them.

"My brothers?" He croaked.

"Have been in, all of them. John too. Scott and Virgil have had a piece of my mind handed to them. Alan as well. I don't think they knew it would get as far as it did, Gordon. It's like that with any teasing." Aysha said, "I will have to call them in the morning, though I suspect Scott is sleeping with phone under his pillow."

"He won't be sleeping at all. He never does when we're hurt. He stays awake and waits for any news good or bad." Gordon told her, she nodded, that sounded like the renowned 'smother-hen'. Aysha stretched and groaned as her back cracked. She got to her feet slowly and stretched again, this this time helping to stretch out her hamstrings and yawned widely.

"How are you feeling?" She asked finally.

"Ok, I guess. What happened?"

"You don't remember?" She asked, he shook his head slowly. Aysha gently reached out and took his hand, she slowly pushed the sleeve back to his elbow and let him look at her arm.

"What–?" He gasped.

"Alan found you. You had cut into your wrist and you were very lucky you hadn't made the cuts too deep. If they had been you and I wouldn't be having this conversation. You'd be getting an earful from your mother." Gordon winced. The topic of Lucy wasn't fresh anymore – but it hurt Gordon and Alan more than the others. Aysha knew it hurt but that was plain and honest truth.

"Do you have anything that doesn't hurt?" He asked.

"Words? Let me see…sometimes, the prettiest smiles hide the deepest secrets; the prettiest eyes have cried the most tears and the kindest hearts have felt the most pain. Also – you don't have to be perfect you know. You just have to be you. That's enough for anyone." Aysha said.

"Not for my brothers." Gordon replied.

"It is, they just can't see that. They will though." She told him.

Scott, Virgil and Alan came in to see Gordon the next day. Aysha stood outside giving them privacy. She watched they talk. At first it seemed to be ok, that Scott and Virgil and Alan had seen that their teasing was hurting him. That is until she heard Gordon clearly shout at them to 'get out and don't come back! I never want to see any of you again!'. At first it looked as if they wouldn't leave but they did. Scott didn't look hurt at all, Virgil looked like he had been punched in the gut and Alan was ready to cry. Aysha went into talk to Gordon and find out what had gone on. When she came out into the hallway again she stared them down.

"What did he say?" Virgil asked.

"He said that if he didn't see you guys for rest of his life it would still be too soon." Ashya said. Alan did start to cry then and Virgil slid down the wall putting his head in his hands.

"Bet he started to cry to, like the child he is." Scott snarled under his breath, suddenly he was shoved against the opposite wall by a woman who was two thirds his height and weight about 90lbs.

"Do you know why people cry?" She asked crossing her arms, in an uncanny impersonation of their Grandmother.

"Because they are weak?" Scott said with a cocked eyebrow. Her gaze turned murderous and even Scott seemed to falter under that gaze. The only person who would make Scott feel like he was an inch tall was their father. And now, 5'9" Nurse Aysha was doing it with ease.

"People cry not because they are weak, but because they have been strong for too long. Instead of breaking him down and teasing him for being terrified of needles and for crying you should be reminding him that it's ok not to be perfect. He doesn't have to be." She said carefully, knowing how much her words could hurt the men in front of her. She'd been angry to start with and now it was dissipating but she wasn't ready to stop just yet.

"And?" Virgil prompted. She sighed before continuing.

"But Gordon does what Alan does. He's compares himself to you, his big brothers. He knows he's not as brave as Scott, not a smart as John and not as artistic and calm as Virgil, but it doesn't matter – because what is hurting him that instead of the praise that he so desperately craves and demands from you all, he just gets teased. That makes absolutely no sense." Aysha said fiercely.

"You got anymore words of wisdom?" Gordon asked when Aysha came back in to his room after his brothers had left.

"I have a dozen inspirational quotes to feed you, Gordon. But this is the last one: even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise, be strong because things will get better; it may be stormy now, but it never rains forever. So don't worry about what version of your brothers come through that door, just remember that they will always love you they just sometimes have a funny way of showing it." She said, his knew they would come back tomorrow. She'd managed to talk them into coming back and talk him into letting them.

"You knocked sense into them didn't you?" He asked.

She laughed, "They have the bumps to prove it."

"I kind of love you, Aysha Ocean." Gordon said, their relationship was reminiscent of an old TV show that Aysha had seen.

"I kind of love you, Gordon Tracy." She replied.

"Thanks." He said letting her kiss his forehead.

"Anytime." She replied.

"We're sorry Gordy." Scott said first, which was surprising really because it was hard for Scott to admit that he was wrong and that he was sorry.

"Yeah. We had no idea you took it so hard." Virgil said, "If I'd have known I'd have let you have the endone at the sight."

"That was months ago Virgil. Forget it." Gordon said.

"I'm sorry too, Gordy. I didn't mean to hurt you so much." Alan said, sounding more like he was 3 rather than 17.

"Oh hey now, that's alright buddy. You just wanted to be like Scooter right?" Alan nodded. He sounded so small that Gordon could help but pull him onto the bed with him and hug him tightly.

"Hey I have some good news!" Aysha said coming into the room, "The doctor told me that one more night and you can go home tomorrow. But I will advise you no rescues for two more weeks at least. He said no strenuous activities. No rescues – but it's probably best if you go for a few swims, slow long stroke, Gordon. No racing." Gordon nodded and mock saluted Aysha.

"Yes Ma'am." She rolled her eyes gave Virgil a smile and exited, he gave his brothers a wink and followed her out. They watched through the window as he grabbed her round the waist and kissed her right there in the hallway.

"Is he allowed to do that?" Gordon asked. Scott shrugged.

"I don't know, but he just did. I'm glad you're ok Gordon." Scott said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah, so am I Scott. Just remember next time. I'm 19 not 9. And I might not break easily, but I'll still break sometimes." Gordon said.

Scott smiled, "I'll look out for the cracks." He promised. And Gordon knew that his big brother would from now on be his protector and yes, he'd look out for the crack too. But hopefully they'd prevent any more for happening.