Title: Via Nova 4/?

Author: Silav

Disclaimer: BtVS = NOT mine. If it WERE mine, I could have the Buffy/Faith/18-year old Dawn sandwich I've always wanted! But since it isn't mine, tough noogies for me. And for all the others who wanted said sandwich.

Category: YOU decide

Rating: R, to be safe.

Pairings: Buffy/Xander will figure in this fic, eventually, although seeing what happened in Seasons 6 and 7, it's difficult to keep the faith. ^_^ There will be other pairings, for Xander, as well. Expect Faith/Xander…and maybe even Dawn/Xander.

Timeframe: After "Entropy", but before the big events in "Seeing Red".

Spoilers: All the way up to "Entropy". Avast matey, thar be spoilers ahead!

Feedback: I ran out of metaphors today. Let's just say feedback is necessary for me, and leave it at that.

Author's Notes:

Italicized text = Xander's thoughts

"" = Xander-speak

** = Other-speak

** ** = Other-thoughts

~*~

Location: The Hall of Portals

Time: All-Time

~*~

*Xander! You ok, man?*

Dead...They were all DEAD!

"What the HELL happened on that world, Jesse?! All the people I know and love were dead! I saw their gravestones! Buffy, Willow, Dawn, Ms. Summers, Cordy...I even saw mine..."

*I don't know what to tell you, Xander...*

"Well, you can start telling me why the HELL they all died in the first place! I thought these doors led to worlds where I didn't love Buffy, NOT worlds where all that remained of us were gravestones with pithy afterwords!"

*These doors DO lead to the worlds you wanted to see, Xander. All these doors lead to worlds where the only real difference was that you never loved Buffy the way you do, or where you never really cared for her at all.*

This doesn't make any sense!

"I don't...understand...If the only difference in the world through that door was that I didn't love Buffy, then why did everyone I know die?"

*Gimme a sec...I don't know exactly what happened on that particular world. Let me touch the portal and find out.*

"..."

"..."

Come on, hurry up already!

"Well?"

*Patience, GrassHopper. Rome was not built in a day.*

"Mixing platitudes much?"

*Shaddap. Oh. So that's what happened on this world.*

Finally! Were you like waiting for the coming of Christ or something? Wait...knowing my luck and living where I live, that could be tomorrow.

"What? What? Spill, already!"

*Calm down. Ok the main difference on this world is...*

"What? The fact that everyone was 6 feet underground and dead instead of on sea-level and ambulatory?"

*You want to hear this, or not?*

Excuse for breathing...no pun intended, my dead friend.

"Shutting up now..."

*If I could breathe, I'd be sighing now. How in God's name Giles could ever stand you without going Ripper on your ass I will never understand.*

HEY!

"HEY!"

*Heheh. Getting back to the point...*

"Finally..."

*I heard that. Anyway, the main difference in this world compared to your world was that...*

"I thought you were getting to the point?"

*Shaddap! Fine. In this world, Buffy died fighting the Master.*

"So what? That happened on my world too. Angel and I brought her back."

*No, no. In this world Buffy really died fighting the Master, because in THAT world, you didn't go after her. Ergo, she died. In a terminal way. Uhmmm...what are you fiddling in your ear for, Xand?*

I can't have heard that right! Shoulda cleaned my ears this morning...

"I'm sorry, I must have something in my ear, 'cuz I could have SWORN you said Buffy died fighting the Master because I wasn't there to bring her back. Ok, I should be hearing properly now...Run it by me again, would ya?"

**SIGH**

*Since you didn't bring her back from the dead on this world, everything changed...and will you PLEASE pull your fingers away from your ears!*

"Sorry, it still seems like there's something stuck in my ears for some reason, Jesse."

*Oh for God's sake, will you listen to me!*

"No damnit, Jesse! YOU listen! Tell me, were Buffy and I friends on that world?"

*Well, yes.*

"Then why didn't I go after her? If she was my friend, I would have at least tried to save her! This doesn't make any sense at all!"

*You REALLY don't get it, do you?*

"Get what?"

*Ok, Xander, remember that time. Remember the events that led to your bringing her back...*

"But..."

*Shaddap and do it!*

"I still don't understand why I didn't save her on that world! Sure, on that world, I may not have loved her, but she was my friend, right? I mean, come on! If didn't do it, why didn't Giles or Willow...do...it..."

*Indeed...Giles was her Watcher. Willow was one of her best friends. And even Angel, who loved her, didn't do anything. Why? Because they all believed it was her destiny to die at the hands of the Master. After all, the Codex, which was never wrong, foretold her death that night in the Master's Lair. Everyone else had already steeled themselves for the inevitable. Even Buffy believed she would die, and cold-cocked the G-man to stop him from coming after her. Not that Giles would have interfered...He's a Watcher, and they're firm believers in destiny and stuff like that.*

No way! Giles loves Buffy! In a totally father-daughter way! He'd better! The thought of them together...Ewww!!!

"That can't be true! Giles would have tried to do something..."

