"I can't" I finally managed to whisper. He looked shocked. As did everyone else in the room. They, just as the man sitting on knee in front of me -holding a light blue box- only expected one possible outcome to that question. And it weren't the words I just muttered. I needed to explain myself. Tell him that if it where any different, I would have said yes.

"Eight years ago, I married the love of my live. He went MIA seven years ago." I started whispering my reason for breaking his heart "When I met you three years ago, I knew I was ready to move one. Last year you told me you wanted to spend your live with me, so I looked into the legal side, since I still was technically married to him." He slowly got up from his kneeling position. His face was littered with question marks. I slightly raised my ring-less hands and slowly walked backwards from him. "I could end my marriage by declaring my husband dead, enough time had gone by, so legally I could do it. But I just...I couldn't bring it over my heart to declare my husband dead. I couldn't and no matter how much I want to say yes to you right know, I can't marry you." The last part was barley a whisper as I turned around and got out of the door.

I made a bee-line for my car, tiers running over my face. I quickly started the ignition and hit the gas pedal and drove away. Away from this perfect house, perfect family, perfect life.

The day started like any other holyday we had the last two years. We got up, had a light breakfast, and got in my best clothes for an extensive brunch with his family. His family where sweethearts in their own way. Like every family they had flaws, but at the end of the day they were happy. And I loved them. They asked about my family once and told them my mother died serving, my father never got over it and I a best friend as a sister who lived on the other side of the country.

Suddenly after brunch ended, the man I came to love over the past years took my hand and went to sit in front of me holding a tiffany blue box, asking the question I had been dreading for the last year. I wanted to. I saw a future for the two of us. And I tried to tell over and over again. I don't remember the times I backed out of it. Afraid he'll run and I would be alone all over again.

I parked in front of my apartment and quickly grabbed a few pairs of underwear, a few pants and shirts and left for a three day drive down to Georgia. I was only a half an hour on the road when my phone started ringing. I could have turned it off, it would have been easier to ignore his calls. But never turned my phone off or left without it by my side. Something that the man that was trying to reach me knew. He never knew why though. He didn't knew that somewhere in my mind I still hoped for a call telling me they had found my husband. Alive, dead, injured, just something to give me the closure I so desperately wanted.

After a nine hour drive I stopped by a motel along the I-90 to sleep for a few hours. I awoke after six hours of sleeping and went back on the route. I stopped at a gas station for food and snacks, but I kept driving. I stopped for another nap not too far from Nebraska. The man I left in Montana had called a few times today. I lied down on the bed and listened to the voicemails he left.

17h48; Rose?Rose! I don't get it, you say you're already married, how couldn't you tell me this. We've been together for over two years, how couldn't you tell me you where already married! How could you do this to me. You can't ign-BEEP

19h12; Rose? Please call me back. I need to know my you didn't tell me. I'm at your apartment, but you're not here. Please just come back home. I worry.

22h36; Rossseee... My bwauhtifulll little rossseee. My little flower. Whyyyyy... why djid you lie to me. Was I just a game? just a distaction? Rose, my little flower, come back to me, I need you.

11h27; Hey, It's me again. The guy that proposed to you yesterday. I don't know where you are, but I know that I still love you. I which you told me, but sure you had some damn good reason not to. The more I think about it, the cleared it becomes. The little things you know. I never met your old friends. I didn't question it, since I figured you would talk about it when you where ready. I always thought you-BEEP

11h28;Hey they voice mail broke off. Like I was saying. I always thought you flinched when the military was on the news because of you mother. I wish I knew it was because of your husband. I remember asking myself why you kept looking if it only hurt you. I think I understand know. My parents did help me com to the conclusion, but I unders-BEEP

15h59Hey, If you want time, i'll give time I promise, but please just tell me you alright out there where ever you are. Take the time you need. I'll be waiting. I love you Rose.

The next day I drove the rest of the way and stopped at a house I used to know all too well. I rung the doorbell and a few minutes later the door was opened by an angel. After staring at each other for a few minutes she came out of the house and engulfed me in her typical bear hug.

"Oh Rose I missed you so much." she gushed. "Come on in, the man are gone for thee months and we're all here. Inside I was engulfed by hugs by the woman I had once had so much in comment with.

"He asked me." I whispered. "He asked me and I couldn't say yes, because I can't declare him dead." I whispered. I felt one pair of arms would then self even tighter around me I knew whose they were. She knew exactly what I was talking about, she would need to do the same thing eventually.

They let me farter into the house and I sat down in a chair and grabbed the photo that was standing on the little table next to me. It was taken right before their first deployment. All the guys in there new uniforms holding there wife's or girlfriends in front of them. From left to right you had. Christian with his wife Lissa, than you had Mason with Jill. She was a widow now, just like me if I would sign the paperwork. Then you had Eddie with Mia and lastly My husband with me in front of him. I remember the day perfectly. It was a day of promises that weren't kept. I have one of those pictures myself. Somewhere in a box buried deep under an American flag and a medal. I didn't care for them. They didn't make up for the loss.

I grabbed my phone and send a text to the guy still in Montana.

Hey Adrian, I love you and no it was never a game. But I need a few days in order to clear my head. I'll be coming back. Please just give me some time I'm understand if you suddenly feel like you don't know me. I disserve all your anger .Just... I love you. Rose Belikova.