*What, the same Giles that let her go through her Cruciamentum? He loves her, yes. But in his mind at that time, Fate was Fate, and could not be denied.*

"..."

*Sure, you're thinking that that can't be the only reason you went after her then. And you'd be right. However, not that I like being the bearer of bad news and all, but the MAIN reason Buffy lived through that experience was because you loved her enough to defy Fate and save her. You know it. I know it. Angel knows it. Even Giles knows it.*

What about Buffy?

"...What about...Never mind."

Doesn't really matter. Not that it would have changed anything.

*Hmmm? What was that you mumbled?*

"Nothing important. So...all these black doors lead to worlds where Buffy dies, huh?"

*Hell no. For example, this door leads to a world where YOU died shortly after seeing her for the first time.*

"Say WHAT? What happened?"

*Well, in your world, it was love at first sight. So naturally, you spent as much time with her as possible. Which ended up in you being with her when you first encountered vampires. Which led to you not being dinner.*

"So, on that world, I didn't fall in love with her, didn't try to spend time with her, and basically ended up as a Happy Meal."

*Hey, you're pretty good at this! Want to take a guess as to what happened in the world behind the next door?*

"Let me guess, it's a world where I turn into a vampire and YOU end up staking me. What's with the weird look?"

*Never mind. No, on this world you fell out of love with her after that time she used you to make Angel jealous. Buffy died on this world because when you tried to stop Angelus from visiting in the hospital whe n she was sick, Angelus was not impressed and walked right over you. In a very terminal fashion.*

"Oh..."

Jesus...I was scared spitless, not that I'll ever mention it to anyone. Not that I ever plan on mentioning that particular scene to anyone, period.

*Yep, Xand. The only reason that Angelus backed off was because he knew you loved her enough to fight to your dying breath. But in that world...let's just say things were different."

"...And all these worlds lead to places where either I die, or Buffy does?"

*No, in some worlds, you both live on. In some worlds, you even end up marrying Anya, or whomever. But in all those types of worlds, you never got over Buffy, and it poisoned every relationship you had.*

"That can't be right! How pathetic am I, for God's sake!"

*It has nothing to do with being pathetic, my man. It has everything to do with the fact that you loved her with all your heart and soul, and in spite of her choosing other men, you never really got a sense of closure. Because after that first time when you asked her out for the Spring Fling, not once have you ever really made it clear that you cared for her in a more than friends way. And your being with other women didn't really help any. *

"You have GOT to be kidding me!"

*Women can be just as dense as men in that sense, dude.*

He's got a point there, I guess.

"So my not caring for her is a bad thing? So I'm fated to spend the rest of my life tied to her? Doomed to never find happiness without her?!"

*Hell no. What makes you think that?*

"Look at those worlds! They're all worlds where my life sucks because I didn't love her!"

*You're missing the point. The point is this: if you want to find happiness in your life without her, you HAVE to get closure for the feelings you have for Buffy. Otherwise you'll spend the rest of your life asking yourself "what if"...Which is a bad thing, let me tell you.*

"I know...but still..."

*Being scared is a part of life, my friend. But at least you'll know. Once and for all. Lay it on the line, Xander. And take it as it comes.*

"I guess you're right. But I'd prefer to defer that moment to a more appropriate oppurtunity. Or something."

*I see Giles rubbed off on you...and that sent my mind to a very BAD visual place...*

To paraphrase Cordy: Make me YAKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

"Ewww. God...EWWWW."

*You have no idea, dude. Hell, there are worlds where you DO...well...Giles.*

NO FRIGGING WAY!

"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!"

*Nope. I mess with thee not, Xand.*

"There is no way in the universe that would happen!"

*Xand, the Hall of Portals connects to ALL possible universes...including universes like that...*

"Ughh. No. Never. Ewww!"

*I share your disgust, my friend.*

"Let there be no mention of this. Ever again."

*Agreed.*

"My universe shall be Giles-free. In that sense."

*Gotcha.*"

There is NO WAY...wait, he did say ALL possible universes, right? Including...maybe...?

"Jesse. You said ALL possible universes, right?"

*Yep, although the Giles/Xander universe is pretty extreme, though.*

"Jesse, shut up with that Giles/me thing...Ewww. getting back to my question...do any of those universe involve me and Buffy being...well...together? And wipe that smirk of your face."

*You mean in like in that Giles/you universe type of way?*

"Damnit, Jesse!"

*Hehe. Sorry, couldn't help it. Actually, yes, there are universes where you and Buffy are together. Why?*

"These universes...Think you could show them to me?"

*I was wondering when you would ask me that...Right this way, my friend...*

~*~

Location: EveryWhere

Time: EveryWhen

~*~

{{Well, Valis...I see you have yet to make your move.}}

Patience, Demon Lord. As one of my pieces stated, Rome was not built in a day.

{{As an aside, we could have built Rome in less than a day, actually. Very well. I hope your move is a good one...}}

You'll see...

TBC?

Feedback. As a humble request.